I remember talking to Dave a few months ago about what I was expecting after Jett came. If you have followed Our Life Voyage for sometime you will recall that after the twins life changed for me (yes for obvious reasons but also for some not so obvious) Those were dark days.. lonely, hard days. I was depressed and angry and just sad. It was not me.. It was like a big black cloud followed me around.. I missed out on alot of love that first year. I also filled myself with such self loathing.
I shared with Dave that I did not want to go down that road again. I wanted to give myself a healthy mind.. I have changed alot since the boys came along.. I have learned to let go and give up control. I have become more aware of how much better life is when you don't take it or yourself so seriously. Self awareness is a life long process.. I am working day by day.
Postpartum this time around is seriously different. I am happy and enjoying the day to day stuff. My mind feels healthy. So now it's time to walk into the person I want to be - mind, body and spirit.
Not sure what that all looks like but I want to face the things that drag me down head on. To look them in the face and get past them. Food is one of those things... it drags me down. I am not completely sure of the reasons yet but I plan to find out. I also plan to get moving.. I began running last year and to my surprise really enjoyed it. I want to go there again. I am a little leary of running out here in the village and country - so many stray dogs. Someone suggested I carry a small spray bottle...
I also plan to meet up with Jillian starting tonight. She kicked my butt last time and with a family vacation and wedding at the end of August it's the perfect time.
Day one - 154lbs
So now before I get cold feet I am going to press publish.. do it. NOW.