Jekyll and Hyde

Keep calm because this is the moment. - Jekyll and Hyde

I saw that the other day and it is fitting for right now. today. here.

I feel a lump in my throat tonight as I sit here and try to get some work done.. the only thing I can think of as my heart starts to race is that I have 4 days of work left. 6.5 years. I remember standing at the window when I answered the phone when we lived on Duster Bay being offered this job. I had two not even 2 year olds and this job literally saved our lives. The benefit of working half days was a gift.. being able to get out of the house for part of the day but also be home worked perfect for us. I also entered a job I literally fell in love with.

It's the best blend. Outgoing by nature I have loved my front line work. Being surrounded by amazing co-workers makes going to work easy. So many things I could say about my job. One thing is for sure.. I will miss it. Terribly. Thinking about the people I get to work with every day is what is causing this lump in my throat.. I know they will all be ok without me but I will miss their everyday presence in my life. From my corner coffee break table, to the hall behind me and the two people who occupy those spaces and make me thankful to sit where I sit. To the one I share my space with... and my heart. 

I know I made the right choice and am following my heart and my passion.. I am so blessed to be able to work from home and be more available to my family and the new circle that welcomes me.. but part of my heart is broken into a million pieces because as crazy as it may seem to you my life at 675 Prairie View Drive changed the course of our home.. made a struggling mama to twins survive those first few years.. it wasn't only the work place but the nurturing loving hands who held, read stories to, sang songs with, played endless rounds of duck duck goose, who fed, cleaned up after, prayed for and LOVED my boys.. it was a village. My village. 

Change is scary, but like my Dad said to me "Take risks... what's the worst that can happen?" I think I have found who I am meant to be over the past 6.5 years.. my village, my people they have all helped me get here.

So for the next 4 days I plan to relish each moment. To take it all in. Cause really I have SO much to be thankful for.. so much to look forward to. So much life to live. What are we without our village?

So this week.. I will send my boys down the driveway on their bikes to school, pack up Jett and my morning smoothie. We will turn on the Eagle and listen to Chuck. I will get coffee and get Jett a blueberry muffin. I'll drop him off at Shirlies and drive to work. I'll park in spot #6. And just like now.. I'll probably cry.

I have so much to be thankful for. My heart is full. And a tiny bit broken. Grateful for so much.

We celebrate 4 today.

4 years. Hard to believe it's been 4 years.

I thought about you a lot today as I wrote this blog post in my head. My mind wandered back to 4 years ago... Lets face it my body was not good at keeping babies inside till it was time and you were no different. My water broke one week before you were born when I was not quite 35 weeks. I still had a week left of work and what followed after that early morning when I thought I had peed the bed is still not my favourite week to think of. Gushing water for 6 days was less than fun. My mom and my Aunt took me in 8 days after my water broke for my fetal assessment it was a Monday. June 7th. I thought I was home free. Finally 36 weeks.. I figured they would send me home and say I could deliver locally...   and when the ultra sound tech quickly put her wand down and left the room I knew this would not be the case. The rest is a whirlwind. You needed to come out right then and there... Very reminiscent to 4 years earlier when I called the Stallion from a Winnipeg hospital and told him he should very quickly come so he could be here when you were born. He was on the roof of Access Credit Union and asked if he could finish his job.. the surgeon sort of politely said no. You have always done things your own way and in your own time and no matter how much I rush you you don't stand for it. Thankful 4 years ago you didn't let me rush you... the amount of things I did to get labor started would have probably cost you your life or mine had I succeeded. I remember the feeling in the OR.. I was all full of emotion and today as I looked back at those photos this one stood out to me.. this was the ugly cry... If you have had a CSection you know the moment.. it's not pain it's just a feeling of knowing the pulling and tugging is going to at any moment turn into a cry.. maybe it was a subconscious this is my last baby or the realization that I would never get a different kind of birth story...

At 4:47 with the Stallion and my super midwife Marla by my side you came into this world. A firecracker from the start.

And we have loved you ever since. 

 .

Jett you are one of a kind. You can light up any room with your smile, charm, wacky sense of humour and sparkling personality. You are adventure, sparkle, shine and grit all rolled into one. You can make us laugh and you can entertain whether it's from the banister of the stairs or on the piano. You truly have a compassionate heart and LOVE the people in your life especially your friends at Shirley's. You are wise beyond your years and daily talk about going to preschool next fall. You can count to 30 and say your ABC's no problem. You retain incredible amounts of information and have a special knack for remembering the lyrics to songs. Spending time with you on our morning rides to town is always a highlight you love to copy whatever Chuck says on the radio that morning or yell out the words to your favourite songs.

You love playing catch, riding your none training wheel bike, going golfing with Grandma & Papa... well lets face it anything that involves your Papa is good in your books, you see the world through adventurous eyes and I cannot wait to see where this life takes you. May the sparkle always be in your eyes may you never feel you have to stay inside the box.. I think your adventurous spirit is something you should find freedom in. I wish for you lots of fort building, many big puddles to splash in, hitting home runs, piles of dirt & sand to build in, lots of fish to catch and stars to count.

Happy 4th Birthday Jetty. You are simply the best.

welcome june.

Success is an ongoing journey. Not a single event. One of the keys to success is passion... Growth is almost always painful, change is most often scary but like my Dad said to me What fun is life without some risks?

Embrace where your life is headed. Do what you love. Open your arms, mind and life to new adventures. Life is about the people you meet. Live your dream and wear your passion. To find your gift and give it away as Shakespeare would say.

The things you are passionate about are not random they are your calling. I would not have known 5 months ago that I would be where I am at right now. I feel like as I keep moving forward the doors keep opening and God keeps showing me He has me right where He wants me. I had spent the last half a year prior in a season of waiting... not sure what was in store and then this beautiful gift fell into my lap and it changed our lives. I have found that special gift that I need to pass on.

So with new energy and imagination for time to make my soul happy. I am moving forward and switching gears to working from home full time. I went to work 7 years ago because being a stay at home mom was not working for me or my family. I found the most perfect job for me and have been extremely happy there for the last 6 years. It gave me life, joy and introduced me to people whom I love and enjoy spending half a day with. Over the last few months my life has taken a different turn... I am loving building my team with Young Living and pouring myself into the people this amazing company has had me come in to contact with. To stop every day and speak with people about Essential Oils is what I want to focus my energy on. I can't do it all and so I am listening to my heart and following this dream.. with only this one precious life it's all I can do. So come June 26th I will be self employed and will work from home. This company has given us more than we could imagine and we are so blessed to be apart of it. The Oils have literally changed our lives and it would be wrong for me to sit on that and not share it. I am all in. I take a 25 hour intensive course this coming weekend which will give me an amazing source of knowledge and inspiration. I have big plans .. big goals, big dreams.

This is my new mantra... my new life goal. I really need to get this on my wall.

May my heart be kind, my mind fierce and my spirit brave. To respond to every call that excites my spirit. To have loyalty be the tune my heart sings and to know I am enough just the way I am.

It's going to be a good one. A really good one.