There are just so many things going on in my head... I'm often afraid of how they will sound on my blog.. The thoughts are usually deep and then people think you are sad or depressed or they feel sorry for you when in reality they are just deep thoughts.. not always bad.
In some ways this has been an emotionally draining summer. Just life stuff. Again not always all bad. In alot of ways this summer has been one of the best I can remember. So again there goes the topsy turvy part of life. One minute your up.. the next your down.
We have been struggling to find a community... not only a church but people too..
Relationships are hard and we really want to go deeper.
I have always been the pursuer... in most of my relationships. It's exhausting. I totally understand that we are all different. Some days it's so confusing... do they not call because they would rather not hang out or is it something else. Am I too eager? Are my kids annoying? I find if I don't call I'm lonely. We have felt this way as a couple for awhile... we invite people over and wait for an invite... yep mostly still waiting. So is it us?
We figure maybe if we find a church we can really feel like we fit in then maybe we can make a community of friends from there?? We've only really visited one place which I really like. In so many ways... and of course there is never going to be the perfect place but sometimes when that one big thing that you are passionate about is missing.. it's hard to get past that. I told Dave I don't want to drag my kids around from place to place... it just doesn't feel fair to them. You would think in a smaller community with a million churches it would be easier....
I went to work today... again I felt kind of like a stranger. I mean it was awkward.. nothing was mine anymore. I didn't even have a desk to sit at.. I walked to the supply room to get a pen to use for the morning and then put it back when I was done. I know it will get better but part of me wanted to be home in my comfy yoga pants and a tank top fetching snacks and playing outside with the boys.
See this went all depressing on you.. and yet I feel hopeful. I mean I love where I am going I just wish it wasn't quite as lonely. I see great things on the horizon. I am feeling stronger than ever and am so excited to see how fall will turn out... big things. Back to work, Kindergarten, Bootcamp... a whole lot of awesome.
Can't leave you without a photo... Lisa took some family shots for us the other night... See how blessed I am...
7 comments:
i totally get the friendship thing and pursuing people and feeling like it's so one-sided. very frustrating. but i love that you are feeling hopeful :)
You don't sound depressed to me; rather realistically in touch with your feelings and desires. Yes, we too can relate to that syndrome. We will pray for the 'right' community!
I hear ya, I get ya! I think in a "city"with too much choice in the church area, it's hard. This was why we chose not to attend church in a town with too many choices. Back to our small town with 1 church, like it or leave it. But that being said, it was the right choice for us, not so much for our kids. We know everyone, but the kids only see these people 1 day a week and don't have deep connections. I guess we boo booed there...maybe...see I getcha!
I also know what you mean about the whole invite thing. I usually took it as a personal thing until my kids got older and busier and now I understand how hard it is to put the effort into having company and keeping in touch. In this regard we are sooooo blessed to now have a neighbourhood that we can get together with socially. There is always something going on in someone's backyard and no one is excluded. I hope you find this someday. The house beside us is for sale...just sayin'.... ;-)
I'm pretty sure I might still know where both the pens AND the labeller are!! So wish I could have been there for your first day back! :)
So glad we've been able to connect this summer. I've really enjoyed it, and am so looking forward to staying connected throughout the year. Maybe on Monday after bootcamp we can do coffee...since you're out :)
I would find it very rough without a church family too. You're welcome at our church anytime :)
I tend to be the opposite of you. Not much of a pursuer. So I'm lonely, but I don't call anyone! It's crazy, I know. I just always think about how surely everyone else is busy, or wouldn't want to hang out with me anyway. I hate to be a bother, lol.
Totally understand the friendship thing and it sucks. Big time. It hurts more than they realize even if it's not intended that way.
There have been big changes in your life and with that will always be ups and downs, but I think you're doing a great job with handling everything and I'm so excited to see how your year is going to turn out for you :)
Post a Comment