difrancescos fall 2007

had a photo shoot with a friend. she took really great pictures that captured the fun we are having as a family. its funny to look at them now though as they boys look soooo different with their haircuts. i had a hard time picking my faves but you can view them all online HERE.

making progress...

so i am a little afraid that my "break" which really lasted a week people has left me with less blog readers than before... no comments on my post from yesterday. hopefully you are still reading. went past our new house yesterday which is really starting to look like a house... they finished the floor and the outside walls are up. they poured cement for the garage pad. its crazy... here are some pics... the first one is from last week and the next two are from yesterday. close up pics coming soon.

Saying Goodbye to Bisnonna

its been a whirlwind couple of days. at 12:30pm on Saturday Dave's Grandma took her last breath. her death didn't come as a complete shock.. she had been suffering for awhile now. we spent an hour or so weighing all our options.. does dave go alone, do we go without kids, does he take one, or do we all go.. we made the decision after checking on flights (which we got an amazing deal on) that we would all go. dave really wanted us all to go. so we left here early sunday morning with a trip to winnipeg where we valet parked our van loaded ALL our stuff.. we are talking two car seats, playepen, strollers, suitcases and of course the babies... and boarded the plane to Hamilton. it went really well.. i was shocked and amazed at how well they were on the plane. sunday was tough on the boys as naps were pretty much non existant and they had been up early. they were overwhelmed with many new people and didn't take well to that. by the time we got them to bed that night it was 8:30 and wouldn't you believe it they slept ALL night and were up at 8:30 the next day. what wonderful sleep!!
monday was a good day... yummy breakfast, good time spent with family, a little shopping trip with lydia and julia to the mall where i found the boys black shirts (finally - thanks h&m). One of the highlights for me was getting to go to our absolute faveorite restaurant ever Sappuro's Japenese All you can eat sushi extravaganza... oh my!!! i can't even begin to tell you the sensory overload i enjoy there. and what better than to be surrounded by family and our good friends Morgan and Martha (who are basically family). Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa for watching the boys!
Yesterday was the funeral and although it was difficult for me to concentrate with chasing the boys around in the back it was a lovely service. The boys did well (as everyone told me). I had a difficult time when we got to the graveyard for Grandmas buriel. I had a hard time with the boys who were getting a bit out of hand.. I missed the entire thing while chasing Ari and watching Noah face plant down some pavement (while i thought dave was watching him and he thought i was watching him) As I scooped up my little guy and dug rocks out of his mouth i was overwhelmed with sadness of the idea of buriel and all that meant. I know she wasn't my grandma but still the effect of her life touches mine and I never really got to say goodbye.
The flight home was good as well... a bit tough as the boys were tired but I was happy those around us were still in love with the boys when we landed exclaiming how cute they were and how good they had been. Highlight of the trip home was when we got to the airport and we were standing in line waiting to pay for parking and some random stranger gave my 17 month old a sucker and even went so far as to unwrap it and give him his first taste of the sweetest thing since breast milk. thanks mister.
We got lots of great photos and for those in Ontario who would like to see them or anyone else for that matter here is a sneak peek.


I uploaded them all to a Picasa Web Album and you can view them all HERE.
Next post will be an update on our house which is going up so fast.
Oh and by the way Its good to be back.

overload..

have patience with me this week.. so much to share. our life voyage will be on post overload.. have patience and stay tuned...

its working

its working.. this has been a great week. hang in there. i'm coming back better than ever... soon.

the end and the beginning

honestly i hate it when people say they are taking a break from blogging... now hate is a pretty strong word you might be thinking.. but it proves my point. i am hating pretty much everything these days. i am doing damage to myself and especially those closest to me. i am tired of having nothing good to blog about because i can't seem to find much good in anything these days. i am going on a journey and exploration to find me again... need to find me before i move on... need a bit of truth to carry out each day. so i'm taking a little break.. not from you (i'll be reading) but just needing to remember how much good there is in my life and remember joy again. it won't be a long break... if i have something to blog about i will... i just need to learn how to communicate with the here and now instead of hide behind my keyboard. wish me peace, light, wisdom and joy on my journey.

going deeper feeling shallow

i remember when i had my birthday last month.. i was full of aspirations for this next year. i really want to be a truth teller... to myself. i feel most of the reasons i am flailing around is because i am so good at telling myself lies. so good at conjuring up stories and blowing them out of proportion.
the other night i was trying to quiet my mind and be able to hear clearly.. there was nothing i could do to stop thoughts from coming and just distracting me from trying to be quiet. seems my to do lists are always a mile long.. they usually never get done which leaves me guilty and hard on myself. its getting old. part of my just wants to give up.. maybe thats the answer.
yesterday someone reminded me of how people see me.. usually the words that follow are joyful, bright smile, lights up a room, happy, bubbly... uggg. don't get me wrong yes i love that and i know thats part of me.. but when will the inside line up again. i do remember what that felt like to purely feel like that even though it was so long ago i do remember. i do have glimpses of that girl.
i'm wanting more vulnerability in my life. freedom to be who i am... more opportunities to just get down and dirty and really get rid of the crap deep in my heart. i attend a group of women that meets every other Wednesday. been life to me since we started meeting last year. its a good place.. a safe place but yet yesterday i felt like i couldn't share.. i always share and i felt so insecure that people were sick of hearing about my crap. we have started to attend a care group from our church this year as well... its good.. but yet such a range of people its hard to get close and deep. we need like a life group of people our own age who really feel like going deeper is the only way anyone will walk in freedom. why is this so hard to achieve?
ok seriously i have jumped around and rambled long enough.. i am going to get up and go spend some time with my kids now. just let this settle and come back and read it again later.

Wordless Wednesday - Brothers

photo entered in The Twinkies fall photo contest. Check it out HERE.

pinching pennies...

I think I talked about this once before. My lack of faith in regards to being taken care of.. financially speaking. In the life we had before this one :) we were in full time ministry and we raised all our own support which was challenging at best. But for some reason I always knew it would just work out just faith that was anchored deep down. I had seen it happen in the craziest ways.. last minute miracles.
My faith is just not the same as it used to be. I guess maybe too many wind storms have begun to pull up my anchor and my faith is swept away... Dave started school today.. 9 weeks. He is an apprentice in his trade which means every year he goes to school. He was excited for the change and I think feeling like new confidence would come with some schooling under his belt. I know this was always in the plan but today I woke up panicked... we spent the weekend talking about things we would have to do differently in these next 9 weeks... He goes on unemployment so he only gets a percentage of what he made... unemployment takes up to 5 weeks to get....
I vowed to not spend a penny on scrapbooking (with the exception of the November kit), not as many Tim's runs, eating out is out of the question... just the bare necessities. Why is this so hard to live with less? Its clear to me the timing of everything is obviously bigger than us... so today i will be reminded that I have all I need... my kids have all they need in us (and a few cases of diapers). Thanks for letting me share. Just needed to get it off my chest.

vicious cycle

2 boxes of kleenex in two days. snot everywhere. mass amounts of water consumed. back on herbs. poor babies. poor mommy.

7 burning questions...

Got tagged over at Adventures In Babywearing to do the 7 burning questions meme:

1. If you could have an endless supply of any food, what would it be and why?
That’s tough. I love food.. I would pick sushi.. Not the extreme varieties but veggie sushi and LOTS of it. Although I love Japanese food anything Mexican would be a close second. Oh and coffee.. can I have coffee?

2. If you were an animal what would you be and why?
I really don’t like animals.. Any of them. So thankful I am not an animal. But if I were I guess I would be a puppy.. cuddly, loyal and most people like them.

3. If you could only describe yourself using three words, what three words would you use?
friendly, honest & loyal

4. If you could be a super hero who would you be and why?
I guess I would like to be Superman because of his strong belief in justice and humanitarian service. But I would also like to be invisible…

5. What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you?
My “sick” episode in Los Angeles.. I am not even going to go there.

6. What is one of your biggest pet peeves and why?
Being Hot. I just hate being hot. When people cut through parking lots.. that’s why there are lines people!!!! Being late - me or anyone else. It drives me nuts.

7. Out of red, green, blue, yellow and orange which one is your favorite color?
Green

If you chose red what is one of your favorite hobbies?
If you chose green what is your favorite place?
If you chose blue what is one favorite memory?
If you chose yellow what is your dream job?
If you chose orange it’s a wildcard and you can tell us anything about yourself!

My favorite place...
My Scrap Shoppe is probably my fave place right now. Not only the way it brings out creativity in me by the eye candy.. But the people I associate it with and the way it really is a bright spot in my week.

-Alright- the first three people to comment here are TAGGED! I'll be checking on you, too!

7 Duster Bay

its official! we came from the lawyers and kicked the dirt on our new lot! digging starts thursday and before we know it we will move in to our new house at 7 Duster Bay. Here are some pics of the lot and our new bay as they are now. we'll keep you posted on the progress.the first pic: see the road.. thats our bay. the second pic: looking at our bay from the West. the third existing house you see will be our back door neighbors..

today on oprah..

If you still have a chance I encourage you to watch Oprah today. I was drawn to the premise of the show "Wombs for Rent" Lisa Ling investigates Indian Women who are being surrogates for women all over the world who are desperate to have children. It was heart warming and interesting to hear the story of a couple who have gone through the process and are now awaiting the birth of their first child in India... I am not usually one to go to Oprah's message boards but was drawn there this afternoon to see what other people were saying. It is interesting to me to see the divide and also the hostile opinions people have on this subject. I've come across this before in the blogging world and maybe its just the anonymity of the internet that makes people so brash.
One woman went so far to say that women who "sell their bodies" to surrogacy are just like prostitutes... some people will say these women in India are being used, and exploited but why do we always have to go to such extremes to defend our own opinions. I saw this story as a beautiful way this american woman and this indian woman were helping each other achieve the dreams they never thought possible. I saw the smile the woman in India had as she showed us her new house that actually had walls and protection from the harsh elements.. the pride as she talked about sending her children to receive education they never though possible. And although I do not know the sorrow that must be unbearable for a woman who cannot conceive her own child you saw the relief and excitement in the american couple when they were told "congratulations your going to have a baby!"
Yesterday Dave and I watched a new show on Discovery Health called "Jon & Kate plus eight" Jon & Kate have 5 year old twins and 2 year old Sextuplets. At times its hard for me to watch only because I find twins difficult and I cannot imagine having more.. she is my hero! Its their beautiful family. When the doctor showed them the six heads in their first ultrasound he was quick to tell them they could discuss reduction. Jon & Kate told him absolutely not. Did they think this would be easy? NO! But they were ready to become parents and this was their path.
We each have our own ways we choose to live on this earth.. to help, to not help, to judge, to not judge, to make peace or war. What we do and say can have an affect on people we do not know. I want to choose to celebrate the joy in life. So heres to Jennifer & Kendell and their baby in India, to the women of India who just long for a better life for their children and to Jon & Kate. I am in awe and inspired by all your journeys to become life givers.

living

by being creative.. here are some layouts i have worked on in the past little while. this weekend i got a two done that i love... walking out what is inspiring fills me up. (you can see more of my stuff by clicking on my Scrapbooking Gallery on the top tabs)

10 days later...

the view from here today....

Jester tags Noah & Ari

Jester tagged Noah and Ari and they are happy to oblige but realized that there couldn’t possibly be enough E’s in our name. Thanks Mom and Dad.

Here are the rules: You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.) When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post and then choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

Ari
J......Jumpy the frog. I love my stuffy Jumpy. We have a sleepover every night. He is soft and cuddly just like me.
E.....Eat. I love to eat.
R.....Routine... Maybe I got this from my mom. But I do best with some kind of routine. hopefully I will be able to adapt to spontaneity as I get older but for now please don’t ruin my routine.
E.....Everything. See above E.
M.....Moves. I have moves like you have never seen. Music comes on and I am grooving.
I.....Independent. I dig just running off to find something to get into. My brother tends to stick close to mom but me I enjoy my own independence.
A.....Adventurous. I love to discover new things. Not a lot fear here.
H - Hate waiting. Oh man this ones gets me. I hate to wait especially when it comes to food.

Noah
E - Eat.. Ok I stole one from my brother but really its what makes us the same. I love food. All food. Can’t get enough food ever
M - Mom. I am not afraid to admit I love my mom. In fact I am so in love I hate when she leaves me ever.
E - Energy. Its one of the things my mom loves most about me. Endless Energy.
R - Run. One of my new favorite things to do. Run up and down the hallway.. Shaking my booty.
Y - Yes I am a twin but as alike as we look we are different kids. So I’m coming up with a new word and calling myself Younique.

We tag Jonas, Eleanor & Sophia.

aware of the journey

my personal journey lately has been muddy. its been the last year really where there has just been something missing. i felt it in a great wave on my birthday this year. not sure what my expectation was but i felt disappointed in almost every way. I was blessed by so many but the void of some important people who just forgot somehow crept in and took over. I want to be full instead I seem to entertain the empty parts and they hurt.
I told you all about my personal life coach with Kim McMechan which has been valuable each day. She brought to light many things I could just not articulate. I have also been on an exploration with a book she recommended called The Joy Diet. It has been life changing as well... When I say life changing I mean it will be right? I have a hard time with follow through these days. Always just feel so overwhelmed and I begin to tell myself the sad story of "Why bother?" When we went through our prenatal classes from Birthing From Within I was introduced to this concept of the stories we run through our heads that bring in fear, insecurity and just false thoughts. We get so worked up that we begin to believe them as true. The Joy Diet explores this too in the chapter entitled Truth. What are the painful stories I tell myself and how can I be sure they are truthful? Is my painful story working? Meaning is it helping me feel peaceful, balanced and able to face life's difficulties by growing and changing? yea usually not. Martha Beck reminds me to ask if there is another story that might work better. Reversing the lie. Its been great for me. There are many menu items (behaviors) to work through and I am only on the second which is truth but I am encouraged that I am able to sit down and really begin to pull back the layers of hardness I have seemed to inherit this past year.
From my session with Kim I have begun to understand a bit more of how I am made.. how at the end of the day my empty feeling is the result of not siphoning my creative energy in a positive way. I am aware of how I turn to the tv to turn off my mind and it leaves me empty. I have begun to really sit with projects and let my creative energy burn off in a positive way. My new mantra is "Little adjustments make way for huge miracles"
So as I enter my 28th year I am working towards being aware of my journey. I spent a good chunk of time on Sunday making some goals and removing expectations from myself. I have been mourning so much lately. Lost friends, Lack of Joy and peace in my life, a less than passionate relationship with my husband, the desire and disappointment of vulnerability and authenticity.
I reconnected with an old and dear friend the other day and it felt so good. I was reminded of a happier time and reminded that those times are not lost. They are richer now as I begin to just be more aware of the journey.

the ultimate shopping experience

now i know i have blogged before about the semi annual multiple sale.. the fall sale was today and dave and i had an excellent time. there is just something about the anticipation of it all, the craziness that you expect will ensue. the rush of being their first and the ease on the pocket book as you walk away with LOTS for so little. today was no different.... and this time we have pictures to prove it. we got lots of great stuff.. toys, books and some warmer clothes for the boys. We stood in line in front of new members who had never been and I couldn't help but chuckle as I remembered my first time. Overwhelmed, Intimidated. Poor thing hadn't come with anything to put stuff in. I tried to give her some tips for next time. There isn't really a way to describe it unless you experience it yourself but hopefully these pictures will help. the first two are taken before the crowd is let in and the last one is taken after we left and the public had been let in...After our retail therapy we went to have lunch at a new fave of mine Joey's (after all it is MY birthday weekend) Only because they serve the most delicious thing that makes my heart ache for Vancouver... California Sushi Tacos.. Yea seriously. Winnipeg lacks in the Sushi department.. not enough and very pricey.


Thanks Dave for a special pre birthday date.. Can't wait to see what tomorow brings.

post overload

whoa another post i know i know... make sure to read yesterdays post for all things Ari & Noah.
this is just a shout out to my fabulous sister-in-laws for their more than thoughtful birthday presents this week. Julia & Evelyn were bang on with my love for Mexican food and got me a Mexican cookbook and cute dish. Lydia went above and beyond to be not only thoughtful but super observant. she spotted My Scrap Shoppe as one of my favorite things and all the way from Ottawa bought me the new October kit. Really thanks guys! I am blessed by your generosity and the way you know what I love.

16 months

life with twins at 16 months is just like a roller coaster. you are just riding along and you slowly climb, climb, climb there is an expectation of whats ahead and then you reach the top and sit there for a second or two and then whoosh you plummet fast which lasts for a little while and then again you are just riding along waiting for the next high... a cycle.
i am amazed daily at the new things they learn and how they are learning to love each other. they interact with each other in a special way i guess the way only twins know how to do. they have their own language (and i am sure talk behind my back all day long) when they wake up from naps they seem to call out to each other and just know what to say. they love to wrestle and they run at each other and love to tackle each other and then the giggles really ensue. right now they are sitting across from each other hitting each other with t shirts and laughing hysterically. good times.
other than the vast vocabulary only they can understand they are beginning to make sounds that usually resemble some kind of word. hi, soos (soother), up, trude (the creepy doll at the bottom of our stairs whose name is trudy), dad, mom, gra (grandma) and dirt.
they have not learned any new signs lately but use the ones they know they are expert on: eat, more, milk, bye, please, thank you and kisses.
they have mastered their walking skills and their new found independence is a relief to watch. before they were walking people would always ask me what will you do when they can walk? yikes that will be busy. you know its actually better.. they love being able to walk around. it makes them happier. so that makes me happier and plus i don't have to carry them everywhere anymore. they can climb upstairs but have not really gotten the turn around to go down thing yet.
Ari is adventurous and not afraid (usually) to try new things. Although in a stage where it takes him awhile to warm up to people he usually ventures out first. Noah is sensitive and it takes him longer to venture out (not too far usually).
I remain amazed daily at these two little boys and the love they give. In the midst of daily struggles I am thankful for these gifts in my lives. A perfect blend of Dave and I. As I celebrate another birthday this weekend I am reflective and realize the richness of my doubly full life.

the view from here today

other than this just more of the same... cleaning, cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning. we are finally show ready! bring on the people!
been dreaming of all the yummy deserts i ate last night at my loewen gathering. lisa made a giant cream puff - yea seriously a giant cream puff in a big pan. crystal made this chocolate cookie pizza thing with cream cheese, strawberries.. seriously. and susane made a saskatoon (did i say saskatoons are my faveorite berry) cheesecake!! so not good for my already large belly but yet so good!
going to the bank tomorow to finalize things for our new house. we have the lot and are just waiting... all very exciting!
figured it was time for a noah and ari update so look for that this week.

this girl

is so much fun

is my favorite shopping partner
loves black too
understand the whole coffee thing
is willing to attend "mysterious" events with me
always gets me a thoughtful birthday gift
is easy to talk to
always looks great
always makes me feel great
i love this girl

for sale

our house!! its official. now we just need a quick sale....

a couple giveaways...

two great giveaways to share about. Stacey is graciously giving away a super cute Amy May Nursing Bracelet. I love this idea!! Not sure how it would have worked with twins (i guess i would have needed two) but i do know that having something like this would be amazing! it makes so much sense while being stylish too. Thanks Stacey and Amy May. Go check out Amy May's Etsy Store she has beautiful Mei Tai's and gorgeous Burp cloth sets.
Drea is also giving away a Gauze Wrap from Hug A Bug Baby They carry affordable Wraps and Mei Tais. This Gauze wrap looks great as its breathable with the ease of a wrap. Great giveways guys.

pit in stomach..

hoping you didn't miss Yesterdays Oprah.. Jenny Mcarthy and Holly Robinson Peete were on and shared their experiences of having sons with autism. this show had made an impact on me and thankfully i have it on tape... just a few moments of that pit in your stomach that seems to be much more real now that i am a mom. the way Jenny spoke of her son's seizures and his sudden vacancy in his eyes. really powerful. of course vaccines were called out and I was so glad Jenny shared how she felt about the whole thing. Steph over at Adventures in Babywearing has some powerful resources regarding the whole thing. With personal experience I find she writes honestly from the heart and in doing so brings non judgmental information. Thanks Steph!
As a non vaccinating mommy (in a place where this is almost unheard of) you fight that inner struggle daily. Just wanting to do whats best for your kids. Regardless of the vaccine argument we must begin to find our mommy voices and educate and discuss the issues that lay close to your heart. remember you know your kids and you have their best interests at heart. no one can come close to that. go with your gut.

pure joy

practically speaking

well its monday again. seems the weekends go by so quickly. especially since i worked twice this weekend. not really my idea of fun. seems i don't get enough time with my family that way. but dave loves having one on one time or i guess one on two time with the boys.
my to do list this week is a LONG one. and practically speaking i am unsure of how to go about it. it seems almost impossible to get things done with two little ones running around and getting into everything. our basement needs desperate help as we have been organizing and packing things away to make the showing of our house a better one. we have a lot of junk! so purging feels good. it sometimes seems so endless though. it feels like i move things from one pile to another one. ugg. anyways yes good news we are going to put up our house for sale and we are working out the details and are hoping to start building our new house soon!!! i will have more details this week and will post about it soon.. just feeling like we have been given a gift and that my house was important to God after all... lovely!

tagged

Ok so I was tagged by Stacey for this little game.

Post these rules before you give the facts. You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.) When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post and then choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don't' forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

M - Multiples. I could not for the life of me come up with an M word. I have multiples. I am constantly surprised at the things people think they can say to me because I have multiples. Honestly it has taken me a long time to come to appreciate this fact. I often feel like we are a little freak show. Ahh but at least its MY freak show.

A - Artistic. I love to let my creative juices flow in a an artistic way. I love to see a project from start to finish. Being artsy brings me LIFE.

R - Routine. I am a big fan of routine in my life. Its not really a serious problem just something that makes me feel more peaceful about life. I admit I have a hard time when things change last minute. My morning routine is by far the most dear to me. Coffee, Toast with peanut butter and the opening segment of Live with Regis & Kelly

I - Indecisive. I must admit I am fairly indecisive. It seems more so since I have had kids. I mull decisions over and over and most of the time just wish someone would make them for me. I wish I could be more confident in my own decision making skills.

E - Everywhere. Since I worked with YWAM I have moved around alot and with that comes the fact that I have friends everywhere. I am sad that I miss out on so many peoples lives because we are all so spread out. I am thankful for those here in my life but miss those that live everywhere else.

Now I tag Lisa, Eva, Marcy, Audrey & Lindsey

where did my little babies go?

I have been sitting here all day looking at these little boys who look so grown up wondering where my babies went... They had a haircut today. Just off the sides which were really starting to make them look like a clown.. Its true though after that first haircut they just somehow look older. But so sweet...

new day

i have a new outlook on life today.. just a different perspective. slept real good last night. it was kind of wierd. noah woke up only once and that was before midnight... ari slept till 8 without waking up for milk at 6 which was strange... i feel rested. i had a great day yesterday with my first phone session with kim mcmechan (read posts below) she spoke deep to my soul. i will blog more about that later. i feel a bit like a new person. ready to move forward. havn't moved forward in a long time.
thanks for all your comments below. they were encouraging. thanks for being out there.

tired

i am tired. physically and emotionally tired. after almost 16 months i still am getting up at night to tend to one kid or another (never at the same time). noah has resorted to being up almost every 2 hours... yes i know teething could be the culprit. but it doesn't make it any less tiring. i hate getting up at night.. am beginning to resent it in fact. its taking a toll on me in almost every way including my marriage. some how night time parenting is the worst for dave and i. we seem to miss the mark in communicating every time. not sure how much more we can take. any suggestions.. (please remember there is two to take into consideration so not all tried methods will apply)

babywearing..

I've mentioned how big of a fan of babywearing i am in the past. And although with twins my babywearing has been somewhat restricted. i really valued being able to wear them when they were little and still do a bit here and there. Musings of a Crunchy Domestic Goddess is having a contest! She reviewed this great DVD which I think would make a great addittion to my Doula Library as well as a great resource for me and other babywearing moms around here. (not sure if there is many but i know at least a couple). Tummy 2 Tummy DVD looks great!

practical..

I am always looking for new ways to practically get around with twins.. there is always the stroller but some days when you just want to run in somewhere its a pain and it also depends on where you can fit and maneuver. then there is the grocery store. ahh the pain of single carts. superstore is the only place where i can manage smoothly taking both boys because of there great double seat in the cart. but some days i just long to get to co-op and pick up a few things and that is where i buy my new bothwell cheese. I own an Ergo carrier which is fabulous but i have not yet mastered getting my kids on my back (at least not smoothly and certainly not in a parking lot). So even though Steph's Mr Linky hates me here I am entering yet again another contest. Rockin' Baby is giving away one of their beautiful "strawberry fields forever" sling. heres to hoping.

tripping into daylight

what a beautiful description of my life right now. i can't take credit for the title though. it comes from a book that has deeply moved and inspired me lately. i have wrote of kim mcmechan before and the way her voice stirs my soul. recently i was honored to receive her book as a gift and its already quite "used". i have read and reread it over and over. she writes short stories, poems and reflections... its so relatable. there is one page that has been read the most.. its a page that has become my go to.. someone that understands me.. like she is in my head and those are my thoughts put onto paper...
"sometimes there's nothing inside you but echoes, and the water is so low, its left a line, a watermark that's cracking in the sun and you feel it may never rise, fear you will be left out way up high to dry, never to float weightless again. Sometimes all the words have gone up and flown away, leaving no trace but a fayed string or a broken piece of kits flapping wildly in the wind to remind you there was once something there but it got so broken and its too far gone you'll never find it. Sometimes you are an elm tree in winter, bare and black and frozen, just tangled lines reaching for the sky and all you can do is try to cast shadows and make silhouettes in the blue morning, bare and cold. Inside me is January. Inside me is a backyard full of old snow. Inside me is a long stretch of prairie road. I am wiling like the the plants on the windowsill. Inside me is a place where the sun won't reach. Inside me is a white walled room with no pictures or windows or chairs. Sometimes there's nothing to say, you just a need a summer's day to warm your skin, to make something right again."
shes launched a new site of course brilliant idea and i am excited to have a coaching session with her next week.Her website is called Luscious Living (I can get the link to work for some strange reason so go to www.livelusciously.com.) She desires as a life coach to coach busy women (espcially mothers) who long for more order, balance, creativity and joy in their lives. Perfect! Her new site has lots to offer including a blog. So go check it out.

garbage day

tomorrow is garbage day. i just got home from a walk and saw a family going through the trash at the apartment building on the corner of my bay. it really hit me. i have seen poverty and seen depravity. i have lived in big cities where homelessness is normal. i have been asked for food and for money on the street more times than i can count. i have led outreaches that focus on these issues. but today in my quiet little "perfect" white picket fence pleasant ville type community i saw a little girl putting on someones lipstick that had just come from a trash bag... and i want a bigger house and a pair of $50 kids shoes? now thats perspective. lord help me. help them.

please.....

pretty please i want to win this awesome giveaway from Steph over at Adventures in Babywearing. She is once again partnering with Vincent Shoes (oh so adorable) to give away a $50 gift certificate. Now as a mom to twins who has to buy things in TWO any kind of gift certificate would do. Not only does Vincent have the cutest footwear but the quality looks amazing. I have been drooling over their new collection which you can view here. I would love to see Ari & Noah walking in style this winter with either a very cute pair of Tom boots. I love Smith, Mini, Max and Dennis too. Go check it out.

loving these guys..

Been enjoying a good long weekend. Love those! This pic was taken last week when the boys along with Daves parents visited Steinbach. Good times. Been creative this weekend diving into some scrapbooking. Check out My Scrapbooking Gallery by hitting the tabs on the top of my page.

this, that & the other

happy thursday! its been full week so far... starting with sunday when dave and i left for our little getaway.. we headed down to grand forks. we stayed at a nice hotel and enjoyed shopping, eating, shopping, hot tubbing, eating, drinking coffee, eating and swimming. of special note was target.. i enjoyed it not only once but twice, eating at red lobster and of course the all time best place Qdoba's Mexican Grill.. seriously just about the best burritos i've had. I enjoyed Starbucks twice and I introduced Dave to Cold Stone creamery. But by far the prize goes to the 45 minutes we spent with all the hotel guests in a hallway waiting out the tornado that ripped through grand forks. it actually landed about 7 miles south and even involved a fatality. we were fine but the light show was one i won't soon forget. we relaxed which was the goal and although i did not sleep through the night it was peaceful and so quiet.
we came back to the boys having colds (dave had one last week) so they have been a bit off but they have enjoyed having grandma and grandpa difrancesco staying with us. tuesday's big adventure led us to Landmark to have our apples pressed - we got 63 2L jugs of goodness. we stopped in steinbach at the mennonite heritage place which was interesting. i remember going when i was little.
yesterday the boys enjoyed the library with grandpa and had great naps.
today i have been playing catch up with laundry, cleaning and stuff. looking forward to scrapping tonight.
i think thats about it.. i will get some pics up soon.

grumpy pants...

thats how i feel... not just today but in general. but aside from that today is a special day and i want to celebrate it for what it is and not let me grumpiness rob me of that celebration. three years ago today i married the best guy! its been a road with lots of bumps and some potholes, sometimes it was straight and sometimes the road was so curvy it was hard to stay on. but i wouldn't want to travel with anyone else. thanks for the memories and thanks for always making me see how many more we have to experience and even in my grumpiness we can find the reason we celebrate occasions such as this one. a little look back...

for tomorow...

just happy that i married you three years ago...

did i say light??

uggg feeling very grumpy this morning... not enough sleep maybe. a few posts down i hinted toward something good in the house hunting department and felt certain that maybe something promising was on the horizon.. yea well forget all that.. rewind to where you didn't know anything was happening cause thats where we are. back at square one or zero. starting over. its disappointing of course but i guess there must be a pot of gold at the end of someones rainbow.. somewhere...

light at the end of a very dark tunnel

as i write this my children are both screaming... lately its all they seem to do. whether both just wanting me or they have hit each other or are not getting what they want. its been a tough week and i am so thankful its friday. thankful dave will be home in 8 hours. thankful my in laws arrive tomorrow for a week. thankful next week i celebrate 3 years being married to the best guy. thankful on sunday we are going away for a night to celebrate with no kids.
being thankful helps.

no strength not even for a title...

thats how i feel today. ari is still crying which is what he has been doing since he woke up this morning... he is suposed to be napping and after putting him down 8 times already this time he is just going to stay there till he falls asleep. today i would just rather not be a parent.... somedays i just want to rewind to 2 1/2 years ago and really enjoy those days. i know i am blessed with my kids and i do love them but today i have no strength to deal with any of it. my house is a mess, i still have not gotten to shower, i know any minute ari will wake up noah with his screaming and then i will be even more mad than i am now.. take me away please take me away.
so i went to check in on ari who in his screaming had pooped his pants.. so i picked him up changed him, gave him some milk and now he is back to screaming in his bed oh and i forgot to say dave just called and said he'd be late tonight... perfect!

ok thanks.

thanks guys for the comments on the last post.. just needed to know there were some of you there and since no one guessed. noah top ari bottom. cuties. oh and according to my counter i just passed the 40,000 mark.. someones watching.

disinterested?

ok so really how cute were those two little boys on my last post and 2 comments? are you all done with this blogging thing? or should i go on?

the weekend and other things

ok time for another installment of guess who's who?

another weekend has come and gone and judging by the dramatic change in the weather summer here in manitoba is almost over... luckily i don't mind the cooler temps. i have been sitting here trying to think of what we did this weekend and its all a blur... thursday we had dinner with my brother and family as they are leaving us to move to Victoria this week. other than the fact that my kids had major meltdowns, spilled soup all over the floor and were basically just plain grumpy it was good. yea right good. we went home shortly after supper and put them to bed - these days bedtime is getting earlier and earlier. they just loose it. friday i can't remember.. saturday we did stuff around the house.. lots in the yard which was great. it needed work.. we hope to be showing it soon and it definitly needed some tlc. it feels good to have that out of the way. sunday we went to church or as i call it nursery. dave also has been doing lots of projects on the house getting it ready... new fixtures in the bathroom, re-cocking the bathtub, cleaning up. we had a babysitter (thanks lena & jenelle) for the evening and we spent it with good friends celebrating Chris's birthday. Crystal cooked up an amazing meal which i ate so slow... and we sat around all evening with no kids to look after and just chatted. it was the best!
now for a bit of news... i'm not ready to divulge all the details yet as they are far from finalized but its possible we may have the chance to purchase our dream house. i feel inadequate to even express how much of a dream it is and how blessed i feel... more to come. stay tuned.

You might be a mother of multiples if...

Stacie at The Twinkes has once again compiled the best list. Go HERE. I highly relate to these and of special note are 5,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,15,18,21,23,24,25,26,27,28,30,37,41,46,48,49 and 50.

Wrestling Noah & Ari Style

challenge my unbelief

faith has always been apart of my life and in the last 10 years a big part. for those of you have only recently joined me here the last 10 odd years i have worked with a non profit non denomonational missions organization. worked all over, traveled all over and been able to take part in things that have blown me away... faith has always been a huge part of what we accomplished. it always seems that we were taking big ideas and running with them when there was no earthly way any of it could be possible but somehow it always turned out. i know i know sounds coo key (is that a word?) but stay with me... of course there was always unbelief because after all how could any of it be possible? like how when students needed like $3000 to go on outreach and the day before the deadline it all comes in, or how when our base in vancouver gave me and 2 other girls the task of driving across the country to our nations capitol to live for a few months with the crappiest van and no i mean no money to put on a huge conference for hundreds of people.. yea we pulled it off... and even now looking back i have no idea how???
ok all this to say i have seen faith put to the test and seen provision a couple hundred times but still my unbelief is stronger than my faith. since being away from ministry we have gone through the doubt of whether our lives count as much as they used to and also struggled to find peace in receiving gifts or feeling like we are slipping away when we were so immersed in "good works" (yikes thats a whole different post). the other day a friend reminded me that God wants to give me good gifts now too and not only when "life counts for something"
what am i getting at.. well we are house hunting and its not going well and i am struggling to believe i deserve a nice house that fits us and finding it even harder to believe that God can and will provide much more than i imagine i deserve.
so i am challenging my unbelief and believing that we all deserve a little more than we need and even want.

how can i hurt so bad?

well its sunday and i can't believe it even made it out of bed. i am in pain! this weekend dave and i both played in a charity slow pitch tournament... dave was shocked at how sore he is.. me not so much. (the shocked part). after fridays game every muscle in my body hurt and in some places i didn't even know there were muscles. then after two more games on saturday... with that being said we had a great time. we played with our church and although we didn't do so good it was the best time we have had in awhile.
this weekend the Harvest Festival rolled into town. i have such mixed memories of it growing up. it always was the time when you got a new outfit and got to see everyone from school that you didn't see during summer. checking out your favorite cute guy, eating mini donuts, puking on rides and watching the queen contestants and secretly wishing it was you. we caught a bit of the parade on saturday morning which is my favorite part. we always meet up with all our family on my aunt and uncles driveway... ari loved the parade.. he waved and stared at each entry. although the horns on the semi's proved a bit heart stopping for him. noah on the other hand was not a happy camper. he didn't even want to watch. he was quite miserable.. so i took him in the shade a bit away from all the commotion and he calmed down.. then he puked all over me and seemed much happier and ready to go.
later after our games we took the boys to the petting zoo which was fun... again ari was into it but noah is a bit more skeptical and shy.... i got some pics which i haven't downloaded yet. they will come.
so today is recovery day.. just trying to move around without crying...

lonely and new stuff...

well i am officially lonely... why? because my parents left for three weeks!! it sounds so sad but really i miss my mom so much already (shes only been gone a day) its funny how much i rely on her and enjoy her daily visits.. not only is she so helpful with the boys she is a sanity saver.. she always picks the best times to stop by and makes me feel better. i am lonely without her...
this last week has flown by... ari and noah are walking.. not full fledged but on there way.. maybe a little too quickly. its adorable watching them teeter around and take so much pride in each step. they have also begun to be quite rough with each other. ari is into hitting and noah is quite sensitive in that regard so there is lots of consoling when his feelings are hurt. he is such a sensitive guy. bedtime is still a struggle.. there is a certain window where they go to bed easily but if you miss it then watch out. its either so much giggling or complete chaos... they tend to hit the wall hard. i am feeling a bit stressed out these days trying to juggle appointments without my reliable babysitter and its stressful to ask other people for me because i don't want to put anyone out. i am also having a hard time with my work schedule. what was supposed to be a fun two shifts a week is turning out to be harder than i thought. august is a busy month and dave is on call certain weekends and i tend to be scheduled for all the worst times. its feeling like much more of a chore.. conflicting stuff. it also doesn't help that the people i work for are good friends and i don't want to let anyone down...but i have to figure something out that works for my family and that has to be my priority.
in other news we are house hunting... its not fun. we have seen alot..some we like, some we don't. we have outgrown our little house and need more space. just praying the right thing comes along at the right moment.
more to come later just wanted you to know i am still here... are you?

a pretty good day

yep thats right yesterday was a pretty good day...i feel my days getting better after really talking things out with dave this past weekend and everyday reminding myself i have a choice with my attitude.. also i have been blown away encouraged by this book i am reading by Kim McMechan called Tripping into Daylight.. I swear she is writing my feelings down in her candid book of poems and personal journal entries. more about that another post. this one is dedicated to my boys who love to get dirty and to a mom who is learning to give in and just let them be. yesterday after there great nap we set out to the park by our house initially to swing which they love and hearing there giggles makes me happy too... well after a bit of swinging i thought i would put them in the grass (as they have finally gotten over hating that)... they sat and picked at flowers and finally begun to crawl across to the dirt under the swings and played in there for awhile... they were so happy i couldn't help but just watch as they discovered rocks and pieced of wood mixed in with the dirt.. after awhile they spotted the play structure which for them must have seemed a long ways off.. off the went to discover what that was. the play structure is situated on lots of little stones which ari & noah were fascinated by... they picked them up by the handfuls and made piles stopping once in awhile to put them up to their lips after saying no a bazillion times i decided i may as well let them see what it was all about.. it only took once for them to spit it out and not try that again. we played on the slide and held onto monkey bars and when it was time to go home for supper even the screams as i put them in their stroller didn't dampen my spirits... that was a good day and even though i forgot my camera i have many pictures frozen in my mind.

enough about me...

lets talk about them. so my little guys are over 14months old. when people told me time would fly by i would think to myself i wish they would quit saying that. well ok i give in. its true. although each stage sure presents its own challenges. there have been big changes over the last little while as my guys are on there way to walking.. ari is already taking many steps on his own and noah is not far behind. its amazing to watch them gather up the courage to let go and do the little bounce there and then voila they take a step and another...
they have teeth the size of small animals seriously huge teeth. they decided to work on the side teeth before getting there front teeth.. the tooth count stands at ari: 3 (working on at least 2 more) and noah: 4 (working on at least one). seems like just yesterday they had none.. oh wait it was. teething with two is torture. its been really hard all around. trying to comfort and give them each what they need at the same time. some days i just feel so stretched and feel i don't have enough for both of them.
the onset of huge teething problems also contributes to our horrible sleep schedule.. ha who am i kidding there is no schedule. sleep sucks we'll just leave it at that. i finally got my doctor to prescribe medication for reflux which we are hoping will help the poor sleep habits and all over restlessness. seriously having to get up numerous times a night to burp a 14month old.. especially when they last time they drank was over 5-6 hours ago. give me a break. so hopefully that will help.
other than that there is lots of mischief... they get into everything, hate to be confined to the living room, enjoy the kitchen and exploring other rooms, have learned to tolerate and play on grass, love to get dirty and are enjoying there outside pool. they chatter more and more and there signs are pretty bang on although they do the sign for eat at least every hour...
there bed time is hit or miss these days and bedtime often turns into a game of lay down, get up, lay down, get up and laugh and laugh. yea real funny.
all in all life is just a series of ups and downs.. i am learning to embrace the good the bad and the horrible and just resign to the fact that it is all a part of the journey. instead of striving for near perfection to remember the bad days are just part of the series of days and i may as well enjoy them or go nuts... and although most days i feel on the edge of going nuts i am remembering to laugh in the process.

highlights as promised

from left to right: audge & noah, lindsey & me, audrey & me, audrey & noah, audrey & ari, your beverage of choice....

what a week

we had a great week.. our dear friend audrey was here to visit from texas and i was spoiled by her company. the boys took a bit to warm up to her (which is the case these days). we had a great time in spite of the weather around these parts like seriously 50degrees it was horrid. my poor husband worked up on roofs all those days. i have to admit after today i am having a hard time writing this post as there are so many great things to share but today has been a big pile of crap again. i am tired and worn out, my house is a mess, my kids are working on teeth the size of dinosaurs, they won't nap and all they want to do is whine and cry. its wearing me down quickly. i just feel pitiful and all i want to do is eat....
anyways other than audrey we were also visited by more people that came out of our vancouver life.. craig and jamie passed through and lindsey came down from winnipeg. it was one of the best times i have had in awhile and like they say you can take the kids out of vancouver but you can't take vancouver out of the kids.. ok you had to be there...i will upload pics tonite from our time and of course pass on a little montage later.
seriously i might take the infant stage over the one we are in lately... ok maybe not but almost.

just to keep you coming back...

this had us busy this week. thank god for good friends. more to come.

the things bill will say...

so last night we were hanging out with friends and we had our kids over at the vbergs playing with Jesse & William... William is hanging out watching Ari press all the buttons on the vcr and says

"hey where's the other Ari?"
priceless.

a getaway...

its funny.. all this week i have wanted to sit down and tell you about my week... it went by well... better than most of the ones before it. we seemed to have settled into a good routine (which now that i wrote that will probably be shattered but whatever) even though the boys are working on huge amounts of teeth - last count was 5 at once, they have been good for the most part. while i was sure there morning nap was done they have consistently wanted to sleep twice during the day and it has actually made there sleep a bit better at night. so we are back to 2 naps during the day which suits me just fine. if it makes them happy then it makes mama happy. my week was busy - i worked two nights this past week and also got to visit with an old friend from high school which was a highlight.. you know when you haven't seem someone for so long and you are afraid it will be awkward.. yea this wasn't at all.. it was just like old times except our lives have drastically changed but it was great to catch up and see her.
on friday i embarked on a little roadtrip with a good friend to attend a wedding in kenora. the wedding was beautiful.. we got on boats which took us to an island for a beach wedding. the day was hot and aside from my fear of my butt sticking to the chair it was gorgous.i was drawn to the two little flower girls who were so adorable...

after the wedding we headed back to the mainland and enjoyed the reception. we were sat with some really fun people and ate great food and enjoyed an open bar.... they even had a make your own martini bar which i enjoyed a rather sweet blue/red combo. i will leave you with some of my fave pics from the weekend.. which by the way ended with a quiet hotel stay where we fell asleep watching tv... i never do that! it was a great getaway and those kinds of things just kind of recharge you and give you a new outlook on things. we all need to do that every once in awhile.

i will be back soon with what its like to live with 14 month old twins.. happy month-birthday to ari & noah!

stay with me..

so much to blog about so little time. check back tomorrow.. its coming.

i'm in print...

Birthing Dilemma
This is a great article written by Jen Skerrit of the Winnipeg Free Press. She writes about the flaw in our Manitoba Health Care System in regards to Midwives.. Our province is brutal in this regards. Allowing only 27 midwives for the whole province and with more and more families wanting their services there are so many being turned away. Its a shame really that more families are not receiving the care that midwifes bring.. I remember my postpartum visits coming to an end after the 6 weeks and it felt like real loss.. having to say good-bye to someone who really cared for me and helped me walk through my birth experience... such a special time. Anyways this online version is not the whole thing so if you live in the province go pick up a copy today.. its an amazing three page spread including a blurb on Doula's as well...

This article comes hot on the heels of the Spring issue of The Birth Vine.. a publication put out by Manitoba Association for Childbirth and Family Education.. this issue was appropriately titled 'Celebrating Midwives'.. I submitted this for the issue:

My thoughts on Midwifery are passionate. My birth was nothing like I planned and I had many expectations. I called the local Midwife office the moment I found out I was expecting at 5 weeks. I was turned away as they were already too full for that month. With only 3 of them and one about to go on Maternity leave they could only do so much. The region they serve is big and although they have big hearts and so much experience there is only so many women they can take a month. As a Doula I knew that I had to have a midwife. I persisted and persisted and finally they accepted to take me. I was more than grateful. We only had phone conversations at the time as I was living outside the province and would only be here three months before my due date. They were so consistent, reassuring and comfortable. I found out I was expecting twins at 21 weeks and many different emotions and feelings come along with that.. I knew the birth I so desired was gone and I would have to face many more obstacles. We met our Midwife and instantly I fell in love with her. She was warm, caring and so inviting. Her knowledge and her patience to sit and listen to all my questions really overwhelmed me at times. With the expectation of multiples we discussed that she would have to share care with an obstetrician and we hooked up with one who would deliver my babies in the city. Although this was another hard reality to accept, knowing that she was still walking me through the process really helped. I was admitted to the hospital unexpectedly by my doctor at almost 36 weeks and ordered to stay. There are many times I have been blessed by caring people but the experience I had with my midwife goes above and beyond. She came to the hospital to help my husband and I with a belly cast. She helped me come to terms with what was happening around me and the possibility that I would be having a c section. When they did decide a few days later to go ahead with the c section due to the breech position of my babies, she was there. She walked me to the OR and sat with me as they prepped me. She was there at my head talking me through the surgery, she also acted as pro photographer during the surgery. When the babies were born and my husband went to the NICU with them my midwife stayed by my side the whole time. Reassuring words, comforting touch and a calm presence. She sat with me through recovery and helped me understand the things that were happening with my babies. She visited many times during our 4 week hospital stay and then came to my house once we were home. I don't have all the words to describe the emotion and feelings that my midwife evokes in me. She was indispensable. The calm in my storm and the light at the end of the tunnel. We are grateful that she took her time to invest in us when as a midwife she is stretched. Its a shame that more women can't have the exceptional care that midwives provide.. Its been 9 months now and I feel I would be still hurting and disappointed with the outcome of my birth if only her calm voice didn't run through my head some times as she gently reminded me to grieve the loss of my expectations. I learned so much from her as a woman, a mother and a Doula. I have two healthy babies now and I am a healthier mom thanks in part to her. Thanks Marla!

a new day has come...

if you can tell me which song that title comes from you win... well not really win because i don't have any prizes but you know...
anyways i am encouraged today.. woke up and had a few minutes to remind myself how blessed i am and also remind myself i can choose joy today..
my spirits were lifted yesterday as i went to MSS to scrap last night. it was a really good time - i just love doing it and hanging out with great people in the process... so off to face the day all the while choosing to enjoy my kids today and not worry about all the other stuff...

lets be real..

so i am having a real crisis... its actually many mini crisis's all at once. first up my blog. feel its blah and boring and i never have anything real to write about. also feel no one reads it anymore and if you do you are probably bored.
my role as a mom lately has been a crisis point for me. PLEASE PLEASE don't humor me with lame cliches about doing the best i can and sure you are a good mom.. this is not up for debate just telling it how it is these days. i always thought all i wanted to do was be a mom and lately its been harder to remember why.. i am always short on patience, i tire easily and entertaining and keeping two happy is getting really hard. throw in teething and colds and AHHHHH its all i can do to throw momma off a train. next crisis follows this one hot on its heels is GUILT.. how can one person feel so much guilt over everything.. like the guilt i feel now that i wrote all that down and how i should just be thankful and suck it all up and pretend like everyone else that life and motherhood are easy and why doesn't it just conjor up warm fuzzy feelings all the time like it does for EVERYONE else but me. why is it next to impossible to just give my kids a bath during the day like everyone else.. oh thats right i have two and trying to keep two wiggling babies from drowning is HARD work.
i'm sure there are many more things like my discontentment with the lack of cleanliness in my house, my less than mediocre performance as a wife, my ever growing sadness for friendship that runs DEEP.. and last but not least my crisis over whether or not i will hit publish..