what i am learning

The cut is deep, but never deep enough for me
It doesn't hurt enough to make me forget
One moment of relief is never long enough
To keep the voices in my head
From stealing my peace

Oh, control
It's time, time to let you go

Perfection has a price
But I cannot afford to live that life
It always ends the same; a fight I never win

Oh, control
It's time, time to let you go

I'm letting go of the illusion
I'm letting go of the confusion
I can't carry it another step
I close my eyes and take a breath
I'm letting go, letting go

There were scars before my scars
Love written on the hands that hung the stars
Hope living in the blood that was spilled for me

Oh, control
It's time, time to let you go...
Control
It's time, time to let you go

~JJ Heller

around here

we read books in boats

we fold lots and lots of laundry

we pick out paint colors for our master bedroom. love.

we take silly pictures

we build playmobil cities.

we are constantly building tents

we get daddy time.

we manage to find time to scrapbook

we get tired after a busy day at Shirly's.

we blow raspberries.

never a dull moment at the difrancesco's. happy thursday.

exploration

i have always been creative. it keeps me going. the energy is good. it speaks to me.. "you belong here. this is what you were made for. " i always feel a deep sense of belonging. a reawakening of those senses.

somedays it's hard. somedays i am tired. creative living is about moving out of that comfort zone and being brave with your work and authentic self. motherhood is about the life long process of giving and giving and letting go. taking care of my body is about managing hunger and desire. relationships, especially with loved ones are about the intricasies of give and take.

living is constantly moving and changing and so often uncomfortable…

i don’t want to. i need more. i feel tired. i am hungry. i feel afraid. i am unsure. i can’t wait. this is really difficult. i really want that.

so i’ve decided that in order to pour myself into all the aspects of my life that i would like to see thrive and shine (which is pretty much everything), i have to say yes to discomfort and let go of the notion of balance. i am learning bit by bit that i can handle more discomfort than i think, gotta keep moving forward. so in an effort to put this all into perspective i am thinking about taking a big risk... a big step in my process to inspire others to live a creative life (however that looks for them), to dig deep and shine.

thinking about it.... until the next wave of fear takes over....

bloglovin'

If you are like me... you have many blogs you read. It can be overwhelming. I can't believe it took me so long to find Google Reader. Although I still found it to be flawed... and then today I discovered Bloglovin. It's a beautiful thing.

It's a great tool for keeping up with all of your favorite stops. It's different then Google Reader - i'ts much simpler and quicker for me to use. Instead of scrolling through all the posts you get a quick title, photo and opening paragraph for each post. It's much easier to find the posts that you want to read. The other great thing that I LOVE is that when you click through to read the post it takes you to the actual blog.. I missed that with Google Reader. People work hard to design there blogs so I love actually seeing them. You also have the option to 'like' favorite posts to bookmark them for later. It's great. I have already found some great blogs that I would not be following otherwise... win win. If you need a great way to organize your time.. this is for you.

a little inspiration

I need some. Today has not been my shiniest day. Sometimes dreaming is what gets me through.

1. Pantone came out with the 2011 color of the year. Honeysuckle. I love it. We're pretty un-girlie over here... but that sure would brighten things up. I'd love to see punches of it here and there..

2. This is the inspiration for something already in the works for my dining room... stay tuned it's a good one :) If you havn't already you should be checking out Dana at House*Tweaking.

3. Be still my beating heart. I have been gathering ideas to redo our bedroom. With a non existant budget it's going to be interesting. We need to paint first.. hopefully in the next month or so :) The one thing I want to buy will be new bedding. Just something I rarely buy... then I saw this... I have it in my cart and have almost clicked finish so many times. I mean it's a steal on sale for 54.99 and 20% off.... Can you see my dilema?? See it HERE.

4. I am slightly obsessed with wallpaper lately.. I want to wallpaper everything.

Ferm Living is horrible for me.. so many beautiful choices. Or then there is this one.. eek lovely.

5. Yes please. All of it. (Anthropolgie Oct '10)

6. I thought the Winter lookbook from Ruche was beautiful. This is my favorite page.. love the styling. It just jumped out at me. I definitely have the itch to shop... where is that money tree again??

What has you inspired lately?

i am rich.

I am so glad that you have come.

I will pour out everything inside me so that you may leave

this table satisfied and fortified.

Blessings on your eyes.

Blessings on your children.

Blessings on the ground beneath you.

My heart is a ladle of sweet water, brimming over.

The Red Tent, Anita Diamanti

her.

it's funny how a new year can bring about all sorts of pondering... ideas for a new year. saying goodbye to the old. a feeling of kicking all that baggage your carrying around in the ass.

These past few months have been heavy, exhilarating, depressing, joyous.

I have felt high and very low.

I've barely slept yet been given so many new and old dreams.

There is one I want to share... not sure why I want to share it here. This is my safe place... this is where my thoughts pool together. I have no idea what this means and where this will take us. Every day it seems more and more impossible to figure out. but daily my mantra from 2008 reminds me "small adjustments make huge miracles"

There is a scrap of paper in my journal from January 2008... I can't remember where I was when I wrote it but I sure remember the dream that prompted it.

I don't dream often.. at least not ones I remember. But I remember what the sky looked like. I remember the sound of the water rushing past. I remember the tree. It was beautiful. It was strong and bright, bright green. The leaves were full. I remember the way they seemed to float in the sky... the way the wind sounded. I remember the smell of fresh grass. I will never forget the sound... her small voice and the sweet laugh that came from her mouth. She wore a red dress. She danced in this beautiful garden. I never saw her face. But the instant I woke up I knew her name. It was on my lips. It was on His. Eden.

The morning after that dream I was given a verse. See, I was far God at this time.. the dream seemed so intricate. It should have left me full of questions but it sat peacefully in the depth of my heart... " The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; He will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and Gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing"

When we were pregnant this last time. I was filled with anticipation... this was the fulfillment of this dream for me.. I had seen her face.. He has given me her name. But this was not meant to be for this time. The one I was carrying would not be a girl. It's left me with questions... was this little one not mine? Was it to be for someone else? Even now as I think of her all the time and wonder what she means for our family... as we make decisions to not get pregnant again...

Who is she? Is our Eden meant for someone else? Or will she come in a way we can not grasp at this time?

I sit here and play the old songs, dream the same dreams... revisit those deep deep wells... Are there dreams you have left behind? ... ones that may need to be dusted off?.... all these things are inspiring me to sparkle this year. to SHINE.