lets back up...

(this post has been started for awhile now so some of it is old news that most of you have just not heard yet)
its hard to put into words what i am feeling. granting myself permission to accept all this - feeling undeserving of all the incredible blessings.
a few weeks back i listened to my uber talented, spirit led, cousin, encouraging, teacher friend Chris give a message at church. He's one of those people who speak the heart of God. He challenged me to remember how life giving it is to remain in the center of God's will. daily i go back to this and the desire in me is growing deeper.. and with recent events just begging me to remain there. i accepted a job offer a couple weeks ago (since writing this i have completed a week of work) its a job that i have wanted and waited for. i feel sometimes letting go of my own agenda is what places me back in the centre. i will be working at a school literally steps from my house part time as an admin assistant (the new word for secretary) i have felt incredible peace in this process - not nervous too much just knowing that God will work out the details. my kids of course have been my main priority having good care for them... i kind of thought it would just show up at my door step if this was the path i was to take and yea it basically did. a girl we know from church and also one of my good friends sister in law. offered to come over and watch them.. amazing right? yea totally amazing. arlene is great... she is so good with my kids and they love her already... now when i leave in the morning they don't even cry they just play with "leene" i am blown away...
and my job.. well i am in love. its more than i thought it would be. i just love it. and even better. life just seems like it makes more sense to me. my relationship with my kids is 100% better and even with dave... its not them.. its me. i am happier and just really sure that this is whats best for us all right now. my relationship with the boys is a much healthier one... all over its lovely.
granted life has looked just different to me since Renee's passing. the world is just such a different place and more than ever just believing that i can and am the recipient of all good blessings.... deserving in fact. I just want to soak it all in and i am drowning in a puddle of gratefulness. hopeful that i will remain floating in the center.