Friday, March 23, 2007

life

i have been challenged this week to think about what brings me life and what springs passion to existence in me. i think about my passion of being a doula daily. i have been grieving that it has been a whole year since my last birth. i was too pregnant and it was a hard birth... i feel like that part of my life is so far away. is it just that i am different or is it fear that holds me back i am not sure. it was easier to be a doula in a big city where everyone knew what a doula was and there were so many of us. a community. here its lonely and scary and most people don't even know what the word means. i want more aiden's, eva's, emma's, ayla's, benjamin's. i remember so clearly the day they and all the others came into the world.. it was a miracle, it was life and it brought me joy. i am tired of being afraid of pursuing the passion... i did a search on my blog about all i have written about being a doula and re-read some of the birth stories that i posted. went back and read the stories i wrote about each birth and what it meant to me...the innocence, the strength of a laboring mother, the tears in the dad's eyes, the exhilaration that entered a room with each push, the burst of life that each baby brought. its beauty at its best and i will not be satisfied to never be a part of that again.
i need courage oh and my boys to sleep better at night. (we are really close to the latter)
these pictures help me remember my passion for life...minutes after birth.

8 comments:

Dianna said...

Way to go! This world needs more duolas!! Hope you can achieve your passion!

Dianna said...

I meant "doula", sorry typed wrong

Wendy said...

I wish that I had a doula for both of my children! I think it's a wonderful thing that you are doing! I found your blog through Drea! Your boys a beautiful! I have a 9 month old daughter and a 6 year old son! Feel free to stop by my blog! wesnlani.wordpress.com

Angel said...

Hey girl.
Life is cool concept right now! Right now we are planning a worship night in the city and I've called it awake awake. Not like the wake tour - where there was a "goading" but more like when spring comes and gently opens all the flowers, the fresh smell, the sun, and warmth on your face - and you have hope...and peace. It's funny how you can still be so tied to us (spiritually).
love you

Gina said...

I agree with the part about not everyone knowing out here what a doula is, many people don't.... but I think you would be suprised if you advertised or started up again with the amount of people that would use your services!

Cindy said...

Hi Heather... I'm a doula in Manitoba and would love to chat with you about our like passion... I even know another doula in your area! Doulas are bigger in other parts of Manitoba than where you are, but think of the gifts you'll bring to your area when you're ready to begin working with couples again.
Your boys are gorgeous!
With great love ~ Cindy

DavenHeather said...

cindy.. how do i connect with you..

Cindy said...

You can check out my website, Heather, and there is a link to my phone # and email addy.

www.freewebs.com/mothersjourney

I'd love to chat with you about birth stuff!
~ Cindy