happenings...

just wanted to share some updated pics from our house.. it is almost done!! you can see all the pics and progress HERE.

I plan to post again tomorrow with a review for 2007 and for my plans for 2008. Catch you in the New Year.

christmas past and looking forward

its hard to believe its all over. we have one gathering left this weekend but all signs of christmas have been removed from the difran house. it was obviously a bit more stressful and tiring then we had planned for with noah being so sick. we enjoyed time with family and of course were blessed with great gifts. its been one week since our first visit to the hospital and noah is doing so much better. the downside is that ari seems to be coming down with the same thing.. croupy cough and he was up early this morning wheezy. its so frustrating to see this cycle and to feel like there is no break. everything just seems to be piling up and sitting very heavy on my shoulders.
from sick kids to all that needs to get done with moving. we finished painting the doors yesterday and the trim and baseboards and doors are going in as i type. a couple rooms are done and it looks amazing. better than i even imagined. i just can't wait till it is all done. packing on this end also is looming and seems an impossible task these days. i find myself looking forward and thinking of all the stress to come. why do i do that to myself... as if today doesn't hold enough i always seem to be waiting for the next thing and worrying about that. this is something i am thinking of as i look to the new year. i have been thinking of this alot this week and want to come up with my one little word for 2008. what is it i want for myself.. to discover, to live with, to embrace and to give meaning.... more to come.

beat

thats how i feel. totally beat. i wanted to express my thankfulness at all your thoughtful and encouraging comments on my last post. so much to say since then.. we did end up back at the hospital two more times.. saturday evening for 4 hours and then christmas eve we were admitted under observation for another 24. thankfully noah was home christmas morning and seems to be doing better.. still not 100% but we are hopeful he is on the mend. i am just to tired and worn out to say much more. i will update you all again soon on the rest of the story. again i'm reminded why i blog and why you all mean so much. good night!

passing judgement and my night in the ER

i think i may have said this before but i have never felt such guilt and judgement upon me since becoming a mother... its like this sick little world of who is doing it better, longer, smarter, cuter and on and on. there are so many expectations that we feel we have to live up to. just to break it down i think its bulls***. i am remembering the phrase we all do our best with what we have and what we have is our kids best intrests at heart. we strive to do the right thing for them not for the kid in our playgroup whose mom we think could do better. we do it for OUR kids.

i know i do. i know i prayerfully and thoughtfully make each parenting decision to the best of my ability and i make the decision we (dave and i) think is best for our family. not yours or anyone else's. this brings me to my night at the ER last night where not only was i judged and told i was uneducated but i was also not treated fairly and therefore not sure my sick son was receiving the best care all because someone judged me without knowing me. we get enough of that everywhere else and to get it where you go for help from someone who should be there to care for others it really hurt my feelings and just feels terrible.

to clarify here my choices as a parent in this regards are not up for debate you may not judge me either or impress your opinion upon my choices. i am a parent who has made the decision thus far not to vaccinate my children. i am well educated and have done alot of research. as a family we have decided this is best for US and our family right now. we have also only said we would wait to further decide till the boys are two and then IF we decide to that will also be a choice we make with lots of research and again a choice which will be best for US.

yesterday noah was wheezy seemingly a slight cold. as the evening progressed it turned into full on croup.. worse than he has had it before. i had several conversations with dave on the phone (i was at work) and i could hear how bad it had gotten. around 9:30 dave called and said i needed to come home and take him in.. you could clearly hear he was having problems catching a breathe. i took him to the ER and was seen right away by a nurse. his barking cough was clear and she called in a doctor. he seemed fairly nice when he came in.. asked me some routine questions and then asked if there vaccinations were up to date. i said we have so far chosen not to vaccinate at this time. he looked up at me and rolled his eyes.. went on to tell me that they should be vaccinated as there are many illness's that will kill them if i don't. i stated i was well educated and had done my research and we felt this was best for us right now. he then looked at me and said that i was obviously not educated because if i was then i would have given them the proper vaccines that would protect them against death and because i hadn't i was stupid. yep stupid. face red and also trying to deal with a very tired 27lb toddler crying in my arms i was stunned. i understand its his job to tell me the facts and i would have taken them and said thank you but to call me stupid was hurtful and went way past professional... it was a downward spiral from there as he was rude to me, short and did not give me much information from then on. one word answers and quick to dismiss me.. he even left the room shaking his head. i felt judged and felt condemned.. this man doesn't know me he has no idea who i am. i had a few minutes where guilt came down and i cried looking down at the little boy who was in so much pain and after the anger passed mustered up the energy to make sure noah knew that i loved him and would never intentionally cause him harm. i am his mother.. i know him... i love him.. i kiss his tears away, i hold him at all hours of the day, i pick him up when he falls down, i give him his favorite snacks and know just where he likes to sit when he drinks milk in the morning, i know that the backyardigans makes him dance, i know he loves to look out the window at the bus when it comes by yelling bus bus bus until you say yes noah theres the bus whoohoo, i know that when i sing how big is noah that he will throw his arms up in the air, i do my best for him isn't everything we do about them?

just remember who you are and the gift that you are given.. remember that you do the best for your family and no one else matters. at the end of the day its what we do with what have that counts. i make mistakes we all do... its what we do with those mistakes and how we learn that is the beauty of the process. the last 24 hours i have consumed myself with making sure my kids get better.. every thought i have is for them.
Merry Christmas .. may you celebrate all you have and celebrate who you are this season. give to the fullest...
From our house to yours wherever your life voyage takes you.

powerful

if you have a chance please watch this video.. its a 14min video from the memorial service held last week for the two who died in the horrific ywam denver shooting. its powerful and moving and speaks volumes as to how we move on....
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1d7b72dd07106bf78a07

it looks like this...

the paint is done!!!!! i will post actual room pics later this week...

not neglecting..

just spending most of our time at the house.. painting trim.. lots of trim. new pics and new stories to come in the next couple of days.. keep warm.

and my heart sings...

after what has been an emotionally exhausting couple of days there was joy to be found if only you could look for it in the simple things....

1. helping in the kitchen... you know taking all my stuff out of cupboards, throwing cheerios on the floor. me just allowing it all to happen and taking the joy in seeing them smile.

2. Helping with housework.. never have two little boys loved to sweep as much as these too. pure, simple joy!
3. Lending a hand to help build our new house... the boys loved getting their first sneak peak at our new digs.. better yet was helping daddy and grandpa with some wiring.
4. An inspirational, life changing movie that rocked my core. So simple and stunning... beautiful. go see it!

5. Mornings... lately i have loved spending mornings with these two goofballs. They can't wait to jump on the couch with some milk and a good episode of our favorite show The Backyardigans.
6. And last but not least.. the ecstatic joy that pulsed through my veins when I opened up the mailbox and found THIS!!!!

shooting at ywam denver - UPDATED

Just heard this and am devastated and emotionally am unsure of how something like this happens. Hits close to home. for those who didn't know i was a staff member of YWAM for the last 8 years Read this article for the whole story. YWAM Staff killed in Denver. With a heavy heart I bring you the latest news regarding the shooter, his connection and his deadly rampage ending in Colorado Springs (where I was a member of ywam staff for a brief time) My heart goes out to all those involved. The article is HERE.

santa will you..

please, please bring me a new coffee maker.. mine is broken down. after three and a half years she just doesn't make good coffee anymore... please?
signed seriously addicted to GOOD coffee

everyday stuff

its officially winter here.. and is it ever cold. today it is snowing like crazy. last week i attempted to take the boys out to play in the snow for their first time. yea never doing that alone again. i didn't get any pictures because it was all so stressful i just forgot. they couldn't move and hated it. picture A Christmas Story where Ralphie's little brother is lying in the snow and can't move. yep that was what it looked like over here.
Spent Saturday at Super Scrap Day with the girls from My Scrap Shoppe. Such a great time. I got 7 layouts and a mini book done. It was nice to scrapbook for myself since I have been mostly creating for other people. I have uploaded all my layouts to my Picasa web album which you can check out HERE. I have also made a separate folder for Custom work I have done which you can find HERE.
Heres a sampling of some of my recent creations:
The house is moving along. Taping and Mudding will happen starting tomorow and we have hired some painters as well.. yesterday dave and i picked out all our light fixtures in the city whew that was quite the job. I am going to be happy when its just all done and we can move in.
I am still wavering on paint colors.. really having a hard time with a bathroom color.. any suggestions?