Tuesday, January 29, 2013

3/52

Dad was sick so we spent some time making him cards. And yes Ari has the best hair.


Also down for the count was this guy... usually you can't stop him. He spent lots of time laying around this weekend. The cuddles were nice.


Noah is getting so good with printing and did this one by himself. He was super proud.



Thursday, January 24, 2013

journey

thank you to those of you who took time to reach out after my last blog post.. hitting publish on that song was super terrifying. I just got off the phone with my dearest friend in Vancouver who brought my song to Don & Gwen and shared it with them. it's amazing what happens when you listen and DO the things you are meant to do even when they are scary.

this has all made me extra reflective. thinking about death and grief. learning how to let go and say goodbye. it's awful. a wise friend said to me it's the thing of being present for the pain to be present for the joy... I sat on my couch this afternoon covered in a blanket watching a storm come in... I had my ear pressed tight to the phone as I listened to her share about their sweet fragrant, awful, inspiring, painful visit... they went to say goodbye - to receive the blessing from a man who saw them.. who looked right into your face when you had a conversation and refused to look away.. he saw the good in people when they didn't know it was there yet... I waiver between feelings of sadness for myself and feelings of sadness for my dear friends... that's part of community... feeling deeply on behalf of those you love. I'd never give that up.

the journey is the best part. i hope I never fully arrive... until I've passed over. i wanna keep going, keep learning, keep loving. no matter what.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

lovely stars.

Its cold outside. Unbearably cold. It makes me want to curl up under a blanket and hibernate. Lately I long to be home. Warm. Protected. Somedays I wish I could hide my heart too. BUT I realize I cannot. I love.. I love people deeply and things just affect me. And for once I am finally realizing that is ok...

Ok totally not where I was going with this post. In the above realization I am confident in the way I am viewed by my God... I have worked hard to believe He is who He says He is and that He loves me for me. Despite my short comings... I feel more at peace than I ever have. More at home in my own body, in my own mind and most of all my Spirit finally feels like me...

He is with me.

Tonight I had two awesome bootcamps.. those ladies man they thrill me.. they are just so awesome.. but again not where I am going tonight... Before I left I had pressed refreshed on my email.. it loaded and I saw a new update from Gwen on Don's Caringbridge site. I thought I should pull over and read it.. in the dark in my van on the side of the highway. I took a deep breath and read her sweet words. I often think of her and how she is sitting day by day beside this man whom she loves so deeply. His words have been taken away, His hands, his ability to move around on his own... but I love to read her write about his eyes... I close my eyes and I can see them. I would often sit in the YWAM books office and spill my heart to Don.. he would smile... listen.. and then be able to speak words of peace to my soul. He is the definition of wise and caring. She wrote candidly about the time being near... you can read it here if you are interested.. but it made me think about how He is near.. through all the different things we face He is there. I am trying to do things that I feel led to do.. Trying to feel. hear. see. love.

I pulled back onto the hwy and this song flooded my mind... I wish I could sit with Don & Gwen right now... this would be my gift.  

video


Then I saw a falling star... it was beautiful. He is there. Always.


Monday, January 21, 2013

2/52

As we are last week.


Enjoyed two special dates as we like to call them. I love taking the boys out separately.. it's special to really chat and discover their own individuality.

Ari - had ice cream.


Noah has a cookie and a white chocolate steamer.



Sunday, January 20, 2013

52

I have been struggling with what to do with this little ole space.. I often have lots to say but am worried about how I say things and how people interpret them.. So I am trying to wade through those deep dark waters. But for now I came upon something I can really take part of. I am going to try a new photo project... The 365 ones seem to daunting to me but taking a portrait of my kids each week seems like something I can do. So I will take a candid shot of my small stallions once per week and at the end I will have an awesome way to see how they grew and changed in 2013. They change so quickly so I think this will be a neat way to track it. You can read more about the inspiration behind this at
Che & Fidel

So I will be back tomorrow with last week which would be 3/52 and continue on from there... I may go back on my phone and catch up but we'll see. I'm ok with letting it just be what it is...


Tuesday, January 08, 2013

phone dump

Randoms from the past couple weeks.

We are potty training and to be honest the only thing getting me through is THIS IS THE LAST TIME! This guy is so smart and honestly this is not going very well... I am in no rush though either so I guess I just need to get over it....


Worthy - it's turning out to be a great word and has had me learning new things about myself and just helped me turn my negatives into positives.


This is also happening around here = chaos! It's going to be amazing when it's done and the little that has been done has made a DRASTIC difference. It's so much brighter already!



this one this week. I am beyond blessed to be near to her. My heart is full. She is beautiful, gracious, loving, caring, forgiving and just amazing. Here's to many more.


Best present. The stallion loves me so much. I LOVE her.


Follow me on instagram will ya? I'm HDIFRAN.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

red dot.



One little word. Twenty Thirteen. I usually enjoy the process of picking my word for the year... you can read my past choices.

This year has not been as pleasant... I'm not sure if it's because last year was hard and I feel afraid. I know the power of words... I will say now as I look back on 2012 I am thankful for the gift of Authenticity.. I feel like I have peeled back some layers ok alot of layers.. back to the bare bones sort of feeling and now I have this chance to grow, to heal.


"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind" C.S. Lewis

A wise wise friend shared with me this morning some things that made finalizing my word a bit clearer.   The red dot analogy.. when you look on a map and try to figure out how to get to your destination you have to be pretty clear where you are on the map. You can't move forward till you see the red dot which is you. Where you want to go is irrelevant. I think you have to be ok with the red dot.. and I think it's time to be real about where that red dot is. My layers are peeled back and I am committed to staying authentic - alot of those layers this last year have left some scars... they are healing ... I am so thankful they are finally beginning to heel. I decided that it was time to fly and I couldn't fly without letting go of the shit that was weighing me down. After all you can't start the next chapter of your life if you are always re-reading the last one.

So... where are we? I am starting fresh. I am planning to embrace my story. embrace the journey. Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you are worthy of the trip.


It's time to own my Value and my Worth. I was sitting at a friends table tonight sharing about the struggle for a word this year... I spoke out some of the words I was thinking of.. words are important to me. She laughed and said "Maybe one day you will have them tattooed all up your arm...." I looked down at my left wrist and it hit me.. Imprinted on my wrist.. my word. My 2013. It encompasses all i want to believe.. for myself, for others... for who I am. It's perfect. I am Worthy. It's time I start believing it.


Embrace Who I am
Take the journey back to self
Love with Depth
Speak Gratitude
Unleash Creativity
Believe 
Shine Bright
Surprise myself
Kill the desire to sabotage myself
Be at peace with my story
Happy with my red dot


I am
Worthy.
Worthy.
Worthy.

In case you didn't get it.. my word is Worthy.