down. a little.

(can't find the source now.. sorry)

having a hard time describing to myself how i feel... wonder if it will make sense to put it down here? i've been on a journey and it's been good... hard but good. my heart is lighter and more free than it's been in years.

i'm not as hard on myself.

but then there are days like today where i feel down. low. it's not anything that's really "happened" to me but just more a sense of where i want to be... some days the process feels so slow. so gentle.

after spending some time with the big guy i always feel lighter. but today i just want more. maybe the dissatisfaction is a gift.

to be honest my disappointment started with a silly thing.. I pitched an idea to Dave and he shot it down.. using his no fail reason.. money. he always goes there. i mean deep down in most situations i do appreciate it.. but it really wasn't that much money and the end result was a special day of fun for the boys... anyways i find disappointments like that fester inside me... today i am choosing to send it packing. no festering. just get over it.

we had a great family weekend away... it was far from perfect and people didn't seem to have as much fun as usual but the boys loved swimming and they had a blast. my heart wasn't in shopping which was kind of a bummer but i did manage to find a couple great deals.

it was just nice to get away...

really struggling with Jett this week.. sleeping is an issue. at night and for naps. we were doing well, then it sucked again, then it got a bit better and now it's down the crapshoot. ugh. so tired of being tired. so with all that complaining just here to say i am a work in progress and in regards to us over here at casa difran i'll cling to this little mantra...

source

lately

1. We baked heart shaped cupcakes yesterday... I read about it online somewhere. I just used tinfoil balls to make indents. Of course decorating them is way more fun.

2. Jett is giving us a run for our money.. this guy is busy. He is walking around furniture, he moves everywhere FAST. He waves, he loves big. Sleep has been VERY difficult... he seems to party it up in his crib for many hours at night... the other day after crying for quite awhile (he was so tired) I found him like this...

3. The warm weather has been a gift to the soul. The boys love to play outside. Dave made them a tunnel (which has already melted) it was great fun. It' s nice to be able to send the boys outside to play and not worry about where they will wander too... More and more we LOVE where we live.

4. Registered my kiddos for Kindergarten last week. I picked up the paper work the week before and had some time to think about how momentous it is to enter into this new phase of life. I am not one to cry about it though.. just a natural phase of life and they will LOVE it. The day we dropped off the papers they thought they were going. Our school does a reading program for the kids going into K so they boys will attend that for a few weeks after spring break.

5. In regards to #4... the biggest stressor for me was what would happen with my going back to work. The boys get out of school an hour earlier than me and since I work in town and they will be going to school here in the village I was unsure how I could make it work. Thankfully a new friend (who has proved to be a HUGE blessing.. in more than one way) agreed to take them after they are done and bring them to her house. Her son will be in their class so it works out perfectly. This was a huge load off my back and made me feel so much better. Amazing how God knows just what you need and then some.

6. We are looking forward to a weekend in GF with some family this long weekend. We need to get away... worried about sleep with all 5 of us in one room but praying it will just work out. The boys don't know yet.. last time we told them we were going somewhere they were too excited to sleep at night so we plan to tell them Saturday morning when we leave.. lol.

7. We had a great Valentine's day.. Dave took us out for supper and he stayed home from Badminton to hang out with me.. We enjoyed watching Top Chef together. Lovely live.

8. My boys have taken a liking to talking to Grandma D and Abuello in Ontario.. both so different. Noah paces around the house while he talks. Ari lays on the couch and last night he looked like this...

love day

It's my fault really.. I LOVE valentine's day. I think it's fun to decorate with hearts and remember those we love. I have been building it up with the boys too. We have enjoyed writing Valentine's to their friends and we even made mailboxes to collect them in.

We made a couple lovely garlands and we opened up a special package from Ontario filled with Valentine's love... (thank you!). Sweet Ruby not only gave them a Valentine but a sucker to boot.. now that is love.

Today they left for Sunday School, Valentine's clutched in their hands. The boys had written their own names and were excited to pass them out. More than that they have anticipated filling their little boxes with Valentine's from their friends.. cause of course mom that I am told them all their friends would be handing them out too.... my sweet boys came out of SS empty handed. Not ONE valentine. We had a nice talk about how it is a blessing to be the giver. They moved on... but I am sad. I feel horrible for building it up totally expecting other kids would want to pass on the simplicity of a little V-day love.

Thankfully Tuesday they go to Shirley's and hopefully will have more luck. They still have the cards they got last year from their friends there and love looking at them.

I love the sentiment of Valentine's Day.. not only for lovers but just for the lovely notion that giving a little card makes the giver smile :) I am glad I learned that lesson today from my sweet boys. My Valentine's.

hello cowboy

according to Dave cowboys don't say hello so he wanted the title of this post to be "howdy cowboy" or "hey there cowboy"... you get the picture.

discovery

It's been a rough week for me. Maybe it's the lack of sleep or the needy baby on my hip. I have just been low. I have been on a journey the last few months.. one that has allowed me to see myself. I am really learning how to shine on the inside. A friend told me that she has seen it on the outside too. I have been digging deep with God. Just learning how to be friends again. I have been making changes in my life in many areas. It's refreshing. Just a reminder of what's at stake... Of what's important. People say it's not how you get somewhere it's just that you arrive. I don't believe it.. I think the journey is the most important part. I want my journey to count for something... stay tuned for big changes. On the inside and the outside.

baby jett

we have discussed numerous times when we will stop calling him baby jett... it's just habit. it'll probably stick for awhile.

this guy is pure joy. he freely gives smiles and is generally just pretty happy. and if he's not happy all you gotta do is put him in front of his papa and he's a happy guy. papa is by far his favorite person (of course other than me... cause I have the milk he wants)

at almost 8 months he has been crawling now for a little while and when he doesn't feel like crawling he rolls from place to place. he's pretty quick too. he can roll around a room pretty quickly.

he loves food. pretty much anything you give him.. he pretty much eats what we eat. his favorite thing though currently is banana's.

he is suffering through his first ear infection which has made him sad at moments.

he loves anything rubber... by far his favorite thing to put in his mouth and play with is his daddy's rubber band for stretching.

he really like to sit and watch his big brothers run around him. you can tell he is just itching to run after them. they LOVE him so much. eager to help me get him things or watch out for him while i exercise or grab a shower. they are very dependable where Jett is concerned.

he fits in perfectly with our family and it's hard to imagine life without him. crazy to think that he has been here for 8 months already. how could you not love this face??