five.

It's real. I have two five year olds. I am the mother to two five year olds. It's incredible and some days hard to believe it went so fast. Mind you not always easy. I was sitting here tonight on the eve of their birthday trying to remember how I felt five years ago... I had been in the hospital for days already and although terrified I remember just wanting them living outside my tired, aching body. I was sure it could not stretch any further and they had completely run out of room. Although not much went as I would have planned .. I remember my heart was so full as I laid eyes on my little ones. All 4lbs of them. And for the last five years we have learned how to love each other in ways that are best for us and we have grown in leaps and bounds since then.

Noah - He is independent, very gentle. He has a way with words.. he is detailed and descriptive always wanting to find the best words to describe things.. whether it's how he is feeing or the way he sees something.

He is caring... not only for people but for things that mean something to him. He is not shy and always willing to go first and try something new. He appreciates his alone time and can play well by himself. He loves cheese strings, pizza, mac & cheese and still loves water downed juice. He enjoys being active and could play outside all day long.

Ari - My sensitive double. He has highs and lows. Emotional extremes. He always needs a friend. He loves people.. especially his best mommy. He doesn't like doing much of anything by himself. If Noah is with him he is happy. He is getting better at trying new things but likes to see someone else do it first.

When he is tired he crashes and is done whatever activity he happens to be doing. He loves deep. Cares deeper. He also loves cheesestrings, mac & cheese and any all fruit. His new favorite thing is to play baseball.. not for the baseball (he could do without that) but he loves going to TimPortens for chocolate milk after. He just wants to be loved. Don't we all?

Its been amazing to watch them grow.. hard to believe in fall they will walk into Kindergarten. I am so proud of them... proud that they are who they are and proud that we have all made it this far. Stronger with hearts a little fuller than before. My hope is that they flourish as individuals and always dream big. Believing that they can do whatever they put their minds to and that they would always know that we are for them in every way. Fly high my best Ari and my best Noah. Fly high.

back to reality

we arrived home late monday night. tired. happy. full.

it's hard for me to even know where to begin. our trip was more than we could have ever expected. in every way. we won't have any pics for a bit yet.. our friends have the camera and as soon as they get home will send us a cd. i can't wait to look through them.

its been hard to adjust to being back. so great to be with the boys. i am thankful that i missed them but it did not make our trip harder... we knew they were having a blast and we were totally relaxed about it.

it's hard to describe our hotel and the amazing food we ate. the hotel is worth all 5 stars and all the awards it's been given. we have never stayed in a place like that before. we dined in amazing places and enjoyed cold drinks by the pool in the hot sun every day. we dressed up and really enjoyed ourselves.

by far the highest point was the company. morgan & martha are the best people to vacation with. morgan and the stallion go way back... best friends since they were young. they are the kind of friends that it doesn't matter how long it's been since you've been together it's just like yesterday. you can pick up right where you left off. we were so blessed to be with them.

i promise to do a play by play once there are pictures to go with it. it will be like re-living it all over again. for now there are some new ventures on the horizon... and i see a deep blog post in our future. stay tuned.

pause.

putting life on pause for a few days to hit up Vegas with the stallion and two of our dearest friends. i promise to be back next week.. better than ever!!

the stallion.

I can recall a reason to celebrate this guy every day. He is selfless, generous, patient, forgiving and the best thing that ever happened to me. So thankful I married him.

In honor of his 28th birthday...

Here is to 28 reasons I am more than happy he is alive.

1. He is steady. Like a rock.

2. He balances me.

3. He's super hot

4. Biceps

5. Softest hair you will EVER touch

6. He loves food and all things I cook for him

7. He accepts anyone and everyone

8. He takes things at face value

9. He sees the best in most situations

10. He never over-reacts

11. He makes some cute babies

12. He works hard

13. He can breakdance.. he has skills people!

14. He never ever disrespects me and makes sure my boys don't either

15. His laugh.

16. His pursuit of excellence.. in all he does.

17. The way he can instantly make you feel comfortable. He's a friendly guy.

18. The way the ladies turn to look at him... yep he's all mine.

19. Even though touch is not my main love language and is totally his.. I love that he is not afraid to show his affection. It's nice.

20. the way he looks at me.

21. The way he can calm me down and help me settle back into reality.

22. Did I mention his hair?

23. He can fix pretty much anything. Total handy hubby.

24. Even though he is super frugal.. I respect it.. well, most of the time.

25. He is good at whatever he does. Sometimes this bugs me but mostly I like it.

26. He is the best Dad.. Our boys know who they are and how special they are to him.

27. He is a rough, play hard kind of dad but can also be so soft and gentle with them.

28. He's only getting better. Like a fine wine.

I feel like I won the jackpot most days and am so thankful to share my life with someone like him. Some days I pinch myself just in case I'm dreaming... I mean really who wouldn't love this face. Happy Birthday my love.

Easter 2011

Wanted to share these photos. I love traditions... I love holidays. I like having traditions surround special holidays. The boys really got Easter this year... they understand that Jesus died on the cross for our sins on good Friday and that he rose from the dead so we can live. Love that they get this... they also LOVED our annual easter egg hunt. They were pumped for days leading up to it.

After Jett went down for his afternoon nap we hid eggs all over the yard and let them loose.

(not so sure why they are totally color coordinated... lol)

sentimental

feeling the love for this guy. he's such a sweet boy. he is busy yet so gentle. he is cuddly and soft. he gets into everything and is so fast. yet his favorite thing to do is be held. our relationship is changing a bit these days.. I am slowly weaning him... and when I say slow it's cause I am lazy. I find it easier to nurse him.

I am definitely weaning him sooner than I had planned but our upcoming vacation is a choice we made and the stallion and I can't wait to get away so this is just the way it is right now. maybe it's because he is my last baby or maybe its' cause I really don't mind nursing.. whatever it is I am just embracing the change. He loves his bottle so that helps and my discomfort is subsiding. I just need to get him to sleep through that 5 am feed. Cause it sure is just easy to quickly nurse him and put him back to sleep. We both kind of like it. but I am sure his caregivers for when we go won't... ;)

as our relationship ebbs and flows one thing is for sure. our love doesn't change. sentimental.

love starts in the kitchen...

I like being in the kitchen. I love trying new recipes. It helps that my family and especially my husband is VERY easy to cook for. The Stallion is the king of expressing his love for food. There are many ooh's, ahh's and this is so good at most meals. It's a joy to cook for him.

My lovely and very talented in the kitchen friend Crystal shared her love of this cookbook awhile back.

It is full of some seriously good recipes. I just wanted to give Jamie a shout out for making some super easy to follow GREAT recipes. Now if you want to check this out at the library I will return my copy soon... ;) I have renewed it 4 times... lol. I hope to have it for my very own come Mother's Day ;) (Dave)

And just so you know I'm serious.. here are the recipes I have tried and LOVED.

Quick Salmon Tikka with Cucumber Yogurt (17 min)

Asian Chicken Noodle Broth (17 min)

Mini Shell Pasta w/creamy bacon & pea sauce

My Sweet and Sour Pork (so FAST)

Sizzling Beef w/ scallions and black bean sauce

Super Quick Salmon Stir-Fry (FAVE!!!!) Seriously we would eat this once a week for sure!

In the easy Curry section I did:

Chicken Tikka Masala

Vindaloo

Thai Green Curry

His Jam Jar dressing recipes are awesome! Especially the Lemon dressing.

I tried the Evolution Potato Salad and his Rice Salad was also so good.

The Ground Beef Wellington was an easy take on a classic. I served it with Bacon and Mushroom cream sauce.

His Basic Stew is amazing.. I did the Beef & Ale version.

There are so many more recipes I want to do but I have to return it to the library... I can't wait for Mother's Day to continue on. The best part about the cookbook is he gives easy practical tips for each recipe. Easy to follow and SO yummy!

Let me know if you try any and what you think!

where the magic happens...

remember this? the master bedroom was definitely lacking. I mean for the first thing you see when you open your eyes and the last thing before you close them at the end of the day... ugh.

again the color on the walls was drab... goldeny, browny, yellowy, beigey.. drab (yes i made up most of those words...) We still had the plastic shade on the window and had not hung anything up. Here she is before...


and after.... in all her brilliance. LOVE it.
Dave painted the room with one of my favorite colors.. dune white and the feature wall is dragonfly... again color matched at Parkside to Natura paint. I love the pop of blue. I bought new lamp shades. The purple vase on the bedside table was 25 cents at MCC and everything else was already there. The bedding was on clearance at West Elm awhile back. And those grey pillows were bought at SS for 4.00 each. The headboard we recovered with a sheet we found at SS on clearance of course...It has a beautiful chevron pattern. LOVE it.

The curtains were sheets found at SS again on clearance. I love the way they add to the room. The Love decal was found at Custom Vinyl art on Etsy. The old vintage metal embroidery hoops were found at Old House Revival in the city. I had some old quilt blocks that I put in them.


The print was a gift for Dave (take him back to his roots). I had a gift card at Urban Barn and was more than happy to use it on this piece of art... oh also on clearance. ;)

We change up the light fixture to a old paper lantern that I had my handy hubby make work instead of the old boob light that was there. It has a beautiful soft glow.

I am super happy with the way it turned out. It makes me so happy in there. Just the way it should be... I mean after all it is a very important room.

And for the breakdown.

Paint - $40

Lampshades - $14

Decal - $15

Hoops - $14

Print - $59 (had a gift card.. so free)

Bedding - $55

Grey pillows - $8

Headboard "fabric" - $7

2 "curtain" panels - $14

Curtain rod - $15

New sheets - $35 (clearance at Target)

Total - $203

reveal

(disclaimer.. these pics are not great.. we really need a new camera)

super happy with the outcome of the boys room! Dave is a superstar!! A friend came over for the morning to help him paint... and by 9pm that day it was all done!! Amazing. The before color was beyond ugly.. it just did nothing for the space.

Here is the little area at the top of the stars to the right of the boys room. It's a cozy sunny space perfect for reading. But lets go back... here it was before...

and after :)

this was the boys space before.. and yes I left it in all it's messiness for you... although to my defense I sold a couple shelves that used to hide some of the clutter... but seriously the color was so drab.

and to enter the boys space now...

the personalized prints are from Penny People Designs. I got them shortly after the boys were born. I love them.

I know this is a horrible picture... sorry. we were lucky enough to find a used black metal bunk on PVO.. it's perfect and it was a steal of a deal. the boys bedding is from ikea.. the bed skirt I made from some fabric I found at an antique store. The orange crate I got from PVO as well.

the antique armoire came with the house and a malm dresser we had from vancouver fits in the space perfectly. I picked up that paper at a store when we visited friends in Waterloo a couple years ago.

I sold a few shevles we had kicking around and bought the grey cabinet off kijiji. it's a perfect fit for this room. The lovely map decal was found at Custom Vinyl Shop. I love it. I found the bits of vintage paper at Salvage Beauty. I hung them on Baker's twine with little clips I found at dollerrama. The globe is from MCC and the lantern was found at an antique shop. The bulletin board was already in my craft room and looks way better repurposed here.

I love it. The boys love it. They now can store more of their stuff here and play in her more often too. The wall color is Benjamin Moore Moonshine but color matched at Parkside where they have Natura paint.. Low VOC and no odor.. It's awesome and WAY cheaper.

And you know me.. for the best part. This makeover was done LOW budget.

Paint - $28

Lantern - $12

Globe - $10

Grey Ikea Cabinet - $100 (although I sold some shelves I had for $80)

Bunk Bed - $75 ( we already had the mattress's)

Decal - $25

Vintage Paper - $4

Everything else was repurposed from other areas in the house. Total cost $250

What do you think?

(sorry not sure what happened with the font color in this post??)

not alone but lonely

Do you ever feel like you are alone in your own world? I mean you are surrounded by people and you feel comfort cause I mean in some ways you have created what's going on around you... but you still feel alone?? I feel that way lately. I feel there is just a huge piece missing... I was thinking hard about this last night and kind of came to a semi- conclusion that it may not be anything missing... but the fact that I want MORE!!! I went out this week with a friend that I don't have a long past with.. we have only been friends the last few years... and we don't hang out often enough.. but I felt like me. I felt like I was known. It was a breath of fresh air.

I have always been tired of the fake.. try way to hard stuff. I am tired of that and want to surround myself with depth and character. I'm not talking only about the people I surround myself with but for myself too.... It's always got to start with me.

We have been walking a heavy path in a Spiritual matter lately.. it's left me heartbroken and again lonely. It's hardest when Dave and I are not necessarily on the same path.. I mean we are not on different paths but we are on different emotional levels.. me being emotional about things that hurt and him just being un-emotional about anything... I mean really the guy is as even keel as they come. I have seen him mad like really mad maybe once and he rarely gets really excited about things.. I mean not like I get excited. Smiling can be really excited for him... oh don't get me wrong.. there is no one I love more and no one more perfect for me, just sometimes it's hard to feel things deep down... I think it comes down to I want to be known... isn't that what we all want. I can think back to times when I have been known.. I mean really known. Those times feel long ago. I can say that my relationship with God has grown in this time.. I mean He knows me. He loves me in the midst of all of it....

I am understanding more and more about myself and even as I've written this I feel I have come more to terms with the fact that I may feel like a stranger in my own life some days but that's the beauty of the journey. I mean if only I could imagine where He will take me.. even just a glimpse sometimes send me sailing.. It's a beautiful beautiful thing.

Came across this one the other day while going through old photos.. It is SO good to be known by these guys...