Thursday, March 27, 2008

pieces of me

wink town is a pretty cool place to live. i've lived here all my life so i know my way around and stuff. there are certain streets i just automatically drive down and routes i always choose even if there is a "faster" way. i love the family type place it is and how there are people here who just make me happy. well wink town is about to get sad for me... someone is leaving. i find it hard to talk about and somehow even typing these words i am choking up. i have a friend. she is kind, soft, compassionate, witty, deeply loving, hip, generous and a dreamer of sorts. she knows how to bake well, cook yummy meals, put on a good party, she knows most of the jelly belly flavors and she is the kind of mom you want to be.. always willing to do fun projects even if they mean messy situations, she lets her kids run in, walk in, jump in and eat mud which i love. then there is the spiritual side which amazes me and even makes me a tad jealous.. its like lately she is sitting next to Jesus and He is just loving on her and giving her eyes to see exactly what He is doing. She exudes confidence, integrity and has an authentic, peaceful, crazy and lovely aura of worship all over her. I love her and although the people of Papa New Guinea are so blessed to have her live in their country my heart aches as i will miss her and having her live here in my country. sometimes i just want to say its not fair that she gets to leave and go on this crazy adventure i want her in my life but then i sit back and realize that life wouldn't be right if she stayed. this is her path.. the path her family is supposed to walk and the lives of the people she will encounter would not be complete without getting to experience her too...
then theres the daunting reality that we can't just go over and hang with Bill & Jester either. how will my boys ever learn the difference between a dump truck, a front end loader or a combine and a baler. how will we ever get by without their hugs and sharing a good snack of grapes, cheese and crackers. will we ever be able to eat freezies in the same way without shedding a tear. i suppose all this to say i am blessed to know that no matter how long they are gone or how far they go there are those people you just get to carry a piece of no matter what. a piece that is someday's visible and other days just quietly reminds you that you are loved and accepted no matter what.
so heres to the vbergs. in all you do pursue it with your whole hearts. lives won't ever be the same i can attest to that. i will miss you but carry you with me and can't wait to see you again.
i did think about the timing of my post and whether to wait till they are gone or almost gone and seeing as we have a month left should i wait.. but i wanted to express and maybe also remind myself that i get a whole month more with these guys and i hope to live it the fullest.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


This story brought to you in part by the letter I for Invasion of Space and the number 2 for yes there are two of them dang it.

new twin moment. took the boys out on an adventure this afternoon. had to mail a package so i decided to use Shoppers since its much easier to get the boys in and out of there and i am also able to contain them in a card as opposed to our small town post office... anyways quite the adventure lugging a box under one arm and holding onto two little arms trying to direct them to the door. you know toddlers have a mind of their own and don't nicely file towards the door across the big parking lot. we get within safe distance of the doors and i loosen my grip and look up to see a clan of old grandmas heading our way. i immediately wondered to myself how i will "protect" my children from these ladies.. too late to turn back. now my kids are pretty shy especially if you enter their space too soon. let me tell you these mennonite grandmas had no idea what space meant. "are they twins" "oooh they are so cute" "how old are they" the regular comments. my kids are slowly backing up as these grandmas are inching ever closer to their faces. ari has a look of panic and noah is too stunned to move. the clincher the grandma's (remember i have NO idea who these ladies are) reach for my kids soothers and pull them in and out of my kids mouths... ARE YOU JOKING ME?? I am trying to remain calm and smile all the while wanting to body check this lady away from my kid who is now starting to quiver. i explain nicely through gritted teeth that they are shy and they like their soother as i am inching closer and closer away from the crowd trying to reach the safety that is just behind the doors... finally they start to walk away.. as i get into the safety of the mall doors i look back and watch them pass by not one but two other cute kids (with two separate moms) and not even bat an eyelash.
i understand the whole twin thing can be a novelty to people but other peoples kids are super cute too..... spread some love their way.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

death on the gambia

it was a long boat ride i never thought i would have to take and as i set foot onto The Christabel last Saturday night i had a feeling i would not leave the same way i got on. and thanks to Captain Sam aka Secret agent I did not.
The Christabel itself was a fun ride.. I met so many "interesting" characters. Although severely jealous of the classy Caroline Tanner I knew from the moment I layed eyes on her she was a phony. She did however have the best purse!! Then there was the very proper Peanut Buyer always whipping out her precious PB. She knew who I was from the get go but we decided to hold allegiance and not rat each other out. The Deckhand was so helpful just made me feel right at home and always had time to chat about anything. I found out right aways that the artsy Marie Renard was not who she said she was and decided in her murderous state it was best to steer clear of her. The smoke wielding detective was shady although so HOT... I can smell a dirty detective a mile away and he stunk! Never did help me with my travel papers. And who could forgot Vic the Jesus loving missionary who wanted Souls like most people drink water. And for what the queen was paying him for them I would have too. He was always quite forceful about inviting you into his cabin to "have a heart to heart". There were a few others aboard the Christabel that I won't soon forgot and although it did not end well for me I must say I did have the best time. Yes just about the best time you can have on a boat floating down the alligator invested waters of Gambia.

CAROLINE TANNER.. SUCH A BEAUTYI love these friends.. I was thinking of how blessed I am by them all. This dinner party thing we started has been so good for us. Lisa did the best job of getting this game together. I love that everyone really put themselves into their character. If you ever get a chance you should do it. Thanks guys!

Friday, March 21, 2008

it is a good friday

thankful for time to relax this weekend after a long and busy week. now that i am working the days blur together. things at my new job are amazing. i just love it. the boys are adjusting so well.. they love their time with arlene. we have been watching siding go up on our house... its so nice to see the end of the construction phase.. can't wait for our driveway (with spring it is MUCKY).
not much news to report just wanted to let you know we are all still here. i have some new pics and stories with ari and noah but am not at home right now so that will have to wait. hopefully a new and inspired post soon.. i will leave you with some things i am loving right now.
i have already shared my love for ETSY with you but in particular i am loving THIS shop right now. looking to order some fabulous fabric soon...such yummy things. especially this pattern.
Love this idea HERE.

And thanks to Arlene leaving her ipod at our place one evening I am loving Sarah Harmer and her intense lyrics especially the track "coffee stain". You must check it out.

Happy Easter.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

shes crafty..

have had such a great weekend.. more posting on my saturday evening fesitivies but to tide you over i've been up to lots of crafty things this weekend. finally got some me time to scrap thur, fri and this afternoon... heres a peek.. you can always check out my gallery for more!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Sunday, March 09, 2008

lets back up...

(this post has been started for awhile now so some of it is old news that most of you have just not heard yet)
its hard to put into words what i am feeling. granting myself permission to accept all this - feeling undeserving of all the incredible blessings.
a few weeks back i listened to my uber talented, spirit led, cousin, encouraging, teacher friend Chris give a message at church. He's one of those people who speak the heart of God. He challenged me to remember how life giving it is to remain in the center of God's will. daily i go back to this and the desire in me is growing deeper.. and with recent events just begging me to remain there. i accepted a job offer a couple weeks ago (since writing this i have completed a week of work) its a job that i have wanted and waited for. i feel sometimes letting go of my own agenda is what places me back in the centre. i will be working at a school literally steps from my house part time as an admin assistant (the new word for secretary) i have felt incredible peace in this process - not nervous too much just knowing that God will work out the details. my kids of course have been my main priority having good care for them... i kind of thought it would just show up at my door step if this was the path i was to take and yea it basically did. a girl we know from church and also one of my good friends sister in law. offered to come over and watch them.. amazing right? yea totally amazing. arlene is great... she is so good with my kids and they love her already... now when i leave in the morning they don't even cry they just play with "leene" i am blown away...
and my job.. well i am in love. its more than i thought it would be. i just love it. and even better. life just seems like it makes more sense to me. my relationship with my kids is 100% better and even with dave... its not them.. its me. i am happier and just really sure that this is whats best for us all right now. my relationship with the boys is a much healthier one... all over its lovely.
granted life has looked just different to me since Renee's passing. the world is just such a different place and more than ever just believing that i can and am the recipient of all good blessings.... deserving in fact. I just want to soak it all in and i am drowning in a puddle of gratefulness. hopeful that i will remain floating in the center.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

i owe you..

i owe you all a good post.. so much has happened in the past few weeks and i am painfully reminded of the beauty of life. i will try to get a post finished this afternoon. but for right now i am so thankful for my boys.. watching them play cars on the coffee table and all the great sounds they make ok not quite honest they are playing cars and with necklaces... just keeping in touch with the feminine side. i also love that i got to spend time with these two gorgeous people this past weekend. although the circumstances sucked it warmed my heart......

Sunday, March 02, 2008

LIVE this life full...

the events of yesterday have left a deep imprint on my heart... deeper than I thought. we attended Renee's funeral yesterday. surreal is the best explanation I can offer. an intimate, authentic, deeply sad, joyous, life changing memorial to someone who has left her mark in this world. in our hearts, in nations and in the justice she sought. i loved the visual picture wade painted as he reminded us of the tattoo Renee had on her ankle.. the Khmer word for hope. a painful reminder of a young, vibrant, uncommon, beautiful woman who knew the meaning of pain and suffering yet saw so much hope in herself and her world. she truly is promoted to glory as her dad has so eloquently said. the whole service was just what Renee would have loved. the quirky read poems that she loved, those she was closest to giving their tributes in language that Renee spoke. joanna spoke only as eloquently as she can and gave a deep tribute to the woman we knew in ywam. she played a video of Renee giving her testimony and also the readers theatre that Renee has written for The Rendevous in 03. It was a powerful picture of how gifted she was. I think that the angels are probably practicing her Earth, Fire, Water, Wind piece.. the drums must sound fantastic up there.
I could just see Renee in heaven worshiping with her king as we were lead in songs that meant so much to her and her mom. I found myself feeling so closely the presence of God...
somehow her parents mustered up strength to give tribute to their beautiful Renee... my heart is broken when I think of them having now lost three children to this savaging disease.
wade broke it all open as he gave a message of hurting and healing. he spoke right from the heart of Jesus and I know that I know that I know Renee loved every minute of it as did we. i appreciate his honesty and his no need for sugar coating.
he ended with the prayer of St.Patrick set to techno that Renee would have loved. i have no words to express the feeling in that room at that moment as we all realized that she was truly gone. that she wasn't going to get up and dance to wades kick ass techno this time. but that she did arise through god's strength to pilot her, through His might to uphold her, through His wisdom that guided her. that now His eyes were looking at her, His ears were hearing her, He is speaking to her.. Christ be with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit, Christ when I arise....