its getting closer..

insert jaws theme song here. daily our new house goes under big changes. already these pics are out of date and they were taken last week. the inside is drywalled and we should have hydro by today, all the windows and doors are in and i have finally finished picking pretty much everything that will go inside other than paint colours.. oh benjamin moore why do you do this to me... i have been uploading recent pics HERE. go see them its exciting.

better late than never..

i feel as though life gets away from me sometimes.. heres to Ari & Noah who celebrated 18 months last week... somedays if i allow myself to look back it seems it happened so fast... i still feel a bit in the stage where looking back isn't as healthy as it could be but I am learning to celebrate how far we have come and how good my little guys really are. I am blessed and happy that they are mine and I can celebrate them and all they are each day.
They had their checkups yesterday and she was happy with them and where they are at. They have skyrocketed in percentiles since there last visit. Noah weighs 27.8lbs and Ari is sitting at 26.1lbs remembering that his diarrhea has been much worse. Noah went into the 70th percentile from the 20th and Ari into the 60th. They are both 77cm. She was happy with there development although there speech is a bit behind but its likely because they are twins. They definitely communicate with each other and understand commands. They are super good with signs and I just need to be really intentional about speaking out all things I am doing with them. I am working really hard not to compare them to other kids and wonder whats wrong.. all things are good.
So to my sweeties.. Ari may you continue to search high and low for excellence. May you pursue things whole heartedly not looking back. I hope you learn gentleness especially towards your brother and may you take his rubbing your back as a sign of love not loathing.... I love you and your enthusiasm for life. Noah may you always remain soft and aware of all that goes on around you. I encourage the gentle spirit you have and hope that it stays tender. I love cuddling with you and speaking from experience I know that someday your future wife will too... I know sometimes you must feel picked on by your brother but I am proud that you continue to display your love for others by being sweet.
I love you both and am definitely blessed with a double portion. My hope is that I would continue to nurture and encourage the things that cause you to thrive. May you never feel in the others shadow but always feel you are unique and special because you are you!

its beginning to look alot like christmas

i'm into the season this year!! last year was too crazy and i feel i didn't really get to experience it all. this year although my decorations are minimal.. due to the age and grabiness of my twins and also the fact that packing and moving is inching closer and closer. i am in love with the sparkle around my house. i have been a busy bee crafting alot lately. i am trying to make handmade gifts this year. its an interesting thing to embark on because the amount of time and energy that goes into it can be scary... will the receiver really appreciate a handmade gift? or would it be better to go to dollarama. but i am enjoying the process.. here is a glimpse around my house for the holidays. i made the button trees inspired by Ali
also if you have not yet purchased Sarah Maclachlan's Wintersong... run don't walk to the store right now and pick it up...

the makings of a good evening...

sarah mclachlan's wintersong playing in the background
christmas lights sparkling on my kitchen hutch
sitting down at the table working on a craft project
my husband sitting beside me studying
drinking coke slurpees
a good evening

stink and other stuff...

this week has been good, bad, up, down and eventful. it was nice for dave to have monday off and we got a lot accomplished. he went to help the guys at the house which was so good for him. he talked about how good it was for him the rest of the day... he's like that its good for his soul to do stuff with his hands... speaking of the house went there yesterday and they have all the walls up, the house is shingled. its crazy to see the interior walls up and really see what each room will look like. i love it!
the boys have been teething something fierce. its painful to watch. they have bad diarrhea which is gross and really getting on my nerves. i have changed Noah four times since 1am and its only 9:30. i have finally given in to pedialyte to make sure they don't get dehydrated.
i have no vehicle today so it will be a lay low kind of day which i think they might like. we have been busy pretty much every morning this week. all good stuff mind you but its nice to have time to just sit around in sweats and play!!
tuesday was eventful and i was unsure if i wanted to share or not but here goes anyways... around 4:45 ari had an "episode" really not sure what it was or even how it started. it lasted about 20 minutes and when dave got him we took him to the Urgent Care Clinic where they referred to us to Emergency to check if he had some kind of mild seizure. After seeing the worlds worst doctor I am pretty sure it wasn't a seizure but maybe something that was affecting his stomach and he was unable to handle or deal with the pain. it was scary. i have realized something that has in a way liberated me and my motherhood. it was one of the first times that i clearly understood my place in his life. i knew that something was wrong. i could see it all over his face and his body language... i knew inside that there was something not right. and thankfully he seems fine and is back to normal (other than massive amounts of poop - which did i mention is getting really irritating)
in other news we are about to enter unchartered territory in the mess we began when we separated our kids to "teach" they to sleep better.. Ari loves his playpen.. he sleep there for naps and for night situated right next to the washing machine in our laundry room.. well tonight he will be placed in his crib in the same room as Noah in the hopes that they will readjust to being back together again... part of me feels like we are going to be sorry. But the laundry room is not working anymore and although we did build our new house with three rooms upstairs we would really like them to share a room for as long as they will have it. anyone have any experience with the adjustment of going into sharing a room?? positive thoughts sent our way for the next couple nights greatly appreciated.
and last but not least i want to wish Marcy a happy birthday today! thanks for the inspiration and friendship you have granted me this past year. it all makes me happy.

seriously

dirty diaper count today
ari 4 noah 6
are you kidding me crap?

progress

oooh it looks like a house... yep they have been cruising the last couple weeks. this morning when i drove by the shingles were going up. anyways here are some more pictures. i get so excited whenever i visit the house. still hard to believe that it will be our new home.
in order from left to right...
pic 1: taken friday afternoon from the front
pic 2: taken friday afternoon from the street (street sign is up and the bay is paved)
oops pic 3: should actually be the last pic taken monday afternoon.
pic 4: garage on friday afternoon
pic 5: the view from the landing to my kitchen/dining room
pic 6: the front of the house on friday afternoon.
(click on collage to see bigger pics)

my faveorite thing right now..

loving Etsy.com these days. i seriously could search forever and it makes me happy to see all those handmade beautiful products. for those of you who are unaware of what Etsy is... let me introduce you. its a site where you can buy and sell things that are handmade. from cards, to jewelery, art, all things for baby. its a great site and whats better than supporting artists with incredible talent. i always imagine all the moms who are making beautiful blankets and bibs. the talented women making beautiful jewelery out of gorgeous beads. so in my tribute to this wonderful site i will leave you with my current favorites. as my wish list grows i will bring you more...
Holly - she is a vinyl art design genius. i am ordering her cute little monkey for the boys new room.
Vaeda - love the beautiful prints this photographer creates. the prints come in a few sizes. i am especially in love with this Speculative fine art photograph.
Moreygirl - She makes beautiful baby gifts.. blankets, burp cloths, bibs and the CUTEST pacifier strings ever. I am hoping to order her Turtle and Alphabet Pacifier clips soon.
Red Star Studio - of course for all things paper crafting theres my good friend Marcy with the cutest felt journals ever.
Jacqueline Knits - oh my she does the cutest thing.. she knits little jackets for apples and pears. seriously so adorable. she also knits coffee cup sleeves, scarves and a few other goodies.
So there you have it my current faves. Please do go check out Etsy and I am sure you will find something you love. Let me know if you do!!

even Dave gets tagged..

Emily tagged Dave.....
Here are the rules: You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.) When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post and then choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

A - Affirmation. Dave is a master at this. Especially with me. I was first drawn to him partly because of this. He has this special way of knowing the right words to say. Redeeming words I always say. No matter how I feel he is always ready with words of affirmation

A - Artistic - Dave is wired to use his right brain. He is artistic, creative and more spontaneous. He enjoys working with his hands. Not many of you will know he is a terrific artist. Putting beautiful images to canvas.

R - Risk Taker. One of Daves favorite sayings are "blaze your own trail" He is willing to take risks and not afraid of breaking any mold. I admire that about him although I probably usually criticize him for it only because I am NOT like that. I can appreciate it and realize my need to be more of a risk taker. Not afraid of what anyone thinks.

O - Odd. No Dave is not Odd but he enjoys Odd foods. He will be the first to try anything and really like it.. Octopus, Tongue and His favorite Dog. Ugg

N - Nothing. The master of doing nothing and enjoying himself. It amazes me how he can just do nothing for long periods of time. He is so laid back... people used to have him teach other people how to chill out. One of my first memories of him is getting me to sit down for just two minutes and do nothing (in a really busy time) drove me nuts. But secretly (don't tell him) i wish i was more like him and could just sit and do nothing more.

a little tweaking..

what do you think.. my personal blog tweaker is busy at it again. thanks for all your comments on my last post by the way. i think the photos are amazing too.

difrancescos fall 2007

had a photo shoot with a friend. she took really great pictures that captured the fun we are having as a family. its funny to look at them now though as they boys look soooo different with their haircuts. i had a hard time picking my faves but you can view them all online HERE.

making progress...

so i am a little afraid that my "break" which really lasted a week people has left me with less blog readers than before... no comments on my post from yesterday. hopefully you are still reading. went past our new house yesterday which is really starting to look like a house... they finished the floor and the outside walls are up. they poured cement for the garage pad. its crazy... here are some pics... the first one is from last week and the next two are from yesterday. close up pics coming soon.

Saying Goodbye to Bisnonna

its been a whirlwind couple of days. at 12:30pm on Saturday Dave's Grandma took her last breath. her death didn't come as a complete shock.. she had been suffering for awhile now. we spent an hour or so weighing all our options.. does dave go alone, do we go without kids, does he take one, or do we all go.. we made the decision after checking on flights (which we got an amazing deal on) that we would all go. dave really wanted us all to go. so we left here early sunday morning with a trip to winnipeg where we valet parked our van loaded ALL our stuff.. we are talking two car seats, playepen, strollers, suitcases and of course the babies... and boarded the plane to Hamilton. it went really well.. i was shocked and amazed at how well they were on the plane. sunday was tough on the boys as naps were pretty much non existant and they had been up early. they were overwhelmed with many new people and didn't take well to that. by the time we got them to bed that night it was 8:30 and wouldn't you believe it they slept ALL night and were up at 8:30 the next day. what wonderful sleep!!
monday was a good day... yummy breakfast, good time spent with family, a little shopping trip with lydia and julia to the mall where i found the boys black shirts (finally - thanks h&m). One of the highlights for me was getting to go to our absolute faveorite restaurant ever Sappuro's Japenese All you can eat sushi extravaganza... oh my!!! i can't even begin to tell you the sensory overload i enjoy there. and what better than to be surrounded by family and our good friends Morgan and Martha (who are basically family). Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa for watching the boys!
Yesterday was the funeral and although it was difficult for me to concentrate with chasing the boys around in the back it was a lovely service. The boys did well (as everyone told me). I had a difficult time when we got to the graveyard for Grandmas buriel. I had a hard time with the boys who were getting a bit out of hand.. I missed the entire thing while chasing Ari and watching Noah face plant down some pavement (while i thought dave was watching him and he thought i was watching him) As I scooped up my little guy and dug rocks out of his mouth i was overwhelmed with sadness of the idea of buriel and all that meant. I know she wasn't my grandma but still the effect of her life touches mine and I never really got to say goodbye.
The flight home was good as well... a bit tough as the boys were tired but I was happy those around us were still in love with the boys when we landed exclaiming how cute they were and how good they had been. Highlight of the trip home was when we got to the airport and we were standing in line waiting to pay for parking and some random stranger gave my 17 month old a sucker and even went so far as to unwrap it and give him his first taste of the sweetest thing since breast milk. thanks mister.
We got lots of great photos and for those in Ontario who would like to see them or anyone else for that matter here is a sneak peek.


I uploaded them all to a Picasa Web Album and you can view them all HERE.
Next post will be an update on our house which is going up so fast.
Oh and by the way Its good to be back.

overload..

have patience with me this week.. so much to share. our life voyage will be on post overload.. have patience and stay tuned...

its working

its working.. this has been a great week. hang in there. i'm coming back better than ever... soon.

the end and the beginning

honestly i hate it when people say they are taking a break from blogging... now hate is a pretty strong word you might be thinking.. but it proves my point. i am hating pretty much everything these days. i am doing damage to myself and especially those closest to me. i am tired of having nothing good to blog about because i can't seem to find much good in anything these days. i am going on a journey and exploration to find me again... need to find me before i move on... need a bit of truth to carry out each day. so i'm taking a little break.. not from you (i'll be reading) but just needing to remember how much good there is in my life and remember joy again. it won't be a long break... if i have something to blog about i will... i just need to learn how to communicate with the here and now instead of hide behind my keyboard. wish me peace, light, wisdom and joy on my journey.

going deeper feeling shallow

i remember when i had my birthday last month.. i was full of aspirations for this next year. i really want to be a truth teller... to myself. i feel most of the reasons i am flailing around is because i am so good at telling myself lies. so good at conjuring up stories and blowing them out of proportion.
the other night i was trying to quiet my mind and be able to hear clearly.. there was nothing i could do to stop thoughts from coming and just distracting me from trying to be quiet. seems my to do lists are always a mile long.. they usually never get done which leaves me guilty and hard on myself. its getting old. part of my just wants to give up.. maybe thats the answer.
yesterday someone reminded me of how people see me.. usually the words that follow are joyful, bright smile, lights up a room, happy, bubbly... uggg. don't get me wrong yes i love that and i know thats part of me.. but when will the inside line up again. i do remember what that felt like to purely feel like that even though it was so long ago i do remember. i do have glimpses of that girl.
i'm wanting more vulnerability in my life. freedom to be who i am... more opportunities to just get down and dirty and really get rid of the crap deep in my heart. i attend a group of women that meets every other Wednesday. been life to me since we started meeting last year. its a good place.. a safe place but yet yesterday i felt like i couldn't share.. i always share and i felt so insecure that people were sick of hearing about my crap. we have started to attend a care group from our church this year as well... its good.. but yet such a range of people its hard to get close and deep. we need like a life group of people our own age who really feel like going deeper is the only way anyone will walk in freedom. why is this so hard to achieve?
ok seriously i have jumped around and rambled long enough.. i am going to get up and go spend some time with my kids now. just let this settle and come back and read it again later.

Wordless Wednesday - Brothers

photo entered in The Twinkies fall photo contest. Check it out HERE.

pinching pennies...

I think I talked about this once before. My lack of faith in regards to being taken care of.. financially speaking. In the life we had before this one :) we were in full time ministry and we raised all our own support which was challenging at best. But for some reason I always knew it would just work out just faith that was anchored deep down. I had seen it happen in the craziest ways.. last minute miracles.
My faith is just not the same as it used to be. I guess maybe too many wind storms have begun to pull up my anchor and my faith is swept away... Dave started school today.. 9 weeks. He is an apprentice in his trade which means every year he goes to school. He was excited for the change and I think feeling like new confidence would come with some schooling under his belt. I know this was always in the plan but today I woke up panicked... we spent the weekend talking about things we would have to do differently in these next 9 weeks... He goes on unemployment so he only gets a percentage of what he made... unemployment takes up to 5 weeks to get....
I vowed to not spend a penny on scrapbooking (with the exception of the November kit), not as many Tim's runs, eating out is out of the question... just the bare necessities. Why is this so hard to live with less? Its clear to me the timing of everything is obviously bigger than us... so today i will be reminded that I have all I need... my kids have all they need in us (and a few cases of diapers). Thanks for letting me share. Just needed to get it off my chest.

vicious cycle

2 boxes of kleenex in two days. snot everywhere. mass amounts of water consumed. back on herbs. poor babies. poor mommy.