Wow 8 weeks already! It's amazing how fast it goes. I am also wondering how the heck it got to be August already??!! I am torn between making this post only pictures and keeping it light or telling you all how I really feel.... oh you know me so well.
I am tired. Really tired. I am unsure I like the feeling's I am having. Although I don't remember much of the first year with the boys these feeling's feel somewhat familiar. Jett is terribly cute but also hard to manage some days. He has had tummy issues from day one - I even cut out dairy! In the last few days if he is not being held he is screaming (in the evening even if he is held is screaming) His sleep is atrocious... impossible to put down. He does get one good strech of 4 hours from about 10pm till 2am and then we are back to feeding every 2 hours.... it's a vicious cycle. I know my milk supply is plenty (I pumped the other day and in 10 minutes I got 8 oz - this mama makes enough milk for the school yard)
I am kind of at a loss. It's tiring and I feel so bad for the older boys who get so little of my attention these days. Like even right now Jett is laying down (which is rare - I got him to sleep by putting him on his tummy - I know I know call CFS see if I care) the boys are having quiet time and so I am alone for like maybe 10 minutes... till someone wants juice or a snack or boobie.
And for this next part if any of you are reading this and this is your life please don't comment about it.. I am happy for you and all but I don't want to hear it right now.. I can't handle hearing anymore people talking about how there infants sleep for 8-9 hour stretches!! Seriously shut up!! I even had to hide some people's status's from appearing in my facebook news feed cause I was going to throw up if I have to read it anymore.
I think part of me expected this would be easy.. I mean it is easy in comparison to having twins but yet I just thought it would be easier. Dave and I fight all the time.. mostly about either dealing with a screaming newborn or how to parent our other two. It's all tiring. And then this happened...
This morning I was sitting outside with a cup of coffee watching N & A ride their bikes and rocking J in his car seat with my foot re-reading Traveling Mercies (a life changing book - and yes Bud I will return it) I am not sure if I missed this part or what but today it practically jumped off the page...
"Christianity is about water. It's about baptism, full immersion, falling into something elemental and wet. Most of what we do in wordly life is gared toward our staying dry, looking good, not going under. But in baptism - in lakes and rain and tanks you agree to do something that's a little sloppy because at the same time it's holy and absurd. It's about surrender; giving in to all those things we can't control: it's a willingness to let go of balance and decorum and get drenched.
And in the Christian experience of baptism, the hope is that when you go under and you come out, maybe a little disoriented, you havn't dragged that old day along behind you. The hope, the belief is that a new day is upon you now. A day when you take God at God's word about cleanness and protection. "When though passeth thru the water, I will be with thee; and through the river's, they shall not overflow thee."
God isn't there to take away our suffering or pain but to fill it with his presence."
So there you have it.. I am such an imperfect parent and flawed woman BUT I am trusting that this too shall pass and with refinement and more grace than a girl knows what to do with.. I shall come out of the water facing a NEW day... better than the one I was holding onto... and for all those perfect people who post their perfect status's I hope you too find what your looking for.