who the heck are you?

10 1/2 months old stats:
Heavyweight: Noah 19lbs 2oz. 27 1/2"
Lightweight: Ari 18lbs 6.5oz. 26 5/8"

went to the city yesterday for an appointment with our pediatrician to see if he could shed some light on the boys condition.. he ordered a blood test to test for allergies and with only a few minutes to think about the fact that the boys were going to have their very first needle (other than when they were weeks old in the NICU) I would have to say it went well. I was not looking forward to it and when they were pricked (on their finger) they didn't even complain. They got upset as the tech had to squeeze three vials of blood out of their little chubby finger. not nice. I was so impressed by how calm they were and with no meltdowns we were out of there. Now to those of you with multiples you know that going out is not an easy task.. It takes much planning and by the end of the day I was exhausted. Physically, Mentally and Emotionally. My good friend came along to help me as I would have never made it all around the city without someone.
i know some of you have posted your experiences of what its like to take out multiples and the instant rock star status you get. it adds to the exhaustion of the day. answering a million questions and smiling at strangers more than you ever thought possible and the comments... i will give you an overview of the things i heard and overheard while pushing my double stroller through the mall...
-There was the usual "awe cute" "ooh twins" "wow" - which i am totally fine with. I love people who think my kids are cute and even though the novelty of it is probably that there is two if fine with me too.
-I hear the "double trouble" one alot. This one gets to me after a while. Who are you to say that my kids must be trouble. I find myself doubly blessed with the two of them. Its hard work but I don't come up to you and assume your kids are trouble.
-"Are they natural" "Did you use drugs to get them" - Who are you? Why strangers feel the need to ask me these questions is beyond me because its really no ones business. And the whole natural comment is just plain stupid.
-I don't mind the "You must have your hands full" seems kind of obvious...but whatever.
-Some lady told me she always wanted twins but her husband said no.. maybe she knows something the rest of us don't?
-I'm not a big fan of complete strangers thinking its ok to touch them.. do people go up to moms with one baby and put there dirty hands all over them.
-One dad said yesterday while we were changing diapers in the family room at the mall.. "I bet you can't wait till they are older. this must be a horrible stage." what? who are you? this one had me staring blankly at him with no good response.
-to the grandma that stopped me to stare at my boys and stand directly in front of the stroller when they were having an obvious all out meltdown.. MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!
and my all time fave from yesterday. mom and daughter walk by my very adorable well behaved kids and the mom turns to the daughter. "Oh look twins. Can you believe that? Ugg that is something I would NEVER want" ok lady.

after posting this realized that the twinkies post today is on the same subject.. go over there for similar and more stories of what not to do when approaching multiples in public (or not so public) places.

please don't misread the above. i don't mind people stopping me to tell me how cute they are and i love to answer peoples intelligent questions.

retraction...

i changed my mind.. for today i will keep them.

for sale

twin boys. 10 months old. as is. make me an offer.

ever just have one of those days?

teeth are mean...

poor little guys.. having to grow teeth sure must be painful. add that on top of all the sickness and we have babies who are a little unhappier than usual. although i must admit they are handling it better than i would have thought. teething is a stage that is mean to all mother but mostly those of us with more than one.. hard to hold and comfort two who want your undivided attention.
the sickness continues on.. thanks to those of you who posted your thoughts. i too think allergies must be the culprit and i am pretty much over the idea that medicine can or will help.. i have made an appointment with the naturopathic doctor here in town as i have heard only good things about her. maybe she can shed some light onto our situation. we are getting our carpets cleaned and i have been freezing and drying their stuffed toys to get rid of dust mites. and although the boys are traumatized by the vacuum i do that too.

other than all that it has been a pretty good week. nice that it was short with the long weekend and all. having dave around is always so nice for me. he loves spending time with the boys and is just the best dad. last weekend i was away for the day and dave and the boys had a great time - their toy of choice the big boxes there big carseats came in. all day my three boys played in here..I'll leave you with these pics of my little boys growing up so fast... I think they are a little unsure of their new carseats but in just over a month we can turn them around and I think they will really like that.... Can't believe they were this small. Oh and speaking of small - please send out good thoughts for some family friends who at 30 weeks just had twin boys just under 3lbs. They are in Vancouver in the Neo-Natal Unit. All good thoughts to them as they are quite traumatized at there much to early birth. Ari & Noah on June 14, 2006 - Discharged from hospital at just barely 5lbs.
Ari & Noah on March 31, 2006 - Discharged from infant seats to big boy seats - 19lbsTesting out the new big boy seats.

sweet surrender

This article is my submission to the blog challenge sponsored by Art Bookbindery, "Empowering Writers to Self Publish."

Original post: August 2005 - My Perspective as a Doula on Eva's Birth.
Reverance... The wisdom, power, glory, and unadulterated love contained in childbirth absolutely bring's me to my knees. I am struck by a new phrase, insight, or revelation that expands my knowledge about birth, and my awe for the strength, endurance and brilliance of birthing women.
This rings true of this birth story…your birth story was as beautiful as it gets.
I met your mom about a month before you were born. She is beautiful and her heart is so good. She was sweet and soft spoken as she shared with me the feelings of the unknown as she prepared for your arrival. We watched a video the first time we met which showed different families and their birth stories. I liked your mom so much especially when I saw we cried in the same parts and I loved the way she rubbed her belly as she watched these other women bring life to their babies. I was excited to be apart of your arrival.

It was Friday July 29; I sprung out of bed at the sound of my pager going off. Excitement runs through my body as hearing my pager in the middle of the night is still a new experience. I spoke with your mom on the phone; she told me that she woke up at 4am feeling the contractions starting. They were still about 10 minutes apart. She told me they felt best when she was sitting on the toilet and I had heard that before. I asked her to time them for another half hour and see what happened. I also told her to eat a good meal as this next part might take awhile and once in the hospital she may not eat again. I spoke with your dad and made sure he was making her drink lots of water and pee lots too. I hung up the phone with the promise that they would call me again in a half hour. I didn’t feel much like sleeping anymore but went to lie down.

The phone rang again at about 5am and I could tell from your mom’s voice that the contractions were stronger at one point she even put the phone down and I could hear her focusing on what she was feeling. The power of a women’s body is incredible, I was already so proud of her.
We decided it was time to meet at the hospital. I got ready and remember walking out the door just as a cool breeze hit my face. The sun was beginning to shine warmly and I remember that there was a Celine Dion song playing on the radio as I drove through the pretty quiet streets. I got to the hospital and found your mom and dad in an assessment room. The nurse had just put on a monitor to hear your heartbeat. It was strong and loud. I then heard that your mom had worked so hard she was already dilated to 5cm. Your dad was funny and was cracking lots of jokes; the mood was light and pleasant. It wasn’t long and we met our nurse Susan who came to tell us they had a room ready for us. We walked slowly over. Your mom was so strong she had contractions and you could see she would focus all her strength and energy to them. Once in the room where we would meet you your mom got into the shower which was a nice relief. They had a stool and she sat while I let the shower head massage her back. We had problems adjusting the water temperature but finally we would get it perfect. Your mom handled contractions well in the shower. I remember the biggest change being when she would relax and let them flow over her. We sat in a lot of silence; birth is such an intimate event that requires so much reverence.

After about an hour your mom got tired and we moved to the bed where lying on her side worked the best. It was hard to lie down but we continued to focus during the contractions. The Dr. came in to see us and remarked that progress was being made and your mom was doing so well. We spent this time just resting between contractions and focusing on releasing the tension when one would come. Your mom was so strong, she passed on pain medication when it was offered and we were in tune with each other and remembering that her body was designed to have you and she was doing it. It was good to remember to focus on one contraction at a time. This was the transition phase and your mom wasn’t getting much of a break. Her uterus was working really hard to bring you into this world. At about 9am the nurse checked and her cervix had dilated to 7cm. We were all surprised at how fast your mom was progressing. She was doing everything right and you were coming quickly. Things were intense and your mom chanted “I can I can I can” over and over and I know this positive thinking was helping you come down and get ready to show us your pretty face. At 9:30 the doctor broke the bag of waters and with a gush things moved very fast. Your mom’s cervix was 10cm by now and it was time to push. We were at the finish line. Your mom did so well and was so strong during this hard time. She pushed only three times and you were born. You came so quickly and with one smooth movement you were on your mom’s tummy. It was a miracle. I had to remember to breathe as I took in all the strength that your birth created. In me as tears flowed down my cheeks. In your dad as his eyes were wide open as he watched you come out, as he wiped his tears and cut the cord. Watching your mom was what hit me the most, she looked so beautiful and I knew that she had set her mind to take each moment as it came. She did it! She was radiant as she looked at you and checked you over. You were so beautiful. Your birth day started at 9:59am on July 29th, 2005.

So there it is your story. Remember your strength as a woman, I am sure your mom will teach you many wonderful things and I hope as you read this you will remember the strength she showed as she willed her body to bring you into this world. Her love and her strength and her belief in her body’s process won in the end. Here is to life, love and lots of happiness.

new...

all things new:
we have a tooth. ari wins
we have big car seats
noah gets and actually does the sign for eat
our new favorite toy is the box the car seat came in
yesterday the boys spent a whole day with daddy alone. they all did great

things not new:
the infamous cough is getting worse. not sure if i posted this but the doctor has them on inhalers for restricted airways and for awhile i thought it might be helping but the coughing fits are getting more and more intense.. really wondering if there is some sort of allergy.. cough, cough, sneeze, cough cough, sneeze - usually going on for about 5 minutes at a time. mostly at night and in the morning. any thoughts?

when someone you know is having twins...

they should check this out

one reason i LOVE my twins!

we are loving spring! we have been out almost every day walking which the boys seem to love. the best part of our walks is one of the reasons i love having twins..they hold hands in the stroller. every time we look they are holding hands.. not just a one off thing. its adorable! there are so many sweet things that i get to take part in as they discover and love each other. so here is one of many reasons i love that i get two!

life

i have been challenged this week to think about what brings me life and what springs passion to existence in me. i think about my passion of being a doula daily. i have been grieving that it has been a whole year since my last birth. i was too pregnant and it was a hard birth... i feel like that part of my life is so far away. is it just that i am different or is it fear that holds me back i am not sure. it was easier to be a doula in a big city where everyone knew what a doula was and there were so many of us. a community. here its lonely and scary and most people don't even know what the word means. i want more aiden's, eva's, emma's, ayla's, benjamin's. i remember so clearly the day they and all the others came into the world.. it was a miracle, it was life and it brought me joy. i am tired of being afraid of pursuing the passion... i did a search on my blog about all i have written about being a doula and re-read some of the birth stories that i posted. went back and read the stories i wrote about each birth and what it meant to me...the innocence, the strength of a laboring mother, the tears in the dad's eyes, the exhilaration that entered a room with each push, the burst of life that each baby brought. its beauty at its best and i will not be satisfied to never be a part of that again.
i need courage oh and my boys to sleep better at night. (we are really close to the latter)
these pictures help me remember my passion for life...minutes after birth.

slow and steady wins the race?

we are doing better these days.. i think. everytime i say that something else happens. last week was rough.. after the boys being so sick and the flu going ping pong between the two of them i caught it and was sick for a few days... luckily my mom was there to help me cause taking care of two and running back and forth to the bathroom is not fun. so hopefully things will continue to get better.. i have officially stopped all meds cause i am sure none of it is helping anymore anyways...
friday night i got away with a girlfriend.. we headed to the city for shopping and a late supper. it was great. the rest of the weekend we spent laying low the boys are playing some catch up on sleep. i think on friday they had about 6 or 7 naps.. it was crazy. i guess there little bodies are healing. last night i spent some time with some girls from church and we had a blast drinking slushy fruity drinks, eating bean dip and puffed wheat cake and just chatting. i miss that.. talking with the girls. it felt great. so much on my to do list this week. lots of cleaning and disinfecting my house. it just kind of has that sick smell to it. hosting our small group this week so the house needs some help and i have to come up with something to make that night..
well ari is wrapping an extension cord around his body so i should probably go and tend to that.. hope to write again more this week..

sick and tired of being sick and tired...

seriously how long can two little sweet boys be sick? yuck. we are going on a little over a month now of sick... runny noses, congestion, croup, horrible cough, puking, diarea, fever for weeks... and the list goes on. could it get any worse. since friday both boys have now had the flu with massive diarea.. their cough has not changed. we saw the doctor last week and she put them on inhalers which they hate.. so i give them little puffs through this mask... ahhh will it ever end? if things don't change when we go back for our two week follow up we will have to do xrays... the cough is so bad. no longer croup but some nights they wake up with 10 minuted coughing fits... it happens all day too but is worse at night. my kitchen counter is a mini pharmacy... tylenol, motrin, dimetapp, 2 inhalers and the best of it all herbs.. i am a believer. i went to see my herbalist who had changed the boys lives when they were so fussy a few months ago.. she gave me catnip&fennel then and so i went back and she gave me two herbs to help boost their immune systems.. i am serious the next day they were happier and a bit healthier. it helped clear up an ear infection, runny nose and congestion. my poor little guys are such troopers tho.. i have to give it to them they have their moments but for the most part they are so good. i realized last week that i am finally beginning to enjoy them. the love has always been there but i see them and want to be with them now. i want to see what they will do and what face they will make. when they wake up from their naps and they reach out for me it melts my heart.
i had high hopes of writing some good blogs but with things they way they are i have had no time. stay tuned..

ahhh....

that is me letting out a breath.. feels good. this has been a good week so far. i feel i have so much to blog about and am hoping to produce some meaty blogs in the next couple days.. i wanted to say THANK YOU for your comments on my last post. it was so good to hear from those of you reading. i will be updating my links soon and am looking forward to having more blogs to read... anyways just wanted to post the promised pictures.. didn't get any with my new do that i am extremely happy with but oh well...

new me

i cut off all my hair... and i love it. i just had to tell you sorry no photos yet but hopefully i will take one today so you can see it.
inspired by dixie i too want to know who you all are that read Our Life Voyage. i have been afraid to post something like this afraid you will be turned off and quit reading. its nice to know who you are and where you came from (even those of you i know - please do comment). i am always so amazed at the crazy connections the blogger world makes... i'd also love to link you if you are here and not already being linked... for more connections. so please do tell me who you are and how you got here... please.. pretty please.

i'd love a good icicle..

the boys discovered a new love for tofu and its soft goodness.

how come it seems like everyone especially every kid is sick. no exceptions here.. we all have been battling colds at our house but the boys sure seem to have the rough end of the deal.. after our night at the hospital with noah and croup it has gotten a bit better but they are having a rough time sleeping with all the coughing and congestion. i took them in today to the clinic and got them a prescription from my amazing doctor (who just happened to be in the walk in clinic). hopefully that will help.

did you ever eat icicles when you were a kid.. remember winters when you would get out of school put your ski pants and boots on and walk home slowly falling into snow drifts a big icicle in hand. anyways as i was driving around i spotted a little girl doing just that not a care in the world probably on her way home for an after school snack. simple and so good.

today had its ups and downs.. more downs than ups but lets recount the good stuff first. had moms program at church this morning which was great.. i always really enjoy it and having childcare for two hours is fabulous! after i succeeded all alone bringing both boys to the clinic.. luckily its been a nice day and so getting the stroller out was easier.. side note.. to any twins moms... i wish i would have bought one of these right off the bat.. it would have made life so much easier.. i had the chance to buy one used in Vancouver and am kicking myself. so we ended up buying a tandem stroller that accommodates car seats just last month (for our winters its a necessity if you want to get out) so now i have four strollers.. all good, all serving some other purpose. anyways back to my day. it always feels like a huge triumph when i do something like this all by myself. we ended up at the clinic right before lunch which fyi is empty so we got in right aways...
got home and the mayhem began.. i fed the boys which was ok but they were so tired not having had there morning nap so a bit fussy. i had to get there prescription so i called my SIL and she came by and i ran to walmart for the longest wait EVER. was so hungry and decided last minute to pick up McDonald's in the drive through.. well actually i contemplated it for a while and went back and forth and with no cars in the line up decided to go for it. ordered got to the window to find out i was the 15th car and got my lunch FREE. yep some random thing they are doing. felt special like it was just for me...so here in my story if you will notice from my above comment the boys had not slept yet today and when i got home they were so overtired. i tried for the next 2 hours to try to get them to sleep.. put down, scream, pickup, rock, put down, scream, pick up, nurse, burp, medicate, rock, put down, scream.. ahh leave them there for a while.. get so fed up i load them back up in the car and proceed to drive around.. and guess what within seconds they are fast asleep.. so what else could i do but pick up a coffee and drive around with the window down just a bit and sun streaming down on me.

i'm tired but alive and hoping tomorrow will be a better day.. got to talk with a good friend from Vancouver who just had her second baby girl.. that was a highlight. and then when my husband got home he suggested we pick up dinner. good man.

9 months and sick...

well my boys are 9 months old as of yesterday. its incredible that we have come this far. looking back i am not sure i ever thought we would make it this far. they seemed to have turned a corner in there sleep (although they do not sleep through the night) but i don't get out of bed much anymore which is amazing. we decided to seperate them into different rooms right off the bat when we put them down for bed at 7pm. so Ari sleeps upstairs in a playpen and Noah sleeps down in his crib. we decided that instead of rushing in when they whimper and cry to give them a pacifier we would just wait and see. sure enough within minutes they sooth themselves back down and thats it. its amazing how when they were together we would never just let them be because you were terrified of the other one waking up. so we are happier and they seem happier. they also seem to be weaning themselves off there third nap which in some ways sucks because they are so tired in the latter part of the afternoon.. but as long as they are entertained with puffed wheat we seem to be in pretty good shape. they have started to push themselves backwards when on there tummies - its must be frustrating because they are always reaching for whats in front of them and getting farther and farther away.
our whole family has been battling colds - runny noses, sore throats and then... last night noah was not sleeping well. super congested and all of a sudden had this awful barking cough and he was struggling to breath. his whole body was rattling... i tried to nurse him but he couldn't swallow. he had a high fever and his breathing seemed to be getting worse. so at 3am i packed him up and we went to the ER. they diagnosed him with croup they gave him some saline and some steriod medication through an air mask. today he seems to be doing better. the cough he produces is quite scary but it doesn't look like he's in pain like it did last night.
so that was our adventure. hopefully it will be gone soon. my parents are gone for 10 days and that always worries me. i rely on my mom so much - shes always so helpful and keeps me sane. i will miss her. well i gotta run. the dishes seem to be piling high and my floor is always full of puffed wheat.

truth

i have a confession.. i have believed a lie. not just one lie but many. i have made lies feel at home in my life, in my heart and have often let them dictate what i do or don't do. i have always known this but have recently begun to discover more how they are polluting my judgement, my common sense, my identity and my role as a mother, wife, homemaker, friend, sister, daughter and just human being. i am tired of believing lies about myself. tired of the way it drags me down. a friend recently emailed me some truths about myself that really hit home. how often do we think about the good things that make up our self. it wasn't even the really nice things she said it was the realization that if i am not dwelling on these truths i am definitly believing the lies. i can so easily get down on myself or feel yucky with my increasing saggy body, or bad hair, or lack of a nice wardrobe.. but those things don't make up me. i can easily say to myself that this person doesn't like me, why would they like me.. when really i am just giving in to that lie. anyways all this to say i want to challange you and me to start accepting truth for what it is and start believing... it won't happen all at once for sure but imagine if we start even just a little... i printed out the email my friend sent me cause it really impacted me and each day i look at it and am encouraged to begin to believe the truth. so to begin (and hopefully ignite something in your life) i will go out on a limb (a small skinny limb whose branches feel like they will snap and break off) here are some truths about me (taken from above mentioned email - with some minor editing)...

1 - you have an awesome and compelling devotion to quality and excellence - we are talking with our staff now about NOT waiting til the last minute to organize something but take the time to do it well - flying by the seat of your pants is NOT cool all the time, but can actually be unnecessary stress - you were a huge advocate in that area here.

2 - You are thoughtful and generous - I received a really cool gift from you yesterday! Very fun stuff. Thank you thank you thank you - It's awesome.

3 - You care about social justice issues. We are currently unveiling a new strategy to develop clean water in Africa. I always think about you when things like this come up because you are an amazing teacher about things that really matter to you - you are especially good at educating others

4. You love babies and women!

5. You are an excellent friend. You know how to encourage others. You always have time to be thinking about others. I am amazed that you find the time at all to send me a present.

6. You are creative - I love the card you made me...and the first thing that came to mind when I looked at is that i don't know if YOU know how creatively gifted you are - You should be selling your cards for millions. They're waaaay better than hallmark!

7. You are vulnerable and open - You care about truth not just the surface - you have depth and wish to connect on that level.

8. You are an amazing servant - I mean look at you now!!! MOM of twins. Need I say more?

9. You are willing to try new things. Remember when you went to Cambodia?


so come on what are you waiting for? i dare you to come up with truths about your self and see if we can start a trend of believing them instead of letting the stupid crap we suffer with overcome us.

Passion for Puffed Wheat

Snack time is our new favorite thing.. the boys LOVE puffed wheat. They jam it in there mouth by the handful. No teeth required.

my milk making machine

people have been asking about breastfeeding; i don't just mean in general but when it comes to me and my decision and whats been going on.. i left you all wondering what was going on.. i'll get to all that. the boys are good. they will be 9 months soon can't even believe that.. time seems to go fast and so slow all at once. kind of creepy. they are sitting, eating lots, loving puffed wheat, putting all toys in their mouths still, still no teeth, they always want whatever toy the other one has, ari gives smiles more freely, noah is louder with his voice, ari decided he was against sleep and has become a horrible sleeper at night, naps are still hard but getting better, they love the jolly jumper and love sitting at the table in there big boy booster seats espcially when they are eating puffed wheat - both fists jamming it in. its hilarious. and breastfeeding... it was a hard choice but i have been somewhat slowly sort of weaning.. yea just like it sounds. i nurse them at around 6am and then not again till the afternoon usually between 1 and 2. i tried to just cut out the feed in the afternoon but after some painful engorgement decided that i needed a new approach. i am in the process of slowing down production by nursing one in the afternoon and bottle feeding the other one. then at 7 before they go to bed the one who was bottle fed gets nursed and the other one gets a bottle. it has been working really well.. they both seem to be adapting. so at first i decided this would work out perfectly and we would keep going with that untill they all of sudden have become not so great nursers.. they love to pull and yank on me with there hands and gums which is not pleasant. i have to hold there hands down while nursing so i don't have scratch marks everywhere. i think i will start to cut out the afternoon feed and see how that goes. it seems i am producing less milk because its less and less painful between feedings. so that is the story for now. now if only i could get some sleep!

for something totally different...

did you see grey's? how can i wait till next week.. how can this show suck me in so bad and leave me hanging like that.. my escape from reality this week seems so real.. anyways.. i love love love this show.

finally i understand why i confuse pork and breastmilk...

so there is this blog called the lactivist and its a funny place to visit.. its main purpose is to educate on breastfeeding and support milk banking (which at least our country does not have enough of). jennifer uses humor to talk about breastfeeding and a ton of breastfeeding moms go there for support and to tell stories.. anyways she has run into some problems.. please go check this out...
Overzealous Big Pork stomps on Breastfeeding Blogger
it really is worth the read... and for now add no more pork to the list!