Happy Mother's Day.
A friend asked me the other day what I wanted to be when I was in high school. It was a good question.. the only thing I could think to say was a wife and a mother. It's true I guess. Growing up that's all I really could see myself being. Or at least it's all I saw myself wanting....
I guess you could say I thought it would be all roses, skittles and butterflies. All the time. I never thought that it wouldn't come easily. If you are new here or need a refresher..
Motherhood has not been an easy journey for me. It's been really difficult at times. I know I didn't have the "normal" start and having twins was different in it's own right.. but I 'm not sure it would have been "easier" had it been "normal". The feelings of failure were hot on my heels from day one and mixed with some terrible postpartum depression I was a marked woman.
I love my kids and I think we all do whether it's "easy" or not. I find simple joy in them daily. But it's also reality that for me it's not always butterflies or skittles. It's hard work. Being a mom is tiring, selfless, and ugly at times... I have a better appreciation of my own mother and can't even imagine how she loved us so selflessly. She has a big heart and her mansion in heaven is a bit bigger than most.
So as I get ready to take on motherhood again with a new little one I am filled with a small part of fear... but remaining hopeful that the lessons I have learned will have instilled strength inside of me. That remaining mentally healthy is my main goal that to take it easy on myself is the strategy I will cling too.
I was reading in a favorite book the other day and came across this.. I think I have shared it before.