Wednesday, July 14, 2010

thoughts from the postpartum haze


I have decided to bare all.. yep. I am ready to be accountable. I am going on a journey to a healthy body (along with my mind and spirit) . Shh I know I just said it. I am not saying any of this for sympathetic comments or attention this is for me... well and the blog world. It seems saying it out loud may help. After the twins my body was never what it used to be.. I was left carrying a huge reminder of how my body stretched. I never got back to where I wanted to be. Now after Jett I want it back. I want to be healthy again. I want my clothes to fit properly and would like my chin to get rid of it's counterpart.
I remember talking to Dave a few months ago about what I was expecting after Jett came. If you have followed Our Life Voyage for sometime you will recall that after the twins life changed for me (yes for obvious reasons but also for some not so obvious) Those were dark days.. lonely, hard days. I was depressed and angry and just sad. It was not me.. It was like a big black cloud followed me around.. I missed out on alot of love that first year. I also filled myself with such self loathing.
I shared with Dave that I did not want to go down that road again. I wanted to give myself a healthy mind.. I have changed alot since the boys came along.. I have learned to let go and give up control. I have become more aware of how much better life is when you don't take it or yourself so seriously. Self awareness is a life long process.. I am working day by day.
Postpartum this time around is seriously different. I am happy and enjoying the day to day stuff. My mind feels healthy. So now it's time to walk into the person I want to be - mind, body and spirit.
Not sure what that all looks like but I want to face the things that drag me down head on. To look them in the face and get past them. Food is one of those things... it drags me down. I am not completely sure of the reasons yet but I plan to find out. I also plan to get moving.. I began running last year and to my surprise really enjoyed it. I want to go there again. I am a little leary of running out here in the village and country - so many stray dogs. Someone suggested I carry a small spray bottle...
I also plan to meet up with Jillian starting tonight. She kicked my butt last time and with a family vacation and wedding at the end of August it's the perfect time.
Day one - 154lbs
So now before I get cold feet I am going to press publish.. do it. NOW.

20 comments:

Amanda said...

Good for you. It sounds like you are in a good place. I'll be rooting for you!

Heather said...

THANK YOU amanda.. that means alot.

kelly ens said...

awesome, Heather! Though our journeys are different, i felt like i needed to get myself healthy after my 2nd pregnancy too. and all of the HARD work has been worth it in so many ways. have fun with Jillian ;)

Chrissie said...

Thank you for your openness, I hope that journeying on blogland will provide the support and encouragement you desire.You are the third of my friends to go global with baring all in an effort to get healthy and I am jumping right on the band wagon. I am looking forward to sharing the good and the bad weeks with others even if they are across the miles! Be encouraged that even this blog seems to be a very important step in achieving your goal. Blessings!

valerie said...

WOOHOOO!!! Yay! So proud of you, Heather. You rock. I'll be right beside you, cheering you on. Wanna run a 5k in October?? ;)

Holly said...

YAY!! i am SO excited for you heather! (and maybe feeling a little guilty for buying you all those buster bars) i know you have the determination it takes to accomplish whatever your goal is, and this will be no different!! i am so happy you will be posting your progress so i can journey with you! i love you ♥

Wenona said...

Go for it!!! I'm so happy to hear that your mind is in a healthy and happy place now - that is so important. And as for the dogs, if there is ever a problem dog, please email me and let me know. Phil is animal control for RM of Stanley, and if they feel it's a problem dog, Phil will take care of it.
Best of luck!!!

The Nilsen's Journey said...

Thanks for sharing Heather! I think women often hide our struggles! I am so glad to hear that this time around you are so much more content post partum! And I'll be rooting for you as you get back into shape! I'm impressed - so early post partum! It took me until J was 5 months. That first month was tough! Kev & I train 3 days a week & we find it as "us" time with accountability! I know you can do it!

Heather said...

Thank you all! I am so happy to read your comments. I accomplished night number one and did some yoga. It felt awesome. Hoping for a run tomorrow..
Thanks Wenona for the tip on the dogs ;)

Jenelle Suderman said...

I can't imagine what a baby all does to a body, but i know you can do it and im proud of you for taking the first step!! i guess we better quit snacking while watching the bachlorette..:)

carol said...

I love your blog Heather. You are so open-good or bad. I know what you mean about wanting your body back. It's only been a few weeks for you, for me it's been 6 1/2 years. But the words you wrote about wanting a healthy life and your clothes to fit better still ring true. Good for you and all the best on this path.

Julie said...

Here's a tip from one country girl to another: NEVER RUN, WALK OR BIKE WITHOUT A FEW LARGE STONES IN YOUR HAND. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO USE THEM, AND IF YOU RUN OUT OF STONES, ALWAYS REPLENISH YOUR STOCK!
My aim isn't great, but even so, the stones have never failed me!
Good for you, girl!

Tam said...

WTG! Writting this must have taken a lot of courage and publishing it must have taken even more courage! I'm so proud of you. And once I move to the village maybe we can run together!

Lisa said...

Heath. YOU CAN DO IT!

Heather said...

Julie - I love the advice. Thanks. I will make sure to have a good supply.
Tam - I would love a running partner.. :)
Thanks everyone for your encouraging words!!

Eva said...

Way to go, Heather!! My days with Jillian seem like a thing of the past..sigh. ;) But hopefully my motivation in that area too will return after baby. :)

Karla said...

Thank you for your authenticity. Funny things, we women and our bodies. They pit us against ourselves, regardless of how we look. I've been walking the journey of learning to love my body AS IS for many many years and I'm still far away from where I know I want to be. Might I suggest an amazing book that's helped me tremendously? It's a collection of essays written by women from all walks of life and age and body shape. It's called "For Keeps - Women Tell the Truth about their bodies and Growing Older". The name of the editor fails me now. It's a faithful companion to me as I walk along the path you're on. Reading the stories of other strong women reminds me I'm far from alone.

Heather said...

Oh that book sounds great.. thanks for the referral.

Audrey said...

loved this post. excited to hear your next one. jett is so cute. i loved getting the announcement!

Ellen said...

I love this post!! First of all, I want to say that (in my opinion) the changes and adjustments to having your first child (nevermind two at once) is huge! It's so nice to be able to enjoy post-partum a lot more the next time around. I shouldn't say this out loud, but I am also hoping to start running after my baby comes. Good luck to you and all the best!