Tonight I am filled to the brim with emotions... some deep stuff. Ari had a meltdown today.. okay he had more than one. The boys had no alone time today.. we try to have them be apart for at least an hour each afternoon... they also had no alone time yesterday ... it takes it toll. Especially on sweet soft Ari. So we took Noah to clubs and took Ari home for an early bedtime. Dave and i sat on either side of him as he watched a short kids show before heading up to read stories and go to bed. He talked so sweetly and enjoyed us... It hit me. I feel I have ripped them off.. well not really me but the whole thing of being a twin. They get ripped off. It's so hard to spend one on one time with them.. throw in a third child and geez the boys get the short end of the stick.
It's wrecking me today. Twins is hard... the first year is a blank page in my memory. Nothing. I survived sure but I remember none of it. I feel like with Jett I am experiencing so many things for the first time.
But for real tonight hit me... they get so little of our undivided attention. Yea we make time to have special dates when we can... but that doesn't happen often enough. They are constantly together and having to share life.. all of life. They are so different yet they are put into the same box constantly.
I want to love them.. no rephrase that I want to love more of each of them. My heart is heavy for that right now. I know the benefits of having two and how they love each other and all that good stuff... but somedays it just doesn't feel fair.
I want them to never feel ripped off. It's grace that I need. Grace to love them the best I can.. all of them. All the time.