boycott.

now i have a confession i used to easily decide to have a cause.. i would want to boycott certain corporations for things they do.. like a few years ago I boycotted Starbucks.. or my short lived Nestle boycott. I mean I defintly always have good intentions but with Starbucks those red cups at christmas a couple years back called to me and the smell of a vanilla late or a london fog forced me back in the store.. or when Nestle sent me that backpack with lots of freebees and not to mention for awhile when i was using bottles I had bought Avent bottles without knowing Avent is owned by Nestle so that was shot. but friends have no fear I have found a new boycott that will surely stick. I have now boycotted Canadian Tire. I had the worst consumer experience I could have ever imagined and as I left in tears after being treated so horribly I know that I can never go back.
in other news I was looking at the counter on my blog and am amazed that over 20,000 people have viewed my blog. please keep coming back.. there will be pics posted again soon for all of you who want to see the boys.. we have been busy with Christmas approaching it seems there is always somthing to do...

life these days...

i have a few things to blog about.. we have been super busy this week redecorating and moving our rooms around. we felt it was time to have the boys in their own room. so we have all moved downstairs. the week was spent painting and moving.. i loved the way everything turned out and will post pics soon.. last night was their first night alone and i was surprised at the sadness i felt.. leaving them in their new room with the door partly closed and when i crawled into bed our new room seemed so much bigger without them. then we woke up having the best sleep ever and most of the sadness was forgotten. the bliss of sleeping from 10:30 till 5:00am was awesome. the boys went down so well and slept all night.. wow what a difference that made who would have thought they would just really love being alone. this morning they woke up talking to each other which was adorable. i love my boys. they turned 6 months old this past week and some days i just look at them and can't belive how big they are. so many changes have occured this past moonth. they are enjoying eating cereal (they are slowly getting it), they love to play in their excersaucers and they are hilarious in the jolly jumper. they love to smile at each other and love to put anything in their mouth.. its amazing how quickly they change.
we bought a van this month as well. we love it. its a used honda odyssey and its a dream. so nice to have more room to throw all our gear. we enjoy the command start and the automatic doors on each side.. nice as the weather here has quickly turned to winter.
i must go but wanted to update you all and thank you for your kind words as we trained the boys to sleep. there were a few hard nights but i know that this was the best thing for them and they are better babies for it. love to you and yours and to my american friends happy thanksgiving..

ANNOYED

what is with this private blogger thing.. i have serious issues with this. why did you start a blog if you have to make it private? blogs are for people to view and i loved viewing peoples blogs and just reading what random things people write about.. its awesome to feel connected to people and learn so many things from other peoples lives.. there is string of women whose blogs i loved to visit who have made them private - meaning you have to email them for an invite. i refuse.. this seems ridiculous to me.. please if you are thinking of doing this tell me WHY?? what would cause you to cut some of us random visitors out of your lives.. oh and i think its funny how blogger forced us all to move to blogger beta without our consent. logged in one day and i was forced to conform.. i guess that's how the world works...

progress

well since my last two posts we have been making progress.. although a bit painful at times i am beginning to see some great changes.. thanks to my friend julie who gave me amazing advice as well as the encouragment i have received from so many of you my blogger friends..
the boys have been on a better schedule and have even been napping in a regular pattern of 45min to an hour, then up for two hours and napping again and so on.. the nights have been good too.. seperated the boys into two seperate cribs and have only had minimal crying in the middle of the night.. night one - 22min for one and 17min for the other. night two - 30 min for one and 24 min for the other. night three - no minutes for one and 12 min and 4 min for the other at two seperate times.. feeling better for sure..
they are put down around 7:30 or 8:00 and other than the small bouts of crying around 2ish they then will sleep till 5am when i will feed them and they will sleep till about 7:30 or so.. its working its really working and they seem that much better for it..
i'm encouraged that i am doing the best thing for them.. they are still smiling and laughing and being just great babies! tonite at church i was reminded how blessed we are... they are so content to just play with their toys and sing when everyone is singing... its so cute.
gotta run. lots of love to you and yours...

torture

read post below for backstory.. they have been screaming for 10 minutes and it feels like a lifetime.. mom are you there? why don't you love on me? ahh the torture.. my sister in law julia called me last night and i keep remembering what she encouraged me with.. they are not hurt, not in danger.. they are ok.. and trena i loved that you said that your noah is still a happy baby even with all the crying... these are words i am holding onto right now.. this is beyond PAINFUL!!! one stopped... my mom is holding me back from entereing the room.. ooh he started again.. my mom just offered me earplugs.. put a smile on my face.. will keep you posted.. still not sure this is going to work... audrey i need a big beer and a peter... BAD!

desperation..

this is an emergency... we are desperate for some much needed sleep.. things seem to be going from bad to worse with the boys.. they don't nap, don't sleep.. they are miserable.. well not all the time but when they are tired.. umm which is most of the time. i am sleep deprived and running out of patience... my poor husband is almost near non functioning because of lack of sleep at night and hard work all day..
the boys nap about 2-3 time per day (if we are lucky) but only for 30-45min (if we are lucky) they nurse about every 3 hour. in the evening they are always TIRED.. and miserable.. i will nurse them about 8or8:30, burp, change and put down by 9 usually.. they sleep restlessly till anywhere from midnight or sometimes 1am and then all hell breaks loose. they are crying, tired and just plain horrible for the rest of the night.. none of this seems normal to me..
i have read everything from no cry sleep solution to the baby whisperer and even tried a bit of CIO which doesn't help them at all... it does make them go back to sleep after 15min of crying but only for an hour max and then we are up doing it all over..
now lets remember that i don't have ONE baby i have TWO and this makes life very difficult..
since i am being honest i don't really want comments telling me to hang in there it will get better and all that cuddling crap (right now thats how i feel) if you are reading this and you have some tried and tested methods of schedules or sleep advice then you can comment or if you just want to tell me man heather that sucks.. that would be great... otherwise just read and move on and pray for us... good thoughts for the difran clan... so before anyone writes this deep down i know...
THIS TOO SHALL PASS BUT FOR NOW ITS NOT WORKING!!! any advice????

ok adding this a few hours later.. all the above is still true with the modification of they are not always miserable.. they are sweet, cuddly, and they smile lots. they don't play strange and when they laugh its enough to melt my chilly heart... i love them to pieces

what you have all been waiting for...

beta betta?

will someone please explain to me why i need to upgrade to this new version of blogger???

the condition or quality of being human

its sad that i have not been motivated much to post on here, afraid i think is an acurate portrayal of how i have felt about it... unmotivated and afraid to let you in and tell you the truth... life for me these days has not been a bowl of cherries. in my quest for excellence (although truth be told still having a hard time letting go of perfection) i have been afraid to tell you that i don't have it all together.. i have many times had to hang on for dear life because if i didn't hang on i would surely go to the looney bin. now i am not sure exactly what my feelings or lack of feelings mean but i do feel safe to say that my thoughts and feelings this past week have been sometimes borderline scary.. ok insert note to all of you here: this is not a cry for help... i have been ok with help.. this is just an admission of my fear and a need to come clean and say i do not always have things all together and to somehow put it out there here in blog land that THAT IS OK!! being a mom is hard in fact its a passport to many feelings... lonliness, craziness, even hair pulling madness at times.
we love our kids right.. we do the best we can by them and still somedays we feel we might loose our minds. i think i am doing a pretty good job with these two and feel i keep somewhat of a clean house, i manage to do laundry and get supper on the table most nights.. but if i look deep down there is more that i need... more peace that needs to settle and surround my whole self...
somedays being knee deep in poopy diapers and mounds of laundry and dust circling my water cooler and screaming that i can't seem to do anything about gets to me. it just does and that my friends makes me what i fear the most... human.
i am going to post this instead of reading it over and analyzing my thoughts, afraid of the comments i will get because i long to be real i long to overcome my fear and just be human.

all in a weeks work..

here we are again. having a few minutes to spare while the boys nap and since i have wanted to update this thing in so long i figured now is a good time.. only two weeks left of my parents trip and you know i am quite proud of myself for how things have gone. i think there has only been one meltdown day and my sister-in-law saved me from that.. i feel i have been able to stay pretty close to on top of things and stay sane at the same time. it helps that the boys have been so good.. a bit fussier at times (thanks to little white dots on their bottom gums - oh God help me)
i have been learing so much too about my role on this planet and how easily i revert back to the mind set that i have to have ALL things together... the perfect wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister) at my women's bible study group last week i shared this.. and someone gave me an encouragement - its not possible to be perfect but in doing everything we can strive to be excellent.. yes, i have been trying to be excellent in all i do and not being so hard on myself when the floor is dirty, the dishes are everywhere and my stupid cassarole is rock solid frozen after being in the oven for what feels like forever.
so in the small things i continue on.. and when i look back at last week i did pretty good..

cleaned my house - one room at a time
did massive amounts of laundry
baked a pie
caught up with an old friend
changed ALOT of diapers (you should make a guess at how many i go through in a day)
played with my boys
pulled out all my flowers and got the yard winter ready
made a card for a friend whom i miss dearly
baked cookies
taught Ari to nap in his crib
got supper on the table pretty much most nights
cuddled with my husband
did i mention laundry
laughed with my boys who turned 5 months old yesterday
cleaned up so many diapers along with some poop that went up to the shoulders
spent time with friends
attended my weekly women's bible study
turned off the tv every once in awhile and listened to a good cd

its all in the small things..

to the loewens down under...

grandma & grandpa we miss you!!!!

and ari really wants you to come home... he even put on his saddest face when i mentioned your name....

the view from here...

yep its that time again. the snow has started to fly. (this is a pic of just snow - not the snow here.. yet) i had to add drama some how. anyways makes going out with the boys that much more difficult. but we will make it. anyways completed 5 days of my mom's absence already.. for those of you who don't know my parents are having a wonderful month down under - visiting my brother and family in Perth. we have done well here without them although i sure miss her coming in the door every morning around 10.. oh only 27 more days.
we had a good thanksgiving weekend - i love long weekends when dave can be home. have not been sleeping well these days. noah and ari have decided to have a major growth spurt so feeding LOTS and not at the same time which gives me a total of about 2-3 hours sleep (never consecutive) that has been hard but we will press through.
not much else is new here.. just gearing up for cold weather. another update to come soon. here is a little collage of new noah and ari pics..

27 years...

i had a lovely birthday weekend. my first birthday as a mom. on friday i did what every good mother should do i left.. i decided it was time to get away and do something for me. i drove to wpg and went shopping. it was time to find some fall clothes that fit. i met my good friend lindsey there who by the way is one of my favorite persons to shop with. we used to go all the time in vancouver as it was theraputic for us and again it was no different. we had a great time. i was gone from 2:30 till 10:00 and the boys were so good for my mom and for dave. i really felt energized and it felt nice to have some me time. on saturday morning dave took the boys out of bed early and let me sleep in till almost 10 which was awesome. when i finally rolled out of bed there was a beautiful breakfast waiting for me. the best surprise was the handmade card my not so crafty husband made for me. it was special that he took the time to dig into my card making stuff and make me something. we were visited by daves parents who were passing through town and later went to friends for dinner and church in the evening. it was a good day. sunday we went walking at Stanley park (nothing like the vancouver park) but with the fall leaves it was a nice change to sitting inside. the boys love being carried around and the fresh air was good for them. then it was off to mom and dads for birthday dinner which was so yummy i could barely handle it. it was a good weekend..the boys are doing so well. they are getting bigger and bigger. in fact they are going through some kind of growth spurt thing cause all they want to do is eat. our nights have been funny with that as they wake up alot more to eat..i am hoping this is just a phase and they will begin to sleep longer again. they smile and giggle so much now. they wake up happy and are beginning to nap more regularily. its a fun stage of new things and more interaction. anyways enjoy the pics from our family fun day on sunday. Noah is in blue and Ari is in red (or maybe you could tell all on your own)

one year ago...

you were floating to existance. happy one year conception babies!

tWiN bEnEfITs

i feel i have so much to write about this week.. i'll start with yesterday.. after all week going back and forth about leaving the boys to go to the city i just decided it was ok. so i left yesterday morning at 7am and set out for the fall sale that the manitoba families of multiples puts on twice a year. now being my first time i was not quite sure what to expect although i had been warned it was a BIG deal and to come prepared for chaos. so i show up (late) at the Rec Centre. imagine a hockey arena (i think its indoor soccor tho) anyways.. imagine an arena - the whole part inside the boards is packed with stuff. from big equipment to clothes to toys to smaller equipement to a wall full of shoes - everything you could imagine for kids age 0-14. i wish i could paint you a proper picture. imagine a roped off area of big equipement we are talking 20 car seats, a dozen double strollers, probably 20 umbrella strollers, big toys, high chairs, play pens you name it. the tables of clothes spread out the whole arena. mounds upon mounds of clothes.

so little old me ready with my wagon and rubbermaid tub begins the process of covering this vast space. trying to negotiate my way amoung all the crazy people. the first hour is open to only members (who by the way have been lined up since before 8am) so as i am shopping i look up every once in awhile from the piles of stuff and see the "public" lined up 4 times around the outside of the glass staring in hoping you won't pick up that outfit or hoping you will leave that train set for them. there was a point where i actually had to laugh i mean this was hard core. so i spent about an hour and half throwing mass amounts of things into my tub only to wait in the longest lines ever at 10 checkouts. i walked away with so much and spent exactly my budget of $100. as i left and started to make my way home i would look in the back seat at my huge garbage bag of clothes and toys and stuff and smile one for having come in the first place and two for having survived my first sale. can't wait for spring to do it all over again.

back to being nervous about leaving my boys..i pumped this last week and broke into my emergency freezer supply to leave dave some bottles to give the guys. i fed them around 6:30 before i left and apparently my little angels were so good for their dad. they played and laughed (they started doing that this week - all out laughing) one ate at 10:30 the other dave had to wake up at 11 to eat) and then they hung out again till i got home after 2. i felt refreshed and overwhelmed with how much i love my boys after being away from them.

so the bottom line if you are a twin mom and you have a group you can join DO IT! it was so fun to be around all these twins and triplets and to have the benefit of this awesome sale. i heard they had over 600 people come through in the 4 hours it was open. anyways thats it for today. i have more to write about but will save it till tommorow.

life with twins....

Its getting colder here. Thanks to Joseph Ari was going out in style with his new toque.

Bath time is fun now that we have two baths. Here are Ari and Noah just hanging out.

People often ask what life is like with twins and the question sometime stumps me because its hard to put into words what life is like. Its days that flow together, its double the feedings, its double the catnaps, its lots of diapers, its double the smiles, double the coos, double the hugs, double the baths and double the clothes. Its double the happiness, double the laughs and double the love. Its full. Life is full.

I keep telling people I kind of feel like in the last few weeks I have come out of a cloud. My days are more regular and becoming a bit more routine. The first few months were a blur. Trying to figure out how to take care of two and it feels like I was just treading and trying to stay above water. Now we are swimming and it feels good. I enjoy my days so much more. The boys stay awake longer and the three of us talk and play which is fun. They are so expressive. There little personalities are coming out too. They are different in so many ways.

Ari is my relaxed baby, he is pretty laid back in most ways although he is quite the eater. He loves to eat maybe that’s why he is bigger than Noah now.

Noah is more aggressive and excited. He is expressive and he knows what he wants. Especially when he is hungry. They have different cries now. And they only cry when they are hungry, scared or they just want to be put down and go to sleep.

Our feeding schedule is pretty routine. They each get a breast and it takes about 20 minutes to feed, burp and feed some more. Then when you think you are done the other guy wants a turn. It amazes me somedays that I stuck with it; the beginning was so hard but now its normal and easy. I would encourage everyone to stick with it. It does get better.
We go through lots of diapers each day..I have never counted but I would estimate about 10-15/day.
They still sleep quite a bit during the day but for shorter amounts of time. Our nighttime routine is to feed them around 8:3o-9:00. In their crib together by 9:30 or 10:00 and they are so good now that they just fall asleep usually within 15 minutes with no crying no problems. Then our little angels sleep till about 4:30 or sometimes 5:00 - I feed them and back to bed till usually around 9am. We are happy with that for sure and the best part is that we didn't have to do anything to achieve this it just happened.

So that is the practical stuff. I was trying to think of things people always ask me about having twins so I could enlighten you...
*They have just started to notice each other. They will sit together and suck on each others arms and turn their heads when the other makes a noise. There has only been one attack when Noah scratched Ari so bad on his face it was bleeding. Other than that they are pretty calm with each other. They sleep in the same crib and do not seem bothered by each other. If one is sleeping and the other one crying the sleeping guy won't budge.
*Breastfeeding is much easier than people would think. I have tried to tandem nurse and don't really like it. So usually I feed them seperately which I like cause it gives me private cuddle time with each one. One gets one side, burps then back on the same side. Switch Repeat for the next guy. Its true that you can feed two. I have never had any problems with supply and I still pump once a day which is ok with me.
I think thats about it.. Like I said before I really feel like I am coming out of a cloud and enjoying life more. I am not a fan of hearing how my life must be full of double trouble because in all honesty I can't imagine life with one and I feel my day is full with double blessings. I mean seriously look at those faces. Noah's smile here is awesome. How could that be trouble?

16 weeks

can you belive its almost been 4 months since the boys were born! yesterday we saw the doctor and she was so happy with how the boys are doing. Ari has surpassed his brother and is now the heavyweight at 13lbs 10oz and Noah not far behind at 13lbs 7oz. the last time we were there they were in the 12th percentile for their age and now they jumped to the 45th percintile. the boys are becoming so much more independant. they enjoy being put down and they are content to sit and watch me rush about or content to have all three of us lay on the floor and watch each other. they have taken to talking lately. especially if i talk to them or sing (their fave) they respond with little bird like sounds that make their whole face light up. melts your heart.
i have been enjoying reading other multiple moms blogs which i will be putting links too soon. i am amazed each time i stumble across another mulitple mom and get to hear her stories and see how their life has been blessed by two. another multiple mom reminded me that i too don't mind hearing people always feel like they have to say "double trouble" because us twin moms know there are the sweetest secrets and treasures to be had by having two. sometimes my heart feels as big as it could get and then they do something to make it swell even more.
the down side to the last two weeks is we have all been sick. noah got a cold first then me and now poor ari is struck with it. its sad watching little guys so congested they have to struggle to learn to breathe through their mouths. we are hoping this will be behind us soon and not turn into a vicious cycle of us infecting each other over and over. all i can say is its getting tiring trying to remember which breast is ari's and which is noah's.

growing so fast..

seems like a long time since i have posted pics of the boys. they are growing so fast and changing daily. its amazing how much more interactive they are these days. noticing their surroundings, playing with toys, smiling.. its a joy to watch. here are some favorite shots from the last couple weeks. (In order: Noah, Ari, Brothers, Ari, Noah) Ange also has some awesome shots of the boys on her blog and the cute camo pants are thanks to her as well)

two years ago on a beautiful day

we were married (it was actually yesterday)

a mothers voyage..

as the title of this blog i have been pondering what it means to voyage. Voyage: meaning to uncover the events of a journey with exploration and discovery. this is what life is about right? well being a mother is definitly a voyage and journey; filled with ups and downs and more downs some days. there are often thoughts of wondering if i am capable of raising these boys in light and love as much as they need. some days i feel as if i have nothing to offer them... my frustration gets the best of me and in most circumstances i just hold on. i guess thats what alot of life is about.. just holding on. i also have been journeying through my own expectations that i placed on myself as i became a mother. so many things i have had to lay down and some things i thought i would never pick up i have had too. but in this journey of self discovery i guess i am learning that perfection is not the aim... if thats my aim i will always fail. my boys love me for what i give them; they love me!
if i keep aiming for perfection i will always let myself down. i must journey to discover what is best for us and not worry about everything else that doesn't get picked up along the way..
so in this journey of self discovery here are at the moment some of my favorite things...
1. sharpie markers - i love sharpies not the big fat ones but the fine point ones. great for writing in cards and sending loving thoughts to those i miss.
2. paper - pretty paper. i love to go to scrapbook stores and find great paper.
3. coffee - yummy - i love good coffee. i miss that about vancouver. coffee also makes me miss audrey cause she loves good coffee too.
4. along with coffee i love my big starbucks mugs. one from vancouver and one from seattle. every morning i love to sit with my boys and enjoy a big mug of good coffee.
5. avacados - these are a recent passion of mine. did you know they are good in almost any form. but especially in this mexican salad that Crystal introduced me too. as Racheal Ray would say YUM-O!
6. Chantal Kreviazuk - really looking forward to her new cd coming out on august 29th. i love honest acoustic music where you can tell the song writer means what she writes. not too mention she is beautiful and i want her hair colour.
7. stain remover - when you have poop up the back at least once a day its a miracle for baby clothes.
8. Carter's clothes - thanks to Carly i have the cutest clothes around. you can wash and wash them and they look the same as the day you bought them. now thats good quality.

thats it for now...i'd love to hear how you are discovering yourself and what you love and how that fits in your life.. i hope to write more on my self discovery especially as i venture into motherhood. love to you all.