i love.....

you know what i love about maternity pants.. you can just pull them on and off. no zippers, no buttons. its genious.

merry christmas and other things

well the tree is almost put away (its dead) and the presents are unwrapped. it was a good christmas. given my condition leading up to it i didn't get into the season as much as usual so things were low key. we had 14 people over for a lovely fondue on christmas eve (which is a loewen family tradition) it was great we had 6 different nationalities represented, lots of fruit and loads of chocolate (linds you would have loved it).
These pictures were from Christmas Eve.







Christmas Day was nice. Dave & I made a delicious breakfast of Eggs Benedict and we just hung out. Opened some gifts and spend the morning in our pj's. We went over to the Pallisters for Christmas Dinner. The food was amazing. Wade spent a few days preparing a churducken which is a Chicken stuffed into a Duck which is then stuffed inside a Turkey. With each layer surrounded by yummy, yummy stuffing. Need I say more?
This is Audrey and me ready to eat!!
DTS ended the thursday before the holidays and with that comes some nice downtime for Dave before he leaves for Russia in only a few short days :( We took a staff picture which turned out funny. And also ode to red. The other picture is Dave's outreach team which will be gracing Russia soon! I love the red track suits. It is what they will wear when they are coaching hockey (teaching skills and stuff). I love it!! I think that is all the update I have for now. Just want to give a birthday shout out to Lindsey. Today is her special day and she has much to celebrate as she also celebrates getting into the midwivery school she applied for. Yeah! I am proud of you Lindsey and love how you are following your dreams. You are special! Pregnancy Update: I have felt like a normal human being for the last four days and am so thankful. It helped to enjoy the holidays! The baby is moving up higher and my stomach feels like a little hard stone. Beautiful thing.

13 weeks!!

well here you go. 13 weeks! not to much there just enough to fit my nectarine size baby. me and some friends decided we like how they compare your baby to food at least until a certain point until they run out of ideas. i've been feeling a bit better which has been nice. dave and i did some christmas shopping this weekend which was good. audrey, pam, rita and i watched a great movie this weekend called "there eyes were watching god" its a oprah movie and although a tad slow it was great.
i also saw Narnia last week which was so good. they did a real good job at following the book. it was inspiring. you should all go see it. i gotta get some work done. i will post more later. have a great day!

MIRACLES!

life is a beautiful thing. today dave & I went to see our midwives and we got to hear our babies heartbeat (not plural baby)! what an amazing thing. the midwife showed me where the baby is and i felt the little ridge where he/she lives. the midwife smiled when the heartbeat came on the monitor and said "sounds like a girl!" heehee. i guess girls have faster heartbeats. we shall see. anyways it was all so exciting i wanted to share it with you! i'm gonna post some pics of my belly soon for those of you far away. just perfectly fits my lemon size baby!

my pants are tight

its so wierd to encounter a time when its neat that your pants don't fit right. i mean come on theres a baby growing in there. i have some generous friends/family that have lent me some nice maternity clothes - which is nice to save me from the moomoo that i was terrified of having to wear. other than my belly and my boobs nothing else has changed yet so thats nice.
its been a pretty good week. sunday was horrible! i was sick all day and i didn't keep anyting down all day until 8:30 when a smoothie managed to stay. ugg. i am excited to enter this next trimester and i realize that this time will fly by. having Dave gone for the month of January is going to be so hard and I am hoping to get home (plane tickets are expensive). i figure my lonliness will be a bit less if i go home then having to stay in our house and sleep in our bed. ahh lonely. anyways we were talking last night and wondering how much my belly will change in those 4 weeks he is gone.
so the quest to find a midwife is on. i have been pestering the midwives in the winkler area and am on a wait list which is so frusterating. but at the same time inspiring because it means that people are catching on to the miracle of midwifery. anyways called a lay midwive as well who is not paid by the Regionaly Health Authority (if you are reading this and are from BC - the system in MB is horrible compared to here and count yourself a lucky duck if you deliver here) anyways but she is unsure if she is taking on clients in June but she said to contact her again in March to see. I'd have to pay her but the cost is quite worth it to me. So crossing fingers for all these options. Not sure of any others that I have. I love my midwives here and wish they could fly to Manitoba to deliver the baby. Anyways enough baby talk. Not much else going on.
I apologize for the lack of posting. Enjoy your day!

graceful

its been a good week. it seems i am only super sick on sundays, mondays and tuesdays. wierd.
yesterday we celebrated american thanksgiving which was so good. its nice being married to a half american. i love americans - yesterday we went around the table and the non americans shared what the loved about americans. to me they carry a sense of boldness and a lack of fear. they aren't afraid to shake things up. my american friends are all fierce and funny. so to all of you. cheers.
i have been trying to journal to the baby you know things that i am experiencing as the baby grows and most of it comes down to what i can and cannot eat. yesterday i found out something wacky. i love yams i mean love yams.. mashed, sushi style, boiled, drenched in brown suger and butter. but the baby no the baby does not like yams even as i gazed upon them last night it did not take me long to know the baby would not like them. and peanut butter come on, the baby also likes things cold. not a big fan of hot food. i know it sounds crazy. but vegtables need to be raw unless its corn and i'd rather do yogurt than anything hot. and pineapple i can't get enough - fresh pinapple. ooh and another gross one: cheezy breathe - after dave eats goldfish (the cracker). yuck.
anyways i think thats all..
so i want to bring up the question of the day.
when does pregnancy begin to be graceful?

CD(DONA)

So after all my hard work its official I am now a certified DONA doula. Now I have credentials.
Heather DiFrancesco Certified Birth Doula (DONA)

silence

seems i have a lack of things to say although its been a pretty good week! i'm beginning to realize that i am an avoider. i distract myself to avoid doing anything. not that all distraction is bad because sometimes it helps you to not get wrapped up in just doing, doing doing.. but sometimes instead i fill my day with things i must do (which becomes the distraction) when really all i want to do is be free to just sit and journal, or read something other than birth books...wow i am just now reading how true that all sounds. like this quote i read today
"Tonight I danced with God under the quiet stars the moonlight sticking to the bottoms of our feet."
Purely Lovely.

who knew...

well needless to say the honeymoon period is over. these past few days have been HARD. i don't really feel like a normal person. my stomach aches all day. there are a million sights and smells that can send me straight to the toilet and the headaches are coming every day!! my outlook is good. i know that this is the normalcy of this little life forming inside but i'm afraid to leave the house in case i need the safety of my bathroom. like my friend audrey said "when are you going to be fun again" yeah when will i be fun again????
but on the positive and clearly amazing side of things. Pinto is a busy little bean...(the reference to a He is purely the website i got the info off of.) Now almost half an inch long — roughly the size of a raspberry — He has elbow joints and distinct, slightly webbed fingers and toes. In his oversized head, both hemispheres of his brain are developing. His teeth and the inside of his mouth are forming, and his ears continue to develop. Eyelid folds partially cover his tiny peepers, which already have some color, and the tip of that nose you'll be tweaking someday is emerging. His skin is paper-thin and his veins are clearly visible. Your little one also has an appendix and a pancreas, which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. His liver is busy producing red blood cells, and a loop of your baby's growing intestines is bulging into his umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from his tiny body. You can't feel his gyrations yet, but your baby is like a little jumping bean, moving in fits and starts around his watery home.
Now to me that all seems worth it!

what a week

this has been a great week.. i've been sitting in on lectures with the DTS and Karen Padgett has been here teaching on relationships. its been so refreshing. so much about living life from your spirit and recognizing who you are and what you have to offer the relationships you experience. its been amazing. the students are loving it. they are really into the kind of teaching that centres around more interaction and couldn't be bothered listening to someone lecture. they are such a real bunch. really motivated by the things of God and the relational aspect of life. i've been so inspired by the DTS this fall they are all so amazing. i love just being around them. anyways.. i'm doing well. i have been really blessed and feeling great. every so often i'll get waves of nauseausness but it comes and goes and doesn't amount to too much. its wierd to be pregnant and to imagine all the creating going on in your body. next week pinto will be whole and will just need to grow. its a miracle. life is a miracle. i want to experience it to its fullest. don't you?

frugal

do you know how expensive maternity clothes are??? i mean seriously then comes the baby and you are shelling out thousands of dollars. come on. they say that the average person spends over $1000 per year on diapers. anyways its outragous. i think i will have to wear a moomoo that i'm sure can be found at value village for a couple of dollars. uggg!

peanut butter and confessions..

figured it was time to write again. not sure i have much of eternal value to say. its been a good week. i've felt for the most part good other than one morning when i realized pinto does not like peanut butter. but now we know. wednesday night i had a fun night going out with jamie, jessi and andrea. we went to this sketchy club downtown to hear andreas friends play. what a night. refer to jessi's blog for a more detailed story.
ok ok i have a confession to make now please don't go judging me.. i am an avid reader and fan of the celebrity baby blog. now i have been going there daily for months now and feel it is time to uncover my underground religous reading of this site. i have decided that i want you all to know about this if only for the sole purpose that you would continue to love me even if i want to know who gets the first picture of Sean Preston Federline and even if i love reading about Brooke Shield's second preganancy or my curiosity of when the next picture of Reese, Ave and Deacon will come out and we were all the first to hear of Matilda Rose Ledger's birth. Oh and the precious glimpses of Bennifer's bump. ahh the relief of being able to tell ones secrets.
have a lovely day.

SuPrIsE

yep in case you havn't heard - We're having a baby!
well today i have entered the sixth week of my pregnancy and our baby is just about the size of a small lentil bean. or pinto as audrey likes to call it. its really an amazing thing. just the whole feeling - super overwhelming. i'm in awe of how we are created. this little bitty bean has a heart beat, eyes and developing ears, the arms and legs appear as protruding buds. the hands and feet look like mini paddles. the tongue and vocal cords are beginning to form. how can anyone question whether or not God exists. what a miracle. i'll keep you posted.

first aid certified!

another accomplishment. i needed to get my CPR Course done for the Doula work i am doing. it feels good to have that done.
i have been quiet this week. maybe a bit lonely. dave and everyone else is in the Okanagan at the Go Conference. it sounds like it is going really well and people are enjoying it. it sure has been quiet around here with all the staff and students gone. i think i miss them. yeah when i ate lunch alone today i sure did. ok so i miss you. only when the phone rings do i remember what my voice sounds like.
other than that things are good. i have had lots of time alone which in a way has been good as well. i finally got everything sent away for my DONA certification which is a huge relief. i just needed to write one final essay on the benefits and purpose of labour support. it feels good to be done. anyways just wanted to let you all know i am still here. thanks for all your encouragment the last couple weeks its been tough but something tells me its time for a new season!

walking on water

so i feel like i have gained some perspective on my current state of feeling misunderstood. My walk with God is laced with some hard falls yet i find that some of the most intimate times i have with God are times i allow him to break then mend my heart. my old journals are filled with scratchy writing outlining relationships falling apart, people i know who are dying and the times i have felt left out. i can still see where tears have stained pages of mission trip journeys and the time i heard someone i knew well had cancer and moving to new places with not knowing people.
Jesus asks us to take up our cross and follow him - cheezy cliché - maybe! But that means getting our own motives out of the way and focusing on Him. but when i do that it seems i set myself up for hurt. waiting on God has to be one fo the hardest things i have ever had to do - especially since i love to know what will happen next. i've often shuddered at the words to the song that says ' brokenness, brokenness is what i long for." because that involves a little more than i am sometimes willing to give. brokeness doesn't only hurt at first but it can continue to hurt for some time. but jesus wants hearts like clay that he can form. He wants reckless abandonment. he wants us to trust Him to provide for us in new places. he wants us to walk way from relationships that are not glorifying him. He yearns for our transparency - a clear pic of our hearts. Jesus isn't so concerned with recognition i receive or how full my calendar is. He is concerned that my heart is transforming into his own. Jesus longs for brokenness because when we are broken we realize only He can make us whole.
We often hear the phrase " get our of your comfort zone" Our comfort zone refers to whatever is keeping us from a closer relationship with God. Like when Peter left the boat and jumped without a life preserver into the the water to meet jesus. and as his feet hit the surface without sinking, his heart must have pounded. The bible tells us that as Peter removed his eyes from Jesus and starts to worry about the storm around him he starts to sink. when he does he finds Jesus helping him up again. i admire Peters courage to even get out of the boat. i might have just been like ' ahh how about you come get me?"
God longs to teach us important lessons He want so show us a love better and more real than any we can even imagine. we want it but getting it requires a willingness to come to Him even when it means letting Him break our hearts.
We just need to understand that God wants us to lean on Him and to have His peace. The beauty of brokenness is this: allowing Jesus to heal us brings us ever closer to His loving embrace. So if I can challenge you and me - let's fix our eyes on Him right now and follow Him thru the muck storming around us. when He says just look at me you won't fall; i'll catch you. may it be the sweetest encouragement, the truest promise and the greatest hope we will ever need.

i feel extremely misunderstood.

mis·un·der·stood, (-std) mis·un·der·stand·ing, mis·un·der·stands

To understand incorrectly; misinterpret.

i miss lindsey part 2

i miss you. hope you are not freezing.

either its writers block or i am clearly unmotivated

its been hard to sit down and write lately. i have so many things to write and have no idea what order to do them in so since i can write here and have no consequences i guess i will choose this one first. i am trying to write some birth essays to send in with my certification; i have no idea why this is seemingly so hard. dave and i need to write a newsletter as well which we have been putting off for far to long. (sorry to all those supporters reading this). writing would also mean catching up on emails which i have been HORRIBLE at (sorry my dear friend lindsey). so see lots to write. not enough time nor the will to think of clever things to say. ahh mercy mercy forget my lack of will i am just trying to get by.
i had a good day today. volunteered at the pregnancy centre which is always a highlight. i will be starting to work nights this coming weekend for an agency called mother me which i am pretty excited about. it will be challanging as it is long night shifts about twice a week till the middle of november. i will be working with a family with new twins. its been amazing to me all the experience i have gained in the last few months. seems like only yesterday i was doubting this was God's dream for me. we have a speaker in this week who said. hope in God and the plan He has for you... cause it's GOOD!
anyways lots of other things to write and somehow i feel a bit more inspired. have a lovely night.

i miss lindsey

this was on our ride to sask - we hit a snowstorm in the mountains. it was beautiful.
i wanted to call lindsey today and it was so sad when it hit me that i can't. lindsey moved back to winnipeg this weekend. and although intellectully i know that spring is not far away and i will see her soon it is hard when you are used to just being able to call each other and hang out.

things aren't the same without you linds. i love you!

priorities...

seems like there is always discussion around what the priorities are in ones life... that leads me to much reflection. i feel i have so many priorities and making them all work are sometimes a bit of a stresser for me. defining priorities? what does that look like?
-my marriage is a priority - spending time with Dave
-my clients are a priority - making sure i give them the care they need and with the increasing amounts of postpartum clients that means more scheduling
-marketing myself is a priority so i continue to get clients
-my ministry here at work is a priority - doing the best i can with the responsibility
-my friends and family are a priority - the ones far away seem to get the most neglected.
-supporters which fall into the above category - the angst over not writing a newsletter in so long unnerves me daily.

where does that leave me? i read something today that only hit me now but seems perfect for this..
wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her, happy are those who hold her tightly.

Introducing....

SO here is a highlight from our LONG trip to Saskatchewan. I guess you would call this the main hightlight! It was awesome to be there to see Ange & Leigh married. Beautiful Day!
I will post more later.....

beauty

Introducing Ayla Molly born September 17/05. 7lbs 13oz.

double doses of pink!

so yesterday i was witness to another incredible birth; another girl. so beautiful! at 10:05pm we all welcomed Ayla into the world. it was an amazing birth which once again teaches me how beautifully we are designed. i will post some pictures of both births this week (i don't have high speed at home so it makes it hard to upload pics) just wanted you all to know! celebrate life today in whatever way that looks for you. its all around us.
lots of love

what a week.

wow what a week it has been. as you can tell from my lack of posting its been busy. we just finished our annual week long staff retreat. interesting, intense, and full of surprises. it was a lovely time hanging out with everyone, learning more about each other and grasping a little piece of God.
in the midst of the craziness of the staff retreat i experienced another birth which was of course amazing. my clients had a beautiful baby girl. i will post some pics later (i will see them again today). its been a long week and i am exhausted but also encouraged as i continue to seek more for me.
i had another incredible thing happen to me as i sat down to read emails yesterday. i got an email from a girl who is new to the doula world and wanting to chat with me. she got linked to my blog and discovered i am a christian (she is too) and a ywamer (she was too) can you even belive that? i know God is there. he shows it in the little things too.
i'll try to post again later with more details of the birth of emma elizabeth and upcoming exciting things like Emily coming this week! and ange & leighs wedding only a week away!!
enjoy your saturday in lots of peace.

in case you're worried

i figured i needed to clarify some things on my blog.. two people have commented on how depressing my blog is and just in case you are wondering. I am OK! yes, its funny that when you get into it, like really get into the heart of how you are feeling and as a christian if it doesn't sound up and exciting you get labelled as depressed. i actually feel better than i have in a long time. i feel like i am finally learning how to communicate with God and learning that he gives me grace to feel lousy at times too. this realization has come with alot of freedom. hard lessons to learn but liberating as well. so, anyways i am ok. i feel alive and i feel like i am starting to understand that God knows me and accepts me and whatever "feeling" comes along. i could be wrong tho as my husband seems to think all i am is a big "feeling". heehee. he has patience too. thank God!
i am beginning to actually appreciate the bad and the good in life. thats freeing for me.

change is scary, healthy, inevitable

I don't know if it's change in my life, or change in others lives or something entirely different, but something has me super nostalgic. There's nothing like a hard look at the past to make someone realize how much has changed in their life. People fear change, that's no secret. Its also understandlable, since change constantly undermines our comforatable routines. But without change, there is not growth and without growth there is, well, nothing, really. Nothing thats important, anyways. Growth is a necessary and unavoidable part of life, no matter how much we resist or fear. Most things I'm gald are behing me. But I'm even more glad that life has left me me irreplaceable moments. Nostalgia is extremely underrated. It's a big part of what makes us human. So there it is: change, growth, bittersweet and nostalgia. They add up to the same thing. us. we wouldn't be who we are without having been who we were. we wouldnt have what we have without having left some things behind, by choice or otherwise.
And so I'm left thinking back to saying goodbye and facing change head on. Some nights are just made for memories.
I will miss you Kristina, for you and this season in your life i think change is a beautiful thing

whirlwind weekend

i wanted to post some pics from our whirlwind party weekend. friday night we celebrated pam's birthday at our house which was fun. we watched "Guess Who" - hilarious and ate popcorn and ice cream cake. oh saturday was Sophia's first birthday - amazing to me that she is one. she is so bright and so beautiful. i sometimes just stare at her and think how lovely she is. so cuddly and alert. she loved her baby that she got from dave & i. it was our highlight - she called her Al. sunday we had a great anniversary. relaxed and laid back. we ate sushi for lunch and went to the art gallery. neither of us had been there and louise and curtis gave us a 2 for 1 coupon. it was neat. not as much abstract art as we would have liked but it was a great time. we went home and took a nap (always nice on a rainy sunday afternoon) then we went to a great restaurant for drinks and dinner. sometimes it hits me how lucky i am to have the rest of my life to spend with this incredible man. he makes me happy. we had alot of fun together. dave was so thoughtful and made me incredible gifts. i can't to spend many more years together. building on what a fantastic year this has been. people say the first year of marriage is hard, we didn't find that and when we talked about it on sunday we both were so proud of the way we have learned to communicate. we figure thats part of the reason why. i'm so lucky to have my husband...

Happy Anniversary

well its been one year since david and i said i do. crazy how time flies. so far we've had a great day and its only 10am. david is so thoughtful. his gifts so far have all been done in my love languages.. he made a dvd full of pics of us set to music. things we've done over the year. he gave me a card, made me coffee, made me a book full of emails we have sent to each other over the past two years - the signifigance being that we have had such a good year because of the communication we have had. its adorable. i love it. and now he's making me breakfast. yummy. i'm sure there will be much more to write when this day is done. so stay tuned. when you find the right person love truely is a wonderful thing. enjoy your day. i know we will enjoy ours.

mourning

the definition of mourning is the act of sorrowing. and the defintion of sorrow is to feel or express sorrow. go figure.
ever feel like you mourn yourself or the person you thought you were or maybe its the person you thought you could be and just aren't? deep huh.. yeah well maybe thats just me these days. sick of surface and shallow. sick of cliches and well meaning words that make you want to stick your finger down your throat.
ok ok too agressive i get it. the voice in the back of my mind warns me that i am a missionary, a christian, telling me to be careful. yeah well i am human and i am desperate to be real. i don't always feel joyful and happy all the time. but i am still me and i am still moving forward. maybe even making more strides then before.
i want to be free to be me.. free to feel sad, distant, angry, passion, joy, peace.
i love life - just the thought of what all that means; its the period of duration and of your usefulness, its the sequence of physical and mental experiences, its a principle and a force that is said to underlie the distinctive quality of who you are. beautiful. how do we succeed in living life succesfully?
dangerous wonder
risky curiosity
wild abandon
daring playfulness
wide-eyed listening
irresponsible passion
happy terror
naive grace
childlike faith
Just when I get my church all sorted out, sheep from the goats, saved from the damned, hopelss from the hopeful, somebody makes a move, gets out of focus, cuts loose, and I see why Jesus never wrote systematic theology. So you and I can give thanks that the core of Christian thinking appears to be shifting from North America where people write rules and obey them, to places like Africa and Latin America where people still know how to dance.
wow.
i don't think i remember how to dance anymore, but i sure want to learn again.

love

i was thinking i never post about david and you all should really get to know him. because he is just so great. he is patient, loving, gentle, so fun, kind, thoughtful, sincere, patient and honest. i love him and he loves me. its a perfect match. he is everything i am not and that suits us both just fine.
so i plan to post more about this great guy who gets his name attatched to this blog... more to come.

birthday wishlist..

yep guys about a month and a half away from my birthday. just to help you out i have created a wishlist full of all the books i want and need for my doula library as well as certification. if you want to get me something check these titles out:
Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation by Pam England
The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer
Dr. Jack Newman's Guide to Breastfeeding by Dr.Jack Newman
Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year by Susun S Weed
Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
The Mother of All Pregnancy Books: an All-Canadian Guide to Conception, Birth & Everything in Between by Ann Douglas
Childbirth Without Fear: The Principles and Practice of Natural Childbirth by Michel Odent
How is that for a list.. now what do i do if i get more than one of each. hmmm never thought about that....i guess i can always exchange them (maybe include a gift receipt) sweet.

lazy days

don't you just love summer.. yesterday dave and i spent the day being beach bums at Kits Beach. it was wonderful especially after a full week of finishing MA, cleaning, moving, organizing and other general chaos. after our day at the beach i made yummy beef faijitas (dave said maybe my best meal yet) and then i went over to ange, lindsey & kristina's for ange's last night here before she goes home to get ready to be a bride! it was fun. henri brought us chocolate from England (nothing like galaxy chocolate), we ate Lindsey's amazing cherry pie and she made us latte's or chai or london fogs which were awesome. we watched "Guess Who" which by the way is so funny. it was a great time. ange has joined the dark side with a new blog so check it out here. we all can't wait till the wedding which is Sept.24th in beautiful saskatchewan. good times. anyways dave is cooking me a yummy breakfast of bacon and eggs so i better go. have a great rest of your weekend!

let me introduce you

this is my friend Audrey. she is one of a kind. she is funny, thoughtful, wise, generous, loving, beautiful, has the most amazing voice, loves justice, desires to see others see themselves, envokes passion and vision.
she is my closest friend and i miss her.
she is in japan taking a peek at her inheritance.
she brings life with her wherever she goes.
i just wanted you to meet her.

What a Friend Means....
In kindergarten, your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
In first grade, your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.
In fifth grade, your idea of a good friend was the person who save a seat on the back of the bus for you.
In ninth grade, your idea of a good friend was the person who went with you to that "cool" party thrown by a senior so that you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.
In tenth grade, your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.
Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who give you the better of two choices, holds your hand when your scared, helps you fight off those who take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the
past behind you, but understands when you need to hold onto it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly, loves you!
Thanks Audge for always being there for me. Now hurry home - I miss you!

memories of a glorious day

last week a good friend of ours stopped by vancouver for a day and we had the best visit. joseph is a friend we met on the wake tour and we loved him so much we asked him to preform our wedding ceremony and he did. it was amazing. we love catching up with him when we can. He has been travelling on this groovy thing called The Wave which is a tour across the whole USA. Anyways with all that being said Joseph brought us the coolest CD of wedding photos he took and it made me reminise about that day almost a year ago now. wow time flies.
heres a taste of what he brought us.

we are so lucky to have ever met joseph - he is amazing. you would all be blessed to meet him.
see you for now.

sweet surender continued

you have to read the post under this one for this one to make sense. the story starts below....
Continued....I got ready and remember walking out the door just as a cool breeze hit my face. The sun was beginning to shine warmly and I remember that there was a Celine Dion song playing on the radio as I drove through the pretty quiet streets. I got to the hospital and found your mom and dad in an assessment room. The nurse had just put on a monitor to hear your heartbeat. It was strong and loud. I then heard that your mom had worked so hard she was already dilated to 5cm. Your dad was funny and was cracking lots of jokes; the mood was light and pleasant. It wasn’t long and we met our nurse Susan who came to tell us they had a room ready for us. We walked slowly over. Your mom was so strong she had contractions and you could see she would focus all her strength and energy to them. Once in the room where we would meet you your mom got into the shower which was a nice relief. They had a stool and she sat while I let the shower head massage her back. We had problems adjusting the water temperature but finally we would get it perfect. Your mom handled contractions well in the shower. I remember the biggest change being when she would relax and let them flow over her. We sat in a lot of silence; birth is such an intimate event that requires so much reverence.
After about an hour your mom got tired and we moved to the bed where lying on her side worked the best. It was hard to lie down but we continued to focus during the contractions. The Dr. came in to see us and remarked that progress was being made and your mom was doing so well. We spent this time just resting between contractions and focusing on releasing the tension when one would come. Your mom was so strong, she passed on pain medication when it was offered and we were in tune with each other and remembering that her body was designed to have you and she was doing it. It was good to remember to focus on one contraction at a time. This was the transition phase and your mom wasn’t getting much of a break. Her uterus was working really hard to bring you into this world. At about 9am the nurse checked and her cervix had dilated to 7cm. We were all surprised at how fast your mom was progressing. She was doing everything right and you were coming quickly. Things were intense and your mom chanted “I can I can I can” over and over and I know this positive thinking was helping you come down and get ready to show us your pretty face. At 9:30 the doctor broke the bag of waters and with a gush things moved very fast. Your mom’s cervix was 10cm by now and it was time to push. We were at the finish line. Your mom did so well and was so strong during this hard time. She pushed only three times and you were born. You came so quickly and with one smooth movement you were on your mom’s tummy. It was a miracle. I had to remember to breathe as I took in all the strength that your birth created. In me as tears flowed down my cheeks. In your dad as his eyes were wide open as he watched you come out, as he wiped his tears and cut the cord. Watching your mom was what hit me the most, she looked so beautiful and I knew that she had set her mind to take each moment as it came. She did it! She was radiant as she looked at you and checked you over. You were so beautiful. Your birth day started at 9:59am on July 29th, 2005.
So there it is your story. Remember your strength as a woman, I am sure your mom will teach you many wonderful things and I hope as you read this you will remember the strength she showed as she willed her body to bring you into this world. Her love and her strength and her belief in her body’s process won in the end. Here is to life, love and lots of happiness.

sweet surender

ok guys this one is long and has been edited to protect privacy. i wrote this to one of my clients after the birth of her first baby. my third doula experience. wow... read on and you will see why.



Reverance...
The wisdom, power, glory, and unadulterated love contained in childbirth absolutely bring's me to my knees. I am struck by a new phrase, insight, or revelation that expands my knowledge about birth, and my awe for the strength, endurance and brilliance of birthing women.
This rings true of this birth story…your birth story was as beautiful as it gets.
I met your mom about a month before you were born. She is beautiful and her heart is so good. She was sweet and soft spoken as she shared with me the feelings of the unknown as she prepared for your arrival. We watched a video the first time we met which showed different families and their birth stories. I liked your mom so much especially when I saw we cried in the same parts and I loved the way she rubbed her belly as she watched these other women bring life to their babies. I was excited to be apart of your arrival.

It was Friday July 29; I sprung out of bed at the sound of my pager going off. Excitement runs through my body as hearing my pager in the middle of the night is still a new experience. I spoke with your mom on the phone; she told me that she woke up at 4am feeling the contractions starting. They were still about 10 minutes apart. She told me they felt best when she was sitting on the toilet and I had heard that before. I asked her to time them for another half hour and see what happened. I also told her to eat a good meal as this next part might take awhile and once in the hospital she may not eat again. I spoke with your dad and made sure he was making her drink lots of water and pee lots too. I hung up the phone with the promise that they would call me again in a half hour. I didn’t feel much like sleeping anymore but went to lie down.
The phone rang again at about 5am and I could tell from your mom’s voice that the contractions were stronger at one point she even put the phone down and I could hear her focusing on what she was feeling. The power of a women’s body is incredible, I was already so proud of her.
We decided it was time to meet at the hospital.....
heehee you have to wait till next time for more. stay tuned.
(really the post didn't allow me enough room for more.)

Love Mercy. Seek Justice. Walk Humbly.

On the weekend we got to visit the church I called home for the years I lived in Seattle. Its an amazing church only a few years old. It seeks to meet the needs of this post modern generation as well as the community that surrounds them that seemingly have no where else to go. When Dave and I read their mission statement on the church bulletin it really struck us and we thought hey isn't this what its supposed to be about?
"Quest is the expression of a vision and dream of a church where truth is sought, mystery acknowledged, compassion and justice embodied, culture and arts engaged, creativity and innovation fostered, diversity and multiethnicity embraced, authenticity and community pursued, and sharing the love of Christ is the great cause."
Check out Quest

sigh

somehow this makes things lots better...

fRuStRaTiOn

i'm beginning to wonder what it all means. you know that feeling when you get so excited about something and you think oh thanks God you really are listening and then BAM - dissapointment. yeah that feeling. i know you all know it. lets be honest here it happens more than we would like.
so i had this groovy job interview set up for today - postpartum doula stuff. an awesome opportunity to get some training and work for the ministry of health here. i worked all day on a resume.... get home and listen to my messages....cancelled. yep the whole thing just like that. no more program, not enough interest. over just like that.
yeah yeah feed me the sappy christian line that it will all work out and i'll be ok. i know i know. but for now it really SUCKS!
its been tough lately trying to figure out what the future holds. dave wants to go to winkler, i want to stay here. we both want to see each other prosper in our dreams for our future but when they are happening in different places its hard. today i think i would give in to him if he asks me. ready to throw in the towel and i just kind of want to hang out with my mom and see lisa and hold william and maybe have my own baby.
i should probably go before i say more things i will regret later but hey this is what life is about keeping it real. i'm so tired of being fake and a happy shiny christian - the word of the day is vulnerability.

Sunny Seattle

Dave and I drove down to Seattle for the weekend and had a great time connecting with old friends. We spent time with Ben and Mel and Jaya the first night which was awesome. Sometimes you forget how much you love people until you are with them again and then you leave and you miss them even more.

We also got to see lots of other YWAMers which was tons of fun. Nic and Jana were out and it was great to see them. We got to meet Zara whom you saw pics of on my blog a few weeks ago. Sunday night all the girls went out for dinner to celebrate. I got to go lots of places I missed going too. It was fantastic.

We also got to hang out with my friend Zadok who is in this ridiculously good band called Mercir Check it out! It was awesome to see them play as I was there in the beginning when the band was just an idea. I felt so proud and they seriously rocked. Here are some pics from the show.
It was such a great weekend!

more cuties...

just thought it was time i posted another cutie... two actually. daves sister julia and our niece zoe joy!

we're off to seattle for the weekend to enjoy some time with friends. its nice to get away two weekends in a row! lucky us. hope everyone enjoys their weekend!!

second time just as good as the first....

Introducing Aiden Zachary Bryson. July 19th @ 3:31pm. 7lbs 8oz 51cm. Life - what a beautiful thing to be apart of. Oh the absolute breath taking experience of new life. It was an exhilarating time. Aiden's mum portrayed the essence of strength and beauty as she willed her baby to existance. I'm in awe of the honour I get every time I get to be with parents as they welcome their baby for the first time.

Seeing a new baby makes you sure that God is behind it all!

So go and be you and be a bearer of life today in whatever area that means for you! Live full!

Whistler

What a fabulous time we had in Whistler. It was so beautiful. Its amazing to be right in the mountains - magestic is the right word!
We did some walking, hanging out in the village, lots of enjoying the pool!
We had fun with friends and re-learned what it feels like to relax after being exhausted from the program.

It was such a good restful weekend but hey back to the grind!

Whistler

wow. my first time to whistler. its magnificent. the mountains and trees - everything is so lush. its been a great relaxing weekend so far. we came up here for the Mission Adventure staff retreat. people keep commenting on how wierd it is to just do nothing all day long. we are fore sure not used to that. anyways i hope to post more pictures when we get back to the city. i'll post more then.
enjoy your weekend!

The Eve Project

The strong and beautiful symbol of LIFE in Japanese. This is for my amazing friends Audrey and Rachel who are embarking on a journey! They left for Japan today where they are going to spend two months just pursuing their passions. Japan is Audrey's destiny and its so exciting to see how they got to this point. They have named their trip Eve's Project. Eve means life and they surely will be bringers of life wherever they go. Very exciting. I will miss them but am sure that God has them right where He wants them.
Its mostly all about the journey anyways.
Love ya Girls!

Beautiful Babies

It seems I know the most beautiful babies (or in Zara's case her parents)
What a lovely thing to watch Sophia grow... Purely God's gift!
I love Babies!
(L) Zara Kate Rupp - April 05
(R) Sophia Joanna Jubilee - 1 year old on August 27/05!! Time Flies

Firsts.......

I wanted to share my lovely first birth which I attended last Wednesday evening. This was by far one of the coolest things I have ever done. I loved it. It happened during the worst part of my day – yes we all heard about it, the day; the hour the poop was gushing out of the toilet downstairs in the office. My pager went off and I responded to find the Doula Co-coordinator on the other line. She had a woman whose water broke and wanted a Doula at the hospital. “Can you go?” she asks me. “Ha” I laughed “hey I’m dealing with human bodily functions anyways why not!” Scary. I got there at about 7pm and she was 3 cm and progressing quickly. She’s young and this was her second baby (which means they usually go quicker). What struck me was this woman’s beauty – she was radiant. I felt drawn to her in a strange peaceful way. Her body knew what it was doing and all she had to do was let her body lead her. It was a bit more complicated as she had a past where her last baby died in labour of unknown complications so she was being monitored quite closely; which meant the baby was being monitored and she was not moving around much. She was so overwhelmed and I imagine a bit fearful. I found she liked her arm stroked a certain way and didn’t want to be asked questions – just do it! That’s what I felt like my job was. Try it and hey if it doesn’t work she’ll tell you to stop and probably forget about it the next contraction.
The doctor was concerned at her babies dipping heart rate (every contraction) so they did some tests on the babies blood which came back great. The doctor came in at 9:30 and she was 9cm – whoa for those of you unaware that is huge – like we are talking usually hours and hours of labour to get to that point. So they call in the doctor and we go through all the instructions. “don’t push” “just breathe”. We do this for awhile. She tried to get up to go to the bathroom but feels a lot of burning down there so we get her back on the bed and the doctor comes in for a look. “ok time to push” Can I step in here and say INTENSE but so beautiful. She was working so hard for this baby. No medication, she threw the gas tube at the nurse when she tried to make her use it. Tough girl. Good girl. I kept eye contact with her and we breathed through each painful contraction.
So she gets all the way to pushing and there is a pretty thick anterior lip of the cervix - the babies’ heart rate drops quite low and she is bleeding a lot - and then its panic mode. I felt so bad for her - there were like 8 people in the room; they are making her move from side to side to excite the baby. The anesthesiologist comes in and its kind of amusing now thinking back, he has to ask her all these questions right – any loose teeth? Any back problems? The poor girl is just trying to get through her contractions. She says “What teeth”.
It’s quick after this because they whisk her away to surgery. The heavy bleeding was a strong indicator that her placenta was already detaching and with her past complications no one was ready to take chances.
About 45 minutes later we got to lay eyes on a beautiful dark eyed screaming baby boy who weighed in at 6lbs10oz.
What a beautiful way to spend an evening.

As I drove home that night I smiled and felt such peace. I felt honoured that I was able to see the beauty on her face as she chose life for this baby. Her strength and courage are why I want to be at birth. In my lack of enthusiasm and joy lately it was nice and I even caught a glimpse of God – arms full of babies, tears running down His face. He was happy too.

End Poverty - Do Something!

Go sign your name.
Its time to be proactive and end complacency!

www.live8live.com

Make Povery History

There are presently 1.8 billion people living in extreme poverty. These are people living on less than one dollar a day. Extreme poverty is described as “poverty that kills.”
About 30,000 children die every 24 hours from preventable causes and disease. This means that every three seconds, a child dies. (As an exercise, snap you fingers every three seconds for a couple of minutes and let the reality of what that means sink in.)

Consider this statement that carries heavy weight: “We are the first generation with the plan, the technology and the money to end world poverty. What we don’t have is the will.”

Did you know that one of the commitments made was that the richest nations of the world would contribute annually 0.7% of their Gross National Income to finance the development goals. So far, Canada has yet to meet half of that target. Actually, Canada currently gives only 0.3% of Gross National Income to foreign aid. That is only 1/3 of a penny for every dollar earned. The US has done no better. Denmark, Norway, Sweden, the Netherlands and Luxembourg have all exceeded their commitments.
Recently in Ottawa, finance minister Goodale met with Jeffrey Sachs and in conversation admitted that although Canada can certainly afford to honour its 0.7% GNI commitment, there simply isn’t the political will to do so.

That’s where we come in. This is where our vote matters. This is where the world begins to hear that preventable poverty is not only a moral outrage but a primary Christian concern as well.

This July 6-8 at the 2005 G8 Summit, hosted by the British government in Gleneagles, Tony Blair has promised to make the Millennium Development goals a primary topic. Before then, governments need to hear from their citizens that these are concerns we expect them to address.

There are many ways to do this, here are four:
1. The most important thing to do right now is to log on to the Make Poverty History and Micah Challenge websites listed below and register your name in support of the world’s poor. Governments take notice of people movements.

2.Start reading. The resources listed below are full of nuanced information to help us understand the complexity of poverty as well as the achievable solutions to an unacceptable situation.

3. Develop awareness among your friends and social groups, churches and e-community. Feel free to quote this letter, in part, or in its entirety. Encourage individuals to visit these sights to register their names. Governments do respond to these things.

4. Order white arm bands from www.makepovertyhistory site and give them to friends to wear for the next several months.

Here are some helpful websites - make sure you sign on to any petition offered:
www.makepovertyhistory.ca (Canadian) www.one.org (US)

www.micahchallenge.ca (Canadian) www.micahchallenge.org/USA (US)

www.mcc.org - This is the best site I’ve found for a quick educational overview of the Make Poverty History Campaign. Click on the link for the campaign and follow the side bar issues. You can also find a quick two person skit that can easily be performed at your Church on a Sunday morning as part of an awareness campaign.
www.bread.org This is home for the Bread For The World Institute, a Faith based group seeking justice for the hungry by engaging in research and education on policies related to hunger and development. Click on “who we are” on the sidebar, then click on “Receive our free 12 page booklet: What You Can Do to End Hunger.” This would be a great resource to pass on to friends and pastors.

www.millenniumcampaign.org This is the UN’s site dedicated to the Millennium Development Goals. At the site, click on “The Goals” at the top bar and read what follows. At the bottom you can select the goals individually for more detail.

Thanks for taking time to read this through. Besides your own personal giving to good charities, a few moments of your time to sign on to the various petitions at the above sites will send a powerful message to our governments about how we expect our nations to be compassionate world citizens. Please resist cynicism.
We simply need to speak out on behalf of those whose voice is not being heard.

homeless with nowhere to go...

hey all, yes its been awhile since i last posted. busy busy. we have about 200 kids here this week with Mission Adventures so its been endless days of cleaning, cooking and running around. i get to stay in the quiet office most days away from the craziness but being here is being surrounded by lonliness.
so with our office being quite vacant we have become somewhat of a hotspot for the homeless in our neighbourhood. our office is good that way - lots of overhangs and warm dry spots for people. on monday we had 7 people using our ywam hotel. its a hard line to walk as we want to be friends with the people hurting in our neighbourhood but its also not healthy to be ushuring in this mindset of being a hotel. they leave (after being asked a few times) lots of garbage, drug paraphanelia and human excrement which we have to clean up. its not so pleasant. so i am now the resident bad guy making arrangements for gates and locks and organizing the poor cleaning crews who really should have masks.
so thats a day in the life...
walking a fine line and loving it.

the cutest baby ever!!! 

home sweet home..

i know its been awhile since i posted.. we were away in the COLD east. visiting daves family and doing some work stuff. it was a good trip. but its so nice to be home. i forget sometimes how much i like my house and my bed and my stuff.
the weather is amazing in one week of being gone the buds are gone and its so GREEN. the sky is blue today and the sun is bright its a great day to be alive.
i must continue catching up on work just wanted everyone to know we are happy to be alive and happy to be serving where we are.
love ya
dave & heather

SUNSHINE!

wow its amazing how warm it got so quickly. i love it. isn't it funny how people seem so much more happy when its warm outside. everyone is greeting each other and smiling. not to mention wearing sunglasses which you don't do very often here in vancouver. its a great day!
the office is quiet today.
its gonna be a fabulous day.
love you all.

why does everyone think i know everything??

thats the question for today. it seems as if i answer probably 200 questions a day from where is the invoice for this?, to do you know what the phone number is there? to where is the toilet paper? My desk is piled with papers to remember a bazillion things. thats just today.
i feel sad that i miss people today. i miss my friends from home, i miss emily and the joy she brings to my life? i miss married couples to hang out with and i miss my mom and today i really miss my dad. i miss my neices and my nephew and i miss the security of where the money will come from to pay random bills.
but after saying all that i remember who Jesus is and all the amazing things He give us. In order to make disciples we must first be disciples. A disciple of Jesus is someone who hasd counted the cost of discipleship and is more willing to pay. Jesus sacrifice purchased our salvation so that we can be "living sacrifices" - sacrificing our time, talents and treasures for the cause of Christ.
AS WE HAVE REVELATION OF THE WORTHINESS OF JESUS, THE PRICE IS EASY TO PAY!
I love you.
Thanks for listening.

happy william! 

sophia!