present

It's the eve of my birthday and all week I have had this blog post swirling around in my head. I am not entirely sure where this will go but hey sometimes It's much more fun this way.

This new phase in my life has been brewing for some time. It's actually WAY overdue.

Last year was supposed to be the year of me... I turned 30 on the 30th and felt like it meant so much. Although we had plenty of great things happen this last year it was NOT the year of me. I felt so far from myself most days. It was a dry year for me.. of course we are thankful for Jett and for the blessing of our dream house but inside I have been dry.

I feel more settled.. I feel more complete.. I feel so ready to thrive as a woman, as a mother, as a wife.

It's like this year is a gift.. a break that allows me to focus on me and my family. I want to quit surviving and I want to thrive.

For the last couple years I chose a word of the year.. that one little word. 08 was Simplify. 09 was Choose and I didn't even pick one this year.. I remember thinking of it but it just never came to be. Well I'm starting a new trend so today on the eve of my 31st birthday my one little word for this year will be Present. To be present. It's time. Time to focus. To be present in my own life, in my own story, in the lives of my children and my husband. To be present for my friends. My year to be free, joyful, confident and happy. Time to shine. I am so thankful for a chance to be present in my every day life.

We have started to make moves to enrich our lives. I joined a Mom's program that is going through a book about Parenting called "Have a new kid by Friday" SO good!! The principles are really resonating with me. I am looking forward to seeing us learn how to parent better. We need that over here most days. My aha moment so far has been when the author describes him main motivation for following this in his own house. It's my goal to raise givers not takers. I love that.

I also was invited by a friend to join a women's bible study and we are doing Beth Moore's Breaking Free. I can't begin to tell you how this speaks to me already and we only had one meeting. It feels like water to my dry dry soul.

Its' the year of being present and my first present to myself is to BE FREE.

happy baby.

I've had some people ask me about cloth diapering... this has been something I always wanted to do. With the twins I knew it was not feasible for us. So when we were expecting Jett we knew we wanted to try. For us it was about a few things... the two major reasons were cost. It is expensive to buy diapers... we calculated we spent about $630 per kid for the first year of diapering twins... yea and we did diapers for three years!!! YIKES!!

Since moving out of town and into the village we also do not get garbage pick up. (we can opt to pay for it - but like most others we just burn our garbage in a burn barrel) so... diapers do not burn (at least not well) So in order to produce less garbage we find cloth diapering a solid choice for us.

With a minor investment we are well on our way and I actually really like it. I don't mind laundry so that's half the battle. When Jett was little I used prefolds with some Motherease covers that I borrowed from a friend. She also lent me some Sandy's diapers that worked really well. They were small though and so they only lasted a short while. I invested a small amount of money and this is what we have in our drawer.

I will always recommend local and Stacey sells great diapers. She is a distributor and has stock in her house. I like that I can go to her house and she is always great for information. I have bought covers from her and just recently purchased one Applecheeks that I use with a microfiber insert. At first I didn't like it but realized I wasn't using it right - lol. I also bought a Totbot diaper that I LOVE! This is an all in one, one size fits all diaper. It's called an easy fit and I got it in Blueberry. This is a GREAT diaper... I may end up getting a couple more.

I needed a few more options and was so curious to try the Flip system. I needed to up my stash to be able to get a few days worth and purchased Flip Stay Dry System. It comes with 2 one size covers and 6 Stay Dry Inserts. I love the ease of this system. It's simple and the inserts are so absorbent. I also like that you can change the insert and reuse the cover. The other great part is the flip system also sells disposable inserts that you can use when you are going out. They work really well and again you can just reuse the cover.

Since I was purchasing at Cotton Babies I decided to try some Bumgenius diapers as well. They just came out with the 4.0 version which has snaps and Cotton Babies conveniently offers them in packs of three. So I purchased the Bumgenius 4.0 One size Stay Dry diapers. They stand up to their reputation. Very similar to the flip system they are soft and work really well. I have had no leaks and no blow outs.

So I have diapers to get me through a few days and generally do laundry every 2-3 days depending. I purchased a well made wet bag from Stacey which we hang on a hook on the side of Jett's dresser.

When it's time to do laundry I throw the contents of the bag along with the bag in the washer. I air dry my covers overnight and we are back in business.

It's been great for us. And we are happy with our decision to cloth diaper not only for Jett but also for the environment.

23 things

1. been entering into my craft room more lately. scrapped last weekend and have been sewing this weekend. i thrive on creativity. I am making the cutest clutch purses. My favorite is brown tweed.

2. always have design ideas in my head and my diy list gets longer and longer every day.

3. spent the afternoon/early evening at stanley park today with friends and family. best way to spend the day.

4. we have pretty great kids

5. trying new things... joined a bible study group with people i don't really know (kind of intimidating.. but good), also going to a mom's program in town at a church we don't attend (kind of scary)

6. made pumpkin cookies this weekend that taste SO good. especially with cream cheese icing

7. discovered life is made better with lactose pills

8. wandered my happy place (target) this past week. i enjoyed the day with no kids, great friends and got in my "bucks" fix.

9. enjoying the backyard more and more since we got this used on PVOL. the boys love it.

10. Jett smiles - it's so delicious

11. cloth diapering is surprisingly easy and i am so glad we made this choice.

12. i discovered making iced tea/lemonade - super good.

13. trying to cut out things so we can conquer our debt. we are praying to be debt free SOON - feels like an uphill never ending battle but trying to exercise faith and self control. ah who am I kidding we need a miracle.

14. speaking of exercise.. i suck at it.

15. i love my new hair color - it's bold and fun.

16. becoming more and more introspective lately... this last year was supposed to be the year of me and yet it has been a bit of a disappointment in regards to healing and being free. i am making steps to make sure that my 31st year doesn't disappoint.

17. today i had sex in a pan. it was good.

18. i am blessed by good friends... but i want to be more open and more vulnerable and stop feeling so much self doubt.

19. i don't want to have any more kids.. dave does. yeesh.

20. i have three kids. (and yes sometimes it just randomly hits me and I am overwhelmed.)

21. my addiction to gilmore girls is getting out of control. I LOVE it. just got through season 4 and cried when luke and lorelai finally got together. it is nice that dave enjoys watching it too.. seriously good one liners. some days I laugh till I cry.

22. i am enough, i have enough, i do enough

23. I am afraid to ask God what He thinks of me.

do more

I was checking blogs this morning and came across this post over at Under the Sycamore.. it grabbed me. I have more thoughts on this but can't really put them into words right now. For now please go over and read on. So inspiring. There are ways to act too.

I did.

family. explosions.

this summer my bro and family came out from out west. it was SO GOOD to be all together.. but way too short. we had Lisa shoot some family photos one night. they were going so well...

and then he exploded...

for dave on the occasion of my birthday

Dave told me that he checks my blog every morning cause he likes to know what I'm thinking - lol. Obviously not a whole lot lately.. so this one is for you. On the occasion of my 31st birthday these are the things on my wish list... of course you do not need to (and I know he won't) buy me them all.. I may even be lucky to get one. In no particular order...

1. A ipod docking station... I like music to play in my house and I think having one would be great for in the kitchen. Nothing fancy.

2. A fuji Instax camera. I love the idea of being able to snap photos and print.. the pics come in a credit card size - perfect for scrapbooking!

3. A new coffee maker.. I love my tassimo but I would also like a normal sized one with a stainless steel carafe so I can keep it warmer longer. My old one died over a year ago and I inherited an old one from my mom... it's time to upgrade and since I am home this year I have been already drinking ALOT of coffee.

4. Jewelry.. this is hard there are many necklaces I would like. I would love something with my kids names or initials in... and anything from Armelle... especially this, this and this.

5. I love Gussy.. she makes such nice girly things. I would love this wristlet to throw in my diaper bag to carry the essentials and be able to take it out for quick trips in and out.

6. oh my word THIS GUY... and I would take him in all four colors.. they'd make a cute little family.

dining room revamp

I have always struggled with our dining room... it's a large space. it's a weird space... When we first looked at the house it was one of the first things we were unsure of.. what would we do with it. We have a small table so it felt silly putting it in there... of course we have dreams for that room. We hope to have a fireplace put in some day and I can just imagine some comfy arm chairs and a nice warm space to hang out in.. but for now there was just this big open space.

I have often seen craft nooks or reading areas on Ohdeedoh (one of my fave site's) It finally occurred to me that this was the perfect solution. Now we are also in a tight spot financially and since I married the great Dave I have become a bit more frugal. So I knew this had to be done on a TIGHT budget.. I had ideas swimming around in my head and a few trips to the basement, MCC and a friend stopping at Ikea as well as some moving of furniture this is what we did.

My fave project was the old frame turned chicken wire message board - which I saw first on Ashley Ann's site. I have always looked at MCC for a large frame and never saw one until this one day where I looked up.. I have never really looked up at MCC... they have large prints with frames above the shelves that hold all the small electronics. Big Score was this guy at $10 the boys actually called it my scary picture...

Well a million staples removed and a good coat of spray paint and we ended up with a masterpiece.

I also loved her idea of covering the cloths pins... again a random spot by the puzzles at MCC and 75 cents later I had these...

So here is the before....

and the after.

still working on updating the picture wall with recent photos.

we like it. it has also come in handy as a kids table when we have company. so on a dime it is a great space. here's the breakdown.

White Ikea Table - already owned. we used it a desk downstairs

White bookcase/bench - Rona 49.99 (with a 10% discount)

Frame - MCC $10

Spray paint - already had from another project

Chicken wire - a friend gave it to me for free :)

Puzzle - 75 cents

Ikea Picture Ledge (used to hold books) $14.99

The white high chair was a SCORE at a garage sale for $20. I plan to spray paint it the same blue as the frame and I am making a pad for it out of super cute fabric.

Everything else was already there we just repurposed and moved things around.

three

it's hard to believe you are three months old. chubby, smiley, calm Jett. we love you. all of you.

home

we had a fantastic time in Ottawa. I will post about our trip soon.. I also have some deeper topics on the front burner.. for now heres a taste.

6

7 years ago we met and because of your pursuit fell in love. We crossed Canada dipping our feet in both oceans - wrote our love story along the way. A few months later you surprised me in Ottawa and proposed... here we are 6 years later celebrating our anniversary.

to the man who is kind, gentle, patient, compassionate, passionate, loyal and full of love thanks for making sure I stopped long enough to realize what I had been waiting for was right in front of me. i am a lucky lady. love you.

three kids later, a bit rounder and maybe a bit rougher around the edges I think I may be more in love with you now. looking forward to many more.

winner + another fave

So Ari picked a winner from my music giveaway! Thanks for all your suggestions!! Ari picked a number and Carmelle you are the winner!! I will drop off a goodie for you when we get home from holidays.

I made a photo book with Mac which if you have a Mac I highly recommend. It was so easy and shipped so fast. The quality is amazing. I have enjoyed going through the photos we took with Marcy there are so many good ones..

10 weeks ago...

Hard to believe you were in there

photo taken by Marcy Penner

happy place + giveaway

Music sends me to a happy place... I must have it on when I am working in the kitchen or just enjoying a snuggle with any of my little ones.. lately the littlest one gets the most cuddles.

In planning my home birth I wanted to create a play list that could be on during labor and delivery. And although things did not go according to that plan I have enjoyed my "baby playlist" many times. I have also played it for Jett a few times in his room as he learns to sleep in his crib at least for naps...

I love learning about new music.. leave me a comment with your current favorite song and I'll pick a name and you will win a Norwex product!!

two months

oops two days late in posting this.

weight - 11lbs 10oz

height - 22"

he is lovely. we like him ALOT.

and..

for something completely different. i have been a fan of Armelle's Blog for quite some time. She has impeccable fashion taste, makes yummy food and designs jewelry. Pretty amazing jewelry. If it were in the budget I would be picking these...

Sierra Necklace

Callie Locket Necklace

coraline necklace

oh and these vintage floral mum's are ADORABLE and I would like one in every color.. but these are especially beautiful. S

vintage mum's in canary

She has a ton of great stuff go check it out AND if you are lucky enough to live in the state's she is offering free shipping till tomorrow!!

journaling.

I am really excited about THIS

Check out my sidebar for more!

My very excellent and fabulous friend and official family photography Marcy is in on it. Anyone else going to join in the fun?

on Jett & life

Wow 8 weeks already! It's amazing how fast it goes. I am also wondering how the heck it got to be August already??!! I am torn between making this post only pictures and keeping it light or telling you all how I really feel.... oh you know me so well.

8 weeks

I am tired. Really tired. I am unsure I like the feeling's I am having. Although I don't remember much of the first year with the boys these feeling's feel somewhat familiar. Jett is terribly cute but also hard to manage some days. He has had tummy issues from day one - I even cut out dairy! In the last few days if he is not being held he is screaming (in the evening even if he is held is screaming) His sleep is atrocious... impossible to put down. He does get one good strech of 4 hours from about 10pm till 2am and then we are back to feeding every 2 hours.... it's a vicious cycle. I know my milk supply is plenty (I pumped the other day and in 10 minutes I got 8 oz - this mama makes enough milk for the school yard)

I am kind of at a loss. It's tiring and I feel so bad for the older boys who get so little of my attention these days. Like even right now Jett is laying down (which is rare - I got him to sleep by putting him on his tummy - I know I know call CFS see if I care) the boys are having quiet time and so I am alone for like maybe 10 minutes... till someone wants juice or a snack or boobie.

And for this next part if any of you are reading this and this is your life please don't comment about it.. I am happy for you and all but I don't want to hear it right now.. I can't handle hearing anymore people talking about how there infants sleep for 8-9 hour stretches!! Seriously shut up!! I even had to hide some people's status's from appearing in my facebook news feed cause I was going to throw up if I have to read it anymore.

I think part of me expected this would be easy.. I mean it is easy in comparison to having twins but yet I just thought it would be easier. Dave and I fight all the time.. mostly about either dealing with a screaming newborn or how to parent our other two. It's all tiring. And then this happened...

This morning I was sitting outside with a cup of coffee watching N & A ride their bikes and rocking J in his car seat with my foot re-reading Traveling Mercies (a life changing book - and yes Bud I will return it) I am not sure if I missed this part or what but today it practically jumped off the page...

"Christianity is about water. It's about baptism, full immersion, falling into something elemental and wet. Most of what we do in wordly life is gared toward our staying dry, looking good, not going under. But in baptism - in lakes and rain and tanks you agree to do something that's a little sloppy because at the same time it's holy and absurd. It's about surrender; giving in to all those things we can't control: it's a willingness to let go of balance and decorum and get drenched.

And in the Christian experience of baptism, the hope is that when you go under and you come out, maybe a little disoriented, you havn't dragged that old day along behind you. The hope, the belief is that a new day is upon you now. A day when you take God at God's word about cleanness and protection. "When though passeth thru the water, I will be with thee; and through the river's, they shall not overflow thee."

God isn't there to take away our suffering or pain but to fill it with his presence."

So there you have it.. I am such an imperfect parent and flawed woman BUT I am trusting that this too shall pass and with refinement and more grace than a girl knows what to do with.. I shall come out of the water facing a NEW day... better than the one I was holding onto... and for all those perfect people who post their perfect status's I hope you too find what your looking for.

swim fish swim

We decided to do swimming lessons this year.. the boys already love the water but I figured it was a good activity to keep them busy for two weeks. They had so much fun! By week 2 they were slightly bored cause they are already so comfortable in the water and there is only so much Motorboat, bubble gum bum and What's the time Mr. Wolf you can handle. By the Friday of week 1 they were doing belly flops from the side of the pool and swimming underwater holding their breathe for a good 5 seconds.

I loved watching them! They usually had a fan club and we got to spend some good family time by the side of the pool. Shout out to cousins Cody & Kara who consistently came to cheer them on!

And of course Jett was there... pretty much always doing this...

just too tired

the lack of sleep has had me lacking in the blogging department. have no ideas on what to write about... i'll be back soon.

fyi - did you know new parents (and I am going to say mom's after the first baby - cause dave sleeps very well) loose the equivalent of 6 months sleep.. fo sho.

me

So I find when I blog about myself people comment but when it's about kids I get no loving.. so I guess me it is :)
Weight = 150.