I have been thinking about the changes I have made in the last few months and how the confidence has helped me emerge and caused me to shine more. I feel like I am making changes not only for myself but for my kids. Lately I have been reminded how fragile life is and how my little sweet family is all that matters... it's easy to be selfish and lapse into thinking only of myself but that gets me nothing. My boys are what matters... they matter more than I do. Some days I want to run and don't we always think the grass is greener on the other side. See the thing is it's NOT.
I looked in at my boys the other night all soft and gentle, their little bodies all smooshy, mouths partly open, eyes closed. They were so peaceful and all the selfish things I chose that day poured out of my heart... as I whispered I love you in their ears. I am a better mom when I am loving myself. As they see me loving myself they will be better off in the end.
I want them to respect women and see the beauty all women have. I want a better truth for them. So as an example to them...
I will not criticise my sisters for how they look or live, casting uncharitable words like stones, because my words of criticism or judgement have a strange way of being more boomerang than missile, swinging around to lodge in your own hearts. Judging and gossiping does not define who they are, It defines who YOU are.
I'll wear a bathing suit and I won't tug on it self-consciously. I will get my hair wet.
I will easily change my clothes in front of my husband, proud of my twin skin that gave us a family.
I will prove to you that you don't have to be all angles and corners, that there is room for some softness because you all love to hug on my soft bits, burrowing into my arms to rest for a while.
I will eat dessert and raise my glass and laugh my way to deeper smile lines.
I will celebrate my kids, and will do my best to praise your mind, your heart, and your motives.
I will not let the words "I'm fat" cross my lips - especially in front of my kids or my husband.
I will celebrate beauty where I find it, in a million faces uniquely handcrafted by a generous God with a big tent of glorious womanhood.
I will tell stories of women and surround you with a community of women who are smart and strong, crazy and hot-headed, gentle and kind, women who love and you will see that this is what is beautiful, that a generous love is the most gorgeous thing you could ever put on.