Friday, April 02, 2010

drowning


I often refer to myself as drowning.. on the bad days it's the one thing that describes how I feel. Of course I have never actually drowned but I can only imagine...
Parenting for me often feels like drowning. I am not saying I am a bad mom or looking for validation in that department.. I am a firm believer that we all do our best with what we have and I know that I love my kids and they love me... but parenting and learning how to raise good kids is overwhelming for me. I find it hard to discipline, especially the follow through part. I would rather the whining just stop and often find myself doing whatever it takes to make that part happen. I gave it some good thought yesterday as to why I feel defeated by almost 4 year olds. I think it's because often I feel I have already failed and it's too late.. I have let it go for so long and they have developed bad habits so I kind of feel stuck.
Spring break was harder than I thought.. we fought alot. We had many many time outs and we cried some too (mostly me).
At the end of the day when I tuck my little ones into bed and we pray for a good sleep and we are thankful that we get another day to start again.. I am reminded of grace and how much they have for me... There is a line in a song that I love that says "If Grace were an ocean we'd all be sinking." It's going to be my new mantra... instead of looking at things like I'm drowning I need to be reminded of that.




6 comments:

valerie said...

Totally the way I feel most days as well. What a great reminder. Thanks for being honest, my friend :) Have a blessed Easter.

rachel said...

Heather - I think you just validate a point that starts when you become a parent - those feelings of guilt and insecurity come out with that baby! Easy to analyze others when you do not have children - but when you do... wow!! Your view changes. I agree so much with your line that we all do the best with what we have. Raising a child is difficult because you constantly are trying to figure out what you think is best for the child and you - and you are trying to SURVIVE!! Hope this normalizes for you as it did for me. Hope you have a happy weekend!

Karla said...

Do you have any idea how many nights I've cried tears onto my pillow after looking at my girls sleeping because I am so thankful that the morning will bring a new day - a fresh start - and a chance to be a better mom than the one I just was? So grateful for new beginnings each morning.

The Nilsen's Journey said...

Thanks for sharing this post Heather! I think we all feel this to some degree! I'm SO thankful for God's grace in parenting!

Marcy said...

You are not alone my dear! We just drove 30 hrs (twice) with 3 kids. Challenging to say the least!

Amanda said...

I had tried to post this earlier, but I don't think it worked.

I admire your honesty. I'm praying for you and your boys. Hope things return to normal this week.