the day before

I was completely surprised and overwhelmed by my roller coaster of emotions as I prepared to send the small Stallions to Grade 1. I never thought it would hit me like it did. I never thought I was that mom. I mean I work outside the home and have for the last 4.5 years.... But I've always had afternoons. They were always ours.

For the last 5 years it's been us.

It's not always been easy but it's been ours.

Yesterday was a horrible afternoon. I don't know how it happened or why it happened but it was a fail. I had high expectations that was probably my first fault. It didn't start well and snowballed from there. I was just a basket case. Turns out so were they. After N and I finished a cry together he told me he was scared to go to school and do something different. I hugged him and told him I was scared too.

Today I send my two small ones to school ALL day. When I come home after work and put Jett for his nap the house will be quiet. Not only that but the ache in my heart is for them to be loved and to be known as they enter those big doors. It's a huge thing.

I found this letter on one of my go to blogs and decided to take from it and write my boys a letter. It is exactly what I want for them. This is part of it.. my hope for them. Their destiny.

 – We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. It doesn't matter if your marks are perfect. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done.

We send you to school to practice being brave and kind.

Kind people are brave people. Brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than being scared, than fitting in, than following everyone else.

Trust me.  It is more important.

Don’t try to be the best this year, honey.

Just be thankful and kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be.

Take care of your friends and your teacher. You are one lucky boy . . . with all of these new gifts to unwrap this year.

I love you so much that my heart might explode.

Enjoy and cherish your new gifts this year. I am so proud of you.

And thank you for being my favorite gift of all time.

 Love,

Mama

So their bags are packed. Lunches are made (the Stallion thinks they will get made fun of for the heart note) but I don't really care... 

I think they will love it... 

Happy first day of Grade 1 to my buddies. I am already so proud and love you to the moon and back.