boycott.

now i have a confession i used to easily decide to have a cause.. i would want to boycott certain corporations for things they do.. like a few years ago I boycotted Starbucks.. or my short lived Nestle boycott. I mean I defintly always have good intentions but with Starbucks those red cups at christmas a couple years back called to me and the smell of a vanilla late or a london fog forced me back in the store.. or when Nestle sent me that backpack with lots of freebees and not to mention for awhile when i was using bottles I had bought Avent bottles without knowing Avent is owned by Nestle so that was shot. but friends have no fear I have found a new boycott that will surely stick. I have now boycotted Canadian Tire. I had the worst consumer experience I could have ever imagined and as I left in tears after being treated so horribly I know that I can never go back.
in other news I was looking at the counter on my blog and am amazed that over 20,000 people have viewed my blog. please keep coming back.. there will be pics posted again soon for all of you who want to see the boys.. we have been busy with Christmas approaching it seems there is always somthing to do...

life these days...

i have a few things to blog about.. we have been super busy this week redecorating and moving our rooms around. we felt it was time to have the boys in their own room. so we have all moved downstairs. the week was spent painting and moving.. i loved the way everything turned out and will post pics soon.. last night was their first night alone and i was surprised at the sadness i felt.. leaving them in their new room with the door partly closed and when i crawled into bed our new room seemed so much bigger without them. then we woke up having the best sleep ever and most of the sadness was forgotten. the bliss of sleeping from 10:30 till 5:00am was awesome. the boys went down so well and slept all night.. wow what a difference that made who would have thought they would just really love being alone. this morning they woke up talking to each other which was adorable. i love my boys. they turned 6 months old this past week and some days i just look at them and can't belive how big they are. so many changes have occured this past moonth. they are enjoying eating cereal (they are slowly getting it), they love to play in their excersaucers and they are hilarious in the jolly jumper. they love to smile at each other and love to put anything in their mouth.. its amazing how quickly they change.
we bought a van this month as well. we love it. its a used honda odyssey and its a dream. so nice to have more room to throw all our gear. we enjoy the command start and the automatic doors on each side.. nice as the weather here has quickly turned to winter.
i must go but wanted to update you all and thank you for your kind words as we trained the boys to sleep. there were a few hard nights but i know that this was the best thing for them and they are better babies for it. love to you and yours and to my american friends happy thanksgiving..

ANNOYED

what is with this private blogger thing.. i have serious issues with this. why did you start a blog if you have to make it private? blogs are for people to view and i loved viewing peoples blogs and just reading what random things people write about.. its awesome to feel connected to people and learn so many things from other peoples lives.. there is string of women whose blogs i loved to visit who have made them private - meaning you have to email them for an invite. i refuse.. this seems ridiculous to me.. please if you are thinking of doing this tell me WHY?? what would cause you to cut some of us random visitors out of your lives.. oh and i think its funny how blogger forced us all to move to blogger beta without our consent. logged in one day and i was forced to conform.. i guess that's how the world works...

progress

well since my last two posts we have been making progress.. although a bit painful at times i am beginning to see some great changes.. thanks to my friend julie who gave me amazing advice as well as the encouragment i have received from so many of you my blogger friends..
the boys have been on a better schedule and have even been napping in a regular pattern of 45min to an hour, then up for two hours and napping again and so on.. the nights have been good too.. seperated the boys into two seperate cribs and have only had minimal crying in the middle of the night.. night one - 22min for one and 17min for the other. night two - 30 min for one and 24 min for the other. night three - no minutes for one and 12 min and 4 min for the other at two seperate times.. feeling better for sure..
they are put down around 7:30 or 8:00 and other than the small bouts of crying around 2ish they then will sleep till 5am when i will feed them and they will sleep till about 7:30 or so.. its working its really working and they seem that much better for it..
i'm encouraged that i am doing the best thing for them.. they are still smiling and laughing and being just great babies! tonite at church i was reminded how blessed we are... they are so content to just play with their toys and sing when everyone is singing... its so cute.
gotta run. lots of love to you and yours...

torture

read post below for backstory.. they have been screaming for 10 minutes and it feels like a lifetime.. mom are you there? why don't you love on me? ahh the torture.. my sister in law julia called me last night and i keep remembering what she encouraged me with.. they are not hurt, not in danger.. they are ok.. and trena i loved that you said that your noah is still a happy baby even with all the crying... these are words i am holding onto right now.. this is beyond PAINFUL!!! one stopped... my mom is holding me back from entereing the room.. ooh he started again.. my mom just offered me earplugs.. put a smile on my face.. will keep you posted.. still not sure this is going to work... audrey i need a big beer and a peter... BAD!

desperation..

this is an emergency... we are desperate for some much needed sleep.. things seem to be going from bad to worse with the boys.. they don't nap, don't sleep.. they are miserable.. well not all the time but when they are tired.. umm which is most of the time. i am sleep deprived and running out of patience... my poor husband is almost near non functioning because of lack of sleep at night and hard work all day..
the boys nap about 2-3 time per day (if we are lucky) but only for 30-45min (if we are lucky) they nurse about every 3 hour. in the evening they are always TIRED.. and miserable.. i will nurse them about 8or8:30, burp, change and put down by 9 usually.. they sleep restlessly till anywhere from midnight or sometimes 1am and then all hell breaks loose. they are crying, tired and just plain horrible for the rest of the night.. none of this seems normal to me..
i have read everything from no cry sleep solution to the baby whisperer and even tried a bit of CIO which doesn't help them at all... it does make them go back to sleep after 15min of crying but only for an hour max and then we are up doing it all over..
now lets remember that i don't have ONE baby i have TWO and this makes life very difficult..
since i am being honest i don't really want comments telling me to hang in there it will get better and all that cuddling crap (right now thats how i feel) if you are reading this and you have some tried and tested methods of schedules or sleep advice then you can comment or if you just want to tell me man heather that sucks.. that would be great... otherwise just read and move on and pray for us... good thoughts for the difran clan... so before anyone writes this deep down i know...
THIS TOO SHALL PASS BUT FOR NOW ITS NOT WORKING!!! any advice????

ok adding this a few hours later.. all the above is still true with the modification of they are not always miserable.. they are sweet, cuddly, and they smile lots. they don't play strange and when they laugh its enough to melt my chilly heart... i love them to pieces

what you have all been waiting for...

beta betta?

will someone please explain to me why i need to upgrade to this new version of blogger???

the condition or quality of being human

its sad that i have not been motivated much to post on here, afraid i think is an acurate portrayal of how i have felt about it... unmotivated and afraid to let you in and tell you the truth... life for me these days has not been a bowl of cherries. in my quest for excellence (although truth be told still having a hard time letting go of perfection) i have been afraid to tell you that i don't have it all together.. i have many times had to hang on for dear life because if i didn't hang on i would surely go to the looney bin. now i am not sure exactly what my feelings or lack of feelings mean but i do feel safe to say that my thoughts and feelings this past week have been sometimes borderline scary.. ok insert note to all of you here: this is not a cry for help... i have been ok with help.. this is just an admission of my fear and a need to come clean and say i do not always have things all together and to somehow put it out there here in blog land that THAT IS OK!! being a mom is hard in fact its a passport to many feelings... lonliness, craziness, even hair pulling madness at times.
we love our kids right.. we do the best we can by them and still somedays we feel we might loose our minds. i think i am doing a pretty good job with these two and feel i keep somewhat of a clean house, i manage to do laundry and get supper on the table most nights.. but if i look deep down there is more that i need... more peace that needs to settle and surround my whole self...
somedays being knee deep in poopy diapers and mounds of laundry and dust circling my water cooler and screaming that i can't seem to do anything about gets to me. it just does and that my friends makes me what i fear the most... human.
i am going to post this instead of reading it over and analyzing my thoughts, afraid of the comments i will get because i long to be real i long to overcome my fear and just be human.