who the heck are you?

10 1/2 months old stats:
Heavyweight: Noah 19lbs 2oz. 27 1/2"
Lightweight: Ari 18lbs 6.5oz. 26 5/8"

went to the city yesterday for an appointment with our pediatrician to see if he could shed some light on the boys condition.. he ordered a blood test to test for allergies and with only a few minutes to think about the fact that the boys were going to have their very first needle (other than when they were weeks old in the NICU) I would have to say it went well. I was not looking forward to it and when they were pricked (on their finger) they didn't even complain. They got upset as the tech had to squeeze three vials of blood out of their little chubby finger. not nice. I was so impressed by how calm they were and with no meltdowns we were out of there. Now to those of you with multiples you know that going out is not an easy task.. It takes much planning and by the end of the day I was exhausted. Physically, Mentally and Emotionally. My good friend came along to help me as I would have never made it all around the city without someone.
i know some of you have posted your experiences of what its like to take out multiples and the instant rock star status you get. it adds to the exhaustion of the day. answering a million questions and smiling at strangers more than you ever thought possible and the comments... i will give you an overview of the things i heard and overheard while pushing my double stroller through the mall...
-There was the usual "awe cute" "ooh twins" "wow" - which i am totally fine with. I love people who think my kids are cute and even though the novelty of it is probably that there is two if fine with me too.
-I hear the "double trouble" one alot. This one gets to me after a while. Who are you to say that my kids must be trouble. I find myself doubly blessed with the two of them. Its hard work but I don't come up to you and assume your kids are trouble.
-"Are they natural" "Did you use drugs to get them" - Who are you? Why strangers feel the need to ask me these questions is beyond me because its really no ones business. And the whole natural comment is just plain stupid.
-I don't mind the "You must have your hands full" seems kind of obvious...but whatever.
-Some lady told me she always wanted twins but her husband said no.. maybe she knows something the rest of us don't?
-I'm not a big fan of complete strangers thinking its ok to touch them.. do people go up to moms with one baby and put there dirty hands all over them.
-One dad said yesterday while we were changing diapers in the family room at the mall.. "I bet you can't wait till they are older. this must be a horrible stage." what? who are you? this one had me staring blankly at him with no good response.
-to the grandma that stopped me to stare at my boys and stand directly in front of the stroller when they were having an obvious all out meltdown.. MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!
and my all time fave from yesterday. mom and daughter walk by my very adorable well behaved kids and the mom turns to the daughter. "Oh look twins. Can you believe that? Ugg that is something I would NEVER want" ok lady.

after posting this realized that the twinkies post today is on the same subject.. go over there for similar and more stories of what not to do when approaching multiples in public (or not so public) places.

please don't misread the above. i don't mind people stopping me to tell me how cute they are and i love to answer peoples intelligent questions.

retraction...

i changed my mind.. for today i will keep them.

for sale

twin boys. 10 months old. as is. make me an offer.

ever just have one of those days?

teeth are mean...

poor little guys.. having to grow teeth sure must be painful. add that on top of all the sickness and we have babies who are a little unhappier than usual. although i must admit they are handling it better than i would have thought. teething is a stage that is mean to all mother but mostly those of us with more than one.. hard to hold and comfort two who want your undivided attention.
the sickness continues on.. thanks to those of you who posted your thoughts. i too think allergies must be the culprit and i am pretty much over the idea that medicine can or will help.. i have made an appointment with the naturopathic doctor here in town as i have heard only good things about her. maybe she can shed some light onto our situation. we are getting our carpets cleaned and i have been freezing and drying their stuffed toys to get rid of dust mites. and although the boys are traumatized by the vacuum i do that too.

other than all that it has been a pretty good week. nice that it was short with the long weekend and all. having dave around is always so nice for me. he loves spending time with the boys and is just the best dad. last weekend i was away for the day and dave and the boys had a great time - their toy of choice the big boxes there big carseats came in. all day my three boys played in here..I'll leave you with these pics of my little boys growing up so fast... I think they are a little unsure of their new carseats but in just over a month we can turn them around and I think they will really like that.... Can't believe they were this small. Oh and speaking of small - please send out good thoughts for some family friends who at 30 weeks just had twin boys just under 3lbs. They are in Vancouver in the Neo-Natal Unit. All good thoughts to them as they are quite traumatized at there much to early birth. Ari & Noah on June 14, 2006 - Discharged from hospital at just barely 5lbs.
Ari & Noah on March 31, 2006 - Discharged from infant seats to big boy seats - 19lbsTesting out the new big boy seats.

sweet surrender

This article is my submission to the blog challenge sponsored by Art Bookbindery, "Empowering Writers to Self Publish."

Original post: August 2005 - My Perspective as a Doula on Eva's Birth.
Reverance... The wisdom, power, glory, and unadulterated love contained in childbirth absolutely bring's me to my knees. I am struck by a new phrase, insight, or revelation that expands my knowledge about birth, and my awe for the strength, endurance and brilliance of birthing women.
This rings true of this birth story…your birth story was as beautiful as it gets.
I met your mom about a month before you were born. She is beautiful and her heart is so good. She was sweet and soft spoken as she shared with me the feelings of the unknown as she prepared for your arrival. We watched a video the first time we met which showed different families and their birth stories. I liked your mom so much especially when I saw we cried in the same parts and I loved the way she rubbed her belly as she watched these other women bring life to their babies. I was excited to be apart of your arrival.

It was Friday July 29; I sprung out of bed at the sound of my pager going off. Excitement runs through my body as hearing my pager in the middle of the night is still a new experience. I spoke with your mom on the phone; she told me that she woke up at 4am feeling the contractions starting. They were still about 10 minutes apart. She told me they felt best when she was sitting on the toilet and I had heard that before. I asked her to time them for another half hour and see what happened. I also told her to eat a good meal as this next part might take awhile and once in the hospital she may not eat again. I spoke with your dad and made sure he was making her drink lots of water and pee lots too. I hung up the phone with the promise that they would call me again in a half hour. I didn’t feel much like sleeping anymore but went to lie down.

The phone rang again at about 5am and I could tell from your mom’s voice that the contractions were stronger at one point she even put the phone down and I could hear her focusing on what she was feeling. The power of a women’s body is incredible, I was already so proud of her.
We decided it was time to meet at the hospital. I got ready and remember walking out the door just as a cool breeze hit my face. The sun was beginning to shine warmly and I remember that there was a Celine Dion song playing on the radio as I drove through the pretty quiet streets. I got to the hospital and found your mom and dad in an assessment room. The nurse had just put on a monitor to hear your heartbeat. It was strong and loud. I then heard that your mom had worked so hard she was already dilated to 5cm. Your dad was funny and was cracking lots of jokes; the mood was light and pleasant. It wasn’t long and we met our nurse Susan who came to tell us they had a room ready for us. We walked slowly over. Your mom was so strong she had contractions and you could see she would focus all her strength and energy to them. Once in the room where we would meet you your mom got into the shower which was a nice relief. They had a stool and she sat while I let the shower head massage her back. We had problems adjusting the water temperature but finally we would get it perfect. Your mom handled contractions well in the shower. I remember the biggest change being when she would relax and let them flow over her. We sat in a lot of silence; birth is such an intimate event that requires so much reverence.

After about an hour your mom got tired and we moved to the bed where lying on her side worked the best. It was hard to lie down but we continued to focus during the contractions. The Dr. came in to see us and remarked that progress was being made and your mom was doing so well. We spent this time just resting between contractions and focusing on releasing the tension when one would come. Your mom was so strong, she passed on pain medication when it was offered and we were in tune with each other and remembering that her body was designed to have you and she was doing it. It was good to remember to focus on one contraction at a time. This was the transition phase and your mom wasn’t getting much of a break. Her uterus was working really hard to bring you into this world. At about 9am the nurse checked and her cervix had dilated to 7cm. We were all surprised at how fast your mom was progressing. She was doing everything right and you were coming quickly. Things were intense and your mom chanted “I can I can I can” over and over and I know this positive thinking was helping you come down and get ready to show us your pretty face. At 9:30 the doctor broke the bag of waters and with a gush things moved very fast. Your mom’s cervix was 10cm by now and it was time to push. We were at the finish line. Your mom did so well and was so strong during this hard time. She pushed only three times and you were born. You came so quickly and with one smooth movement you were on your mom’s tummy. It was a miracle. I had to remember to breathe as I took in all the strength that your birth created. In me as tears flowed down my cheeks. In your dad as his eyes were wide open as he watched you come out, as he wiped his tears and cut the cord. Watching your mom was what hit me the most, she looked so beautiful and I knew that she had set her mind to take each moment as it came. She did it! She was radiant as she looked at you and checked you over. You were so beautiful. Your birth day started at 9:59am on July 29th, 2005.

So there it is your story. Remember your strength as a woman, I am sure your mom will teach you many wonderful things and I hope as you read this you will remember the strength she showed as she willed her body to bring you into this world. Her love and her strength and her belief in her body’s process won in the end. Here is to life, love and lots of happiness.

new...

all things new:
we have a tooth. ari wins
we have big car seats
noah gets and actually does the sign for eat
our new favorite toy is the box the car seat came in
yesterday the boys spent a whole day with daddy alone. they all did great

things not new:
the infamous cough is getting worse. not sure if i posted this but the doctor has them on inhalers for restricted airways and for awhile i thought it might be helping but the coughing fits are getting more and more intense.. really wondering if there is some sort of allergy.. cough, cough, sneeze, cough cough, sneeze - usually going on for about 5 minutes at a time. mostly at night and in the morning. any thoughts?

when someone you know is having twins...

they should check this out

one reason i LOVE my twins!

we are loving spring! we have been out almost every day walking which the boys seem to love. the best part of our walks is one of the reasons i love having twins..they hold hands in the stroller. every time we look they are holding hands.. not just a one off thing. its adorable! there are so many sweet things that i get to take part in as they discover and love each other. so here is one of many reasons i love that i get two!

life

i have been challenged this week to think about what brings me life and what springs passion to existence in me. i think about my passion of being a doula daily. i have been grieving that it has been a whole year since my last birth. i was too pregnant and it was a hard birth... i feel like that part of my life is so far away. is it just that i am different or is it fear that holds me back i am not sure. it was easier to be a doula in a big city where everyone knew what a doula was and there were so many of us. a community. here its lonely and scary and most people don't even know what the word means. i want more aiden's, eva's, emma's, ayla's, benjamin's. i remember so clearly the day they and all the others came into the world.. it was a miracle, it was life and it brought me joy. i am tired of being afraid of pursuing the passion... i did a search on my blog about all i have written about being a doula and re-read some of the birth stories that i posted. went back and read the stories i wrote about each birth and what it meant to me...the innocence, the strength of a laboring mother, the tears in the dad's eyes, the exhilaration that entered a room with each push, the burst of life that each baby brought. its beauty at its best and i will not be satisfied to never be a part of that again.
i need courage oh and my boys to sleep better at night. (we are really close to the latter)
these pictures help me remember my passion for life...minutes after birth.

slow and steady wins the race?

we are doing better these days.. i think. everytime i say that something else happens. last week was rough.. after the boys being so sick and the flu going ping pong between the two of them i caught it and was sick for a few days... luckily my mom was there to help me cause taking care of two and running back and forth to the bathroom is not fun. so hopefully things will continue to get better.. i have officially stopped all meds cause i am sure none of it is helping anymore anyways...
friday night i got away with a girlfriend.. we headed to the city for shopping and a late supper. it was great. the rest of the weekend we spent laying low the boys are playing some catch up on sleep. i think on friday they had about 6 or 7 naps.. it was crazy. i guess there little bodies are healing. last night i spent some time with some girls from church and we had a blast drinking slushy fruity drinks, eating bean dip and puffed wheat cake and just chatting. i miss that.. talking with the girls. it felt great. so much on my to do list this week. lots of cleaning and disinfecting my house. it just kind of has that sick smell to it. hosting our small group this week so the house needs some help and i have to come up with something to make that night..
well ari is wrapping an extension cord around his body so i should probably go and tend to that.. hope to write again more this week..

sick and tired of being sick and tired...

seriously how long can two little sweet boys be sick? yuck. we are going on a little over a month now of sick... runny noses, congestion, croup, horrible cough, puking, diarea, fever for weeks... and the list goes on. could it get any worse. since friday both boys have now had the flu with massive diarea.. their cough has not changed. we saw the doctor last week and she put them on inhalers which they hate.. so i give them little puffs through this mask... ahhh will it ever end? if things don't change when we go back for our two week follow up we will have to do xrays... the cough is so bad. no longer croup but some nights they wake up with 10 minuted coughing fits... it happens all day too but is worse at night. my kitchen counter is a mini pharmacy... tylenol, motrin, dimetapp, 2 inhalers and the best of it all herbs.. i am a believer. i went to see my herbalist who had changed the boys lives when they were so fussy a few months ago.. she gave me catnip&fennel then and so i went back and she gave me two herbs to help boost their immune systems.. i am serious the next day they were happier and a bit healthier. it helped clear up an ear infection, runny nose and congestion. my poor little guys are such troopers tho.. i have to give it to them they have their moments but for the most part they are so good. i realized last week that i am finally beginning to enjoy them. the love has always been there but i see them and want to be with them now. i want to see what they will do and what face they will make. when they wake up from their naps and they reach out for me it melts my heart.
i had high hopes of writing some good blogs but with things they way they are i have had no time. stay tuned..

ahhh....

that is me letting out a breath.. feels good. this has been a good week so far. i feel i have so much to blog about and am hoping to produce some meaty blogs in the next couple days.. i wanted to say THANK YOU for your comments on my last post. it was so good to hear from those of you reading. i will be updating my links soon and am looking forward to having more blogs to read... anyways just wanted to post the promised pictures.. didn't get any with my new do that i am extremely happy with but oh well...

new me

i cut off all my hair... and i love it. i just had to tell you sorry no photos yet but hopefully i will take one today so you can see it.
inspired by dixie i too want to know who you all are that read Our Life Voyage. i have been afraid to post something like this afraid you will be turned off and quit reading. its nice to know who you are and where you came from (even those of you i know - please do comment). i am always so amazed at the crazy connections the blogger world makes... i'd also love to link you if you are here and not already being linked... for more connections. so please do tell me who you are and how you got here... please.. pretty please.

i'd love a good icicle..

the boys discovered a new love for tofu and its soft goodness.

how come it seems like everyone especially every kid is sick. no exceptions here.. we all have been battling colds at our house but the boys sure seem to have the rough end of the deal.. after our night at the hospital with noah and croup it has gotten a bit better but they are having a rough time sleeping with all the coughing and congestion. i took them in today to the clinic and got them a prescription from my amazing doctor (who just happened to be in the walk in clinic). hopefully that will help.

did you ever eat icicles when you were a kid.. remember winters when you would get out of school put your ski pants and boots on and walk home slowly falling into snow drifts a big icicle in hand. anyways as i was driving around i spotted a little girl doing just that not a care in the world probably on her way home for an after school snack. simple and so good.

today had its ups and downs.. more downs than ups but lets recount the good stuff first. had moms program at church this morning which was great.. i always really enjoy it and having childcare for two hours is fabulous! after i succeeded all alone bringing both boys to the clinic.. luckily its been a nice day and so getting the stroller out was easier.. side note.. to any twins moms... i wish i would have bought one of these right off the bat.. it would have made life so much easier.. i had the chance to buy one used in Vancouver and am kicking myself. so we ended up buying a tandem stroller that accommodates car seats just last month (for our winters its a necessity if you want to get out) so now i have four strollers.. all good, all serving some other purpose. anyways back to my day. it always feels like a huge triumph when i do something like this all by myself. we ended up at the clinic right before lunch which fyi is empty so we got in right aways...
got home and the mayhem began.. i fed the boys which was ok but they were so tired not having had there morning nap so a bit fussy. i had to get there prescription so i called my SIL and she came by and i ran to walmart for the longest wait EVER. was so hungry and decided last minute to pick up McDonald's in the drive through.. well actually i contemplated it for a while and went back and forth and with no cars in the line up decided to go for it. ordered got to the window to find out i was the 15th car and got my lunch FREE. yep some random thing they are doing. felt special like it was just for me...so here in my story if you will notice from my above comment the boys had not slept yet today and when i got home they were so overtired. i tried for the next 2 hours to try to get them to sleep.. put down, scream, pickup, rock, put down, scream, pick up, nurse, burp, medicate, rock, put down, scream.. ahh leave them there for a while.. get so fed up i load them back up in the car and proceed to drive around.. and guess what within seconds they are fast asleep.. so what else could i do but pick up a coffee and drive around with the window down just a bit and sun streaming down on me.

i'm tired but alive and hoping tomorrow will be a better day.. got to talk with a good friend from Vancouver who just had her second baby girl.. that was a highlight. and then when my husband got home he suggested we pick up dinner. good man.

9 months and sick...

well my boys are 9 months old as of yesterday. its incredible that we have come this far. looking back i am not sure i ever thought we would make it this far. they seemed to have turned a corner in there sleep (although they do not sleep through the night) but i don't get out of bed much anymore which is amazing. we decided to seperate them into different rooms right off the bat when we put them down for bed at 7pm. so Ari sleeps upstairs in a playpen and Noah sleeps down in his crib. we decided that instead of rushing in when they whimper and cry to give them a pacifier we would just wait and see. sure enough within minutes they sooth themselves back down and thats it. its amazing how when they were together we would never just let them be because you were terrified of the other one waking up. so we are happier and they seem happier. they also seem to be weaning themselves off there third nap which in some ways sucks because they are so tired in the latter part of the afternoon.. but as long as they are entertained with puffed wheat we seem to be in pretty good shape. they have started to push themselves backwards when on there tummies - its must be frustrating because they are always reaching for whats in front of them and getting farther and farther away.
our whole family has been battling colds - runny noses, sore throats and then... last night noah was not sleeping well. super congested and all of a sudden had this awful barking cough and he was struggling to breath. his whole body was rattling... i tried to nurse him but he couldn't swallow. he had a high fever and his breathing seemed to be getting worse. so at 3am i packed him up and we went to the ER. they diagnosed him with croup they gave him some saline and some steriod medication through an air mask. today he seems to be doing better. the cough he produces is quite scary but it doesn't look like he's in pain like it did last night.
so that was our adventure. hopefully it will be gone soon. my parents are gone for 10 days and that always worries me. i rely on my mom so much - shes always so helpful and keeps me sane. i will miss her. well i gotta run. the dishes seem to be piling high and my floor is always full of puffed wheat.

truth

i have a confession.. i have believed a lie. not just one lie but many. i have made lies feel at home in my life, in my heart and have often let them dictate what i do or don't do. i have always known this but have recently begun to discover more how they are polluting my judgement, my common sense, my identity and my role as a mother, wife, homemaker, friend, sister, daughter and just human being. i am tired of believing lies about myself. tired of the way it drags me down. a friend recently emailed me some truths about myself that really hit home. how often do we think about the good things that make up our self. it wasn't even the really nice things she said it was the realization that if i am not dwelling on these truths i am definitly believing the lies. i can so easily get down on myself or feel yucky with my increasing saggy body, or bad hair, or lack of a nice wardrobe.. but those things don't make up me. i can easily say to myself that this person doesn't like me, why would they like me.. when really i am just giving in to that lie. anyways all this to say i want to challange you and me to start accepting truth for what it is and start believing... it won't happen all at once for sure but imagine if we start even just a little... i printed out the email my friend sent me cause it really impacted me and each day i look at it and am encouraged to begin to believe the truth. so to begin (and hopefully ignite something in your life) i will go out on a limb (a small skinny limb whose branches feel like they will snap and break off) here are some truths about me (taken from above mentioned email - with some minor editing)...

1 - you have an awesome and compelling devotion to quality and excellence - we are talking with our staff now about NOT waiting til the last minute to organize something but take the time to do it well - flying by the seat of your pants is NOT cool all the time, but can actually be unnecessary stress - you were a huge advocate in that area here.

2 - You are thoughtful and generous - I received a really cool gift from you yesterday! Very fun stuff. Thank you thank you thank you - It's awesome.

3 - You care about social justice issues. We are currently unveiling a new strategy to develop clean water in Africa. I always think about you when things like this come up because you are an amazing teacher about things that really matter to you - you are especially good at educating others

4. You love babies and women!

5. You are an excellent friend. You know how to encourage others. You always have time to be thinking about others. I am amazed that you find the time at all to send me a present.

6. You are creative - I love the card you made me...and the first thing that came to mind when I looked at is that i don't know if YOU know how creatively gifted you are - You should be selling your cards for millions. They're waaaay better than hallmark!

7. You are vulnerable and open - You care about truth not just the surface - you have depth and wish to connect on that level.

8. You are an amazing servant - I mean look at you now!!! MOM of twins. Need I say more?

9. You are willing to try new things. Remember when you went to Cambodia?


so come on what are you waiting for? i dare you to come up with truths about your self and see if we can start a trend of believing them instead of letting the stupid crap we suffer with overcome us.

Passion for Puffed Wheat

Snack time is our new favorite thing.. the boys LOVE puffed wheat. They jam it in there mouth by the handful. No teeth required.

my milk making machine

people have been asking about breastfeeding; i don't just mean in general but when it comes to me and my decision and whats been going on.. i left you all wondering what was going on.. i'll get to all that. the boys are good. they will be 9 months soon can't even believe that.. time seems to go fast and so slow all at once. kind of creepy. they are sitting, eating lots, loving puffed wheat, putting all toys in their mouths still, still no teeth, they always want whatever toy the other one has, ari gives smiles more freely, noah is louder with his voice, ari decided he was against sleep and has become a horrible sleeper at night, naps are still hard but getting better, they love the jolly jumper and love sitting at the table in there big boy booster seats espcially when they are eating puffed wheat - both fists jamming it in. its hilarious. and breastfeeding... it was a hard choice but i have been somewhat slowly sort of weaning.. yea just like it sounds. i nurse them at around 6am and then not again till the afternoon usually between 1 and 2. i tried to just cut out the feed in the afternoon but after some painful engorgement decided that i needed a new approach. i am in the process of slowing down production by nursing one in the afternoon and bottle feeding the other one. then at 7 before they go to bed the one who was bottle fed gets nursed and the other one gets a bottle. it has been working really well.. they both seem to be adapting. so at first i decided this would work out perfectly and we would keep going with that untill they all of sudden have become not so great nursers.. they love to pull and yank on me with there hands and gums which is not pleasant. i have to hold there hands down while nursing so i don't have scratch marks everywhere. i think i will start to cut out the afternoon feed and see how that goes. it seems i am producing less milk because its less and less painful between feedings. so that is the story for now. now if only i could get some sleep!

for something totally different...

did you see grey's? how can i wait till next week.. how can this show suck me in so bad and leave me hanging like that.. my escape from reality this week seems so real.. anyways.. i love love love this show.

finally i understand why i confuse pork and breastmilk...

so there is this blog called the lactivist and its a funny place to visit.. its main purpose is to educate on breastfeeding and support milk banking (which at least our country does not have enough of). jennifer uses humor to talk about breastfeeding and a ton of breastfeeding moms go there for support and to tell stories.. anyways she has run into some problems.. please go check this out...
Overzealous Big Pork stomps on Breastfeeding Blogger
it really is worth the read... and for now add no more pork to the list!

shame on me

i realized today that the last few posts (or months) have had so many negative posts and although i feel safe to vent to my blogging friends i wanted you also to know that i realize my negativity and poor me scenarios are weighing me down.. so today i am choosing to be thankful and to count my blessings as they are even the small ones.. we all need somthing to hold onto.. so here is my list for today..

i am thankful:
-for ari and noah who amaze me every day with a new smile or new skill or new sound
-for a husband who helps me and gives me a break on the weekends, who always is willing to go the extra mile even when he's had a long day at work, who is also always (and sometimes forcing) me to receive his love.
-for a house that we love, that is warm, and is maybe not quite big enough for all of us but the comfy coziness of it is enveloping (most days)
-for friends who comfort me and listen to me... those here and those far away
-for new friends who through the blogging world have made me feel safe and semi sane, who are vulnerable to share their experiences and willing to listen to me vent when i feel life is too hard.
-for my family - those here who without i would have never made it this far and those far away who pray and send thoughts our way every day.
-for my escape from reality - satallite tv - thank you oprah, rachael ray, general hospital, y&r, grey's anatomy and tlc.. really thank you.
-for wades curry recipe that we had this weekend it made me so happy.
-for a somewhat healthy family
-for the day when we will sleep a whole night.

so be thankful today.. take the challange to count your blessings.. maybe the sun isn't shining outside today but i feel a bit lighter inside.
-

one step forward two steps back

ahhh what a letdown.. last week went so well and this weekend seems to have just brought me back to my reality... oh yea my life is HARD.... other than my body lacking in energy, the boys draining me of everything i have, sleep deprivation (although its getting a tad better), my temper being atrocious... yea enough said..
dave and i were chatting this morning and he said that maybe we just have to resign to the fact that life sucks right now and if we do that then it won't seem so bad.
i love my boys but part of me is feeling a tiny bit of resentment.. my life has changed so much and although i love them and love being with them i feel unfufilled and sad most of the time. i am pretty sure i may not be cut out to be a stay at home mom and that does make me feel so guilty. i was reading over at another multiple moms blog and she said the same thing which gave me a feeling of freedom.. especially living in the community that i do where pretty much every mom is at home almost like its her duty and i always thought i wanted that but now i am not sure.. i definitly don't want to miss out on everything but even a few hours a week doing something else i am good at... (insert thought here for all of you.. I know i am a good mom. this is not in despute or the point so don't go that route)
anyways these are my thoughts.. last week was good. the first day of moms morning out happend on tuesday which basically will save me each tuesday for the next few weeks. it was awesome. two hours of childcare and a great program just for me. tuesday night dave and i went to the city to meet up with an old friend from vancouver which was awesome. my mom and dad were here with the boys which went well. wednesday morning i meet with a bunch of ladies and wednesday night was our first night of small group with some people from our church.. it was fantastic i really think we will enjoy it.. for those of you who faithfully read my blog funniest thing was that one of the couples is the manager of Canadian Tire.. how ironic. maybe that will be part of my healing from my horrible experience there...thursday i spent time with my mom and of course watched Grey's in the evening which gives me an hour to totally escape my life. and then friday i was childless for the afternoon as my mom took noah and my good friend rhonda took ari.. this was excellent. i did stuff around the house and got ready for company we were having that night.. p.s - wade if you read this.. i made your tikka masala recipe which was the best thing i have ever had and reminded me of my severe cravings for your curry during my pregnancy.. thanks for sharing. shoot i have more to write but both boys are crying.. i will try to write again this week.. sorry.

lighter...

i feel lighter.. i am so encouraged by all of you who left me comments on my post about my struggles with breastfeeding and feeling down.. seriously thank you.. i know i am not alone in this.. i feel better.. the last couple nights have been better which has helped and although i am not through processing what is best i have decided for now to night wean so that means shop closed from 7pm to 6am - i love what laguila said about Everyone having a different story. It is not a contest, it is a bunch of different stories that cannot possibly be judged against one another. I am comforted by the fact that my babies are thriving and although somedays it feels like we are just getting by we are getting by... parenting twins really is a messy pursuit!
and to make you feel even better i will leave you with this photo of the day....

babysitters...

anyone have any advice on how to go about finding a babysitter... other than my mom and sister-in-laws (who have their own families) its really getting hard... any thoughts??

friendly motherhood competition?

i have a few posts on the brain these days but with two sick babies i have not had much time to post. i too have been going through a wierd spell these days not feeling much like myself. but my ever increasing thoughts on this motherhood thing make for a new post.. why is it that we all are measured by what we do for our kids... what sleep method you use, how long you breastfeed.. and so many others. i am sick of trying to compete to sound like the "better" mom.. sick of the guilt i feel when i don't "measure" up. being a mom is hard.. trying to figure out what they need, when they need it and love them even if you can't figure it out.. yes my babies are 8 months old and they don't sleep through the night, yes my babies have had a bottle with god forbid formula when they were little, yes somedays i have to let them cry because i can't handle it anymore and have to walk away for a bit, and yes somedays i am not the model mom and my hair isn't done and i am still wearing sweats when my husband comes home...
we are hit with books to read, the latest trends and the arguments about how we should be raising our kids.. which way is better... and that brings me to this sad story that i will gladly take advice on.. i have been feeling a bit down these last few weeks.. it was hard adjusting to life after our vacation and the boys did not take it well and they came home sick and just kept getting sicker.. noah sounds like an 80 year old smoker its horrible.. then there is the teething and the thrush.. so needless to say there isn't much sleep at our house and i feel run down and somedays beaten down. yesterday i had a physical with my wonderful amazing doctor who i love to pieces (she really is fabulous). we chatted about how i was and of course i broke into tears sharing how i was feeling..she asked me if i felt my emotional being was affected for long spells or just depends on the day and usually it just depends on the day.. we discussed treatment and decided medicine wasnt what i needed but probably rest and more energy and just a lift in my spirit... she is so sweet and she looked at me and said "i am not telling you this as a mom but as a doctor, i think you should stop breastfeeding." gulp that was heartbreaking.. we talked about what that would do for me and how my emotions are so unbalanced because of the hormones and how nursing two for the last 8 months is beginning to take its toll. we also discussed how chances are the boys would probably learn to sleep at night better because who doesn't want to wake up to a warm boob. she explained she thought in two weeks my body would feel 100% different... this suggestion was hard for so many reasons... (these are thoughts in my own head. NOT JUDGEMENTS of any other choices)

1. a good mother breastfeeds
2. i love breastfeeding.. its my time with the boys and they want ME for it
3. guilt.. yep i would feel tremendous guilt if i quit
4. if i quit i am giving up.. i worked my ass off to get the hang of breastfeeding.
5. won't they get deathly sick because they are not getting the holy breastmilk and oh that brings me to the other reason i am evil.. we have not had them vaccinated....
6. would they still love me.. wouldn't that make them mad at me?

so as i think and grieve this decision (its not made yet) i will leave you with a couple things.. i found a new twin mom who writes so well... she wrote a post a few weeks back that made me laugh so hard.. it describes perfectly the competition we all feel read about it here. i must say that my doctor really affirmed this in me and i am super proud of myself.. i have nursed twins for 8 months and the beginning was nothing more than a disaster and for that and so many other reasons i am a good mom!

must read..

you have to read this novel.. so good. best book i ever read!!

travel, home, sleep, flu and other not so nice things...

well we made it.. finally home.. it was a great trip out east but long and by the end we were ready to be home. the boys did so well even with all the changes we put them through.. the flights were great the boys were troopers.. a bit confused i think but overall it was good. some highlights of the trip home.. after getting the airport in London Ari had some nasty diarea in the airport which was up and down his legs and back.. yea fun. The boys both love playing with plastic bags and cups which kept them busy the entire flight... After we landed Noah puked everyone many times on the way home.. his car seat and him were covered in pears.. gross. their first night in their own beds was ok not great but better than it had been the whole time we were away.. Noah continued to puke at night which was not fun and explained why when me and the boys woke up we were all sick.. i got the worst of it.. taking care of two babies and running to the bathroom every half hour is not my idea of a good time. thankfully my mom was there to help me and the boys were not that interested in anything but laying around as well... it was a horrible day that i thought would never end. thankfully i felt better by the next morning... the boys however got worse.. they are teething something fierce... i have no pity for a singleton mom who has to go through teething.. because doing it with two is as close to hell as i've been in awhile. yikes.. i spent most of yesterday trying to comfort them both. they would go down for naps and then wake up 15 minutes later screaming in pain.. i used orajel which seemed to make it worse and today i found out why.... if sensitive to female related things stop reading now and come back later...
i noticed they had some white spots in their mouth a couple days ago and thought it must be related to teething but this morning i could not get them to stop screaming they were obviously in some awful pain.. so off we went to the clinic to see our doctor who thankfully saw us... and the culprit a nasty bout of thrush me and the boys.. yuck. i had been having some nursing difficulties and just chalked it up to increased nursing on the trip but that is not so... so now we are all being treated for thrush which is basically a fungal infection. i'm glad i know now but the treatment is for two weeks which seems like an eternity to me right now as i am dealing with food sensitivity issues, teething and constipation in the boys anyways.. one thing on top of the other. when will it end.. oh yeah when they are 18 and leave the house... i have some great happy thoughts of our trip and new pics that i will post later oh and a new post about my increasing passion to get back into Doulaing and all things birth related.. so till next time...

starbucks+ikea+me=dream date

friday was a lovely day... i got ready, nursed the boys and ran out the door for a date all my own... i drove to starbucks and ordered an americano and lovingly thought of audrey. i got back in my car smile on my face yummy coffee in hand and got onto the 403... my faveorite song came on the radio and i sung along as i sipped my coffee... i took the fairview exit and as i drove down the ramp a big smile spread across my face as i gazed upon the big blue building with yellow sign and colorful flags.. there she was.. ikea... and me all alone. a perfect date. i slowly wandered all the isles putting things in my buggy... i spent a couple hours there sipping my coffee. yes a perfect date just me, starbucks and ikea.. all was well in the world.

sleep deprivation and other fun things...

well we are settled in ontario enjoying time with family and friends. its green and quite warm here. the flight was amazing.. both boys were so awesome. they were a bit tired but did manage a 45min nap right after we took off. they never cried and they flirted with most female passengers around us. it was highly succesful which was a relief. the stewardess and all on our air canada jazz flight were AMAZING.. i was blown away by the helpfulness.. our stewardess held Ari while I went to the bathroom and threatened not to give him back...
my worst fears were quickly recognized as we settled in here and realized they were not going to sleep well... took us forever to get them nap and even longer to settle for the night and when i mean settle i just mean for the hour they would sleep then wake up screaming again... that first night was pure torture and could have been made into a horror movie... it has progressivly gotten better but definitly does not even remotely resemble how they sleep at home.. not even close. so that has been a bit stressful for me and makes for crankier babies.. i figure i have done everything right.. brought blankets from there bed at home, their fave stuffed animals and toys, one night i even got into the playpen with one of them and laid there with him.. so they just have to figure out that its safe here and hopefully it will get better.. on thursday we are going somewhere else for a few nights so hopefully we don't have repeat hell... i'm hoping this trip will make them more flexible.. other than that things are great.. we have grandparents and aunties who love them and a cousin who is two who is a huge help.. adorable to watch zoe interact with them. she hasn't played with her own toys since we got here.. she loves to give them their nuks and bring their diapers to the garbage.. she hugs and plays with them.. is an excellent little mother. last night we got to go out with daves best friend and his new fiance.. other than morgan being sick poor guy we had a great time and martha is so amazing... we had a great time. anyways that is the update thus far.. thanks for staying tuned.. i don't have our pics uploaded on this computer but daves sister has some so here are a few for you to enjoy..

dreaming of christmas time...

Our fave hats... brr its cold outside
Noah loving the jolly jumper
Bouncin Ari
Ari would rather nap with Daddy
Noah is all smiles
Noah has a thing for blondes
All the Loewen cousins.. 06
Ari opening presents with Auntie Tam
Christmas morning play time
Just what I wanted under the tree this year!!

Merry Christmas all and Happy New Year.. hopefully this abundance of pics will keep you going for awhile.. we are off to Ontario on friday and I am not sure how much I will be posting.. enjoy the rest of your holiday season.. much love to you and yours.. from us the difran clan....

what the heck *$#&%#*

well christmas has come and gone.. we did have fun for the most part but heres my trouble... my very good boys who sleep so well at home are not having it anywhere else... its really hard since we have been at my parents alot this season...yea sucks. they just scream and it takes alot of patting, sticking soothers in, turning over and just listening to wailing... seriously at home we put them down and they sleep instantly...it takes us sometimes half and hour to get them to nap and forget putting them down for the evening.. yikes!! so all this terror to say i am not looking forward to going to Ontario at the end of the week and having them not want to nap or sleep in a new place.. i just know this will be torture.. so please if you think of it send my boys sleepy thoughts... the next post will be happy with pics of the boys christmas and there new fasination with wrapping paper... its adorable!

merry christmas from the difrans...

introducing my new best friend...

shes sleek, sharp, doesn't take up much space and is so useful!!

yes folks its my ultimate chopper and it does all Chef Tony said it would. i have been using her to make baby food - and make baby food i do.. i have been filling my freezer each day with a new food. everyone should have an ultimate chopper. the boys have been enjoying there new foods for the most part although Ari is so constipated.. its sad watching him groan and grimace as he tries to push his poop out.. its amazing how he went from runny explosive poo to having such a hard time.. he is on a prune and pear diet until his little tummy can handle it again...not much else going on.. can't believe christmas is coming up so quickly.. i am done all my shopping, baking and wrapping all thats left to do is wait...we leave for ontario the end of next week as well which will be fun.. we havn't been there in a long time and noah and ari have a couple of aunties and a cousin they are dying to meet..hoping it won't mess them up with sleeping and stuff...

now with all this baby food making santa will you bring me a deep freeze PLEASE!!!!

what a week...

whew.. what a week its been.. we started off the week with an all out loewen family gathering that was fabulous and crazy and tiring all at once. it was my first gathering with children and lets say its definitly not as relaxing.. there are days when i crave my independance and how life used to be..there were kids everywhere and my kids decided they don't like to nap anywhere and espcially not when its so noisy.. the food was incredible and the sour cream cookies (my faves) were in abundance...
the rest of the week was full of stuff.. mostly good. i have been discovering how much fun it is to have twins.. they are discovering each other more and more and its pricesless to see them smile and talk to each other.. especially when they wake up and just want to chat it up.. they are napping much better although ari is quite reluctant some days. they go to bed like champs around 7pm each night and are sleeping till 5 or sometimes 6 and then they are up for a power nurse and back to bed for a couple of hours.. mom definitly functions better on more sleep...
yesterday was dave's work banquet.. i was an authentic participant opposed to the many years i just go to go because i was the boss's daughter.. Koolers (where dave works) is closely associated with DA Loewen (my dad's company) and so they do things together.. we all piled into a bus and headed to Winnipeg to Celebrations.. it was AWESOME.. the show and the servers.. so funny.. they did a Monty Python type comedy with all Beatles music.. they always amaze me. the food was ok.. and i did enjoy a few ceasers... yes moms night out.. we left the boys with my sister in law Tam. the boys did so good for her.. they ate like champs and went down for night so good and didn't make a peep....
funny story.. i decided i should take my trusty hand pump to the city as we would be gone for a few to many hours and i knew i would be feeling the "pressure"..well silly me forgot my pump under my chair in a plastic bag... ugg just as we were leaving the city i remembered. luckily (or not so luckily) daves boss was still in winnipeg at the hotel... so embarresed me calls him and asks him if he can look for the "item" i forgot.. when he asks what it is i was so embaressed and fumbled for my words trying to come up with a slick way of saying it and he chimes in "oh you forgot your milker" needless to say i was the laugh of the bus for a bit and a few minutes later he called back to say he had it in his possesion... that will be nice sitting on dave's desk monday morning...
along the lines of the pump.. i never used it and was planning on when we got home but with it gone i just went to bed.. ouch.. when the boys woke up at five they could barely keep up as the pressure almost blew there little heads off. poor guys...a few life lessons here but the first... never underestimate the usefullness of a pump..
thats about it for now..
a few updates on the boys now that they are almost 7 months old:
they can roll over
grab things (they love to suck on EVERYTHING)
they eat cereal now (love the oatmeal. the rice really plugged them up)
they love avacados
and of course they laugh and smile and flirt with any woman

mommy can we lick the spoons

did our christmas baking at my moms the other day.. this kept the boys entertained for hours!

early holiday cheer...

figured its been awhile since you have seen the boys.. they are loving there new room and the jolly jumper which are featured in these pics. we will post pics of all the new changes to the house including the christmas cheer that was spread thanks to chris & crystal.. thanks guys.

boycott.

now i have a confession i used to easily decide to have a cause.. i would want to boycott certain corporations for things they do.. like a few years ago I boycotted Starbucks.. or my short lived Nestle boycott. I mean I defintly always have good intentions but with Starbucks those red cups at christmas a couple years back called to me and the smell of a vanilla late or a london fog forced me back in the store.. or when Nestle sent me that backpack with lots of freebees and not to mention for awhile when i was using bottles I had bought Avent bottles without knowing Avent is owned by Nestle so that was shot. but friends have no fear I have found a new boycott that will surely stick. I have now boycotted Canadian Tire. I had the worst consumer experience I could have ever imagined and as I left in tears after being treated so horribly I know that I can never go back.
in other news I was looking at the counter on my blog and am amazed that over 20,000 people have viewed my blog. please keep coming back.. there will be pics posted again soon for all of you who want to see the boys.. we have been busy with Christmas approaching it seems there is always somthing to do...

life these days...

i have a few things to blog about.. we have been super busy this week redecorating and moving our rooms around. we felt it was time to have the boys in their own room. so we have all moved downstairs. the week was spent painting and moving.. i loved the way everything turned out and will post pics soon.. last night was their first night alone and i was surprised at the sadness i felt.. leaving them in their new room with the door partly closed and when i crawled into bed our new room seemed so much bigger without them. then we woke up having the best sleep ever and most of the sadness was forgotten. the bliss of sleeping from 10:30 till 5:00am was awesome. the boys went down so well and slept all night.. wow what a difference that made who would have thought they would just really love being alone. this morning they woke up talking to each other which was adorable. i love my boys. they turned 6 months old this past week and some days i just look at them and can't belive how big they are. so many changes have occured this past moonth. they are enjoying eating cereal (they are slowly getting it), they love to play in their excersaucers and they are hilarious in the jolly jumper. they love to smile at each other and love to put anything in their mouth.. its amazing how quickly they change.
we bought a van this month as well. we love it. its a used honda odyssey and its a dream. so nice to have more room to throw all our gear. we enjoy the command start and the automatic doors on each side.. nice as the weather here has quickly turned to winter.
i must go but wanted to update you all and thank you for your kind words as we trained the boys to sleep. there were a few hard nights but i know that this was the best thing for them and they are better babies for it. love to you and yours and to my american friends happy thanksgiving..

ANNOYED

what is with this private blogger thing.. i have serious issues with this. why did you start a blog if you have to make it private? blogs are for people to view and i loved viewing peoples blogs and just reading what random things people write about.. its awesome to feel connected to people and learn so many things from other peoples lives.. there is string of women whose blogs i loved to visit who have made them private - meaning you have to email them for an invite. i refuse.. this seems ridiculous to me.. please if you are thinking of doing this tell me WHY?? what would cause you to cut some of us random visitors out of your lives.. oh and i think its funny how blogger forced us all to move to blogger beta without our consent. logged in one day and i was forced to conform.. i guess that's how the world works...

progress

well since my last two posts we have been making progress.. although a bit painful at times i am beginning to see some great changes.. thanks to my friend julie who gave me amazing advice as well as the encouragment i have received from so many of you my blogger friends..
the boys have been on a better schedule and have even been napping in a regular pattern of 45min to an hour, then up for two hours and napping again and so on.. the nights have been good too.. seperated the boys into two seperate cribs and have only had minimal crying in the middle of the night.. night one - 22min for one and 17min for the other. night two - 30 min for one and 24 min for the other. night three - no minutes for one and 12 min and 4 min for the other at two seperate times.. feeling better for sure..
they are put down around 7:30 or 8:00 and other than the small bouts of crying around 2ish they then will sleep till 5am when i will feed them and they will sleep till about 7:30 or so.. its working its really working and they seem that much better for it..
i'm encouraged that i am doing the best thing for them.. they are still smiling and laughing and being just great babies! tonite at church i was reminded how blessed we are... they are so content to just play with their toys and sing when everyone is singing... its so cute.
gotta run. lots of love to you and yours...

torture

read post below for backstory.. they have been screaming for 10 minutes and it feels like a lifetime.. mom are you there? why don't you love on me? ahh the torture.. my sister in law julia called me last night and i keep remembering what she encouraged me with.. they are not hurt, not in danger.. they are ok.. and trena i loved that you said that your noah is still a happy baby even with all the crying... these are words i am holding onto right now.. this is beyond PAINFUL!!! one stopped... my mom is holding me back from entereing the room.. ooh he started again.. my mom just offered me earplugs.. put a smile on my face.. will keep you posted.. still not sure this is going to work... audrey i need a big beer and a peter... BAD!

desperation..

this is an emergency... we are desperate for some much needed sleep.. things seem to be going from bad to worse with the boys.. they don't nap, don't sleep.. they are miserable.. well not all the time but when they are tired.. umm which is most of the time. i am sleep deprived and running out of patience... my poor husband is almost near non functioning because of lack of sleep at night and hard work all day..
the boys nap about 2-3 time per day (if we are lucky) but only for 30-45min (if we are lucky) they nurse about every 3 hour. in the evening they are always TIRED.. and miserable.. i will nurse them about 8or8:30, burp, change and put down by 9 usually.. they sleep restlessly till anywhere from midnight or sometimes 1am and then all hell breaks loose. they are crying, tired and just plain horrible for the rest of the night.. none of this seems normal to me..
i have read everything from no cry sleep solution to the baby whisperer and even tried a bit of CIO which doesn't help them at all... it does make them go back to sleep after 15min of crying but only for an hour max and then we are up doing it all over..
now lets remember that i don't have ONE baby i have TWO and this makes life very difficult..
since i am being honest i don't really want comments telling me to hang in there it will get better and all that cuddling crap (right now thats how i feel) if you are reading this and you have some tried and tested methods of schedules or sleep advice then you can comment or if you just want to tell me man heather that sucks.. that would be great... otherwise just read and move on and pray for us... good thoughts for the difran clan... so before anyone writes this deep down i know...
THIS TOO SHALL PASS BUT FOR NOW ITS NOT WORKING!!! any advice????

ok adding this a few hours later.. all the above is still true with the modification of they are not always miserable.. they are sweet, cuddly, and they smile lots. they don't play strange and when they laugh its enough to melt my chilly heart... i love them to pieces

what you have all been waiting for...

beta betta?

will someone please explain to me why i need to upgrade to this new version of blogger???

the condition or quality of being human

its sad that i have not been motivated much to post on here, afraid i think is an acurate portrayal of how i have felt about it... unmotivated and afraid to let you in and tell you the truth... life for me these days has not been a bowl of cherries. in my quest for excellence (although truth be told still having a hard time letting go of perfection) i have been afraid to tell you that i don't have it all together.. i have many times had to hang on for dear life because if i didn't hang on i would surely go to the looney bin. now i am not sure exactly what my feelings or lack of feelings mean but i do feel safe to say that my thoughts and feelings this past week have been sometimes borderline scary.. ok insert note to all of you here: this is not a cry for help... i have been ok with help.. this is just an admission of my fear and a need to come clean and say i do not always have things all together and to somehow put it out there here in blog land that THAT IS OK!! being a mom is hard in fact its a passport to many feelings... lonliness, craziness, even hair pulling madness at times.
we love our kids right.. we do the best we can by them and still somedays we feel we might loose our minds. i think i am doing a pretty good job with these two and feel i keep somewhat of a clean house, i manage to do laundry and get supper on the table most nights.. but if i look deep down there is more that i need... more peace that needs to settle and surround my whole self...
somedays being knee deep in poopy diapers and mounds of laundry and dust circling my water cooler and screaming that i can't seem to do anything about gets to me. it just does and that my friends makes me what i fear the most... human.
i am going to post this instead of reading it over and analyzing my thoughts, afraid of the comments i will get because i long to be real i long to overcome my fear and just be human.

all in a weeks work..

here we are again. having a few minutes to spare while the boys nap and since i have wanted to update this thing in so long i figured now is a good time.. only two weeks left of my parents trip and you know i am quite proud of myself for how things have gone. i think there has only been one meltdown day and my sister-in-law saved me from that.. i feel i have been able to stay pretty close to on top of things and stay sane at the same time. it helps that the boys have been so good.. a bit fussier at times (thanks to little white dots on their bottom gums - oh God help me)
i have been learing so much too about my role on this planet and how easily i revert back to the mind set that i have to have ALL things together... the perfect wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister) at my women's bible study group last week i shared this.. and someone gave me an encouragement - its not possible to be perfect but in doing everything we can strive to be excellent.. yes, i have been trying to be excellent in all i do and not being so hard on myself when the floor is dirty, the dishes are everywhere and my stupid cassarole is rock solid frozen after being in the oven for what feels like forever.
so in the small things i continue on.. and when i look back at last week i did pretty good..

cleaned my house - one room at a time
did massive amounts of laundry
baked a pie
caught up with an old friend
changed ALOT of diapers (you should make a guess at how many i go through in a day)
played with my boys
pulled out all my flowers and got the yard winter ready
made a card for a friend whom i miss dearly
baked cookies
taught Ari to nap in his crib
got supper on the table pretty much most nights
cuddled with my husband
did i mention laundry
laughed with my boys who turned 5 months old yesterday
cleaned up so many diapers along with some poop that went up to the shoulders
spent time with friends
attended my weekly women's bible study
turned off the tv every once in awhile and listened to a good cd

its all in the small things..

to the loewens down under...

grandma & grandpa we miss you!!!!

and ari really wants you to come home... he even put on his saddest face when i mentioned your name....

the view from here...

yep its that time again. the snow has started to fly. (this is a pic of just snow - not the snow here.. yet) i had to add drama some how. anyways makes going out with the boys that much more difficult. but we will make it. anyways completed 5 days of my mom's absence already.. for those of you who don't know my parents are having a wonderful month down under - visiting my brother and family in Perth. we have done well here without them although i sure miss her coming in the door every morning around 10.. oh only 27 more days.
we had a good thanksgiving weekend - i love long weekends when dave can be home. have not been sleeping well these days. noah and ari have decided to have a major growth spurt so feeding LOTS and not at the same time which gives me a total of about 2-3 hours sleep (never consecutive) that has been hard but we will press through.
not much else is new here.. just gearing up for cold weather. another update to come soon. here is a little collage of new noah and ari pics..

27 years...

i had a lovely birthday weekend. my first birthday as a mom. on friday i did what every good mother should do i left.. i decided it was time to get away and do something for me. i drove to wpg and went shopping. it was time to find some fall clothes that fit. i met my good friend lindsey there who by the way is one of my favorite persons to shop with. we used to go all the time in vancouver as it was theraputic for us and again it was no different. we had a great time. i was gone from 2:30 till 10:00 and the boys were so good for my mom and for dave. i really felt energized and it felt nice to have some me time. on saturday morning dave took the boys out of bed early and let me sleep in till almost 10 which was awesome. when i finally rolled out of bed there was a beautiful breakfast waiting for me. the best surprise was the handmade card my not so crafty husband made for me. it was special that he took the time to dig into my card making stuff and make me something. we were visited by daves parents who were passing through town and later went to friends for dinner and church in the evening. it was a good day. sunday we went walking at Stanley park (nothing like the vancouver park) but with the fall leaves it was a nice change to sitting inside. the boys love being carried around and the fresh air was good for them. then it was off to mom and dads for birthday dinner which was so yummy i could barely handle it. it was a good weekend..the boys are doing so well. they are getting bigger and bigger. in fact they are going through some kind of growth spurt thing cause all they want to do is eat. our nights have been funny with that as they wake up alot more to eat..i am hoping this is just a phase and they will begin to sleep longer again. they smile and giggle so much now. they wake up happy and are beginning to nap more regularily. its a fun stage of new things and more interaction. anyways enjoy the pics from our family fun day on sunday. Noah is in blue and Ari is in red (or maybe you could tell all on your own)

one year ago...

you were floating to existance. happy one year conception babies!

tWiN bEnEfITs

i feel i have so much to write about this week.. i'll start with yesterday.. after all week going back and forth about leaving the boys to go to the city i just decided it was ok. so i left yesterday morning at 7am and set out for the fall sale that the manitoba families of multiples puts on twice a year. now being my first time i was not quite sure what to expect although i had been warned it was a BIG deal and to come prepared for chaos. so i show up (late) at the Rec Centre. imagine a hockey arena (i think its indoor soccor tho) anyways.. imagine an arena - the whole part inside the boards is packed with stuff. from big equipment to clothes to toys to smaller equipement to a wall full of shoes - everything you could imagine for kids age 0-14. i wish i could paint you a proper picture. imagine a roped off area of big equipement we are talking 20 car seats, a dozen double strollers, probably 20 umbrella strollers, big toys, high chairs, play pens you name it. the tables of clothes spread out the whole arena. mounds upon mounds of clothes.

so little old me ready with my wagon and rubbermaid tub begins the process of covering this vast space. trying to negotiate my way amoung all the crazy people. the first hour is open to only members (who by the way have been lined up since before 8am) so as i am shopping i look up every once in awhile from the piles of stuff and see the "public" lined up 4 times around the outside of the glass staring in hoping you won't pick up that outfit or hoping you will leave that train set for them. there was a point where i actually had to laugh i mean this was hard core. so i spent about an hour and half throwing mass amounts of things into my tub only to wait in the longest lines ever at 10 checkouts. i walked away with so much and spent exactly my budget of $100. as i left and started to make my way home i would look in the back seat at my huge garbage bag of clothes and toys and stuff and smile one for having come in the first place and two for having survived my first sale. can't wait for spring to do it all over again.

back to being nervous about leaving my boys..i pumped this last week and broke into my emergency freezer supply to leave dave some bottles to give the guys. i fed them around 6:30 before i left and apparently my little angels were so good for their dad. they played and laughed (they started doing that this week - all out laughing) one ate at 10:30 the other dave had to wake up at 11 to eat) and then they hung out again till i got home after 2. i felt refreshed and overwhelmed with how much i love my boys after being away from them.

so the bottom line if you are a twin mom and you have a group you can join DO IT! it was so fun to be around all these twins and triplets and to have the benefit of this awesome sale. i heard they had over 600 people come through in the 4 hours it was open. anyways thats it for today. i have more to write about but will save it till tommorow.