how to...

drop a few hundred dollars in one day: make a trip to walmart for pics, diapers, wipes and supplies to clean my toilet, get brakes fixed on car, pay bills, go scrapbooking at MSS with a coupon for 20% off entire order, buy June kit while there. eeks. thankfully my lovely friend amanda who had a baby just dropped off three cans of formula.. thanks.

feeling blah...

maybe its the weather maybe its something else... life feels a bit blah. its crazy how some days things can just feel wrong you know... i have been really busy and feel inadequate to even tell you what has all happened. a quick summary for those of you who are curious..
sunday - we had the boys party which was great. finally there was a break in the rainy weather and we had some close friends over for a backyard BBQ. It was fun. The boys loved opening their gifts we had some "super"burgers and cupcakes.
monday - don't remember much but i did talk to a friend far away which was such a blessing and huge HIGHLIGHT.. i miss you Jo. thanks for encouraging me and catching me up on 'couve news
tuesday - we went to stay and play as usual which is a highlight except for this woman who has boundary issues.. i would consider my kids pretty laid back and usually pretty content to just sit and watch other kids and pick up toys and put them in their mouths well at one point one of them cried out for me so i sat down beside them and they both crawled over me and hugged me and i wouldn't say they were whining but they just wanted mommy love well this woman who i don't know from adam say "you have fussy kids hey" WHAT? WHO ARE YOU? UGG.. i always try to sit as far away from her as possible and wonder what world she grew up in that she can say things like that to strangers.. yea ok she hit a nerve (she usually does) i need to grow in patience for such people i guess.. had a crazy day - the boys were a little off...they did enjoy watching me mow the lawn from the front door. .. i attended a class at MSS late because dave was working late which really bugged me... the one night you know.. i quickly went to Tim's to pick up a Latte and of course they were out of the milk part so they asked me to wait 5min. I said I had no time so I just got a boring coffee... the class was awesome although it was a Fathers Day project and my feelings for Dave were not the way they should have been... got home and found out the computer was broken... not even going to go there...
today - tried to fix the computer... so frusterating.. finally brought it in. hopefully get it back tommorow (thats why there is no pics with this post). went to small group this morning which was so good... so what i needed and i learned alot about what it looks like when your kid has worms..., came home fed the boys lunch, tried to stay sane while tackling one of the millions of projects i have on the go... got one done while the boys napped. got to the photo studio for the boys one year old pics.. they did ok thanks to the fridge DJ they got for their birthday which plays Old MacDonald which makes them get their groove on.. she got some good shots, dropped off my finished project for a friend, picked up DQ for supper, got our van to the shop where the brakes are being fixed tommorow, now sitting at my mom's trying not to think about much.. i will try to post some pics when i get my computer back...

Multiple Mom Movie Madness

So finally here is my video for The Twinkies great Movie Contest. Its one of the many joys of having Twins and a little of what "nap time" looked like at our house yesterday afternoon.

living with one year old twins

so my first week living with one year old twins has come and gone... seems so much is different now that they reached the one year old mark.. or maybe it was the weekend away that makes it all seem different. i was feeling bad about what i am about to write as so many dear blogging friends are having a rough time with their kiddies right now but i decided to push aside all guilt and celebrate the peaceful spell we are having because i have had my share of downs, my share of sleepless nights and more than my share of headaches on a count of my twinnies. so raise your glass to toast the all coveted sleep through the night stage. now i am aware all good things usually come to an end so i am not gullible to the fact that this may change. but for now i am enjoying laying my head on my pillow and not getting up till after 7 when they want a bottle and then they long to go back to bed till 9AM - yes you read that right.. 9. its blissful and quiet in the house in the morning and i have time to either sleep, or drink coffee in peace.
Since turning one they have also not been that big on napping in the morning - i guess after their sleep in who could blame them.. so lately the norm is to put them down around 1pm and not hear from them till 3:30 or sometimes 4:00 - its beautiful luxery to get so much done those hours and although some days i am content to just sit on the couch and listen to my new Shawn McDonald Cd (thanks Carly) - all seems well.
Also new to our one year old household is crawling - yes gasp its late for most kids but my kids have always just been content to sit and play. but crawling is the new fave for my kiddies. Ari is a pro and Noah although timid is getting along. Noah on the other hand is a champion stander and holder of all things sturdy. He loves to clumsily walk behind his walker.
They are beginning to love to explore food..they have always eaten everything and anything. Update on the drinking situation. I was giving them partial milk/formula trying to get them switched to milk.. it was a no go. As you have all been along for the ride you might remember me saying they have been sick since January with a persistant cough and runny noses day after day. Well after giving them milk those symptoms seemed to get worse and worse as did the spitting up. So I decided to wait and give their little immune systems some more time. And although formula is eating away at our checkbook.. I'd rather be safe than sorry with allergies later on. I plan to try again soon...
Well I should go.. I have been in planning mode for their birthday party which takes place tommorow. I just got done making alot of hamburger patties for the BBQ we will have in their honor with lots of their little friends and friends of ours who have made this past year bearable. I need to go blow up ballons and hang streamers. I will update you all with pics next week...

Oh and for more fabulous news having nothing to do with being one.. my dearest, best friend and the boys Madrina (which means Godmother in Italian) recently got engaged.. We are so happy for Audrey and Ralph and cannot wait to be there for them in Texas when they get married next spring. Audrey asked me to be her maitron of honor and there is nothing I would like more than to stand up for the most inspiring, beautiful, fiesty, loyal and closest friend. The boys may also stand in as the cutest ring bearers... can't you just picture it. awww. congratulations guys.

we celebrated the boys birthday with my family yesterday. i gave in and allowed them their first sugar rush. noah devoured his cupcake - all of it. while ari was no so interested. grandma and grandpa bought them a pool and floating toys just in time for summer. as well as toys and clothes. we also got two dolls -which so far is the best gift ever. they love dolls. its adorable. boys will be boys i guess. anyways i had a great time this weekend and have so much to write about and will do so this week. the wedding was amazing... i also had time to reflect on a year ago and properly close the door on my grief regarding the boys birth and i wrote out their birth story which is far to long to post... (maybe i will, we will see)
so happy to say we reached this milestone.

one year

Dear Ari,
It's been a year that I have had the delight to be your mom. What a gift you are. We were blessed with a double portion. You came in like a lion forcing your way in front of your brother to be firstborn. How fitting since your name means Lion of God. You have always been content though. Even in the womb you just hung out when we saw you on ultrasounds you would wave every once in awhile but you were happy to just be buried under your brother. You were so little.. I remember when you first came out you were so small. Seeing you in the nursery that first day was a miracle. you were finally here. You have grown into your name. You are strong and have an adventurous spirit. you are quick to try new things and love to play and discover your toys. You are easily distracted especially when eating. I love how you don't make a lot of noise when you get up from your nap, but you just wait in anticipation for me to come open the door and there you are just watching and waiting. the smile i get when you and lock eyes melts my heart.
Ari you are such a joy and so easy to love. I love your goofy faces - you don't do it as much but you used to stick out your lower jaw and smile you had such a mischievous look on your face. You like to smack your lips and you caught onto the sign more so quick. sometimes you get clapping and more mixed up. you are so full of joy. I pray that you will always have that twinkle in your eyes - you have a goofy grin that lets everyone know something is going on in your head. May you continue to always have fun - always have an adventurous spirit and never be afraid to try new things.
I love you,
Mummy.

Dear Noah,
I can't believe you are one. It seems like such a short time ago I was awkwardly trying to get a hang of you guys and now here you are - one! You are a treasure. I find so much joy in your cuddles. You love to sit with people. You have soft sensitive spirit and you wound easier (emotionally) than your brother. You are so much like me in a smaller version. You are more aware of your surroundings and always know when mom is not close enough. You love to be around the action. Just happy to be with us.
Your name means rest and peace. You have that in your ability to just sit and receive love and cuddles. I want to be more like that. (you obviously get that from your dad). I pray that you Noah would always know how to rest and take in your surroundings. I think that you will be a good listener and a good balance for your brother. Never loose your sensitivity - God has gifted you with that. I love watching you discover new things - like that Noah's Ark we bought you - you love to pick up each animal and study them. Thats your go too toy. You definitly have a busy side chasing me around the kitchen in your walker or jumping like crazy in your JJ. You were the first to get the sign for eat - rightly so as you LOVE to eat. You are focused and you know what you want. I pray you would always have that. go for what you want my sweet little boy. continue to discover your world - touch, taste, see and smell all things. I love being your mom and i am so proud of you and want you to know you are so easy to love. i love you bubba!
Love Mummy.


My boys,
I love the interaction you have with each other. You are so excited to see each other when you wake up. You already seem to have some secret language. The scratchy on the bib thing when you eat has been going on for months. I just wonder what you are saying to each other. You imitate each other. Especially now with clapping.
Our hope is that you will grow as individuals - always confident in who each of you are - celebrating your differences and your uniqueness. As you recognize this we also hope you can always count on each other - that you would not just love each other but really like each other. Even though your faces are the same we pray people would see you both for who you are.
This year has been a challenge in many ways as we have all been learning how to live with each other. As your mom I have been learning how to fit into my new role. I am proud of how far we have all come. I commit to always striving to be a better mom to you both.
Love flows.

time, time and more time..

yep thats me time on my hands.. we are having a fantastic time here in ontario. we are here to celebrate the wedding of good friends morgan and martha who tommorow will be married. it has been great to hang out with friends and just relax.. that being said. oh i miss my boys. i talk to them a couple times a day on speaker phone and love to hear their little voices. its amazing the guilt and sadness i feel being apart from them for so long. i never worry about them as they are in great hands. but my heart aches to hold them and make them giggle and to cuddle them when they wake up. we will be home monday morning and i can't wait to see their little chubby cheeks and smiles.. missing them lots but enjoying the time we have here as well. i will post pics when we get home..

amazing contest...

its official this is one awesome contest and you should not enter it because i want to win! check out Adventures in Babywearing and Mason & Matisse for more info on this fabulous and generous giveaway.

somthing is missing...

everywhere i go i feel like something is missing. my arms are empty, my bag is lighter and i have so much time on my hands. dave and i are in ontario for a wedding. its been good so far. i was able to sit at second cup and enjoy a coffee in the sunshine this morning. i have been working on the boys birth story and letters that i wanted to write them now that they are almost one!
this weekend is a memorable one for me... it was one year ago yesterday that i was admitted to the hospital and we spent this weekend waiting for news... so many emotions and memories are coming to me.. i am happy to have this time to write it all down.
i spoke with the boys on speaker phone this morning.. they greeted me with mommommmomma.. i love being their mom and i miss them so much.

show & tell

my niece has been asking if we can come to her grade 2 class for sometime now and yesterday was our show & tell debut.. it was adorable. the boys were on their best behavior as Kara told her class about her twin cousins. some of the questions and comments overheard:

"can you take their shoes off so i can see their feet?"
"i have a birthmark too.. its on my back and it gets bigger after each birthday party!"
"i think with those hockey shoes they are going to be hockey players"

thanks kara for showing off your cousins.. they were happy to oblige.

brilliance...

The Twinkies posted this today.. made me happy and feel normal.

mothers day and other news..

a big thank you to all of you who voted for us over at The Twinkies.. We won! It's either because the boys are so cute or because I shamlessly forced all of you to vote.
my first mothers day was good... dave was nice enough to give the boys their early morning bottle so I could sleep but they he ended up dead weight in the morning when i tried to get him up so i got up early with the boys and HE slept in. oh well he did make me breakfast and gave me a homemade card (which if you know me wins big points). i got lots of time to myself in the afternoon and we spent the rest of the day and evening at my mom's with the fam. it was a good day!

noah and his new love of krispy kreme (the hat, he didn't get a donut)
and ari loving the swings

celebrating mothers...

my life has been touched by many women... some of them mothers, not all of them mine. all of them friends. really mothers day is also about celebrating women.... mothers are not always biological and some of my closest and dearest are not mothers in the flesh but i consider them part of this magical population of caregivers whether in the flesh or of the heart. i celebrate all of you today. to those who have lost and have children to grieve today my thoughts are with you. may you always know the gift you are and may you rest knowing your babies are waiting for you.. one day. my prayers are with you that you may be made ready to mother your future children and those already around you.. happy mothers day!

time is running out..

Come on go vote now! Its a tie! Let us know how cute you think we are.. Please! Click Here to Vote...

pick me

just because we are so cute please go vote for us over at The Twinkies
hurry go do it now...
COME ON.. i'm behind by a little. we are so cute.. please pick us.

looking back..

looking back on old photos. this is one of my favorites taken in january...

to the best guy...

happy birthday to the best guy i know.. best friend, best husband, best dad, best fixer of everything, best breakfast maker, best brew master, best guy to make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. i love you!

success

well my overnight trip was success... i really had a great time. i did miss the boys and going to bed without hugging them was a bit of a challenge but i am so happy i went. although my wallet is much much lighter.. we got some great deals and i checked everything off my list.. i will post more later today or tomorrow including pics so stay tuned...

guilty pleasure?

yes i know i have been far too absent in posting. and with so much to post about it almost makes it harder to get it done... i have had a good week. it started with a fabulous weekend.. last saturday was super scrap day which happens out of the amazing imagination of marcy who runs the local My Scrap Shoppe. it was a full day of nothing but scrapping. i got to hang out with some amazing people who are so hard core and talented it inspired me beyond belief. i felt so full of life and creativity.. i got 4 layouts done and worked on some altered canvas's. which all turned out great.
the rest of my week has been good.. busy but good. stuff up everyday. the boys are doing good.. sleeping better but stuck on this 5am gotta eat tyrant.. i won't complain to much its better than it was.
my mother in law arrived last night for a week.. it couldn't be better timing for me. i feel a bit burnt out - physically and mentally... i am looking forward to the live in help. although noah seems to not be too sure of this new arrangement.. he has been clinging to me all morning..
now onto the guilty part... my friend julia and i have been planning our trip to fargo for a few weeks and now that its here (we leave tomorrow morning) i am exciting, guilty, apprehensive, relieved.. and a bunch of other emotions. will my boys be ok? will they still love me when i get home? how will they sleep? will they be confused as to why i'm not there tomorrow?
its crazy the guilt we as mom's can talk ourselves into. both dave and i felt this trip was important and a big step in just refueling and i am so looking forward to it but scared and sad all that same time. another issue i am dealing with is the excess skin my boys left me around my middle which has been really my insecurity issue lately. i feel alot of self loathing about my body and especially trying to dress it. after wearing the same clothes over and over i am excited to get some new things but so afraid that nothing will fit and i will end up so frustrated.. so if you think of us this weekend that would be great. we leave tomorrow early and come back later saturday afternoon. so its not that long...
anyways i should get going. got lots of cleaning to do now that my boys are out walking with grandma... i will post about my trip when i get back.. hoping for great deals!