Monday, May 26, 2008

generosity comes from new york....

i go to the mail every day. its part of a routine you know. of course ever since this i have gone with a greater expectation... friday when i opened my box.. a white slip telling me i had a package at the post office lay there. almost glowing. i hopped into the van and told the boys to hold on.. we were taking a ride. i knew it had to be the package.. what would i find? i ran in and handed the man my shiny white slip.. he disappeared into the back i rubbed my hands together this had to be it right? stumbling back he lifted a huge white box onto the counter... "whoa big package here for you" he said. all i could do was smile and giggle. i awkwardly stumbled out to my car with what weighed like both my kids combined.. set it down on the grass to open the back of my van finally looking at the front of the box. this was it...
the rest is probably not what you expected.. i left in it my van for a few hours.. not because i didn't have time to open it but i was plainly overwhelmed.. this package was huge and the sticker on it told me the story.. there was lots of goodies in here. what would i find? am i even deserving of such a package? i finally couldn't handle it anymore and brought it in.. set it up on a chair and stared at it some more.
i set the boys up with a video and decided i just had to know.. i opened it and stared at the contents afraid to pick up stuff and see more. i was overwhelmed by the first layer.. then the second.. the third and the stack of paper... oh my the stack of paper. its still sitting on my chair where i first opened it.. not even sure where to start.. its beautiful all of it really.. new stuff. there were some papers that i saw at the shoppe last week that had just come.. i love it all.. its all me. its all mine to dig deep and just create.. whoohoo.. yea its for me. just because..
i get it.. thanks kc! you rock my world!





peaceful beautiful life

was honored to witness a spectacular home birth yesterday for good friends.. my first as a doula since vancouver. peaceful, intense, glorious and warm.. welcome to the world Gideon!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

two



i have two two year olds!! its incredible and overwhelming to think about. i still try to go back and remember when they were born and its still really fuzzy.. still don't remember much about the first 9 months. survival mode i guess. but here we are two years later. 2 years and exactly 25 minutes ago ari came into this world. firstborn. he carries those traits even though he's a bit smaller he is adventurous and rowdy. he enjoys the process of discovery. noah came out one minute later. he's my snuggly one, always has time for a quick cuddle. he doesn't enjoy playing alone as much as his brother. he likes to be in the middle of the action.

for two boys who are so different they are also so much the same. on their love list right now:
-blankets and stuffies - they love these. after naps or in the morning they have to come out of the crib and be dragged around. when they are sad a stuffy always helps. they each have their own. noah a puppy and ari a frog. they know how much they mean to each other when one guy is sad the other one grabs his stuffy and brings it to him.
-much like their soos' - oh man gotta love those.


-anything that goes.. trucks, buses, cars, trains, bikes, tractors, boats
-the park any park is a big hit these days. they know where they are and must point and yell "park" leaving parks would be on their hate list.
-water - whatever it is its an obsession. they LOVE water. water in the bath, puddles on the road, water in pipes, out of the tap, in a cup. water makes them happy.
-food - they still love food. and any kind of food but it usually has to also come with some kind of condiment whether it be spicy or sweet condiments are hard to beat.
-fred penner and sharon, lois and bram. they have a dvd with songs on it and come 4:30 when i am making supper this keeps them well occupied.


-"Leen" or Arlene as adults call her. she is their caregiver when i am at work and there is no one like her. the boys love her to pieces and when they have had enough of me they always ask for "leen"
-outside - anything to do with outside (they must get this from dave) sometimes you will find them at the window begging to go "ouside"
-flushing the toilet and closing doors.
-putting things in the garbage usually garbage but sometimes just things like sippy cups for fun.


They are smart. They know now where Grandpa's shop is and Grandma's house even as we turn a corner. They want to try everything we try. They are really good at telling you what they did earlier in the day usually in a word or two.

On the downside they have this hook up complex. Everything should hook together and when it doesn't frustration shows. They call snack (usually crackers" cars but yet they call cars cars so I'm not sure about that one.

Communication is getting better. They say and mimick most words but lack the skills to complete the thought... and most often the word they want they can't find at the exact moment they want it but i think that comes with the age.

I love you Ari & Noah for who you are and who you will become. I have learned so much in the last two years about love and giving. You make me want to be a better mom. I know I am not always the most fun and don't try all the things I know you would like but I am learning. I have the three best teachers in the world. I hope you always know you are safe, secure and loved to bits even when my tears and frustration get the best of me. You enrich my life and I can't get enough of you. Thanks for always running with hugs when I need them most and for walking this journey even though most days its bumpy you are such troopers.
I love you through and through.

celebrate

come back later for more.....

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

too much

too much waiting
too much yelling
too much screaming
too many tantrums
too many jobs
too much stress
too much to eat
too much 4 squares
too much whining
too much
and all before my babies turn two tomorrow. not much in a celebratory mood. hoping today changes things...

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

becoming... **edited

I feel oddly strange lately. Not bad, not good, not stressed, not calm but just strange. I sense something new.. something new inside me. I have been actively trying to be conscious lately. conscious of others, of myself and of the things that go on around me. Trying to hone in my mothering skills and be a better lover of my husband. The important stuff you know. I figure once I really am conscious about doing those things well the other things will fall into place.. or at least lay there in a less messy way. I had a panic attack a couple weekends ago. It was strange cause that is not normal in my world. I was laying in bed and I was full of fear. Not really sure I can pinpoint exactly what I was even afraid of. I forced Dave away from hockey and told him he had to come to bed. I was a mess. I woke up the next morning not really able to recall all that had gone on. But I felt better... I have had many instances over the weeks after that have seemed surreal to me. Just like I can better manage my thoughts, my feelings and my life. Like I said before I am just conscious.
I have been also making an effort to better the quality of my families life.. throwing out all the bad plastic (actually returning ALL of it to Walmart and getting tons of money back), went to a Norwex party and fell in LOVE. wanted to order it all but decided to have a party so if you are interested in a better, healthier, non chemical, good for the environment cleaning for your household let me know! So after feeling great about the healthy choices I was making I made a massive disgusting discovery on Sunday morning... lurking in the corner of the closet of my boys room was a huge gross thick green, white and black MOLD taking up residence... short side of a long story. my house is wet and the humidifier i had going since my kids always seemed to be sick was causing more moisture and the lack of air moving in that closet made a nasty patch. I LOST it.... it was like there was something inside of me that just waved a white flag and awarded myself "worst mom of the year award" after the guilt came the mama bear inside me that was pissed off and angry that no one seemed to care that this stuff was poisoning my kids. i didn't sleep that night.. i imagined little black spores floating around lovingly touching my kids cheeks as they slept. it was horrible. its gone now and the air purifier we bought has really made a difference in the quality of the air.... but inside of me i feel more stirring just an awareness that i want the BEST for my family, the cleanest, healthiest and happiest way to live.
all that sums up the last little while along with:
*an amazing weekend scrapping in Brandon
*a great part time job which i like more and more every day
*a great time celebrating daves birthday with treasured friends and family.
*friends in each different part of my life.. just amazed that i have a network of people around me that love me in different ways.
*boys that will be two soon.. full of life and energy and new things each day
*mothers day was good (aside from the mold) i feel blessed.
*looking forward to seeing a new life come into this world any day now.....
so much to be aware of and remain active and purposeful for.

** for those of you who commented already thank you.. and i am not pregnant.. yikes! the awaited life is a friend whom i am doulaing for...

Sunday, May 11, 2008

sunny side up

Mother’s Day. I love that I am a mom. I know its never the easy thing.. There are times I say I would rather not do this or not do that. But when I look at the big picture. Life is rich because of my kids. This morning when they ran into our room to give me my card and I was greeted with those fabulous chubby cheeked smiles I melted. Its truly a gift to have these little guys running around. The best parts of two people.

I also have the greatest mother. She is kind, caring, gentle, loyal, fun spirited, generous with her time and her love, gracious, oh so forgiving and she just LOVES deeply. I think back to the times where I must have almost drove her right to the looney bin and I often wonder if she wonders if I truly loved her. Behind the closed door and moody music of my teens. The parade of horrible boyfriends and the acts of true rebellion. Deep down that little girl inside of me wanted to just let it all go and crawl up beside her where life was safe. I hope she knows now that I love her through and through. For all of it. For all she says and doesn’t say. For all her support and loyalty. Mom you are one of a kind. You love me out of the best place in you and I love you out of the best place in me.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

the best guy i know...

Some one is having a birthday. He's the funnest dad, the best husband, loyal friend, great listener, he has a passionate soul, a way of caring that is never fake and a sense of humor to boot. I love him and am so thankful he choose me. Here's to you big guy. May you always blaze your own trail and may your cup never be empty. Love you.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

coming soon...

a new post. this last little while has been a whirlwind. insightful ramblings by me coming soon.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

more hair news

n & a got new do's. about time too. just as cute as ever...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

bus porn

i'll let you in on a dirty little secret.. no just kidding. so since n & a's fave thing of the moment is buses... dave has been entertaining them by discovering the creepy side of the internet. people who make movies about wierd things like buses set to rocking music. creepy yes but a huge hit for n & a. they even raise their fists in the air and they just don't care... and yes you as well as me will be wondering who they heck does stuff like this? but on behalf of n & a i would like to say thank you for your weird little fetish. nothing could make them happier.

Monday, April 21, 2008

away

had a great weekend i surprised dave with a night at a hotel and just time to spend together. to start it off i got a swanky new haircut (see post below). saturday dave and i left for winnipeg to take in the Multiple Sale which if you are a regular reader you will remember from the past. we really benefit from these sales twice a year. such a great way to get good stuff cheap! we spent the least amount of money yet and got every thing we needed. stocked up on summer essentials... the only thing i am unsure of is the soft fuzzy chair thing we got.. kind of creeps me out not being able to throw it in the washer. its sitting in the van still.. we will see.
after we met our friend Lindsey and dined at this fabulous sushi place. oh how i miss sushi.. after living in vancouver nothing quite compares and if only i would have realized how hard it would be to find cheap good sushi i might have consumed more. we spent alot of money on the littlest rolls i've ever seen. but every bit was more than worth it. spending time with lindsey is always a highlight. after we satisfied our sweet tooths with 7-11 slurpees and took off for the mall... dragged dave around and got a few things. i finally spent my gift money at Lululemon... now for those of you unaware of my desire for all things lulu you may want to skip this part. i am in LOVE with lulu.. the structured, soft, gorgeous hoodies and the unbelievable comfy yet glammed up yoga pants. i feel comfy just thinking of it.. oh and maybe because i am now wearing my very own hoody. its glorious and reversible and worth the $100. thanks to my lulu angel.
had the best drink ever at starbucks thanks to lindsey's professional help. an iced caramel macciato. oh wow.
after shopping we dropped lindsey off and headed to our hotel. we got drinks on a patio and basked in the sun. then we had a yummy supper and relaxed. wouldn't you know it though at 6:45am we were both wide awake.. the best part though was that we could sit in bed, drink coffee and watch tv and not have to worry about kids.
we had reservations to eat brunch at our hotel.. they do one of those huge spreads that costs a bundle.. our brunch came with our room package. seriously this was amazing. tables after tables set up with gorgeous food, smoothie bars, omelet stations, desert corner including a chocolate fountain. it was incredible. we took our time savoring everything.. including crepes, french toast with berries, asian steak, roast beef, olives and dozens of different cheeses, shrimp, smoothies and of course chocolate dipped fruit and the smoothest creamiest chocolate cheese cake. yea yum!
slowly made our way out.. i was so full. ended up stopping at a few more shops and then headed home. i missed the boys.... apparently they did not miss me. totally snobbed me when we got home and ran at dad with arms wide open. no love for me. noah developed a cold over the weekend and has been pretty cranky since we've been home. hoping he gets over this one fast.

chubs is the new black..

if chubby looks like this then i LOVE it....

Thursday, April 17, 2008

daring...

so tomorrow i have a much needed hair appointment.. just a cut. my hair is so fluffy. i think i am going to get bangs.. even though someone told me it might just make my face look chubbier. i think i might do it just because of that... who tells someone that? so chubbs it is. i'll post an after pic.. i think it will be fun.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

sheesh..

my kids may be the only ones in their kindergarten class who needs these....

Saturday, April 12, 2008

gonna be a great day...

yea thats the theme song at CBC kids this morning and I would have to agree.. off to Super Scrap Day today. Can't wait. Love hanging out with women who ooze creativity. Tonight we have a very special dinner party.. just really looking forward to it all.. Enjoy your Saturday.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

happy heart

today i have a happy heart. this weekend i decided to buy a kit i had been eying over at KC's Etsy shop. then i check out her blog (which i LOVE) and she is giving away hoards of scrapping goodies. all you have to do is buy something at her etsy shop and she will put your name in the draw. yea she picked me. could it get any better..... thanks kc!

Monday, April 07, 2008

less than inspired...

ok you must all be feeling less than inspired by me.. time to change that. just because you are dying to know what i am up too here are some things i am working on along with some faves of the week.

did a major clean and purge of my studio. decided to pile my current fave products in a basket for easy access.

New favorite layout from the last couple of thursday night crops


Been dabbling in beading lately. here are a few samples.

My fave blogs right now are Here and Here.

Been over at Etsy lots lately. Loving This one and This one.

Its back to school after being off all last week. It was a nice break but I also love my job so its good to go back too. I think my kids are happier with our current situation anyways.

The boys are good. Loving being outside. We got a new bike trailer/stroller which is fabulous. Today Ari fell in a huge mud puddle and it was horrible. Then he fell and bit his lip so it bled for about 15 minutes. Yea good times.

I have been consumed with my need for a new piece of furniture for this bare spot in my dining room.. have big dreams... or small dreams and it makes me need THIS book. Want this book bad.

Friday, April 04, 2008

controversy

if you are offended by this i'm sorry but i just had to share for those of you who may not be offended. last night jenny mcarthy spoke on larry king and gave a big point to those of us who are the minority of those who do not vaccinate or at least do early vaccinations. again if you are just going to get fired up don't bother watching but if you want to know more then this was awesome. and its not one sided.. good info on all. i especially like her points about the schedule and also the view of not being anti vaccine.. just watch it.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2008/04/02/lkl.autism.long.cnn