Tuesday, November 14, 2006

desperation..

this is an emergency... we are desperate for some much needed sleep.. things seem to be going from bad to worse with the boys.. they don't nap, don't sleep.. they are miserable.. well not all the time but when they are tired.. umm which is most of the time. i am sleep deprived and running out of patience... my poor husband is almost near non functioning because of lack of sleep at night and hard work all day..
the boys nap about 2-3 time per day (if we are lucky) but only for 30-45min (if we are lucky) they nurse about every 3 hour. in the evening they are always TIRED.. and miserable.. i will nurse them about 8or8:30, burp, change and put down by 9 usually.. they sleep restlessly till anywhere from midnight or sometimes 1am and then all hell breaks loose. they are crying, tired and just plain horrible for the rest of the night.. none of this seems normal to me..
i have read everything from no cry sleep solution to the baby whisperer and even tried a bit of CIO which doesn't help them at all... it does make them go back to sleep after 15min of crying but only for an hour max and then we are up doing it all over..
now lets remember that i don't have ONE baby i have TWO and this makes life very difficult..
since i am being honest i don't really want comments telling me to hang in there it will get better and all that cuddling crap (right now thats how i feel) if you are reading this and you have some tried and tested methods of schedules or sleep advice then you can comment or if you just want to tell me man heather that sucks.. that would be great... otherwise just read and move on and pray for us... good thoughts for the difran clan... so before anyone writes this deep down i know...
THIS TOO SHALL PASS BUT FOR NOW ITS NOT WORKING!!! any advice????

ok adding this a few hours later.. all the above is still true with the modification of they are not always miserable.. they are sweet, cuddly, and they smile lots. they don't play strange and when they laugh its enough to melt my chilly heart... i love them to pieces

14 comments:

lagiulia said...

Oh Heather! How awful! We have been through rough patches with sleep too. Twins sometimes wake each other up and KEEP each other up. It becomes a terrible problem. Remind me of how old they are? When ours hit 6 mos., we ended up doing CIO out of absolute desperation. One night I said, "That's it! They have to learn to work it out between the two of them!" I couldn't take it anymore. I was non-functioning. It was a really awful week, but they did begin to sleep from about 6:30PM to 4:30AM or so, at which point I'd nurse them and they'd go back to sleep until about 6AM. Even if you are not interested in CIO, email me, and maybe I can come up with some other ideas for you- or at least support you when you need it. And, by the way, I know that you love them to pieces. No one would ever, ever doubt that. These rough patches wear us down to the bones, but that doesn't mean we love them any less.
Email: jbhovis@hotmail.com

Courtney and Sheldon said...

Heather,
Jared doesn't sleep either! We are up all night and all day too. When we come on Dec 12th we'll have to share strategies that work. Some days I think I'm going insane...

Anonymous said...

man heather that sucks...

by the way, what's CIO?

Emily Deu said...

heather that sucks! I love you, miss you, and I'll ask my sister what she did, I know abraham starting sleeping from 7pm to 7am from age 5 months. But I dont know anything. I will pray for you guys!

Nova said...

i'm so sorry :(

Anonymous said...

Wow, that does sound frustrating. i wish i was there to make you a good cup of coffee and do something usefull for you like clean or do the chicken dance. either way, your still a hot mamma and I'll be adding the little onces (and hot mama and dave) into my prayers

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog and hope I'm not intruding. I have a six and a half month old who also doesn't sleep well. One thing that helps him to have longer stretches of sleep at night is a white noise machine in his room. Sounds weird I know! It's the only thing that's worked for us!

Raising one baby is exhausting beyond imagination ... I can't imagine how you do it with two!

DavenHeather said...

Jamie - CIO - Cry It Out. Sounds painful. Is painful. but does seem to work for people.
All of you are awesome. Just the things I needed to hear. Thank you.
Lagiulia - an email is coming your way.

Mark , Rosalie & family said...

Have you read baby wise?
I know this has been a controversial book in some aspects but what has really helped me is the wake, eat, sleep cycle.
Yes, and CIO is tough for the first while, but it does seem to work. I think it hurts the parents more than the kids. We have done this with all of our kids and they seem pretty normal (most of the time, hee, hee)

Trena Wanless said...

Heather! It totally understand!!!! Well, I totally understand how it is with one baby, can't imagine with two!!
Noah used to never nap and it was never for more than exactly 30 mins! I did cry it out first just for naps, it was the only thing that worked. It took about 2 and a half days. I first did it when he was about 3.5 months and it did work, but he'd still only sleep about 30 mins. One day during the first cry it out days he cried for like over two hours (me checking on him and rubbing his tummy every 10 mins) and slept for like 10 mins...)But it did work, after a while, I got lazy with it and ended up having to do it again at 6 monthas and he's done much better since, he'll now sleep from an hour to an hour and a half. (I just had to accept he's not a baby that will sleep 2-3 hours at time, but 3 naps of an hour isn't bad.) He does still have the occassional short nap...but I try not to stress about it. As they get older I think it gets easier for them to sleep longer. But if you can take it, try the cry it out for about 3 days and see if it helps the naps. Also develop a naptime routine at the same time. Thsi might be difficult with two babies, but with Noah we sit in the same chair in his room, read short stories and have cuddles with the same stuffed animal. I than bounce him on an exercise ball (a miracle worker for this purpose) for exactly the same amount of time (I count quickly to 400) and then put him down no matter what he's like, sleepy or awake. After a week or so he just started learning that that meant sleepy time and he goes to sleep just fine with no crying for his naps. Also, try to take naps at exactly the same time each day...After he was established in his naptime routine, I transfered it to nighttime and just added a bath and spend a slight bit more time reading stories, singing a couple songs and a tiny bit more cuddles and we pray for him. After all this was established we've started doing cry it out at night. But to tell the truth, the first time we did cry it out for naps he just started sleeping through the night on his own, but then at about 6 months he stopped, so we're working on it now. I don't feed him at all anymore at night (Noah is 9 months, can't remember how old you babies are, but they do say at 6 months they are old enough, but you'll have to judge for yourself.)He's still working on it, it's been 2 weeks now...but he goes to bed at 6:30 and is only waking up once at about 3:30 and then cries for a bit and then goes back to sleep. I'd also recommend getting a mobile for above the crib that plays music and has flashing lights, that sometimes helps Noah get to sleep. Listening to them cry absolutely sucks! But just go in every 10-15 minutes (unless they are almost stopping) and rub their tummies, tell them you love them and give them a kiss. Check their diapers every couple times cause they can poo from the crying. Steve and I take turns going in, sometimes that seems to help NOah. Also, try putting them down to bed a bit earlier. We used to keep Noah up until like 8 or 9. When we started putting him to bed at 6:15 he started doing great! And it gave us the evening to have to ourselves...or many times we went to bed at 6:30 too! Whatever you decide to do with the sleeping, whatever method I mean, just stick with it for a while. You should see major improvements after a few days but it may take a few weeks to really get going, especially the older they get. Again, I can't remember how old your boys are...but we started Noah on some rice cereal when he was 3.5 months. I know they say now to wait until 6 months, but he was just ready. We started doing it usually just twice a day, still with the same number of breastfeeds at first but it made a difference and then at about 5 months we added in fruits and some vegies. and at 6 months much more stuff. If you are feeding them at night, my mother in law (my husband is an identical twin) said that if one of them would wake up, she would wake the other up and feed them at the same time if they hadn't woken up on their own. I suppose to avoid having to get up one hour later to feed the other. As hard as it is, try not to stress because they can pick up on it and it makes it harder...easier said then done, I've had many days in tears over his lack of sleep. But it will get better and it is okay to let them cry! NOah is the happiest baby I have ever seen and we always get comments on how happy and joyful he is and we let him cry it out. Just make sure they know you love them and are there for them and that they sees you and Dave loving each other, that will make them feel secure. Just a thought but maybe if you are going to let them cry it out you could try moving one to another room for a couple nights? I know nothing about twins so maybe the wouldn't be a good idea, but it just popped into my head. Whatever you do, don't give in and start feeding them a ton at night, I did that and it only made it worse for me and it made it harder for Noah. Well, I hope some of this helps....At the end of the day you have to do what you are comfortable with and wiegh that against your exhaustion and come to a solution that works for your family. I hope that some of this helps and also just to know that your not alone. Most babies I know don't sleep as well as the ones in the books!!! Love and prayers and please keep us updated!

lagiulia said...

Hi again. Just checking in. You know, making sure you're still alive! There is some really good advice here, but I'd suggest modifying some of it for success with twins specifically. So when you have time, send me a message. Still thinking of you, wishing you the best!

Trena Wanless said...

One thing I forgot to say was to make sure that the first nap they take during the day that you do something that you enjoy. For me, I work out. It helps me feel better and relax. Maybe you like to read, or take a bath or take a nap yourself...whatever...just do something for you. Make sure you do it in the first nap of the day, other wise it probably wont happen. The stuff that needs to be done around the house can wait until later...you've got to take care of yourself, especially when you are sleep deprived. Besides, if your feeling better you'll be a better mom and much more effective at getting things done! Love ya!

The Rupps said...

heather, i am SO sorry, my heart went out to you as i read your post because the feeling was so familiar and so terrible. i remember feeling like i was sure i would never sleep again for a full night. that seemed unimaginable. we didn't really do CIO, but we did just try to stick to a really regular schedule. and after a while she finally got it. but it took a long time and i know this place you are in is NOT easy. i will say a pray for you and the boys....love you, amanda

DavenHeather said...

i am overwhelmed by all of you.. thank you so much.. (the boys are 6months old next week) again good stuff here.. i am feeling your love..