Saturday, March 21, 2015

one who rises

I am deeply impacted by books, music & movies.. the emotional part of me either can get lost in the romance, unpredictability, adventure and movement and the part of me that doesn't want to conform rises up and loves something to stand for.

Today I saw Insurgent - I loved the books and loved the first movie and could not wait for the second. I was having a hard time remembering the book and went into this one forgetting a lot.. I'm going to go deep here but God really spoke to me through this movie.. more than I even realized.. as I drove home I burst into tears.. If you have not seen it I am not going to necessarily spoil it for you but my perspective correlates to the end of the move.







Tris struggles in this movie over what has happened to those she loves - she blames herself for not being able to protect them and she feels everyone who comes in contact with her will get hurt... She is unable to forgive herself and let go... I have been praying into the tendency I have in my life to self sabotage. It causes me to feel unworthy, unloved, misunderstood and lets doubt creep in.. like my beautiful friend Crystal says you gotta BENCH those thoughts.. don't even let them suit up. They can't play..

ok so near the end Tris has to conquer a simulator and she has to fight herself... and in order to win the sim she learns she actually has to put her fists down and forgive herself.. let go and the self who is facing her and wants to destroy her.. can't. It has no power.. And in all love and beauty of the movie this realization not only sets her free but it allows the factions to learn the truth that they were all an experiment and there is so much more for them beyond the wall than they ever realized.. they are free...

of course in true movie fashion the music and the people streaming out of the buildings it all evokes emotion in me.. but as I sat there wanting to see SO badly what was on the other side of the wall I thought.. she had to let it go, forgive herself and be free. And then guys they are just all rushing towards the wall cause they all want whats over there.. just keep going!!

Passion evokes purpose. This has never been more true than in this season of my life. I am passionate and have more purpose than ever before but it's in these times that we have to suit up and realize the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. Being brave is being free. What an incredible opportunity we have.

I plan to be a world changer. I plan to move forward. I also plan to remember my worth and who I am. Take captive every thought and be FREE. SO much more is coming. SO much more.





Thursday, January 01, 2015

Hello 2015 - a twist on one little word.


Choosing my one little word each year has been something that has shaped me. It's being present and awake and stepping up to be my best self physically, emotionally, spiritually, creatively and within my relationships.
I am never looking for perfection. But I want to choose to let go of things outside of my control and to figure out who the best-me-right-now really is.
I am always thinking about my journey  My word is always there, in front of me, and each year it evolves a little more. My goal is to move forward even when I can see and hear my fear and apprehension staring me in the face. I commit to engage in my choices this year.. to be brave in my Spirit so it leads me. The past two years I  have waded through being worthy and becoming enough. It's time to soar baby.. time to be FREE.
I admit I have never had the process be as unclear as it was this year... I just could not choose. I was wavering between two words and usually it is so clear.. sometimes a whisper and sometimes a shout. I went to bed saying goodbye to 2014 and praying for a dream or a sign or something to show me which way to go... I woke up with a statement. Since this past year has been about not comparing, not worrying about this or that.. I figured I could break the mold this year (maybe telling of what is to come). SO I bring you my one little statement for 2015. 
She who is BRAVE is FREE.
Boom. 2015 is going to blow my mind. Not going to be afraid to fall cause I have a feeling I am going to soar!

Sunday, September 28, 2014

35.


I just spent the last while looking through each birthday post. You all know how much I love birthdays. Something about the feeling of looking back over the year.. but you know the part I like the most is the anticipation of looking FORWARD.

I am like a fine wine. I most definitely get better with age. Last year I was settling into my season of waiting.. of doing nothing... of just being.. worthy. It was a time of huge growth for me.. This is what I wrote on the eve of my 34th birthday...


my heart says yes

on the eve of my 34th birthday.

dear heather,

what if every day were the perfect day to finally be exactly who you were always meant to be? What if everything you ever wanted was just on the other side of fear? what if inside you was a place to be happy, pure, simple and full of joy... yes I know amidst the chaos of life. would you believe it's possible? what if instead of perfection you held yourself to the highest standard of grace? that would be incredible wouldn't it? you are bright. what if you did everything with so much love in your heart that you would never want to live any other way. let this truth sink in. you are confined only by the walls you build yourself. big truth. i think it's time to find your wings. to soar. i know you love birthdays.. you are quick to say each year you get better. it's life lived that causes you to re-evaluate your decisions, to learn from them, to grow and to move forward. you have done alot of moving forward this past year.. i know some of it has been hard and i am proud of the way you have allowed yourself to not be a victim anymore. it wasn't easy but i am so proud of you.

please trust in the process of not being a doer but soaking in being. just being.

cheers to the best year yet.



What a beautiful thing for my heart to read this. Since then life has CHANGED... I have been filled with purpose and passion like never before. I feel more alive today than ever before. I feel like each season of my life has prepped me for this. I am standing on sacred ground for me cause the only way I could have gotten here is with God.. with letting go of what I thought I wanted and letting Him lay new opportunities in my lap. I have given each moment over and allowed myself to be led.

In some ways this last year has been one of ups and downs. The season of waiting that followed my birthday last year helped me grow and when it was time for me to come out of that I was set on a fast forward in some ways.. But through all of it I look in anticipation at the bigger picture. My Why has become more important than ever.

I have always been passionate about helping people.
I have always worn my heart on my sleeve and won't stop now.
I have always wanted to matter. The difference is now I don't really care what other people think I know I matter.

So for my 35th year.. wow how can it get better... Each day it's surpassing my expectations. I think I want to take it all in.. to really enjoy where I am at. So much to be thankful for: family, friends, health, wellness, the freedom to stay home, my business and the community I have found there which has breathed new life into me, for thriving and refusing to stay stuck.

Our message in church today rocked my socks... I wanna run this race to WIN. To populate heaven and do more than just sit and watch life pass by.. to not stay in the same place cause it feels comfortable. We are made for SO much more. Don't just sit and watch.. participate, act, serve.. What drives you? What gives you life?


I anticipate an amazing year.. already filled with so many new adventures I never dreamed possible. For new friendships fuller and deeper than ever before. And for GROWTH.. I have learned we must keep growing, changing, learning.. to stay the same and closed off blah.. I don't want it.

I want to be free. Soaring has begun and I am only going up.

Join me? Come on.. you know you wanna....






Tuesday, September 23, 2014

with hope

the odds don't matter. 

what a beautiful statement and relates so well to all aspects of life. I read it on a blog and not only did it resonate with me but so did the personal story of Heather Von St. James. She is a vibrant blogger who has dedicated her life to raising awareness for Mesothelioma. Just in case like me you were not aware what that is.. Mesothelioma is a cancer caused by exposure to asbestos. It carries a poor prognosis and early detection is key! 

Most people who develop mesothelioma have worked in jobs where they inhaled or ingested asbestos fibers, or were exposed to airborne asbestos dust and fibers in other ways. Washing clothes of a family member who worked with asbestos also creates a risk for developing mesothelioma. 

This story hit home for me and has a personal twist. My Grandpa was an electrician and my Dad spent many many hours as a young kid crawling around attics with my Grandpa. It was a trade he would do till he retired a few years ago. Last year he was dealing with some lung issues and the end result of that is a spot in his lungs that they equate to being there from too much exposure to Asbestos. Thankfully his are diagnosed as Pleural Plagues around his lung area. They do an annual CT scan and so far believe it's scar tissues.. so while we are thankful there are SO many who are not so lucky. So I am happy to share with you that...

September 26th is the 10th annual Mesothelioma Awareness Day. Awareness is key..I have found in my own journey to health & wellness.. so much we don't know keeps us from acting in a positive way. So please read Heather's story here at her blog http://www.mesothelioma.com/heather/



I have been reading a lot about the disease and the struggles people with this disease go through and what hits me is the isolation that comes with disease. I think it's true for all disease and unless we are willing to share it with others we will remain alone. It's true of my struggle with mental illness and depression.. although mine is not severe it's still a constant battle of the mind and allowing myself to be alone and not share keeps me in the dark and worse than that it keeps others in the dark thinking they need to struggle through disease alone.. That should never be the case. So as a blogger I am joining in a community of like minded people to bring you some facts.



Asbestos kills more than 100,000 people annually.
It often takes 20 years after exposure for the first sign of sickness to hit.
And I ashamed to say Canada is still exporting Asbestos today. 

So lets not be silent.
Raising awareness is key. Raise your voice.
http://www.mesothelioma.com/heather/awareness/#.VCB2yigrV38

Monday, September 01, 2014

Journey to Joy - First Edition

I am super excited to announce the first edition of Journey to Joy! I always have so much I want to share with my team and this was the best way to go about it. Well I thought it was until I could not attach it. So you are being led here to read the very first edition. Whether you are here because you are on my team or interested about learning more this is a great place to start! 

Lots of awesome events coming up for you to attend to equip yourself with more knowledge and more education and in turn more freedom.

Please take a moment to read the newsletter. 





Sunday, June 22, 2014

Jekyll and Hyde

Keep calm because this is the moment. - Jekyll and Hyde

I saw that the other day and it is fitting for right now. today. here.

I feel a lump in my throat tonight as I sit here and try to get some work done.. the only thing I can think of as my heart starts to race is that I have 4 days of work left. 6.5 years. I remember standing at the window when I answered the phone when we lived on Duster Bay being offered this job. I had two not even 2 year olds and this job literally saved our lives. The benefit of working half days was a gift.. being able to get out of the house for part of the day but also be home worked perfect for us. I also entered a job I literally fell in love with.

It's the best blend. Outgoing by nature I have loved my front line work. Being surrounded by amazing co-workers makes going to work easy. So many things I could say about my job. One thing is for sure.. I will miss it. Terribly. Thinking about the people I get to work with every day is what is causing this lump in my throat.. I know they will all be ok without me but I will miss their everyday presence in my life. From my corner coffee break table, to the hall behind me and the two people who occupy those spaces and make me thankful to sit where I sit. To the one I share my space with... and my heart. 

I know I made the right choice and am following my heart and my passion.. I am so blessed to be able to work from home and be more available to my family and the new circle that welcomes me.. but part of my heart is broken into a million pieces because as crazy as it may seem to you my life at 675 Prairie View Drive changed the course of our home.. made a struggling mama to twins survive those first few years.. it wasn't only the work place but the nurturing loving hands who held, read stories to, sang songs with, played endless rounds of duck duck goose, who fed, cleaned up after, prayed for and LOVED my boys.. it was a village. My village. 

Change is scary, but like my Dad said to me "Take risks... what's the worst that can happen?" I think I have found who I am meant to be over the past 6.5 years.. my village, my people they have all helped me get here.

So for the next 4 days I plan to relish each moment. To take it all in. Cause really I have SO much to be thankful for.. so much to look forward to. So much life to live. What are we without our village?

So this week.. I will send my boys down the driveway on their bikes to school, pack up Jett and my morning smoothie. We will turn on the Eagle and listen to Chuck. I will get coffee and get Jett a blueberry muffin. I'll drop him off at Shirlies and drive to work. I'll park in spot #6. And just like now.. I'll probably cry.

I have so much to be thankful for. My heart is full. And a tiny bit broken. Grateful for so much.

Saturday, June 07, 2014

We celebrate 4 today.

4 years. Hard to believe it's been 4 years.

I thought about you a lot today as I wrote this blog post in my head. My mind wandered back to 4 years ago... Lets face it my body was not good at keeping babies inside till it was time and you were no different. My water broke one week before you were born when I was not quite 35 weeks. I still had a week left of work and what followed after that early morning when I thought I had peed the bed is still not my favourite week to think of. Gushing water for 6 days was less than fun. My mom and my Aunt took me in 8 days after my water broke for my fetal assessment it was a Monday. June 7th. I thought I was home free. Finally 36 weeks.. I figured they would send me home and say I could deliver locally...   and when the ultra sound tech quickly put her wand down and left the room I knew this would not be the case. The rest is a whirlwind. You needed to come out right then and there... Very reminiscent to 4 years earlier when I called the Stallion from a Winnipeg hospital and told him he should very quickly come so he could be here when you were born. He was on the roof of Access Credit Union and asked if he could finish his job.. the surgeon sort of politely said no. You have always done things your own way and in your own time and no matter how much I rush you you don't stand for it. Thankful 4 years ago you didn't let me rush you... the amount of things I did to get labor started would have probably cost you your life or mine had I succeeded. I remember the feeling in the OR.. I was all full of emotion and today as I looked back at those photos this one stood out to me.. this was the ugly cry... If you have had a CSection you know the moment.. it's not pain it's just a feeling of knowing the pulling and tugging is going to at any moment turn into a cry.. maybe it was a subconscious this is my last baby or the realization that I would never get a different kind of birth story...




At 4:47 with the Stallion and my super midwife Marla by my side you came into this world. A firecracker from the start.



And we have loved you ever since. 


 .


Jett you are one of a kind. You can light up any room with your smile, charm, wacky sense of humour and sparkling personality. You are adventure, sparkle, shine and grit all rolled into one. You can make us laugh and you can entertain whether it's from the banister of the stairs or on the piano. You truly have a compassionate heart and LOVE the people in your life especially your friends at Shirley's. You are wise beyond your years and daily talk about going to preschool next fall. You can count to 30 and say your ABC's no problem. You retain incredible amounts of information and have a special knack for remembering the lyrics to songs. Spending time with you on our morning rides to town is always a highlight you love to copy whatever Chuck says on the radio that morning or yell out the words to your favourite songs.

You love playing catch, riding your none training wheel bike, going golfing with Grandma & Papa... well lets face it anything that involves your Papa is good in your books, you see the world through adventurous eyes and I cannot wait to see where this life takes you. May the sparkle always be in your eyes may you never feel you have to stay inside the box.. I think your adventurous spirit is something you should find freedom in. I wish for you lots of fort building, many big puddles to splash in, hitting home runs, piles of dirt & sand to build in, lots of fish to catch and stars to count.

Happy 4th Birthday Jetty. You are simply the best.