it is a good friday

thankful for time to relax this weekend after a long and busy week. now that i am working the days blur together. things at my new job are amazing. i just love it. the boys are adjusting so well.. they love their time with arlene. we have been watching siding go up on our house... its so nice to see the end of the construction phase.. can't wait for our driveway (with spring it is MUCKY).
not much news to report just wanted to let you know we are all still here. i have some new pics and stories with ari and noah but am not at home right now so that will have to wait. hopefully a new and inspired post soon.. i will leave you with some things i am loving right now.
i have already shared my love for ETSY with you but in particular i am loving THIS shop right now. looking to order some fabulous fabric soon...such yummy things. especially this pattern.
Love this idea HERE.

And thanks to Arlene leaving her ipod at our place one evening I am loving Sarah Harmer and her intense lyrics especially the track "coffee stain". You must check it out.

Happy Easter.

shes crafty..

have had such a great weekend.. more posting on my saturday evening fesitivies but to tide you over i've been up to lots of crafty things this weekend. finally got some me time to scrap thur, fri and this afternoon... heres a peek.. you can always check out my gallery for more!

Inspired yet?

1. in my living room., 2. on a cloudy day, 3. Folded Prettiness, 4. Another Blue Cup Photo, 5. Simple, 6. Purple Micro-suede handbag purse, 7. Sarah Richardson, 8. crib with linens, 9. art every day...4/13, 10. Untitled, 11. Corner of my Kitchen, 12. vintage kitchen cannisters
these are favorite shots i have found in flickr... so inspired. not sure why #2 didn't work but white space is good too...

lets back up...

(this post has been started for awhile now so some of it is old news that most of you have just not heard yet)
its hard to put into words what i am feeling. granting myself permission to accept all this - feeling undeserving of all the incredible blessings.
a few weeks back i listened to my uber talented, spirit led, cousin, encouraging, teacher friend Chris give a message at church. He's one of those people who speak the heart of God. He challenged me to remember how life giving it is to remain in the center of God's will. daily i go back to this and the desire in me is growing deeper.. and with recent events just begging me to remain there. i accepted a job offer a couple weeks ago (since writing this i have completed a week of work) its a job that i have wanted and waited for. i feel sometimes letting go of my own agenda is what places me back in the centre. i will be working at a school literally steps from my house part time as an admin assistant (the new word for secretary) i have felt incredible peace in this process - not nervous too much just knowing that God will work out the details. my kids of course have been my main priority having good care for them... i kind of thought it would just show up at my door step if this was the path i was to take and yea it basically did. a girl we know from church and also one of my good friends sister in law. offered to come over and watch them.. amazing right? yea totally amazing. arlene is great... she is so good with my kids and they love her already... now when i leave in the morning they don't even cry they just play with "leene" i am blown away...
and my job.. well i am in love. its more than i thought it would be. i just love it. and even better. life just seems like it makes more sense to me. my relationship with my kids is 100% better and even with dave... its not them.. its me. i am happier and just really sure that this is whats best for us all right now. my relationship with the boys is a much healthier one... all over its lovely.
granted life has looked just different to me since Renee's passing. the world is just such a different place and more than ever just believing that i can and am the recipient of all good blessings.... deserving in fact. I just want to soak it all in and i am drowning in a puddle of gratefulness. hopeful that i will remain floating in the center.

i owe you..

i owe you all a good post.. so much has happened in the past few weeks and i am painfully reminded of the beauty of life. i will try to get a post finished this afternoon. but for right now i am so thankful for my boys.. watching them play cars on the coffee table and all the great sounds they make ok not quite honest they are playing cars and with necklaces... just keeping in touch with the feminine side. i also love that i got to spend time with these two gorgeous people this past weekend. although the circumstances sucked it warmed my heart......

LIVE this life full...

the events of yesterday have left a deep imprint on my heart... deeper than I thought. we attended Renee's funeral yesterday. surreal is the best explanation I can offer. an intimate, authentic, deeply sad, joyous, life changing memorial to someone who has left her mark in this world. in our hearts, in nations and in the justice she sought. i loved the visual picture wade painted as he reminded us of the tattoo Renee had on her ankle.. the Khmer word for hope. a painful reminder of a young, vibrant, uncommon, beautiful woman who knew the meaning of pain and suffering yet saw so much hope in herself and her world. she truly is promoted to glory as her dad has so eloquently said. the whole service was just what Renee would have loved. the quirky read poems that she loved, those she was closest to giving their tributes in language that Renee spoke. joanna spoke only as eloquently as she can and gave a deep tribute to the woman we knew in ywam. she played a video of Renee giving her testimony and also the readers theatre that Renee has written for The Rendevous in 03. It was a powerful picture of how gifted she was. I think that the angels are probably practicing her Earth, Fire, Water, Wind piece.. the drums must sound fantastic up there.
I could just see Renee in heaven worshiping with her king as we were lead in songs that meant so much to her and her mom. I found myself feeling so closely the presence of God...
somehow her parents mustered up strength to give tribute to their beautiful Renee... my heart is broken when I think of them having now lost three children to this savaging disease.
wade broke it all open as he gave a message of hurting and healing. he spoke right from the heart of Jesus and I know that I know that I know Renee loved every minute of it as did we. i appreciate his honesty and his no need for sugar coating.
he ended with the prayer of St.Patrick set to techno that Renee would have loved. i have no words to express the feeling in that room at that moment as we all realized that she was truly gone. that she wasn't going to get up and dance to wades kick ass techno this time. but that she did arise through god's strength to pilot her, through His might to uphold her, through His wisdom that guided her. that now His eyes were looking at her, His ears were hearing her, He is speaking to her.. Christ be with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit, Christ when I arise....

www.

a life to touch many... read the article HERE.

seriously..

i have so much to say that its making it harder to blog... new changes. i started a new job today!! yea i know most of you just had no clue.. i will blog later about details. its been incredible... child care miracles, just such good stuff.. i'll be back with details my child is wanting to get up from his nap.

see you on the other side

Renee went home to be with Jesus today. Now she is resting in his arms.

don't leave me..

coming soon.. new post. so much going on. its crazy. hopefully tonight.

and the book goes too....

I loved reading your lists and hope you were encouraged to try creative writing in some way. Dave selected (randomly) two numbers and I have two winners... Karla and Dixie! Congrats. I wish I could give you all the book.. so maybe you should stop by Kim's site and order it for yourselves. I have Karla's address so Dixie if you could email me yours that would be great. I want to try to put up some kind of creative challenge more often. so stay tuned!

live lusciously

if you are a regular reader you will remember me mentioning Kim McMechan a brilliant writer, singer and life coach. i was given a phone session with her as a gift and have been living life differently since. she encouraged me in my creative life and in light of that the rest of my life as well. she has a website HERE. i am greatly inpsired by her. i was also given her book as a gift which beautifully titled Tripping Into Daylight has become my most used book. Its a journal of stories, poems and life reflections.
Just today I was reading in it and this part spoke so softly to me.

"The more I live, the more my heart calls me to live one day at a time.
It is deeply needed. Otherwise there gets to be too many questions you
can't answer, will probably never be able to answer.
You start holding on, and holding on makes you loose the very things you were trying
so hard to keep all that time. I know it is only by living from this place
of letting go that you really live, really get to take life in."

She is generous and has given me some books to give away. I have been trying to come up with some clever blog giveaway that would encourage you to expand your mind and your creative life but have not come to any real clever conclusions. So I am just going to pick a winner at random. But first heres a challenge taken from her book. I challenge you to write a list of 10 beautiful things. There is power in writing things down. You are able to see more clearly that which you write down. It gets it out of your head where things usually stay vague and irritating.

You don't have to share in order to win. Just leave your name in the comments.
But heres my list.

10 beautiful things
1. the smell of coffee brewing
2. the sound of ari & noah when they chatter to each other
3. the feel of fresh sheets
4. seeing my favorite coffee mug on the window sill in the morning light
5. the way the sun shines in my piano window around 1pm
6. a clean picked up house
7. the smell of vanilla laundry sheets lingering on clean clothes
8. dave saying i love you
9. the way i feel when my clothes really fit
10. pages in my journal full and messy

alright so ready set go.. leave your name.. i will pick a winner this weekend... you really want this book.

for the pallisters...

you know those friends who you don't get to see very often but it doesn't matter they just will always be life long friends because you share so much more than a postal code... today we got a package in the mail and i will let the photos speak for themselves. thanks guys. we felt the love.

want to make heather happy buy her coffee.. oh wait even better buy her good vancouver continental coffee.

want to make dave happy send him a home brewing magazine.. his words were along the lines of "this is the best magazine ever" "i need like five of these in my garage" "wow" "i love this magazine" good job guys.

IMAGE (ine)

taking a page from Ali's book and tried a mosiac using my fave photos right now from flickr. embracing my desire to be inspired by images is not only getting my creative juices flowing but i find it healing as well... encourage yourself today. try something.1. my favorite chair., 2. tiny space, big pattern!, 3. Little green colander, 4. tiny little clothes, 5. fo: anna stockings, 6. aug17, 7. Untitled, 8. 2nd purse, 9. Taking a Flickr Break....!, 10. a beautiful morning..., 11. Just For Show, 12. ::

what hell would be like

today on a online multiples group i am a part of someone who has two singletons under 5 and a set of twins who turned 2.. she is expecting another set of twins. seriously this is my worst nightmare, my biggest fear, the thing that makes me want to barf just thinking about.. and people are congratulating her and so excited..
i get this alot when people ask "if we are done" like life will be over once you stop having kids. i usually say "we'll probably have one more" and then they always look at me with this sly smile and say "or maybe another set?" seriously could you be any more insensitive.. could you really hate me that much that you would wish that upon me. don't get me wrong i am happy with my twins and i love them but there is only so much one person can handle. so don't say it, don't even think it for fear that your thoughts will escape into the atmosphere and jinx me....
oh and on a unrelated issue i have had to put my comment moderation back on because of a stupid spammer i have had.. sorry but you'll have to put in those stupid codes.

all things a & n

thought it was high time to write a post dedicated to telling you about ari and noah these days.. its been awhile. at 20 months they are busy... each day has its ups and downs of course. i am sitting on the fence.. this stage is easier then when they were babies yet harder in some regards. maybe it helps that i don't really remember the first 6 months. i find them more frustrated these days as they struggle to communicate but they know what they want and when i don't get it.. they are mad. we are in the tantrum stage.. some days much worse than others. currently they are both sick again... when this cold hit dave commented "well they've been healthy for a long time now" i looked at him and said "three weeks dave its been three weeks" took noah in for a follow up from his croup hospitalization and he had chest xrays done and has a mild case of pneumonia.. and to top it off an ear infection which surprised me i had no idea.. so we continue with the puffers we are on with the hopes that when they hit 4 all these wheezy asthma type symptoms will go away.
i decided to give you some highlights/lowlights from the past few months and hopefully give you a bit of insight into their little blossoming personalities.
* watching them learn to "twirl" and their realization of how fun it is to not walk strait and bang into walls. hilarious.
* walking in on Ari after a nap where he promptly handed me his diaper and showed me the pee on his mattress.
* Ari is a bit of a brute when it comes to his brother. he tends to hit noah alot these days.
* favorite things: buses, sitting on chairs alone, you tube, dancing and grandpa
* they have now tried jello and think its fun
*Ari eats ALL things ALL the time
* Noah doesn't really like meat.
* They love books - not much for having you read to them but they love to flip the pages (fast)
* They have a fave book that they fight over all the time. I got another one like it (just different stuff inside) yea they figured it out and won't have it. It has to be that book.
* They still love taking baths.. constantly at any closed door saying "bath"
* Words so far: Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Pa, Ball, Book, Bus, Truck, Cheese, Nana (banana), Train, and Baa for backyardigans of course.
*diaper changes are the end of the world right now.. its hard to do because they are usually screaming and writhing around. you'd think they would catch on that its much faster if they don't put up a fight.
They currently are not into sleeping all through the night. Noah is pretty consistent but Ari loves to drive me nuts waking up.. usually for his soother.
I love them I really do. Life would be dull without them. Although most days I am tired and just plain done.. I realize the gift they are in my life. Its the cuddles and the laughter that get me through and just those little things only they do. There is the good the bad the ugly but thank God they are mine.

canadian content

for my un-canadian friends we have a national broadcast station called CBC (tv, radio..) they are host to something called Hockey Night in Canada.. big deal NHL stuff. they also host something once a year called Hockey Day in Canada where they go on location somewhere cool (small town, hockey history..) still with me. So this year Hockey Day 2008 is held in Winkler (thats where I was born and raised and reside) its a big deal.. lots of big names in hockey and every time CBC goes on air its from Winkler this weekend.. cool publicity. anyways yesterday the place I work hosted a private VIP party after the game last night... the night started off a big rocky. people were late and we were beginning to think it might be a bust... slowly the celebs start trickling in.. I think the first to "stumble" in was Wendell Clark (Toronto Maple Leafs), Cassie Campbell (Women's Gold medel Olympic hockey team). There were a few too many of us staff on and at first Jen, Kristen and I were standing there kind of greeting people as they made their way to the bar... I'm first in line and all of a sudden I turn around and its a very friendly Ron Maclean. "Hi, How are you. I'm Ron" holds out hand to shake. I take it and say very diplomatically "Uhh yeah." long pause with red cheeks "I'm Heather" Jen and Kristen busting out laughing. It was quite hilarious. I am unsure of where my star struckness came from but it was just so surreal for me that he was shaking my hand and telling me his name...
The rest of the evening was fun... Kelley Hrudey and I were friends by the end of the night. The guy was always at the food table... every time I would go to pick up his empty plate he'd say "Oh I think I'll get more" I would smile and say "Kelley you can just get a new plate" He'd smile. It was nice.
The highlight was when Ron came to the back servery and posed for photos and signed autographs.. he really was just so nice. and way skinnier than you would have guessed when you see him on TV. anyways it was a good night and I am happy to have brought you this Canadian content.oh the last photo (bottom right) is where Don Cherry was supposed to be but he didn't make it

creative wednesday

i did a collage exercise with my small group on wednesday morning. being creative lets life flow. i asked the question what do you want more of in your life? (thanks kim) and we ripped and glued and came up with beautiful masterpieces.... i've been consumed with thoughts of everyday creativity and have a giveway coming up and more thoughts on this... stay tuned.

most heard question

where do they get those curls?

three posts in one day

Follow The Leader!

saturday creative

spent alot of today being creative. ahh the feeling of letting it all go and just being inpsired by the things around me... made some baby shower invitations which are simple (cause there are lots of them) but lovely. spent the good part of the day making a gift for a friend which came out so well that it made me have a moment of wanting to keep it myself. i was encouraged to be inspired "prophetically" and man what i got for her was speaking right to me.. so maybe a second gift for myself is in order. it felt refreshing to sit in my space and craft... listening to an uplifting and inspiring cd mix a friend gave me last night. i feel i am really me when i am inspired. inspired to create and just be.

for real

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson

the back half

well here is the master bedroom as well as the boys room. only thing you haven't seen is the bathroom which is not done as we have been waiting for bathroom accessories to come for 3 weeks. so irritating. anyways here it is.. there are still things to be done but it sure feels like home!

finally

nice enough to get out for a walk.. they had a great time exploring the open road. what a good day!

the front half..

the start of your virtual tour starts here...

home

well we are in! it is lovely to be home. the move went really well, we had fantastic help which made is go smoothly and more quickly than we anticipated. slowly things are finding their place and we even hung things which helps so much. i will take some pics later this week and give you a "tour". my new favorite thing is the vinyl wall art i orderded from treasury of memories a little store in Bellingham, Washington. It looks amazing in my entrance here is a shot of it. (the hanging thing is a little Jenni Bowlin inspired project)

Its been a busy last few weeks and we were blessed with a visit from Dave's mom this past week. It was perfect timing and it allowed me time to get things done. The boys are adjusting ok.. they have been waking up quite a bit earlier which is hard on them. They have been a bit more cranky but who can blame them with all the adjusting they have had to do. Hopefully they will settle into our new digs quickly. I must say they have a blast with the big space now and especially love to run and play downstairs in our unfinished huge play room. its nice to have at their age.
And me.. well I've been good too. Feel frazzled at times and have some very tired moments but for the most part I am ok. Anyways like I said I will try to post some more house pics soon. Thanks for sticking with us on our crazy journey.

thanks lydia

lydia hooked me up with a gc for a new look for christmas.. got around to doing it yesterday. feels so good.. heres the before and after. thanks lydia! (i'll be back with an update hopefully tomorow)

before.. mousy brown dryness...

after... luxurious, brown with plum highlights goodness.

hi

pretty much moved in.
totally exhausted.
no phone.
no internet.
be back when i can.

before and after

not sure if i mentioned it to all of you but i started a project with my kitchen table. my ugly, old, pine, hand me down table with only three chairs. i told dave i could not move into my swanky new pad with such an dilapatated table... so insert paint here. i fell in love with a color and a few days later tada a brand new table. i also found interesting love it fabric and covered my chairs... just enough fabric left over to make a pad for my bench.. when i find it. please bench hurry and fill my home. so here are the before and afters... let me know what you think.

checking in

just checking in.. letting you all know i am still breathing. buried under lists of things to do but breathing all the same. my lists get longer and longer and its as if i loose half my brain daily. so many things seem to to seep out. some thoughts in my head

-how come diapers seem to be fine during the day but my kids can't get a full nights sleep out of their diapers.. like tonight its 10pm and we've already changed one. sheese can't they make them like body size or something.
-i need a bench.. a dining bench. i know they exist but can't seem to find one for a good price. like free or next to free. eva check mcc for me next time you go.
-i am obessesed with potterybarn.com... i want it all. besides the lusting after everything it also makes me happy because it reminds me of the rupps.. good friends from seattle. for some reason its just that pottery barn and amanda go together for me
-Ali had a great blog post today about doing a want. book... just a place to write things down and i like the idea that once you write it down maybe it will just go away into space somewhere and i won't want it anymore... yea right. but i do like the book idea.
-have a some ideas for a good giveaway on here.. thats to come
-i re-upholstered my dining room chairs (yea all three of them) it looks awesome and i am so happy with the fabric i came up with.
-brought diner to two fabulous families with new babies tonight.. just looking at a newborn seems to put it in perspective. beauty at its finest.

thats enough thoughts for tonight.. till later

so close...

one of the best parts. kitchen almost complete! the plumber comes back monday to finish.. we are almost in.. this week will be crazy nuts and i am almost already totally stressed. i'll be back when i can.

new life..updated with pics

brings new hope. two of our closest sets of friends had babies yesterday only hours apart. welcome to the world

Ruby Faith
Dominick Jude

bring it on 2008

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us" Marianne Williamson

I have been mulling over this past year. It all kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth. There were highlights of course and I am thankful of this past year watching my kids grow and change. But for me personally it was a low year. Lots of inner struggle and too much transition for one lifetime. I am here and I am looking to climb the next mountain.. just knowing somewhere deep down this next year is going to look better. To re-emerge..........

I feel its so important to establish what I am longing for and looking for this year. I am not into making resolutions - not many seem to ever stick and I also don't' need another thing I feel I have to live up to. That just sounds stressful. I have been thinking of my one little word for 2008, something I can look to as a yardstick to measure life by. My word this year is Simplify. It seems fitting and feels kind of like a cold drink of water. To simplify my thoughts, my belief system and all my other moments. To embrace the chaos in my life and live out of simplicity.

I have been on a rediscovery for some time. A battle. Circumstances fighting whats inside of me. I've felt tired, wounded and just a bit raw. There is nothing wrong with raw in fact its one of those things i love. Vulnerability and the realness that comes with being raw its just that some days its so tiring. I guess I just want to be ok with the struggle to embrace it as my valley's; those low places we sit in sometimes while we wait for the strength to make it up the mountains. I want to see lots of mountains this year to be still and capture those heights.

I also want to acknowledge that I deserve the best, not just good but the very best things. I want to walk in a belief that just knows down to the core that I am lovely and deserving of all the best this life (my life) has to offer.

So to carry on I want to live out Simplicity and remember every day that small adjustments make huge miracles! Because the aim of life is to live and to live means to be aware. Joyously, serenely, divinely aware.

happenings...

just wanted to share some updated pics from our house.. it is almost done!! you can see all the pics and progress HERE.

I plan to post again tomorrow with a review for 2007 and for my plans for 2008. Catch you in the New Year.

christmas past and looking forward

its hard to believe its all over. we have one gathering left this weekend but all signs of christmas have been removed from the difran house. it was obviously a bit more stressful and tiring then we had planned for with noah being so sick. we enjoyed time with family and of course were blessed with great gifts. its been one week since our first visit to the hospital and noah is doing so much better. the downside is that ari seems to be coming down with the same thing.. croupy cough and he was up early this morning wheezy. its so frustrating to see this cycle and to feel like there is no break. everything just seems to be piling up and sitting very heavy on my shoulders.
from sick kids to all that needs to get done with moving. we finished painting the doors yesterday and the trim and baseboards and doors are going in as i type. a couple rooms are done and it looks amazing. better than i even imagined. i just can't wait till it is all done. packing on this end also is looming and seems an impossible task these days. i find myself looking forward and thinking of all the stress to come. why do i do that to myself... as if today doesn't hold enough i always seem to be waiting for the next thing and worrying about that. this is something i am thinking of as i look to the new year. i have been thinking of this alot this week and want to come up with my one little word for 2008. what is it i want for myself.. to discover, to live with, to embrace and to give meaning.... more to come.

beat

thats how i feel. totally beat. i wanted to express my thankfulness at all your thoughtful and encouraging comments on my last post. so much to say since then.. we did end up back at the hospital two more times.. saturday evening for 4 hours and then christmas eve we were admitted under observation for another 24. thankfully noah was home christmas morning and seems to be doing better.. still not 100% but we are hopeful he is on the mend. i am just to tired and worn out to say much more. i will update you all again soon on the rest of the story. again i'm reminded why i blog and why you all mean so much. good night!

passing judgement and my night in the ER

i think i may have said this before but i have never felt such guilt and judgement upon me since becoming a mother... its like this sick little world of who is doing it better, longer, smarter, cuter and on and on. there are so many expectations that we feel we have to live up to. just to break it down i think its bulls***. i am remembering the phrase we all do our best with what we have and what we have is our kids best intrests at heart. we strive to do the right thing for them not for the kid in our playgroup whose mom we think could do better. we do it for OUR kids.

i know i do. i know i prayerfully and thoughtfully make each parenting decision to the best of my ability and i make the decision we (dave and i) think is best for our family. not yours or anyone else's. this brings me to my night at the ER last night where not only was i judged and told i was uneducated but i was also not treated fairly and therefore not sure my sick son was receiving the best care all because someone judged me without knowing me. we get enough of that everywhere else and to get it where you go for help from someone who should be there to care for others it really hurt my feelings and just feels terrible.

to clarify here my choices as a parent in this regards are not up for debate you may not judge me either or impress your opinion upon my choices. i am a parent who has made the decision thus far not to vaccinate my children. i am well educated and have done alot of research. as a family we have decided this is best for US and our family right now. we have also only said we would wait to further decide till the boys are two and then IF we decide to that will also be a choice we make with lots of research and again a choice which will be best for US.

yesterday noah was wheezy seemingly a slight cold. as the evening progressed it turned into full on croup.. worse than he has had it before. i had several conversations with dave on the phone (i was at work) and i could hear how bad it had gotten. around 9:30 dave called and said i needed to come home and take him in.. you could clearly hear he was having problems catching a breathe. i took him to the ER and was seen right away by a nurse. his barking cough was clear and she called in a doctor. he seemed fairly nice when he came in.. asked me some routine questions and then asked if there vaccinations were up to date. i said we have so far chosen not to vaccinate at this time. he looked up at me and rolled his eyes.. went on to tell me that they should be vaccinated as there are many illness's that will kill them if i don't. i stated i was well educated and had done my research and we felt this was best for us right now. he then looked at me and said that i was obviously not educated because if i was then i would have given them the proper vaccines that would protect them against death and because i hadn't i was stupid. yep stupid. face red and also trying to deal with a very tired 27lb toddler crying in my arms i was stunned. i understand its his job to tell me the facts and i would have taken them and said thank you but to call me stupid was hurtful and went way past professional... it was a downward spiral from there as he was rude to me, short and did not give me much information from then on. one word answers and quick to dismiss me.. he even left the room shaking his head. i felt judged and felt condemned.. this man doesn't know me he has no idea who i am. i had a few minutes where guilt came down and i cried looking down at the little boy who was in so much pain and after the anger passed mustered up the energy to make sure noah knew that i loved him and would never intentionally cause him harm. i am his mother.. i know him... i love him.. i kiss his tears away, i hold him at all hours of the day, i pick him up when he falls down, i give him his favorite snacks and know just where he likes to sit when he drinks milk in the morning, i know that the backyardigans makes him dance, i know he loves to look out the window at the bus when it comes by yelling bus bus bus until you say yes noah theres the bus whoohoo, i know that when i sing how big is noah that he will throw his arms up in the air, i do my best for him isn't everything we do about them?

just remember who you are and the gift that you are given.. remember that you do the best for your family and no one else matters. at the end of the day its what we do with what have that counts. i make mistakes we all do... its what we do with those mistakes and how we learn that is the beauty of the process. the last 24 hours i have consumed myself with making sure my kids get better.. every thought i have is for them.
Merry Christmas .. may you celebrate all you have and celebrate who you are this season. give to the fullest...
From our house to yours wherever your life voyage takes you.

powerful

if you have a chance please watch this video.. its a 14min video from the memorial service held last week for the two who died in the horrific ywam denver shooting. its powerful and moving and speaks volumes as to how we move on....
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1d7b72dd07106bf78a07

it looks like this...

the paint is done!!!!! i will post actual room pics later this week...

not neglecting..

just spending most of our time at the house.. painting trim.. lots of trim. new pics and new stories to come in the next couple of days.. keep warm.

and my heart sings...

after what has been an emotionally exhausting couple of days there was joy to be found if only you could look for it in the simple things....

1. helping in the kitchen... you know taking all my stuff out of cupboards, throwing cheerios on the floor. me just allowing it all to happen and taking the joy in seeing them smile.

2. Helping with housework.. never have two little boys loved to sweep as much as these too. pure, simple joy!
3. Lending a hand to help build our new house... the boys loved getting their first sneak peak at our new digs.. better yet was helping daddy and grandpa with some wiring.
4. An inspirational, life changing movie that rocked my core. So simple and stunning... beautiful. go see it!

5. Mornings... lately i have loved spending mornings with these two goofballs. They can't wait to jump on the couch with some milk and a good episode of our favorite show The Backyardigans.
6. And last but not least.. the ecstatic joy that pulsed through my veins when I opened up the mailbox and found THIS!!!!

shooting at ywam denver - UPDATED

Just heard this and am devastated and emotionally am unsure of how something like this happens. Hits close to home. for those who didn't know i was a staff member of YWAM for the last 8 years Read this article for the whole story. YWAM Staff killed in Denver. With a heavy heart I bring you the latest news regarding the shooter, his connection and his deadly rampage ending in Colorado Springs (where I was a member of ywam staff for a brief time) My heart goes out to all those involved. The article is HERE.

santa will you..

please, please bring me a new coffee maker.. mine is broken down. after three and a half years she just doesn't make good coffee anymore... please?
signed seriously addicted to GOOD coffee

everyday stuff

its officially winter here.. and is it ever cold. today it is snowing like crazy. last week i attempted to take the boys out to play in the snow for their first time. yea never doing that alone again. i didn't get any pictures because it was all so stressful i just forgot. they couldn't move and hated it. picture A Christmas Story where Ralphie's little brother is lying in the snow and can't move. yep that was what it looked like over here.
Spent Saturday at Super Scrap Day with the girls from My Scrap Shoppe. Such a great time. I got 7 layouts and a mini book done. It was nice to scrapbook for myself since I have been mostly creating for other people. I have uploaded all my layouts to my Picasa web album which you can check out HERE. I have also made a separate folder for Custom work I have done which you can find HERE.
Heres a sampling of some of my recent creations:
The house is moving along. Taping and Mudding will happen starting tomorow and we have hired some painters as well.. yesterday dave and i picked out all our light fixtures in the city whew that was quite the job. I am going to be happy when its just all done and we can move in.
I am still wavering on paint colors.. really having a hard time with a bathroom color.. any suggestions?

its getting closer..

insert jaws theme song here. daily our new house goes under big changes. already these pics are out of date and they were taken last week. the inside is drywalled and we should have hydro by today, all the windows and doors are in and i have finally finished picking pretty much everything that will go inside other than paint colours.. oh benjamin moore why do you do this to me... i have been uploading recent pics HERE. go see them its exciting.

better late than never..

i feel as though life gets away from me sometimes.. heres to Ari & Noah who celebrated 18 months last week... somedays if i allow myself to look back it seems it happened so fast... i still feel a bit in the stage where looking back isn't as healthy as it could be but I am learning to celebrate how far we have come and how good my little guys really are. I am blessed and happy that they are mine and I can celebrate them and all they are each day.
They had their checkups yesterday and she was happy with them and where they are at. They have skyrocketed in percentiles since there last visit. Noah weighs 27.8lbs and Ari is sitting at 26.1lbs remembering that his diarrhea has been much worse. Noah went into the 70th percentile from the 20th and Ari into the 60th. They are both 77cm. She was happy with there development although there speech is a bit behind but its likely because they are twins. They definitely communicate with each other and understand commands. They are super good with signs and I just need to be really intentional about speaking out all things I am doing with them. I am working really hard not to compare them to other kids and wonder whats wrong.. all things are good.
So to my sweeties.. Ari may you continue to search high and low for excellence. May you pursue things whole heartedly not looking back. I hope you learn gentleness especially towards your brother and may you take his rubbing your back as a sign of love not loathing.... I love you and your enthusiasm for life. Noah may you always remain soft and aware of all that goes on around you. I encourage the gentle spirit you have and hope that it stays tender. I love cuddling with you and speaking from experience I know that someday your future wife will too... I know sometimes you must feel picked on by your brother but I am proud that you continue to display your love for others by being sweet.
I love you both and am definitely blessed with a double portion. My hope is that I would continue to nurture and encourage the things that cause you to thrive. May you never feel in the others shadow but always feel you are unique and special because you are you!

its beginning to look alot like christmas

i'm into the season this year!! last year was too crazy and i feel i didn't really get to experience it all. this year although my decorations are minimal.. due to the age and grabiness of my twins and also the fact that packing and moving is inching closer and closer. i am in love with the sparkle around my house. i have been a busy bee crafting alot lately. i am trying to make handmade gifts this year. its an interesting thing to embark on because the amount of time and energy that goes into it can be scary... will the receiver really appreciate a handmade gift? or would it be better to go to dollarama. but i am enjoying the process.. here is a glimpse around my house for the holidays. i made the button trees inspired by Ali
also if you have not yet purchased Sarah Maclachlan's Wintersong... run don't walk to the store right now and pick it up...

the makings of a good evening...

sarah mclachlan's wintersong playing in the background
christmas lights sparkling on my kitchen hutch
sitting down at the table working on a craft project
my husband sitting beside me studying
drinking coke slurpees
a good evening

stink and other stuff...

this week has been good, bad, up, down and eventful. it was nice for dave to have monday off and we got a lot accomplished. he went to help the guys at the house which was so good for him. he talked about how good it was for him the rest of the day... he's like that its good for his soul to do stuff with his hands... speaking of the house went there yesterday and they have all the walls up, the house is shingled. its crazy to see the interior walls up and really see what each room will look like. i love it!
the boys have been teething something fierce. its painful to watch. they have bad diarrhea which is gross and really getting on my nerves. i have changed Noah four times since 1am and its only 9:30. i have finally given in to pedialyte to make sure they don't get dehydrated.
i have no vehicle today so it will be a lay low kind of day which i think they might like. we have been busy pretty much every morning this week. all good stuff mind you but its nice to have time to just sit around in sweats and play!!
tuesday was eventful and i was unsure if i wanted to share or not but here goes anyways... around 4:45 ari had an "episode" really not sure what it was or even how it started. it lasted about 20 minutes and when dave got him we took him to the Urgent Care Clinic where they referred to us to Emergency to check if he had some kind of mild seizure. After seeing the worlds worst doctor I am pretty sure it wasn't a seizure but maybe something that was affecting his stomach and he was unable to handle or deal with the pain. it was scary. i have realized something that has in a way liberated me and my motherhood. it was one of the first times that i clearly understood my place in his life. i knew that something was wrong. i could see it all over his face and his body language... i knew inside that there was something not right. and thankfully he seems fine and is back to normal (other than massive amounts of poop - which did i mention is getting really irritating)
in other news we are about to enter unchartered territory in the mess we began when we separated our kids to "teach" they to sleep better.. Ari loves his playpen.. he sleep there for naps and for night situated right next to the washing machine in our laundry room.. well tonight he will be placed in his crib in the same room as Noah in the hopes that they will readjust to being back together again... part of me feels like we are going to be sorry. But the laundry room is not working anymore and although we did build our new house with three rooms upstairs we would really like them to share a room for as long as they will have it. anyone have any experience with the adjustment of going into sharing a room?? positive thoughts sent our way for the next couple nights greatly appreciated.
and last but not least i want to wish Marcy a happy birthday today! thanks for the inspiration and friendship you have granted me this past year. it all makes me happy.

seriously

dirty diaper count today
ari 4 noah 6
are you kidding me crap?

progress

oooh it looks like a house... yep they have been cruising the last couple weeks. this morning when i drove by the shingles were going up. anyways here are some more pictures. i get so excited whenever i visit the house. still hard to believe that it will be our new home.
in order from left to right...
pic 1: taken friday afternoon from the front
pic 2: taken friday afternoon from the street (street sign is up and the bay is paved)
oops pic 3: should actually be the last pic taken monday afternoon.
pic 4: garage on friday afternoon
pic 5: the view from the landing to my kitchen/dining room
pic 6: the front of the house on friday afternoon.
(click on collage to see bigger pics)

my faveorite thing right now..

loving Etsy.com these days. i seriously could search forever and it makes me happy to see all those handmade beautiful products. for those of you who are unaware of what Etsy is... let me introduce you. its a site where you can buy and sell things that are handmade. from cards, to jewelery, art, all things for baby. its a great site and whats better than supporting artists with incredible talent. i always imagine all the moms who are making beautiful blankets and bibs. the talented women making beautiful jewelery out of gorgeous beads. so in my tribute to this wonderful site i will leave you with my current favorites. as my wish list grows i will bring you more...
Holly - she is a vinyl art design genius. i am ordering her cute little monkey for the boys new room.
Vaeda - love the beautiful prints this photographer creates. the prints come in a few sizes. i am especially in love with this Speculative fine art photograph.
Moreygirl - She makes beautiful baby gifts.. blankets, burp cloths, bibs and the CUTEST pacifier strings ever. I am hoping to order her Turtle and Alphabet Pacifier clips soon.
Red Star Studio - of course for all things paper crafting theres my good friend Marcy with the cutest felt journals ever.
Jacqueline Knits - oh my she does the cutest thing.. she knits little jackets for apples and pears. seriously so adorable. she also knits coffee cup sleeves, scarves and a few other goodies.
So there you have it my current faves. Please do go check out Etsy and I am sure you will find something you love. Let me know if you do!!

even Dave gets tagged..

Emily tagged Dave.....
Here are the rules: You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.) When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post and then choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

A - Affirmation. Dave is a master at this. Especially with me. I was first drawn to him partly because of this. He has this special way of knowing the right words to say. Redeeming words I always say. No matter how I feel he is always ready with words of affirmation

A - Artistic - Dave is wired to use his right brain. He is artistic, creative and more spontaneous. He enjoys working with his hands. Not many of you will know he is a terrific artist. Putting beautiful images to canvas.

R - Risk Taker. One of Daves favorite sayings are "blaze your own trail" He is willing to take risks and not afraid of breaking any mold. I admire that about him although I probably usually criticize him for it only because I am NOT like that. I can appreciate it and realize my need to be more of a risk taker. Not afraid of what anyone thinks.

O - Odd. No Dave is not Odd but he enjoys Odd foods. He will be the first to try anything and really like it.. Octopus, Tongue and His favorite Dog. Ugg

N - Nothing. The master of doing nothing and enjoying himself. It amazes me how he can just do nothing for long periods of time. He is so laid back... people used to have him teach other people how to chill out. One of my first memories of him is getting me to sit down for just two minutes and do nothing (in a really busy time) drove me nuts. But secretly (don't tell him) i wish i was more like him and could just sit and do nothing more.

a little tweaking..

what do you think.. my personal blog tweaker is busy at it again. thanks for all your comments on my last post by the way. i think the photos are amazing too.