sleepy babies!!

this week..

i have a few minutes before i need to get going and spent some time reading comments you all have made since we entered the hospital 10 days ago. maybe its the craziness of this all but i was so overwhelmed by your beautiful thoughts and was sitting here having a good cry. thank you for making us a part of your life and for reading. a special thanks to JB a few posts down it was just what i needed to hear.
well my most fabulous husband has left to go back to work. having him leave last night was incredibly hard as he has been my rock and been the best friend i could have ever asked for. watching him hold, kiss, change and love on our boys has brought me to tears so many times. his gentle heart overwhelms me. for those of you who really know him he brings a mellow vibe everywhere he goes and has transferred that to the boys (for now) its lovely to see.
i have family coming a few times this week and dave will be back wed evening and then for the weekend. think of him as leaving the boys was harder on him than he thought.
spoke with the boys doctor yesterday and we are looking at another 7-10 days. they just need to mature and fatten up. they are doing so well and everyone is so pleased with their progress.
i have a cell phone and would love to hear from people. i was not sure how to send an email to all those who would want to know so if you see this and want the number email me (i am guessing only those who have my email would really want to speak to me anyways) it would be nice to hear familur voices. i will check in tonite and get you the number.
love to all of you and again my heart is lifted knowing we are so well taken care of in thoughts and prayers from all of you. we will try to post pics again soon.

me and my brother back together again...

well to the faithful who are still checking in. thank you. it is good to be home from the hospital and sleeping in a regular bed with my super amazing husband who take such good care of me. i am doing well other than dealing wtih a horrible backache due to my bodies relapse after carrying 50lbs of belly. we spend all day at the hospital with our brave strong boys who are amazing us daily with all they can do. Noah and Ari are lovingly taken care of by the nurses in the NICU and we are blessed by them. All we are doing is letting them grow and get stronger and in no time (hopefully by the end of the week) we can take them home. i was going to name this post me and my breast pump as we are now best friends. but i have to hand it to my new best friend who is now helping me feed my boys exclusively the good stuff. Noah is even feeding during the day from me and Ari who is a bit slower is learning lots. we thought you would enjoy seeing our boys together now that they are all off the Iv's and stuff. it was amzing to stare at their beautiful similar yet different faces. we are overwhelmed with love and awe of our little guys. hope you enjoy the pictures. keep checking back i will keep you all posted. dave will be heading home on sunday to go back to work next week and i will stay here and spend the days at the hospital and hopefully before we know it we can take them home.

here they are! Noah is on the left and Ari is on the right. the first of many family photos!

Welcome to the World!!!

We know you are dying to hear the news and we are excited to tell you about our beautiful little boys. Ari Jeremiah was born at 2:49pm on may 22 weighing 4lbs 7oz. 17 3/4 inches. Noah Emery followed at 2:50pm weighing 4lbs 10.5oz. 18 inches. Birth story to follow once mom is doing a bit better. Boys are being watched in the newborn ICU and are both doing well. Ari had some breathing issues but is now breathing on his own. Both are feeding well. Please keep us in your thoughts as spending a week here has been a bit hard on our little family. Heather should be discharged tommorow and will stay in the city as long as the boys, which is now looking like at least another week may be 2. They are progressing more and more everyday. They just need time to grow.We will update again this weekend. Love to you all!!

Enjoy looking at our cute little babies

3 days and counting....

A rare apperance here by Dave writing to let you all know what is going on and why all the silence from Heather. Heather had a fetal assement on thursday which showed very active, thriving babies. The cord was not presenting but seems baby A has his little foot jack knifed way down with baby B's head pressing on it. She then saw her doctor who did an exam to find her 3-4cm dialated with water's buldging. She was informed it was too dangerous to go home should the water break. Heather was then admitted to the hospital that afternoon. So, here we are at the end of day three a bit weary & tired and still waiting.... We are waiting till Monday to see the Dr. again and re-assess the situation or unless her water breacks. A C section seems the only possibility as of now, the question is when? Please keep us in your thoughts as it is hard to be far away from home living in a hospital. When we know more we'll fill you in! Thanks for your love and prayers. Heres to healthy babies soon.
Dave & Heather

come on little guy you can do it

i guess the countdown is on.. i find myself wondering where i'll be and what i'll be doing when it's time to meet the boys. i debated writing this post but figure i could use all the good warm thoughts you would all send our way. we have a few options at this point and will know more on thursday when we have our appointment in winnipeg. as of now baby a is footling breech with cord hanging down by his feet. baby b is heads down but not far enough to get in front of the other babies feet.
the risk of my water breaking is what is the concern because the action of the water could bring the cord lower and then as is natural either feet or the other babies head will begin to press on my cervix cutting off the cord for baby a. scary. so...we are hoping that either baby a still has room to move heads down or he can skooch his little feet way up so baby b can get his head lower (and then he would be come baby a) confused? stay with me.. i've really been fighting with fear the last few weeks and the unknown and having to give up all the thoughts i had around what my birth would be like. i have begun to realize that whatever the outcome my thoughts can dictate what my birth ends up meaning to me. my midwife has been so good had helping me process all that. so on thursday we will be able to tell more whether or not i get to go till i go into labor or if they will schedule a csection after the long weekend (which would put me past 36 weeks). please keep us in your thoughts as we only want the best for our little guys. we can't wait to meet them. yesterday dave was sitting across the room from me and looks over his eyes really wide and says "so, soon we are going to have babies here? two of them." like it had just hit him. it was pretty cute.
thats about all for now. just remembering to enjoy the moment and all that surrounds me, waiting eagerly to meet our boys.

happy birthday...

to the best husband in the world!!
a winner in most everything!!

baby pool

its been so quiet here in blog land. i find myself checking for comments and checking other peoples blogs and its far and few between. maybe its wearing off...i hope not. anyways.
we went for another appt in winnipeg yesterday and got to see the little guys. they are doing really well - moving alot and growing ALOT!! we were so surprised to hear they both are about 4lbs14oz. Can you believe that! i have almost 10lbs of baby inside. they are still not in optimal positions.. baby a (right) has his little bum down and feet dangling below tickling my cervix which is not good as they would call this a footling breech and would not let me deliver "naturally" but i would have to give birth by ceserean. they are also cautious because the cord has slipped down there with the feet and that means if my membranes rupture (water breaks) and they are still in this position that causes many risks to the babies. so.. we are doing everything possible to get baby a to switch position. baby b (left) is head down but not far enough to be the first baby yet. please say a prayer for us if you think of it.
ok on to more fun we have set up a baby pool and we want you to all go and enter what you think the babies weight, length and date of birth will be. (there will be prizes). all you have to do is go to http://www.ExpectNet.com and enter our game name which is DoubleBlessing. Dave and I did it seperately and he picked the same day I did. How wierd is that!! Its really easy to do. Remember no points for guessing the gender thats a freebie!
We'd love to hear from you!

today i miss most things vancouver. i would like to eat sushi. i would love a good cup of coffee - i am still not under the impression that tim hortons equals great coffee. i miss my friends. i would like to walk up and down the drive with them. i really miss craigslist... man we need a desk and if only we had craigslist we would have desk within minutes. i have not even peeked on craigslist till today and had to exit quite quickly it's still too soon. the wound is too fresh. did i mention i miss my friends..
on a better note this was the after thought of a good prarie storm.
God is in the beautiful details.

home sweet home

just wanted to share some pictures of our house. these are main floor pics (all newly painted by my wonderful husband!) we are really happy with the way it has turned out so far. enjoy!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/92072146@N00/

the beautiful parts...

before we left vancouver we attended the best prenatal classes ever (if you are or get pregnant check out Birthing From Within) there were many reasons it was amazing but i learned so much about me and my inner journey. we explored fear and the way we cope with every day life. there was one evening where we broke into male/female groups and as females we uncovered our deepest question.. its a really neat excercise meant to have you really dig deep to discover what might be holding you back. out of this time my question took on many shapes and what i got out of it is.. How am I surrendering to each moment? this has always been huge for me as i tend to get wrapped up in the how and what and what if of it all. i have really been making concious decisions to bring myself back to that question throughout this pregnancy and it has made a difference in my every day life. in surrendering to the moment i am also gaining valuable insight into what makes pregnancy so beautiful in and around the hard times.
i have been touched by so many of you that stop here to read my thoughts or see my pictures it means so much to me! i have enjoyed the random bloggers stopping to leave comments and giving me more blogs to read. thats another glimmer of the beauty of pregnancy.

turning heads...

alright folks its official my belly is large and beutiful. i found out i am now turning heads and being asked how it feels to be overdue. yeah strangers ask that question... i measure a whopping 41.5cm which is what a women with one baby would feel like a week and a half overdue but me i have 7-9 weeks left. don't get me wrong i am still on the path of growing big healthy babies so having them inside is what we want but where do people come up with these things.. i decided to make you a list and hope you never become the kind of person to do any of these things...

Never ask a pregnant woman.. (that you don't know really, really well) espcially someone expecting twins...
1. Are you overdue? Just don't!
2. Do you have stretchmarks ? Since when would that be anyones business?!
3. When are you being induced? Seriously.
4. Can you sleep or even move at night? Maybe your husband should install a poll for you that hangs from the ceiling so you can get out of bed better.. uhh yeah enough said.
5. Probably not any clothes that fit you any more hey? No your right there aren't but don't ask!
6. Your huge, big, large, massive - anything along those lines.
7. Wow your feet are really really swollen - really?? i hadn't noticed.. did it occur to you because I DON'T WEAR SHOES ANYMORE??? Dumb.

Ok I am done. Other than all that I am feeling good. Of course I'm feeling full of baby because I am full of 2 babies but I am excited that they are moving and doing so well. I had a fetal assesment yesterday at the hospital I will deliver at and it was so pleasant and fun. I got to see the boys and hear there heart beats and even hear the blood moving through the cord which was so cool. They both weigh a big over 3lbs and are moving lots. Everything we would hope for. Baby A does not have his head down though which he needs to do right now his little bum covers my cervix. Baby B is head down and has his bum in Baby A's face. Litteraly. This is funny. We got a shot of Baby B's parts (scrotum) right on Baby A's nose. It was hilarious. So he is sitting on his brother. Maybe a sign of whats to come. Ahh at least they are keeping each other occupied. I got cute shots of their little faces. I will try to scan in pics later but am not sure they will scan well. We will see. Anyways yes we are all doing well and can't believe in 7 weeks or so we will meet our little guys face to face. Can't wait!

time is flying by

not a very clever title to this post so many things to report. last week was good. i found out i enjoy doing nothing; having no schedule and just being able to putz around however i want. i did alot of that..dave had a very busy first week working 37 hours in only 4 days. he is really enjoying work. i even got to go to wpg with him on a work errand the other day so that was fun. friday we had easter at my parents which was great. good food, good fun. the weather here is amazing. its been in the 20's for the last few days and i can't get over seeing sun everyday!
saturday we had our OB consult in Wpg. better than the last but still wierd. our doctor is hard to explain but reminds me of a plumber. he's messy, older, irish and for lack of a better word strange. but we liked his approach on childbirth and feel quite confident in his ability to give us as close to the birth that we want. with my midwife in attendance i feel well taken care of. he was funny. he could not get over how petite i was and asked me many times if i knew that i was small and how i saw myself getting even bigger than i am. i guess he never went to that school that told him your size has nothing to do with your ability to give birth.. yes i am large in the belly i measure 40 weeks pregnant with about 8 weeks to go. thats the other thing he was eager to do a fetal assement because he didn't believe me on my due date.. again muttering something about how small i am and how could my belly get any bigger. i will go in again this week for a fetal assement and will let you know how the boyz are doing in there.
before we left vancouver daves friend nick took some lovely photos of us and here are my two faves so far. i will write again this week with more news oh and pics of the house.

no need to worry

yes it looks as if pregnancy has changed my color completely but its only the camera doing the trick on my 30 week picture to the left. please don't be alarmed the water here is not bad or anything...
havn't given many updates on pregnancy lately so i figured its about time. i am well my belly is growing bigger and bigger when i last saw my midwife (last tues) i was measuring 38cm. you usually measure according to what week you are in pregnancy so you can tell that makes me BIG and looking like a woman about to give birth to one baby. its hard to imagine sometimes that i have two months to go wondering where they will fit and how on earth i will be comfortable. my feet are about double their size and even my legs are swelling. all those nice maternity clothes i bought are just barely holding on..
this saturday we have our consult with our OB in Wpg which will hopefully be a better experience than this last meeting. my midwife has worked with him and speaks highly of him and his attitude towards vaginal twin births which is wonderful. i am about ready for some good news in that regards.
i am excited to meet these boys and do relish in the miracle working inside my body every day. i don't take it for granted and can be thankful for all of this as long as my boys are healthy and doing well.
anyways that is about all. we are all doing well. dave works long hours - leaves the house at 7:30 and doesn't get home till 6:00 so that has been an adjustment but he is enjoying it as i am enjoying puttering around the house. i am missing the familur friendships i had, not sure how to seek people out or if maybe too much time has passed and the time apart has lost something. i hope not maybe its just an adjustment period for everyone involved.
must go - hungry again.. seems to be all i do eat, sleep, pee... the never ending cycle!

going the distance

yes all we are still alive and kicking. its been a hectic few weeks but we have made it to our final destination and are spending most days and evenings fixing up our new house. which by the way WE LOVE. we are one coat away from being finished painting and have already assembled a few pieces of furniture with a few left to go. we are hoping to be sleeping there tommorow night - just in time for the weekend.
lets see where did we leave off....
our final week in vancouver was sad but filled with lots of good memories. we had dinners with friends, good last coffee dates, we went for our final brittania sushi lunch with audrey which was very special as she agreed to be our boys godmother and that really blessed us. we had a lovely going away party with all our friends, an emotional sending off time at our last staff meeting where people blessed us with words and gifts that mean so much, we packed and packed and had the generous help of numerous people (thank you!) our last day was gorgous - sunny and warm. we packed up with the help of many and as we turned the corner onto 12th for the last time i lost any composure i may have been holding on to and the reality of leaving the last amazing three years caught up with me. we said our goodbyes (which were HARD) and headed off - up and through the mountains and down into the praries where when we crossed into manitoba felt a huge sense of peace even though leaving vancouver was hard we still feel that this move is whats best for us and our growing family.
so this week has been busy painting, moving in, unpacking and getting adjusted to a slower paced life. its been great to stay with my parents who have been so generous. we got to meet our midwife - whom WE LOVE! she is so fabulous. i'm excited to have her there as we meet our boys. we will have a consult in wpg soon with the OB who will be there when we deliver. our midwife suggested to have a consult with a doctor who might attempt a vaginal birth with twins here locally (remember we are pretty rural here) so we thought we would give that a try. we'll just say it was a compete waste of time... here are some highlights.
"so.. do you know about twins? you know that a lot more complications come with delivering them.. like one of them could die!"
"yeah so i am the ONLY one here who will do a vaginal birth but everyone else will gladly do ceasearans so if you want to set that up we can do that."
"oh my vacation is the first half of june."
oh great thanks for all the uplifting information i think we'll go somewhere else. but thanks.
It was kind of comical now that i look at it. I am looking forward to meeting a much more advanced thinking doctor. It's really amazing the difference between a doctor and a midwife. we'll definitly stick with the midwife.
i think you are all up to date. next time i will have pics to post and more news as well.
thanks for sticking with it. i know how frusterating it is to check a blog over and over and over and never see a new post. thanks for your patience.
you are loved.

a little chaos..

just wanted to apoligize for my lack of posting and confess you will have to wait one more week.. we are in the craziness of packing and we are leaving tommorow so we have not had a ton of time for much else. i just wanted you to know where we are at. check back next week for a update and lots of fun pictures from all the fun parties and such we have had this past week..
saying goodbye is never fun...

My Blessingway

I was the lucky recipient of a beautiful blessingway planned this weekend by my lovely friends. Audrey hosted and with help planned the best sunday afternoon. It was so special. I wish I could remember every word that was spoken it was so lovely. A blessingway is used to mark the change in a woman's life and it is a more symbolic and moves away from the traditional shower as it celebrates the women's new journey into motherhood. My blessingway was beautiful. We had communion, a beautiful reading which symbololized the love and support I have by others around me, I received shoulder massage, hand massage and a foot wash. My friends prayed for me and for the boys. They even brought letters for the boys that they had written.There was so much thoughtfulness poured into the day. Its hard to put here all the emotion and love that went into that time. I felt so blessed. They also brough gifts for the babies which was so nice.
It was so beautiful to know that I am embraced by so many women. One thing we did that i love is called A Weaving. There was a ball of yarn and we each tied string around each others wrists and we were then all connected. The string was cut in between each person and its to remain on their wrists till the babies come. I thought it was a lovely reminder of knowing that they support me in this journey. Here are some pics from the time. It was hard to choose pictures to encompass this time. I had the best day and want to thank my friends - you will be missed more than you will know.

2 weeks + 1 day...

the countdown is on. the short span of time left is overwhelming and next to impossible to wrap my mind around. it envokes feelings of fear, sadness, anxiety, relief, basically your run or the mill emotional roller coaster. you are constantly thinking "this is the last time.." phrases when you do things. on sunday dave and i went for a walk and talked about how much we will miss the mountains and the green grass year round. the cherry blossom trees are out in full bloom and their beauty takes my breath away sometimes. last time for brittania sushi.. last time to stop in favorite coffee shops or shop on the drive.. donalds market and cheap produce. i won't even begin to start with the emotional ties to people i am not prepared for that.
i know we are moving on for great reasons and i am not doubting its right but regardless of right or not its not easy.
we did get to visit seattle this past weekend and hang out with friends we will not see for awhile. we had a great time! i even got to spend some girl time with mel, amy and amanda which was amazing. lots of memories with them. reminders of the amazing last 5 years and all that has happened.
so my belly is growing bigger and bigger. had to go shopping again - some will say i look almost full term already and i can imagine towards the end i will sit around in my underwear or have to make dresses out of blankets. heehee i'm just kidding although they should make a special store for pregnant twin moms. i'm lucky dave loves my belly he even talks of how sad he will be when it is gone. i am happy to report i have started gaining a better amount of weight and it still is only in my belly which makes me happy. ok maybe a couple pounds in my poor swollen feet.

not into keeping secrets...

yes i am still here and apoligize for the lack of posting. last week went so fast with all the comotion around here. the dts teams came back from outreach so it made for a very busy week. it was so great to have them all come back and have them share their stories. the weekend was nice as the staff went to a hotel to debreif the school and relax. i floated in the pool - what an incredible feeling to be weightless.
well yesterday was the big day... as dave would say we spyed on the babies which was awesome. we went to a different place than last time and although we waited forever we also were blessed to have them be "playing" around with the 3D feature which allowed us great views of our little guys - yep kickstands and all.... i have to admit i was suprised for some reason i really thought they would be girls. we are both very excited!! i am relieved because my biggest fear was that they wouldn't be in the right position to tell. we got some amazing shots of the babies and seeing the 3D views was incredible. we couldn't scan the pictures for some reason they did not turn out but i am positive the one baby we got a good face shot of looks just like dave. super cute. so instead of pics of the baby i found this cute onesie that describes it all.. my boys will be boob men. (if anyone ever comes across this onesie i would like two!)




























way too many cool websites out there you have to check this out: http://www.cafepress.com/deeksbrats/1200861

you can't live in my ribs...

its been a while. each weekend dave and i have the intention to take a pregnancy photo of my ever growing belly and we are falling behind. this week i promise. so the newest thing is one baby likes to live in my rib cage and stretch out. its fascinating to know its growing and i can feel it but its taking its toll on my ribs. the babies are kicking lots too. some nights dave and i can't keep up with trying to feel them all. one kicks here one kicks there and then this morning i found out they love music. during worship they were all over the place. its so fun to feel them moving. hard to imagine how cramped it must be in there for them and they still have a ways to go.
we had breakfast with my parents at the airport on saturday as they had a layover on the way to their fantasy trip to thailand. all expense paid. incredible. i am excited for them to get off the continent and see what they are missing. after sending their kids all over the world they deserve to get away.
so we scored yesterday at the ikea as is box sale. a couple times a year they load their warehouse with damaged boxes that have not been looked through. you wait in line and you have to barrel your way around crazy people. its awesome. anyways we scored big time. we got $1100 worth of furniture for $100.00. Incredible. Our house looks like an Ikea warehouse as we are not unpacking any of it but will leave it boxed to make the move to Winkler. It was a fun day even when we had to configure a roof rack to get some of it home.
i wanted to put out a disclaimer on my previous post. i spoke openly about my feelings of attatchement parenting and breastfeeding and in no way meant it to be a harsh word to those whom i love and whom i already know i can count on back home. it wasn't meant to accuse them of not caring or not helping. i already know in my head that i can count on those people. i was just expressing my fears of the well wishers who mean well but don't have the kind of authority to speak into the way you plan to raise your kids. you know the ones you come across and who are barely acquaintences. so if any of you reading this felt i meant you by no means did i. i know who loves me and will support whatever way i find i can manage these two little babies.. i am going to need you and know i can count on you for anything.
till next time my friends...

comfort

you know when you have someone in your life that just spells comfort for you. someone who you have learned so much from, have grown so much partly because of.. i think we all have more than one and i got to spend some time with someone who is that to me this week. my good friends ben and mel parsons and there adorable daughter jaya were here to visit up from seattle. it was great to spend time hanging out with them. mel is one of those people who knows me so well and has seen me in my worst times. we did our dts together almost 9 years ago - yikes!! and then i staffed in seattle for a few years with them. it was in that time i grew the most and she was always there to inspire and challange me. she is such an inspiration not only a great wife and mother she is also on her way to becoming a midwife. it was great to have them up here. here are a couple pics from our time with them.
not much else is new. after last week its been a quieter week. my tummy is growing what feels like daily. we traded in our stroller for the double version and i love it. it was great to have done all that research and have the one i picked luckily have a double model so it all didn't go to waste. i have joined a yahoo group that is so insightful on having multiples. its an attatchement parenting group that highly encourages exclusive breastfeeding, baby wearing (yes its totally possible) and co-sleeping. it has been refreshing to read other peoples experiences and realize that i don't have to give up anything just because there is two.
people keep asking me if i am overwhelmed and although the realization that life will be different definitly is real i don't feel overwhelmed; i feel blessed and up for the challange. the only thing i am worried about it having the support of others when we move who are likeminded in the breastfeeding area. i have already had skeptikal comments from people who don't realize that milk is a supply and demand thing and that you make what you need and there are women who feed triplets till they are well into there toddler years. i want to know that i am supported because i am going to need help! luckily there are great support groups in winnipeg for parents with multiples and i am attending meetings here too with women who are doing it.
ok ok enough about that. this has turned into a long post so i will end with that.

what a week..

so now that the shock has worn off. i have some time to gather some thoughts. all this news has been quite overwhelming and has created some mind shifts for us. but i am equally excited at the double blessing we are being granted - with that double blessing i pray comes double grace.
there has been some time of surrender like not being able to have a home birth and having to consult with ob's. luckily my midwives still take me as primary care. we will deliver our babies in winnipeg as well. its amazing to me how often i have told my clients not to have expectation of their births and to hold everything lightly you just never know what will happen but i'm surprised at how many hidden expectations i held.
family and friends are extra excited. it was almost more fun telling people this news and the reactions we got were much bigger. so thanks to all of you for your excitement and support and your well wishes. it means so much to us.
as if we didn't have enough huge news we have more. we bought a house! yep my parents looked at it and we put an offer in the same day and this morning it went through so we are now official adults yep expecting twins, and homeowners all in one week. what will be next??
here is a pic of our new home at 231 Imperial Bay. It's cute, small and well taken care of. Good enough for the first while and we can move in April 1 which is perfect. ok now you let it all sink in..... p.s. the two deers in the front don't come with the house. i know i know its sad.
oh and if you haven't visited in awhile check out the post below for fabulous pictures.

introducing....

well we had our ultrasound yesterday which was so exciting. we were really excited to find out the sex of the baby but unfortunately we couldn't because....we found out that there is not just one baby but two. its a double blessing. as overwhelming as this all is we are also aware that we are so blessed. because of the babies position we couldn't see what they were but the tech was pretty sure that the babies are identical. anyways i wanted you to see our babies first photo shoot. they were referred to as baby a and baby b for the tech as she had lots of measurments to take. the babies measure the same and look to be growing well. not sure where they are going to grow too. i feel a bit full already.

this first picture is of our babies heads. it was funny the way they were draped all over each other. baby b had its little bum in baby a's face and dave said at times would be kicking baby a in the head. hopefully they can get along in their little home.





this is baby a - very mellow. just relaxed there. every so often you'd see baby a's arms and legs move but it was perfectly content. one of the most incredible things was seeing there little hearts beating and watching them gulp and swallow.






this is baby b - much the little swimmer, twister and just general wiggly one. dave commented baby b seemed hyper. and hopefully baby b's kicking of baby a's head won't give either of them a complex. so where the babies bum is thats where baby a's head is. kind of like they are spooning backwards. i'm sure they will be good friends.

new week

well dave is home and all is well. i have to keep reminding myself he is here to stay. we have had a nice weekend just relaxing and he has adjusted well.
as you can see in the sidebar i will begin a weekly (or maybe every two weeks) pic of my ever growing belly. dave was so surprised. he is facinated with touching it. today we will spy on the baby through our ultrasound. i am super excited to see the baby.
i will post more tommorow and hopefully can scan a few pics of the little bean.
till then.

3 more sleeps!!!

i can't belive it. 3 more sleeps and in 4 days i will be hugging dave. it feels like he has been gone forever! i fly back to vancouver tonight. i hate flying but today i am looking forward to getting on the plane.
things were good here at home it was great to see people. i even got to hang out with lisa last night and went for breakfast with her this morning which made the trip complete. i must say william gets cuter and cuter. hopefully she will send me a recent pic and i will post it all for you to see.
i am feeling the baby lots more lately its the most incredible feeling. i'm feeling good other than bad gas pains, bleeding gums and acid reflux.
time to get going. think of dave as he travels alone from perm to moscow on the 23 hour train ride and then waits 5+hours at the moscow airport. so soon he will be home!!!!!!
have a great day!

18 weeks

well at least its something. when i get home i will take a better belly shot but for those of you who are dying to see here is me and our little bean at almost 19 weeks.

miracles

well its snowing and so beautiful outside and i have good news. the midwives here in winkler have agreed to take me on. i still find myself speechless that they have decided to make room for me. its amazing. i never really let go but must admit that my hope was dwindling. i have not spoken with my primary yet but hope to this week. i have felt really good the last few weeks and only this week with the lack of activity (sitting at my parents house doing nothing and eating lots more than i am used to) i feel a bit gross. i need to get out and walk or something. i am looking forward to getting back to vancouver and routine and seeing dave. only 9 more days - actually only 8 more days cause on the 9th day i get to see him. it will be nice. hopefully he is not a little ice cube - where they are this week it has been about -45 degrees (now that is COLD).
its been neat to see my belly grow and the baby flutter around the acid reflux is not so much fun but tums seem to relieve that quickly lucky for me.
i can't wait to see the little bean on our ultrasound on the 30th i think we have agreed to find out the sex of the baby; its funny to hear people's reactions to that. here is advice from one pregnant momma to be to everyone. Its best to keep all opionions to yourself. now whether or not we tell everyone will be our secret - we will let you know.
time for supper. till next time.

coming home....

i made it home. it was a good trip and i got to spend the night at Lindseys house and hang out with her the next day which was so good!! she is doing really well as always its so fun to spend time with her. i've been home now for a couple days. its been lots of relaxing which has been so good. i needed the downtime. i have not seen too many people just family and my good friend rhonda which was nice. she is about ready to deliver her second baby which is exciting. i am hoping she has the baby while i am here. anything obviously not much else is new. i will post some new pics of me in my fourth month this weekend. oh and by the way it is warm here - almost balmy. when i got out of the airport the other day it was almost midnight at only -2 which is CRAZY. it is much nicer than what dave is having in russia at a mild -25. yikes.
till later.

the weekend, phone calls and other things...

i don't have a digital camera right now as dave took it to russia so it seems silly to post with no pics to show you but i figured i should post anyways. had an ok weekend other than not alot of sleep. can't seem to sleep these days. i cleaned, was crafty and hung out with friends which was nice. sunday morning i was woken up to the most beautiful voice and got to speak with dave for almost 20 minutes. it was so good to hear from him. they are well a bit on the cold side but doing good. its about -25 with windchill and most of the time they are skating on outdoor rinks. yikes. but they seem to be in high gear and attracting lots of people to hang out with. it was so good to hear his voice and i figured i could make it another week now without hearing from him but then this morning the phone rings and its him again!! i was so excited i barely knew what to say. it was nice to have those morning calls and i feel a bit spoiled.
i get ready to leave to manitoba tommorow and i am looking forward to being home and eating good home cooked meals, seeing friends and family and just relaxing. i get to see lindsey tommorow and will stay with her my first night there and hang out with her on wednesday i am really looking forward to seeing her. so yeah thats about it. i still need to pack and get some work things done before i leave but keeping busy helps pass the time. thanks for all your kind calls and emails it means alot. i will post again in manitoba and will have use of my parents digital pics so i can email you some more pics of my ever growing belly. enjoy today!

isn't he cute

looking up..

been a good couple of days. i have been keeping busy and have been trying to surround myself with people. its only hard in my lonely house. i heard from dave and they are doing well. they are currently on a 23 hour train ride through the beautiful land of russia. they spent yesterday walking around red square and dave said it was breathtaking. i'm excited that he gets to have this experience. just wanted to let you all know things are better. i miss him but i've already made it three days! i leave for manitoba on tuesday which will be nice to catch up with family and friends. i'll post more later. enjoy your day!

got my sad face on...

so dave has left and is sleeping right now somewhere in Russia...its lonley in our house without him. i figure its ok to be sad and all the well wishers who keep telling me oh but hes doing good work need to stop.. of course i am happy he is doing good work and of course out of anyone in the whole world i am proudest of him and happy he gets this experience but for goodness sake i am still going to be sad and all you have to say is thats ok heather you can be sad because you love him and miss him.
so with all that being said.. i am proud of him and i know that the people of russia and the team are super lucky to have dave with them but i am still going to hope the time goes by quickly.

i love.....

you know what i love about maternity pants.. you can just pull them on and off. no zippers, no buttons. its genious.

merry christmas and other things

well the tree is almost put away (its dead) and the presents are unwrapped. it was a good christmas. given my condition leading up to it i didn't get into the season as much as usual so things were low key. we had 14 people over for a lovely fondue on christmas eve (which is a loewen family tradition) it was great we had 6 different nationalities represented, lots of fruit and loads of chocolate (linds you would have loved it).
These pictures were from Christmas Eve.







Christmas Day was nice. Dave & I made a delicious breakfast of Eggs Benedict and we just hung out. Opened some gifts and spend the morning in our pj's. We went over to the Pallisters for Christmas Dinner. The food was amazing. Wade spent a few days preparing a churducken which is a Chicken stuffed into a Duck which is then stuffed inside a Turkey. With each layer surrounded by yummy, yummy stuffing. Need I say more?
This is Audrey and me ready to eat!!
DTS ended the thursday before the holidays and with that comes some nice downtime for Dave before he leaves for Russia in only a few short days :( We took a staff picture which turned out funny. And also ode to red. The other picture is Dave's outreach team which will be gracing Russia soon! I love the red track suits. It is what they will wear when they are coaching hockey (teaching skills and stuff). I love it!! I think that is all the update I have for now. Just want to give a birthday shout out to Lindsey. Today is her special day and she has much to celebrate as she also celebrates getting into the midwivery school she applied for. Yeah! I am proud of you Lindsey and love how you are following your dreams. You are special! Pregnancy Update: I have felt like a normal human being for the last four days and am so thankful. It helped to enjoy the holidays! The baby is moving up higher and my stomach feels like a little hard stone. Beautiful thing.

13 weeks!!

well here you go. 13 weeks! not to much there just enough to fit my nectarine size baby. me and some friends decided we like how they compare your baby to food at least until a certain point until they run out of ideas. i've been feeling a bit better which has been nice. dave and i did some christmas shopping this weekend which was good. audrey, pam, rita and i watched a great movie this weekend called "there eyes were watching god" its a oprah movie and although a tad slow it was great.
i also saw Narnia last week which was so good. they did a real good job at following the book. it was inspiring. you should all go see it. i gotta get some work done. i will post more later. have a great day!

MIRACLES!

life is a beautiful thing. today dave & I went to see our midwives and we got to hear our babies heartbeat (not plural baby)! what an amazing thing. the midwife showed me where the baby is and i felt the little ridge where he/she lives. the midwife smiled when the heartbeat came on the monitor and said "sounds like a girl!" heehee. i guess girls have faster heartbeats. we shall see. anyways it was all so exciting i wanted to share it with you! i'm gonna post some pics of my belly soon for those of you far away. just perfectly fits my lemon size baby!

my pants are tight

its so wierd to encounter a time when its neat that your pants don't fit right. i mean come on theres a baby growing in there. i have some generous friends/family that have lent me some nice maternity clothes - which is nice to save me from the moomoo that i was terrified of having to wear. other than my belly and my boobs nothing else has changed yet so thats nice.
its been a pretty good week. sunday was horrible! i was sick all day and i didn't keep anyting down all day until 8:30 when a smoothie managed to stay. ugg. i am excited to enter this next trimester and i realize that this time will fly by. having Dave gone for the month of January is going to be so hard and I am hoping to get home (plane tickets are expensive). i figure my lonliness will be a bit less if i go home then having to stay in our house and sleep in our bed. ahh lonely. anyways we were talking last night and wondering how much my belly will change in those 4 weeks he is gone.
so the quest to find a midwife is on. i have been pestering the midwives in the winkler area and am on a wait list which is so frusterating. but at the same time inspiring because it means that people are catching on to the miracle of midwifery. anyways called a lay midwive as well who is not paid by the Regionaly Health Authority (if you are reading this and are from BC - the system in MB is horrible compared to here and count yourself a lucky duck if you deliver here) anyways but she is unsure if she is taking on clients in June but she said to contact her again in March to see. I'd have to pay her but the cost is quite worth it to me. So crossing fingers for all these options. Not sure of any others that I have. I love my midwives here and wish they could fly to Manitoba to deliver the baby. Anyways enough baby talk. Not much else going on.
I apologize for the lack of posting. Enjoy your day!

graceful

its been a good week. it seems i am only super sick on sundays, mondays and tuesdays. wierd.
yesterday we celebrated american thanksgiving which was so good. its nice being married to a half american. i love americans - yesterday we went around the table and the non americans shared what the loved about americans. to me they carry a sense of boldness and a lack of fear. they aren't afraid to shake things up. my american friends are all fierce and funny. so to all of you. cheers.
i have been trying to journal to the baby you know things that i am experiencing as the baby grows and most of it comes down to what i can and cannot eat. yesterday i found out something wacky. i love yams i mean love yams.. mashed, sushi style, boiled, drenched in brown suger and butter. but the baby no the baby does not like yams even as i gazed upon them last night it did not take me long to know the baby would not like them. and peanut butter come on, the baby also likes things cold. not a big fan of hot food. i know it sounds crazy. but vegtables need to be raw unless its corn and i'd rather do yogurt than anything hot. and pineapple i can't get enough - fresh pinapple. ooh and another gross one: cheezy breathe - after dave eats goldfish (the cracker). yuck.
anyways i think thats all..
so i want to bring up the question of the day.
when does pregnancy begin to be graceful?

CD(DONA)

So after all my hard work its official I am now a certified DONA doula. Now I have credentials.
Heather DiFrancesco Certified Birth Doula (DONA)

silence

seems i have a lack of things to say although its been a pretty good week! i'm beginning to realize that i am an avoider. i distract myself to avoid doing anything. not that all distraction is bad because sometimes it helps you to not get wrapped up in just doing, doing doing.. but sometimes instead i fill my day with things i must do (which becomes the distraction) when really all i want to do is be free to just sit and journal, or read something other than birth books...wow i am just now reading how true that all sounds. like this quote i read today
"Tonight I danced with God under the quiet stars the moonlight sticking to the bottoms of our feet."
Purely Lovely.

who knew...

well needless to say the honeymoon period is over. these past few days have been HARD. i don't really feel like a normal person. my stomach aches all day. there are a million sights and smells that can send me straight to the toilet and the headaches are coming every day!! my outlook is good. i know that this is the normalcy of this little life forming inside but i'm afraid to leave the house in case i need the safety of my bathroom. like my friend audrey said "when are you going to be fun again" yeah when will i be fun again????
but on the positive and clearly amazing side of things. Pinto is a busy little bean...(the reference to a He is purely the website i got the info off of.) Now almost half an inch long — roughly the size of a raspberry — He has elbow joints and distinct, slightly webbed fingers and toes. In his oversized head, both hemispheres of his brain are developing. His teeth and the inside of his mouth are forming, and his ears continue to develop. Eyelid folds partially cover his tiny peepers, which already have some color, and the tip of that nose you'll be tweaking someday is emerging. His skin is paper-thin and his veins are clearly visible. Your little one also has an appendix and a pancreas, which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. His liver is busy producing red blood cells, and a loop of your baby's growing intestines is bulging into his umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from his tiny body. You can't feel his gyrations yet, but your baby is like a little jumping bean, moving in fits and starts around his watery home.
Now to me that all seems worth it!

what a week

this has been a great week.. i've been sitting in on lectures with the DTS and Karen Padgett has been here teaching on relationships. its been so refreshing. so much about living life from your spirit and recognizing who you are and what you have to offer the relationships you experience. its been amazing. the students are loving it. they are really into the kind of teaching that centres around more interaction and couldn't be bothered listening to someone lecture. they are such a real bunch. really motivated by the things of God and the relational aspect of life. i've been so inspired by the DTS this fall they are all so amazing. i love just being around them. anyways.. i'm doing well. i have been really blessed and feeling great. every so often i'll get waves of nauseausness but it comes and goes and doesn't amount to too much. its wierd to be pregnant and to imagine all the creating going on in your body. next week pinto will be whole and will just need to grow. its a miracle. life is a miracle. i want to experience it to its fullest. don't you?

frugal

do you know how expensive maternity clothes are??? i mean seriously then comes the baby and you are shelling out thousands of dollars. come on. they say that the average person spends over $1000 per year on diapers. anyways its outragous. i think i will have to wear a moomoo that i'm sure can be found at value village for a couple of dollars. uggg!

peanut butter and confessions..

figured it was time to write again. not sure i have much of eternal value to say. its been a good week. i've felt for the most part good other than one morning when i realized pinto does not like peanut butter. but now we know. wednesday night i had a fun night going out with jamie, jessi and andrea. we went to this sketchy club downtown to hear andreas friends play. what a night. refer to jessi's blog for a more detailed story.
ok ok i have a confession to make now please don't go judging me.. i am an avid reader and fan of the celebrity baby blog. now i have been going there daily for months now and feel it is time to uncover my underground religous reading of this site. i have decided that i want you all to know about this if only for the sole purpose that you would continue to love me even if i want to know who gets the first picture of Sean Preston Federline and even if i love reading about Brooke Shield's second preganancy or my curiosity of when the next picture of Reese, Ave and Deacon will come out and we were all the first to hear of Matilda Rose Ledger's birth. Oh and the precious glimpses of Bennifer's bump. ahh the relief of being able to tell ones secrets.
have a lovely day.

SuPrIsE

yep in case you havn't heard - We're having a baby!
well today i have entered the sixth week of my pregnancy and our baby is just about the size of a small lentil bean. or pinto as audrey likes to call it. its really an amazing thing. just the whole feeling - super overwhelming. i'm in awe of how we are created. this little bitty bean has a heart beat, eyes and developing ears, the arms and legs appear as protruding buds. the hands and feet look like mini paddles. the tongue and vocal cords are beginning to form. how can anyone question whether or not God exists. what a miracle. i'll keep you posted.

first aid certified!

another accomplishment. i needed to get my CPR Course done for the Doula work i am doing. it feels good to have that done.
i have been quiet this week. maybe a bit lonely. dave and everyone else is in the Okanagan at the Go Conference. it sounds like it is going really well and people are enjoying it. it sure has been quiet around here with all the staff and students gone. i think i miss them. yeah when i ate lunch alone today i sure did. ok so i miss you. only when the phone rings do i remember what my voice sounds like.
other than that things are good. i have had lots of time alone which in a way has been good as well. i finally got everything sent away for my DONA certification which is a huge relief. i just needed to write one final essay on the benefits and purpose of labour support. it feels good to be done. anyways just wanted to let you all know i am still here. thanks for all your encouragment the last couple weeks its been tough but something tells me its time for a new season!

walking on water

so i feel like i have gained some perspective on my current state of feeling misunderstood. My walk with God is laced with some hard falls yet i find that some of the most intimate times i have with God are times i allow him to break then mend my heart. my old journals are filled with scratchy writing outlining relationships falling apart, people i know who are dying and the times i have felt left out. i can still see where tears have stained pages of mission trip journeys and the time i heard someone i knew well had cancer and moving to new places with not knowing people.
Jesus asks us to take up our cross and follow him - cheezy cliché - maybe! But that means getting our own motives out of the way and focusing on Him. but when i do that it seems i set myself up for hurt. waiting on God has to be one fo the hardest things i have ever had to do - especially since i love to know what will happen next. i've often shuddered at the words to the song that says ' brokenness, brokenness is what i long for." because that involves a little more than i am sometimes willing to give. brokeness doesn't only hurt at first but it can continue to hurt for some time. but jesus wants hearts like clay that he can form. He wants reckless abandonment. he wants us to trust Him to provide for us in new places. he wants us to walk way from relationships that are not glorifying him. He yearns for our transparency - a clear pic of our hearts. Jesus isn't so concerned with recognition i receive or how full my calendar is. He is concerned that my heart is transforming into his own. Jesus longs for brokenness because when we are broken we realize only He can make us whole.
We often hear the phrase " get our of your comfort zone" Our comfort zone refers to whatever is keeping us from a closer relationship with God. Like when Peter left the boat and jumped without a life preserver into the the water to meet jesus. and as his feet hit the surface without sinking, his heart must have pounded. The bible tells us that as Peter removed his eyes from Jesus and starts to worry about the storm around him he starts to sink. when he does he finds Jesus helping him up again. i admire Peters courage to even get out of the boat. i might have just been like ' ahh how about you come get me?"
God longs to teach us important lessons He want so show us a love better and more real than any we can even imagine. we want it but getting it requires a willingness to come to Him even when it means letting Him break our hearts.
We just need to understand that God wants us to lean on Him and to have His peace. The beauty of brokenness is this: allowing Jesus to heal us brings us ever closer to His loving embrace. So if I can challenge you and me - let's fix our eyes on Him right now and follow Him thru the muck storming around us. when He says just look at me you won't fall; i'll catch you. may it be the sweetest encouragement, the truest promise and the greatest hope we will ever need.

i feel extremely misunderstood.

mis·un·der·stood, (-std) mis·un·der·stand·ing, mis·un·der·stands

To understand incorrectly; misinterpret.

i miss lindsey part 2

i miss you. hope you are not freezing.

either its writers block or i am clearly unmotivated

its been hard to sit down and write lately. i have so many things to write and have no idea what order to do them in so since i can write here and have no consequences i guess i will choose this one first. i am trying to write some birth essays to send in with my certification; i have no idea why this is seemingly so hard. dave and i need to write a newsletter as well which we have been putting off for far to long. (sorry to all those supporters reading this). writing would also mean catching up on emails which i have been HORRIBLE at (sorry my dear friend lindsey). so see lots to write. not enough time nor the will to think of clever things to say. ahh mercy mercy forget my lack of will i am just trying to get by.
i had a good day today. volunteered at the pregnancy centre which is always a highlight. i will be starting to work nights this coming weekend for an agency called mother me which i am pretty excited about. it will be challanging as it is long night shifts about twice a week till the middle of november. i will be working with a family with new twins. its been amazing to me all the experience i have gained in the last few months. seems like only yesterday i was doubting this was God's dream for me. we have a speaker in this week who said. hope in God and the plan He has for you... cause it's GOOD!
anyways lots of other things to write and somehow i feel a bit more inspired. have a lovely night.

i miss lindsey

this was on our ride to sask - we hit a snowstorm in the mountains. it was beautiful.
i wanted to call lindsey today and it was so sad when it hit me that i can't. lindsey moved back to winnipeg this weekend. and although intellectully i know that spring is not far away and i will see her soon it is hard when you are used to just being able to call each other and hang out.

things aren't the same without you linds. i love you!

priorities...

seems like there is always discussion around what the priorities are in ones life... that leads me to much reflection. i feel i have so many priorities and making them all work are sometimes a bit of a stresser for me. defining priorities? what does that look like?
-my marriage is a priority - spending time with Dave
-my clients are a priority - making sure i give them the care they need and with the increasing amounts of postpartum clients that means more scheduling
-marketing myself is a priority so i continue to get clients
-my ministry here at work is a priority - doing the best i can with the responsibility
-my friends and family are a priority - the ones far away seem to get the most neglected.
-supporters which fall into the above category - the angst over not writing a newsletter in so long unnerves me daily.

where does that leave me? i read something today that only hit me now but seems perfect for this..
wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her, happy are those who hold her tightly.

Introducing....

SO here is a highlight from our LONG trip to Saskatchewan. I guess you would call this the main hightlight! It was awesome to be there to see Ange & Leigh married. Beautiful Day!
I will post more later.....

beauty

Introducing Ayla Molly born September 17/05. 7lbs 13oz.

double doses of pink!

so yesterday i was witness to another incredible birth; another girl. so beautiful! at 10:05pm we all welcomed Ayla into the world. it was an amazing birth which once again teaches me how beautifully we are designed. i will post some pictures of both births this week (i don't have high speed at home so it makes it hard to upload pics) just wanted you all to know! celebrate life today in whatever way that looks for you. its all around us.
lots of love

what a week.

wow what a week it has been. as you can tell from my lack of posting its been busy. we just finished our annual week long staff retreat. interesting, intense, and full of surprises. it was a lovely time hanging out with everyone, learning more about each other and grasping a little piece of God.
in the midst of the craziness of the staff retreat i experienced another birth which was of course amazing. my clients had a beautiful baby girl. i will post some pics later (i will see them again today). its been a long week and i am exhausted but also encouraged as i continue to seek more for me.
i had another incredible thing happen to me as i sat down to read emails yesterday. i got an email from a girl who is new to the doula world and wanting to chat with me. she got linked to my blog and discovered i am a christian (she is too) and a ywamer (she was too) can you even belive that? i know God is there. he shows it in the little things too.
i'll try to post again later with more details of the birth of emma elizabeth and upcoming exciting things like Emily coming this week! and ange & leighs wedding only a week away!!
enjoy your saturday in lots of peace.

in case you're worried

i figured i needed to clarify some things on my blog.. two people have commented on how depressing my blog is and just in case you are wondering. I am OK! yes, its funny that when you get into it, like really get into the heart of how you are feeling and as a christian if it doesn't sound up and exciting you get labelled as depressed. i actually feel better than i have in a long time. i feel like i am finally learning how to communicate with God and learning that he gives me grace to feel lousy at times too. this realization has come with alot of freedom. hard lessons to learn but liberating as well. so, anyways i am ok. i feel alive and i feel like i am starting to understand that God knows me and accepts me and whatever "feeling" comes along. i could be wrong tho as my husband seems to think all i am is a big "feeling". heehee. he has patience too. thank God!
i am beginning to actually appreciate the bad and the good in life. thats freeing for me.

change is scary, healthy, inevitable

I don't know if it's change in my life, or change in others lives or something entirely different, but something has me super nostalgic. There's nothing like a hard look at the past to make someone realize how much has changed in their life. People fear change, that's no secret. Its also understandlable, since change constantly undermines our comforatable routines. But without change, there is not growth and without growth there is, well, nothing, really. Nothing thats important, anyways. Growth is a necessary and unavoidable part of life, no matter how much we resist or fear. Most things I'm gald are behing me. But I'm even more glad that life has left me me irreplaceable moments. Nostalgia is extremely underrated. It's a big part of what makes us human. So there it is: change, growth, bittersweet and nostalgia. They add up to the same thing. us. we wouldn't be who we are without having been who we were. we wouldnt have what we have without having left some things behind, by choice or otherwise.
And so I'm left thinking back to saying goodbye and facing change head on. Some nights are just made for memories.
I will miss you Kristina, for you and this season in your life i think change is a beautiful thing